Why the legalization of Gay Marriage here in CALI is Gay-OK with me.....
Category: MySpace
I really hope some of you gays will get on this blog.... anyways..
So, score one for Gay folk. I mean, don't expect the Catholic Church to welcome ya'll with open arms (unless you're 12 with ass like a 10 year old), but I for one, a very non homophobic straight heterosexual male (who got more ass last year than you did your whole life, but someone will still send me a message like like "oh, you're friends with fags, and you have alot of shoes, you're fucking gay, Gayterade!) am very happy for the Gay community.
In the begining, when I was about 9, I asked my old-fashioned (Mexican Style), very Catholic Mother (who has always accepted Gays even though the Church is player-hating) "Mom, how do Gay people have sex? The poor woman must have been uncomfortable as fuck trying to explain anal sex in 1990.
People will always make lame and obvious jokes like "now you can be miserable like the rest of us" and shit, but at least for awhile Gay marriages will probably last longer than most straight marriages. Think about it. Marriage, in California (but i am sure in most places) is such a fucking joke. Most of my friends who got married were fucking idiots. Shit, they made reality GAME SHOWS about straight Marriage. Remember? Joe Bachlorette, and shit like that?
But it will only be a matter of time before Vegas catches on and then someone builds a highly profitable Gay Wedding Chapel featuring lots of Gay things. Fuck, we should start that?!?! Think of how many Gay people are gonna make bad decisions in Vegas and pull a Brittany Spears. Damn.
But that's what I'm really looking forward to, is a Gay ass wedding. I'm looking forward to that for the following reasons:
1. Gay dudes always have chick friends, and those chick friends are not always fat, either. You are pretty much guaranteed play as a straight man attending a gay wedding. And that's the other thing too, guys. Chicks are cool with Gays, so if you show Chicks that you can be cool with Gays too, and that you're not a homophobic moron, just because some dude takes it up the ass (and it's funny, because the alpha-males that always feels that gay guys wanna fuck him, even though you couldn't roofie a faggat into touching this kind of guy) doesn't mean you have to punk him.
2. I don't know about you guys, but the Gay people's houses I've been to have been pretty fuckin' well decorated. And I don't know about you guys, but I've been to some pretty fuckin wacky ass decorated weddings. Maids of honor looking like melted packs of Fruit Stripe gum, and shit.
3. Gays have money. That means two words: OPEN BAR
4. Most people secretly like Gay Music, but won't admit it. Now you can just be there enjoying the music but pretending you ain't hearing that shit.
5. Some Gay people are pretty fuckin' creative. I mean, both my Gay cousins are hella fuckin artisticly creative and shit, and that's why one writes plays and the other worked in TV. That means they are gonna come up with some wild shit, like KY at every table. Come on. Convince your girl to take it in the booty one time.
Am I leaving anything out? Anyone been to a Gay ass wedding yet?
****side note... Gay People always have really good cocaine, so I've heard
Keeping it Realer than a motherfuckin' Tax Break,
Straighterade (ha, come on. I know I've had sex with at least 3 females who will read this blog)
Currently
listening
:
Dancing Queen
By
ABBA
Release date: 1998-10-20
In a Mexican family, some times there are hoo rides in life. One is when Mexicans get knocked up hella young, then get knocked up hella old, causing people to be born as Uncles or Aunts.
Like my Mom. My mom has nieces older than her, because her mom had her sister when she was like 20, then had my mom when she was 45, so the sister at 25 already done had like 3 kids by then, because most Mexican women will get pregnant if you simply stare at them long enough*
As a result of Mexicans getting knocked up at all ages, I have 1st cousins who are old enough to be my parent, and some of them have kids my age, and some of those bitches already have kids. There's fucking kids everywhere. I have so many cousins if I ever do anything worth attending like die or get married that shit will BE OFF THA FUCK'N HOOK!
Anyways,
One of my older cousins is from San Antonio** sent me an email, HOO RIDING the shit out of Kobe Bryant and the Lakers. Clowning. Saying the Spurs are going to win in 6 games, for sure.
