Spirituality - Grade F

I am a nobody,
a reject of spiritual becoming,
spit out by the great spiritual project of Awakening.

What began as an act of wholeness -
tending to our earth heaven,
morphed into a plea-
escaping this earth hell.

I strapped on the ladder to heaven
and walked around keening my bondage.
I strove for the sun
but found only deepening gloom.

The weight of each step sunk me
deeper into the cultural psychic wasteland.
I trudged through this homeland
to the freaks and misfits of our cultural norms,
seeking sustenance in shadow s.

i'd like to report
I dug my way out of this ethereal cul de sac,
i'd like to say
I jettisonned free
of the gravitational pull of contingency.

But the truth is
I'm still held to earth,
spiralling ever more inward,
with nowhere to go but down.

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Die to Myself

Caught in a cycle of
being pounded into submission
and refusing to stay down,
I find myself deeper and deeper ensconced
in the psychic exhaust of our culture.
Choking in the stultifying morass of smokey blankness,
I fall deeper within,
past the haunting sighs of might have beens
and the demanding screeches of should be's,
through the graveyards of the living dead beseeching to be heard.
Until, I find myself hanging over precipice,
knowing that if I let go here,
I will die.

And after all the 'fuck yous' and 'screw yous;'
the 'they arent going to get rid of me that easily;'
it really doesnt sound so bad.

Except, during this extended voyage
through the cultural psychic wasteland,
as I sank deeper into the Earths core
itching to be ignited into oblivion,
I have made connections,
cocreations,
that call me to remain in life.

Only, I am so full of holes,
that I am almost ephemeral;
I am already mostly out the door,
unable to live as I am,
and not ready to die
because of these cocreations calling me back into life.

I dutifully
try to patch myself together
in order to stay;
but, I continually feel
death's winds blowing through me;
my tattering remains,shrouds of me,
threatening to rip away at any moment my hold on life.
This I so pocked with holes,
like an old ship perpetually springing leaks,
yet, somehow precious,
for it tells my story.

I am this bifurcated me
of longings and shredded hopes,
of desires and vessel too cracked to hold them.
This is the symphony of my sorrow -
to want to be and not to be simultaneously.
I am a melange of dissimilitude,
incoherent but for a few primal notes,
muddling along backstage until the final scene.

What do I have to offer
beyond the thrall of death,
what have I created that is an alternative,
that is worthy to surrender to,
to live for?

Each time
I find myself back at the same place,
with the same conclusion;
only, each time its a little clearer.
I need to die to live,
die not for something
but simply because who I am can but die.

As such,
I must die in hopes for some future self
who will be able to live
without always yearning to die,
who will offer something beyond the psychic wasteland,
who will live without always having the pall of death
coloring every day,
without always being immersed in pain,
pain that crumbles me to submission,
pleading,
for it to go away.

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"enough", he says, "why isnt it enough?" ...
Category: Writing and Poetry

caught in the causal deluge of primal combustion
his marrow rings with argent urgency
liquid fire pummeling his brain -
he is burned pristine.

naked in the swirling vortex called life,
every experience is pulsing pain
nerves screaming with raw newness -
a pup born with no skin.

as his electric storm burns brighter
a chant rises in volume,
"why isnt it enough, when can it end?" -
the death cries of the perpetually born.

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EnDarkenment

I reached for the sky.
Touched it.
Even for moments I became sky.

Momentum shifted
and I fell.

I woke up,
buried too deep in earth
to reach for light.

I gave up trying
and began burrowing.
My singular drive -
dig ever deeper.

Will I find the ebon light,
will I break into molten core
crisping into atomic wind?

I reached for the night...

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an existential spirituality is agnostic...

agnostic to the metaphysical correlates, of grand tapestries of meaning. in other words an existential spirituality focuses on the process of creativity instead of the products of creativity. that is, the connections we have as humans arises from certain basic facts centered on our existential givens. that we are ephemeral, that we suffer, that we are aware of our vulnerability, that we create meaning.

as such the relevance of any metaphysical constructs is assessed by the usefulness of the core endeavour -- to constructively choose within paradox. in other words, metaphysical constructs are not assessed by the beauty of their lure, of their future promise, but rather in their utility in making choices in our ephemerality. that is not from their absolute component but from their relative one.