What do I do? I have to respect the elderly, so I can't exactly tell her to fuck off. But yet we're cousins, and she ain't my Tia, so technically you can fuck a cousin off*** but since she's way older than me, what should I do?
Myspace, I ask you..... Should I engage in excessive and violent shit talking behaviour, with a 60 year old plus retired Mexican woman, who fed me and let me crash at her pad when I was driving through San Anton'? Should I tell her that Tim Duncan is about as exciting as your little sisters middle school graduation? Should I rep Los Angeles the way I know Los Angeles should be repped****?
Keeping it realer than getting taken out Kobe Style,
We haven't had a good poop story in awhile. Not since we discovered the meaning of the back cave, the "I'm in this stall cough" and what being a Folder versus a Crumpler is REALLY all about. We learned that it is a great time to catch up on Texting.
In the last couple months, I've had to take a few business trips, which always completely throw of my poop schedule. I've also had a several nights of excess drinking which always lead to the "Maker Shits".
There are various instances when Pooping is a very unfavorable errand to run. I have made a short list of the instances when a Pre-poop is 100% necessary.
- Before going to the gym, one must poop. One time I had to run 3 miles when I first tried out for High School Basketball. The first day I killed some Chili Cheese Fries right before, and preceded to violently shit my brains out before the third lap. That was a poop which occurred 12 years ago, and will never be forgotten.
- The Club Poop! I'm not much of a clubber as is, but it's absolutely imperative to handle your shit before getting there. You don't wanna be the dude at the Club who's pooping. This also applies for most bars. Bar shit's are the worst.
- Before a date. I don't go on many dates either (your sister usually just rolls through on the late night), but I have to make sure and drop the Wayans brothers off by the fountain at least an hour before date time, especially if that bitch is coming over to my place. You don't want a during-date poop, especially cause they will KNOW you're pooping, and if the associate you and poop that's not good. I mean think about it. Picture Angelina Jolie taking a fat diarrhea crap. She's not so hot now, is she?
Usually, I've noticed the seat at the best dumper in the office is usually warm around 3-4 PM. As disturbing as that is, one can only attribute the change in Pooper-Seat climate to the increase of consecutive poops taken as a result of the food consumed during the lunch hours. It's also very weird to sit on a warm toilet, even if you're at your Grandma's house and all she did was piss out that OE she was drinkin' before you went in to shit out her dry meatloaf. The only way to "beat the system" in theory is to change your shitting schedule, which means you should change your eating schedule, or just drink more coffee, smoke more cigarettes, or just start snorting blow at around 11AM. Cause NO one poops at 11AM, EVER.
The Early Morning Poop (6AM - 9AM) - There's nothing like starting your day light on your feet after a good ol' fashioned early morning poopie. You probably didn't have to poop, then you had your morning coffee and all hell broke loose. I know every time I see Jillian Barberie's face in High Def it makes me want to take a MONSTER DUMP!
The Mid Morning Poop - (9:01AM - 1145AM) What did you have for breakfast, motherfucker?
The Lunch time Caca aka MAKING ROOM (11:46AM - 1:36PM) Although there is a certain level of grossness involved in shitting immediately before eating, the Making Room Poop can be a vital component in enjoying that next round of future doo-doo.
The After Lunch Warm Toilet Special (1:37 PM - 3:48PM) You know what I'm talking about. Those Co-Workers of yours that take those 11AM lunches already done crapped out their Lunchables followed by the 12, 12:30, 1, 1:30 crews. The Toilet takes a pounding, similar to a Gang-rape. Even with the protective paper, the seat is still warm. The water is still moving. You have to hold the handle down (with your foot) for an extended period of time so the next Lunch Breaker doesn't catch a glimpse of that BLT you just destroyed.
The Before I head out for the day Crap (3:49PM - 6:30PM) - You probably had a nicer lunch, didn't you. Probably got extra cheese as well, you Before I Head Out for the Day pooper, you. Most likely was propelled by the after lunch cigarette and that Red Bull you had also. I am also certain the 15 minutes you spent texting because the toilet seat had cooled down by then (so you felt comfortable sitting on it longer) really paid off because you talked to all those Hoes you met over the weekend that you ain't hit up yet.
Evening Crap (6:31PM - 9:58PM) Aka the Dinner Dump. If you're at home, this can be the most amazing Poop of the day. Fuck texting, this is when you bring the LAPTOP in, and leave Myspace comments for all your friends. Check your favourite sports teams website. Watch a Porno. And I'm not saying do ONE of these things while you Poop, I am saying do ALL of them.
The Late Show Poop featuring YOU (9:59PM - 1AM) - You shouldn't be shitting on the late night like this.
Other Poopy times (1:01AM - 6AM) are all haywire depending on if you:
- Work the Graveyard shift (weirdo) - If it's a weekend - If you do Cocaine (you are always Cigarette Smoking, Pooping, and talking way too much) - Eat alot of Fast Food. - Just plain have to shit all the time.
Keeping it realer than the fact it's 3:30 and you know what office I'll be in,
On occasion, I get some unique Friends Requests. And although a high amount of porn site and non-existent bitches I wish I knew lay within the inbox, at times there are actual real people out there who for whatever reason decided they wanted to have the Haterade page on their friends list. Normally, I’d like to think this is a good decision. Sadly, our friend Dave here might not be feeling that way should he ever see this blog.
Dave posted a bulletin (the dynamics of which I’ll get to later) that prompted my curiosity in viewing his Myspace page. Once viewed, I think I may have an idea why Dave hates black people.
But the question is.......Does he really love them?
Throughout the years, I am sure Dave has struggled in finding his true identity. Proof of that may lie within the photos I took from his page.
Here we see a young, sad Dave, who in a true effort of finding ones self, applied make-up to his face, probably for some stupid fucking reason, like "people wouldn’t understand" or "I want to be different".
When Dave found out his life sucked, he became even more saddened by this news. He bought a webcam, and became a compulsive masturbater. When he still couldn’t find himself, he turned his hat to the side, and became very soft about it:
"Fuck this!" Dave said. "I’m bleaching my hair!" Dave became even more perplexed at life. If you notice the limpness of his wrist in this photo, it is a true indication of his softness. One that make-up and sad faced photos cannot hide:
The bleach didn’t work. It’s chemicals seeped deeply into his melon fucking head. It caused Dave, a young white boy, to get what I call the "Johnny Knoxville" syndrome, where young white males go on a rampage of doing crazy, ridiculously not funny shit. Dave caught his Johnny Knoxville Syndrome (otherwise known at JKS) and it is displayed here:
Now you might be saying to yourself, Haterade, what the fuck? What’s your problem with Dave?
Here is my main issue with young Dave. From a bulletin he posted below in bold:
Date: Mar 28, 2008 12:41 AM Subject: Some people... Body: actually most people. . .
ARE SO FUCKING DUMB
I call a guy... I said I’ll trade you 10 percs for 10 vics... He texts back. . .. .
"I’ll sell you 10 percs"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID IM TRYING TO GET RID OF PERCS NOT BUY THEM!!!
And black people, aka NIGGERS.
NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS
I was stiffed 3 times tonight, and evan was stiffed tonight. ALL BY BLACK PEOPLE.
I see groups of black people calling each other niggers quite often. . . . .
??????????
?????????
????????
How does that work?
My opinions are my opinions, I expect nobody to even reason with me
Saturday 5 black guys walk out of fred meyers 1 by 1 all wearing the same outfit carrying something STOLEN in their shirts
?????????
I don’t need to reason with you Dave. I wouldn’t even try. But the fact is you are what you are, and will forever will be: A SMALL TIME CHUMP. I don’t need to get into the fact you meander around trying to trade pills with low-lifes (then feel the need to bitch about it on myspace), then have the nerve to call THEM dumb, THEN go on a KKKrampage.