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How is the existential like the nondual?
Category: Religion and Philosophy

The nondual is said to solve the basic existential paradox -- that we are ephemeral gods, or that we are relative and absolute. The nondual speaks of these two being two sides of the same coin. The existential solution to this paradox focuses on choice, on will, on creative will. In that the act of choosing is the answer to the paradox. That is absolute and relative are as one in the act of choosing.

Now of course, the existentialist has a tendency to focus on the creative will -- the act of choosing with awareness of life parameters. And usually a certain kind of choosing -- the creative act, a conscious forging/making of a symbol of the interweave of lifes parameters.


The nondual traditions focus on living in the world and not of this world in each moment, that could be paraphrased to -- making choices in each moment with the awareness of absolute and relative being not-two. The existentialist finds this union in the act of making choice in general, and in particular the creative act -- the conscious forging/making of symbols of absolute/relative union.

In short, creativity is the link of self and Self -- the existential and nodual -- and as such is the core of the spirituality for our times -- existential spirituality.

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Outsmarting ourselves is basically the spiritual path in a nutshell,
Category: Writing and Poetry

feeding the ever clamouring chicks with homilies
to make it through another day.
Perpetually dying to be reborn,
every moment a little death,
as we get honed
into a mystery not only unto us,
but unto all.

Who knows who we are
is the same as asking
who knows what we become --
eternally getting chopped to pieces in the engine called life,
mostly dross;
in the hopes of every once in a while finding
a gem buried deep within.

10:28 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Jung, Wilber, soul, self and integral
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Since the imaginal/symbolic is a line/stream s, this means it spans the entire spectrum. And the story of this journey is that of soul -- soul not as a particular bodymind, but rather the initial causal spark that spirals into earth/realms of the Goddess. Now one of the benchmarks of this journey/path is the sacred marriage -- the marriage of self and soul. But this is not a marriage of body and mind ala the existential but is the marriage of earth and heaven, of timeless and time.

As such, the jungian approach is that of the soul growing down as opposed to the self growing up. And as stated this journey spans the entire spectrum and is a reporting/exploration/investigation into the various twists and turns on this path. Jung using different definitions of archetypes can be understood as the different levels/stages imaginal representations that soul meets on its journey. That is in the causal/subtle the soul meets Forms--the causal/subtle imaginal representations; in the psychological/mind levels the soul meets human clothed representations, ie mother father trickster; in the sensory/body levels/stages the soul meets instinctual forms the body/sensory imaginal representations.

Now lets contrast this with the vehicle and path of Wilbers preferred spiritualities. In short the vehicle is the body/mind and the path is of the body/mind growing up -- the story of the self..s journey to union/aborption with God. Again the various line/stream s that we call (bodymind) self spans the spectrum. As such, the journey is about the various twists and turns the self meets on its way to God. These journeys, because they are about the different streams/lines, have different benchmarks. That is it is inappropriate to use the same benchmarking to assess these paths. In other words, the benchmarking for one is not the same as the benchmarking for the other. Now, as we can see, relative to each other the journey of self and soul go in opposite directions. And because they are 180 to each other, there is a tendency to see ones paths mirrored in the other and we jump to the conclusion that they are the same. This however is not the case.

What does this mean for integralism? Are we to conclude that integralism and integral spirituality in particular is about the self..s journey to union/ absorption with God? Are we to conclude that the ultimate goal for us is to become a master of the timeless/Absolute? Are we to conclude that the only story that really matters is the story of the witness -- and that we need to at all costs get in on the story -- or we will be left out, or sentenced to spending many lifetimes cultivating our witness attunement until we can join the timeless story?

Of course, integralism does not mean this to me. Integralism to me is a flexible structure that allows the various lines and streams and their representatives to communicate, commune, consciously create together, deepening enrichening our journey s as individual s/group s/cultures/world s. As such, it realizes, a basic tenent is that while assessing across traditions/journeys/paths can be beneficial, it is only beneficial after we have created a mutuality -- we have created a web/tapestry/system of shared meaning/understanding. In short, we have forged trust -- in that we are seen as coexplorers/adventurers whose journey/path is deemed of worth to get to know/understand first, so we can proceed to create a web of understanding.

Returning to the two paths discussed -- self and soul -- integralism for me would revolve around the mutual understanding that each of these paths has inherent worth, that each of these paths span the spectrum and include/embrace each level/stage. That each are complete in themselves and a goal of integralism would be offering a flexible structure that would allow the creation of a shared meaning web and subsequent crossassessment for individual/group/collective deepening.