But Dave, I personally believe you love black people. And here’s why:
Although still saddened by being an angry white male, you are wearing two black things in this photo. Dreads, and a fucking Fred Taylor Jersey:
AND HERE IS PROOF! You love black people, because you say in your caption: DJ Homicide with Sugar Ray, as if you are proud to be in his presence.
But Dave, I’m curious. When you posted a photo of yourself with the caption "I look like a Nigger", your friend Andy did something. He posted this photo, and thought it was funny:
Now I think I have a pretty good and extreme sense of humor, but I don’t find this photo that funny, especially given the context it was used it. I actually feel that this blog about your stupid fucking life is funnier and more entertaining than anything you could EVER come up with.
But alas, I stand corrected. No black guy would ever date an 18 year old skinny assed, Edward Scissorhands looking bitch like this one here:
You are a punk white boy after all. You love black people and black things when it’s convenient for you to try and find yourself, then hate them and call them niggers for having what it is you may never have, which is an IDENTITY.
Keeping it realer than what would happen to you stepping with all that nigger shit in my city (as opposed to Graham, Washington)
Today, I had to do something I have never done in my life.
Fire someone.
I can’t say I thoroughly enjoyed it, because it was NOTHING like this:
The person definitely had it coming to them, for an enormously long list of reasons. So the debate isn’t that.
However when I recovered the Company phone she was using and went through everything, I found numerous text messages where she referred to me as "Dickhead".
Now I’m not sad or bitter about that, in any way, shape, or form, but what was interesting as when I went through the MMS Inbox of Sent and Received Messages, I found a startling number of mostly nude and sexually suggestive photos she exchanged with another individual, in addition to some corny, very sexually suggestive messages containing phrases like "Fucking your Hot Little Ass" and "It places it’s naked body in the Hot Tub". I had no idea this would happen as a single tear slowly rolled down her cheek while getting the bad news.
At this point in my life, I haven’t paid for sex yet. Right now, I don’t really need to. Not that I am just getting laid left and right, but I’m young, and not a perverted old man yet, so once in awhile I meet a girl who’s down throw gine-gine at me. But one day it will all end.
What if in 20 years, I am an unmarried, lonely, unattractive pervert, who can’t get laid? Would I dip deep in the pocket for someone sexy to dip deeper in my pocket? I can’t say I wouldn’t...Or what if I was sexually frustrated as fuck, my wife gained 68 pounds and stop giving brains, I was jerking off incessantly and spending all my hard earned cash on used Girls Gone Wild DVD’s? Or, what if I was President!
You kinda gotta be a weird motherfucker to wanna be President. There’s a million other jobs I’d rather have than President. Or Senator, or Governor. In fact, let’s make a quick list of jobs I’d rather have than President.
- A high powered defense attorney (those dudes always have sick hook-ups) - The guy at the Strip Club who announces the next Stripper (I swear, that voice always sounds the EXACT SAME, but I think I could do it anyways) - Pootie Tang (cause the nigga is just that real) - Any kind of professional athlete (including the guy rode pine for 2 years then got injured) - A Shrimp’n boat captain - A job at Myspace (do you think they let the people who work at Myspace go on Myspace?) - Josh Baskin’s job, from "Big" (I’d have hella showtime Lakers Championships taped, and the commercials edited out)
Personally, I don’t see any kind of problem with a legal, controlled Prostitution. Prostitutes, like drugs, are going to forever be existent in society. So why let people pull shady moves in bathroom stalls and pass AIDS around like Cess joints on your Grandma’s birthday? I’m not saying let’s start passing out needles and her-on, but if Senator so and so wants to go out and get a late night BJ, that’s his gig. You think a Senators wife is gonna suck some dick? Yeah right?! You think Hillary is gonna suck some dick?! FOOL HELL NAH! And did anyone really care that Slick Willie went and got biz with Monica. Did it REALLY bother you? Did it REALLY bother you that Eliot Spitzer got down and dirty for $4,000? Did you see the girl he fucked?!?! Political dudes once in awhile need some common folk whores to blow off some steam. Shit, I need to bust off every time I sit in traffic, or anytime the Raiders win or lose, if it’s a smoggy day, a clear day, if the name of the day ends in "AY", if I’m at the beach, or even if I’m not, when I’m stressed, when I’m happy, after eating, before eating, sometimes during ea - well it depends on what I’m eating (unless it’s after busting off in which case shut the fuck up and get away from me)
At least Eliot had better taste than Slick Willie. What’s her face I cost 4 grand now I got a hot single out cause of it should be thankful that shit hit the fan, her career is taking off. Good for her. Too bad she has to live with the guilt and damaged pride as a result. But she made her bed, didn’t she? What would you rather have? Your dignity, or a hit single? Girls, I’m asking you, and be real. Would you fuck some geezer and let it spill out to make it big? You homegirl is hella glad of all that mess.
Now Eliot Spitzers replacement, David Patterson is on blast because he cheated on his wife. Who gives a fuck? When are people going to stop attributing intensely personal shit like your sex life as a factor on job performance? If I followed you around with a camera all day and learned about your deepest darkest secrets I’d probably hate you after 2 days. And if I was your boss, I’d have 10 reasons to fire you after the first hour.
If the guy is wacky enough to wanna be President, he’s probably wacky enough to end up waking up in a room full of dead hookers - wait a minute.... a higher percentage of guys have paid for sex as opposed to those who haven’t, right? Any middle aged pervert who isn’t married has definitely paid for sex. And even your husband probably copped a cheap handy when you were getting your nails did. Happy ending and all.
Logic and mathematics will solve everything
Boyz II Men Men = perverts Perverts = people who pay for sex
M * P/ (vagina) - divorce + that shady weekend in Thailand - them feeling guilty / Tequila [risky behavior] * the fact you didn’t give brains =
Most dudes at some point in their life paid for sex.
Kinda sad, considering you have a Dad, Uncles, Brothers, etc. Your Great Great Grandpappy probably copped some shiesty ass dome in the back seat of a covered wagon for like 3 cents back in the day. It doesn’t mean that fool wasn’t the most off the hook Blacksmith in the neighborhood, does it?
Deal with it.
Yeah, it’s fucked up. Keep the guy sexually happy. Look at it like this, if you’re a shitty cook, I’m gonna go eat at a restaurant, right? And don’t get mad. It’s not like he’s claiming that bitch on his taxes.
I could honestly care less if political people fuck hookers. The President should be entitled to unlimited BJ’s if his girl ain’t gonna do it. The niggie is stressed. You think we’d be at war if George Bush was getting Braniacs on the daily?
The world would be a better place.
Talk about prostitutes. I’d love to hear someone actually admit one of the following statements....you get mad street cred:
1. That you are a guy who paid for sex
2. That you are an aspiring singer/entertainer (female) who would get paid $4,000 to fuck any Senator for instant fame, as long as everyone finds out.
Keeping it realer then the Red Light District (and you think your Dad went to Amsterdam to check out the fucking Anne Frank House, shame on you),
Throughout life, I've mostly liked Rap music. That preceded to Underground Hip Hop for many years which at the current moment has me in total confusion, as much of Hip Hop is watered down and silly. I'm not trying to get into a musical debate by any means. People get nowhere in musical debates.
At one point, I was in Dallas, TX, for a few days. Why anyone would want to do business with me is beyond me. I look like this:
No matter how nice of a suit I could possible afford, I will forever look like I slang cell phones at the Verizon Kiosk at the mall. Shit, not even Verizon. I look more like that shady dude who will convince you to sign up for Boost Mobile, Metro PCS, or Shadytel services. I look like I'll totally throw in a free Bluetooth headset that doesn't work. I will forever slang your Grandma an $59.95 clip case for her fake purse you bought for her in Tijuana.
Let's get past this. In Dallas, one night, while rolling solo, I entered a cab. I told the driver, please take me to the shadiest fuckin club in this city. I seek bad drinks and ignorance.