Integralism to me focuses on becoming proficient at all stages, with mastery of any optional. That is, just as it is fine to be proficient at all levels/stages preceding God/dess absorption/nonduality, it holds true in this stage. That is, the rules dont suddenly change at nonduality with it becoming of all import to become masters of this stage. That is our oneness/unity does not depend on all of us attaining nondual mastery, nor is it our ultimate goal. Our oneness/unity is found in our collective journey of creating cultivating and sustaining meaning in life..s tableau. In short, integralism focuses on our across the spectrum proficiency, this is our communality, our shared story, shared meaning tapestry, the framework for our mutuality. How we attain such and what levels and lines we choose to become masters of is our diversity, the possible deepening/expanding of our mutuality.

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A spirituality based on the creative process

The creative process

As was discussed earlier, existential dread is based on our alienation from ourselves, others, world and our abject terror at our ultimate annihilation. By rejecting the cultural bulwarks erected to shield us from this death awareness, we find ourselves pushed out into the void, alone to meet our demise -- animals cowering in terror at the awareness of our death.

One could say then that existential dread is a state based in the terror of our ephemerality. In parlance of the creative process/cycle it is getting stuck on the first stage of the creative cycle -- a freezing on the path of letting go;a refusal to let go of habitual patterns and beliefs. nothingness

However, when one does move along in the creative process/cycle, and does indeed suspend habitual patterns and beliefs, one discovers a companion openness to new possibilities. And when one basks in this new embrace/openness, one begins to become fascinated with the myriad possibilities of creation. The longer that one maintains this openness the more fascinated one becomes, until one even feels a celebration of life, and even experiences a sense of wonder at the intricacy, expanse and embrace. veneration allness

As one sits in wonder and recalls the aforementioned terror one can enter a new state -- the state of awe. Awe is the dialectic of wonder and terror, the wonder of the sheer magnificence, scape, intricate, that we are an inextricable part of, and the terror at our seemingly pointless ephemerality. It is the feltsense of the godworm, the ephemeral gods that we are, that which makes us fundamentally human. veneration trepidation dread

In this timeless intimacy of cocreation bubbling with the trials of time, in this expansive field of possibilities, we choose. And in this choosing, we forge a symbol of timeless and time -- our uniquely human gift to the world.


And now, with our conscious choice, our symbol we have forged from our timeless and timefulness, we bring it forth to the world. We stand beside this symbol as it meets our world. And when new moments perculate forth, new images, new exigencies, new situations, dilemmas, we once more breathe into letting go and enter once more the creative cycle.


The cycle of the creativity is thus a fourfold way, an arc that flows through four foundational paths -- the path of terror/letting go/release, the path of wonder/embrace, the path of making/choosing, the path of authenticity/living ones truth. As such, to support the creative process and the forging of alternatives requires a support/understanding/awareness/proficiency of these four paths.

An Outline of The Way of Creativity

the four paths of creativity

path one -- the path of terror, the path of release
path two -- the path of wonder, the path of embrace

path three -- the path of creativity/choice/making/forging, the path of finding one..s truth
path four -- the path of transformation, the path of living one..s truth

path one -- the path of terror/the path of release
in this path we are confronted with the existential givens: that we and others suffer and die. in our holding onto what is ephemeral as if it is eternal we are confronted with despair, misery and terror. in this path we gradually realize the finality of things, that all things rise to pass away. as such we learn the art of letting go until we find ourselves flowing on the river styx into an ocean of emptiness and realize that we are as nothing.

path two -- the path of wonder/the path of embrace
in this path we open to the world, to creation. we are filled with the magnificence of creation and marvel at the sheer audacity of creation and creator. as we deepen into this path we widen our embrace until we realize that we are as one with all (of creation)



path one and path two are embracing our heritage, our inheritance. that is these paths set the parameters for our lives -- that we are ephemeral gods/godworms; that we are as all and as nothing. since they are the parameters of our lives they are our inheritance, that is given to us by the fact of us being born.


path three -- the path of creativity (making)(finding ones truth
in this path one finds ones truth by learning to choose within the parameters of life outlined in path one and path two. by continually choosing while aware of life..s parameters we forge our uniqueness. this is not a path of equilibrium, but is a path that is in dynamic flux, where over time we can find a certain coherence, a certain harmonic that rings true to oneself within this dynamic cauldron.

path four -- the path of transformation (authenticity)
in this path one attempts to live ones truth. that is the underlying harmonic forged/unearthed in path three is brought to the fore in ones relations with world.

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a mythic exploration of awe through the relationship of lucifer and hades
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Hades;
at home in the unconscious depths,
possessor of the keys to the inner kingdom s.
wearing the garb of death ,
unlocking the door to the temple of death as ultimate mystery,
in his trance one casts aside the fine fabric the deeper one goes,
feeling like one is entering quicksand,
being sucked dry,
sucked away.

the insistence of leaving behind the veils omnispresent,
to deepen into the mysterys;
walking the carbon negatives of life,
eating the dark fruits of inner knowing
as one fades from this world s,
as the gaze turns ever more inward ,
locked on the mystery furling around.

..I am night.., he said ,and it was so.
the dark hole filling with night,
a black hole collapsing unto infinities,
forever falling into the inner mysteryies .
a friend, a boon companion of Lucifer?
Lord of Light walking with Lord of Night.
The bright fireball bursting from out of azure depths,
enveloped in black fire, cacoon of their sacred meeting.
Lord of Night rising from out of chthonic depths
to walk freely with Ma-trix?

So fascinating that Lord of Light and Lord of Night
get thrust away into the same kingdom,
becoming the dark depths of inner fire
spewing forth life from behind the curtains of frozen time.
overseers of the trail of zombies
who empty themselves of elan vital
attempting to complete the initiation
by walking through purgatory,
while still remaining alive.

Indeed the truth of Lucifer can be found
in the Lucifer Hades connection.
For Lucifer is really the void afire,
he is passionate movement from the depths of mystery,
a universe arising in the multiverse,
an infinity arising as causal flame.
As such Lucifer is fire enwrapped in darkness,
Lucifer is shimmering infinity shaking himself off,
spraying the fecund void with its energies.

Hades is the dark stillness,
the frozen moment between time,
where all empties into nothing;
distilled nothingness.
his waters flow over and through the grates of time,
collecting unsaid, undone, unimagined possibilities,
siphoning it off into the grid of possibilities,
into the laws of probability.

This sluicing, this purifying , this regenerating tunnel
is key to understanding Hades realm.
For it is here where the enthralled
get ever lighter, more ephemeral,
as possibilities, as dreams, imaginings
are leached away to be recycled
into the above ground river of burgeoning form.

So this is really a walk of dissolution,
a walk into void
into nothingness.
It is the identification with these siphoned forms
that creates a cul de sac,
where, dreams, illusions are played out over and again,
because it is actually identifying with a decaying form,
completing its entropic arc,
thus its only substance arises from our clasping,
a succubus keeping us alive
removed from the current into eddy.

it is like being caught in a cage, in an endless loop,
a haunting haunting itself;
as the refrain is continually heard, ..let go, let go , let go,
and the corresponding phantasmic voice
saying ..no no no,..
holding on to an ephemerality
as if by doing so it can wrest life from out of death,
when this is only done
by following the river of dissolution
when this is done and only done
by the continuous river of dissolution
that whisks all away so one can start anew.

in this realm,
one must always remember to let go.
this is the leap of faith required,
that you will not totally dissolve forever as you become as void.
one must realize that one is in the middle of an alchemical process,
the key here is to let go, to become as nothing.
for it is only as nothing that one get through the sluices
of the dissolving river and arise
as distilled essence on the other side.
and of course this distilled essence, is Luciferian.
it is the sparkling possibility of newness,
of uniqueness, of originality,
a rising universe in the multiversal songs.

and when one enters the luciferian river,
one does embrace our passions,
our imaginings our creatings fully.
it is a time of rejoicing, of gifting ,of infinite possibilities.
and to stay flowing with the Luciferian river is for us to maintain our zest,
our passion, our awe.

thus the dyad of Hades and Lucifer
is a dialectic of death and life,
of nothing and everything,
of via negativa and via positiva.
when one realizes the intimate connection of these two,
when we grasp that these two rivers
are really one river flowing into each other,
that in fact these two rivers,
the rivers of death and birth,
are the arteries of life,
then we are able to travel these realms freely,
garnering the gifts instead of shrinking in fear;
then we have completed our initiation.

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