He couldn't have done better. While at this place, I was introduced to Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat". And I gotta tell you. I hate music like this. But I LOVE this song. It makes me want to do Bobby Brownish things. It makes me want to go onto the basketball court and take a shit in someone's gym bag. This is a terrible display of music, this song.
However, I have boundaries. Below is a list of when and where you should not listen to this song:
- While at your Grandma's funeral - While taking your Drivers license test - At your Mom's 60th birthday party (but that all depends) - While trying to get romantic with your bitch - During a Tennis match (unless Serena and her thick ass is serv'n)
You get it. In fact, here's the song:
Okay, so this song had me thinking, and thinking philosophically. He claims to do many things to the hoe, including Supermanning that hoe and SuperSoaking the hoe. Let's focus on Supermanning that hoe, and all that entails.
I thought to myself, have I ever Supermanned that hoe? I been with a bunch of chicks, and I'm sure at one point I had to have Supermanned a hoe. But then again, who's actually Donkey Punched a hoe? Or Strawberry Shortcaked a hoe?
I then thought about meaning, and depth. What does it mean to Superman a hoe? Why are all the other superheroes kept from the hoes?
Space, it is up to me to not only define it, but to identify other superheroes, and what they would do to that hoe. I mean, some people like Batman, right?
HATERADE'S VERSION OF SUPER CHARACTERING THAT HOE
Spiderman that Hoe - Spidermanning that Hoe is simple. Similar to the way a Spider spins it's prey in a web, you lock that Hoe up at your crib. And you don't let that Hoe out, either. You stab it when you please, then keep her locked up somewhere, like the closet. You do this, and you have successfully Spidermanned that Hoe.
Invisible Man that Hoe - Meet a girl at the club, and take her back to her house. Not your house, HER house. Stab it all night, and when she is sleeping, cut the fuck out. In fact, don't cut out, DIP out. Cutting out always leaves room for return, while dipping is a one time thing. Disappear on that hoe. If you see her at the club again, dip the fuck out the back door. If you can accomplish this, you have successfully Invisible Manned that Hoe.
Flash that Hoe - As we all know, the Flash can be anywhere, instantly. Meet a girl, and stab it. Immediately afterwards, start showing up, randomly. Show up at her work, and question why her boss is talking to her like that, causing a scene. Then Flash the fuck out. Show up at her cousins birthday party, and insist on why she's talking to that guy, who's really her family friend for 20 years. Cause another scene. Do it again while she's at the gym, and some gay dude asks her where she gets her hair did. Cause another scene then flash the fuck out. You do this correctly and my friend you have successfully Flashed that Hoe.
Batman that Hoe - Get a Hoe's number, but only call her on the late night. Not like 11pm shit, like 1AM shit! Insist that you need to see her. If she calls you when it's daylight, hit ignore. Don't just silence your ringer, but hit ignore so it rings twice and that Hoe knows she got ignored. Then call her at 1am, curious about "how she is" and "can you see her". ONLY see that Hoe on the late night, and show up with hard nipples. You do this, and you have successfully Batmanned that Hoe.
Robin that Hoe - Do the same shit as above, but let your big brother hit it first. Get sloppy seconds, and wear a yellow shit. Faggot. You do this, and you have probably successfully Robinned that hoe.
Transformer that Hoe - Meet a hoe, and be hella nice. For no reason, one night at dinner, be HELLA mean, jealous, and spiteful. Order dessert, then be nice again. Later on in the evening, text her something nice. Then page her Grandma with 187-187-81764-013. (extra points to anyone who knows what that ol' pager code means) Bring her a lovely bouquet of flowers, but slap her when you give them to her. Act like you are cool with her being friends with her Ex, but put him in the Hospital later that night. You do this, and you have successfully Transformered that Hoe.
My friends, if you follow this advice, you can never go wrong when Super Charactering that hoe.
Thank me, and thank Soulja Boy.
Keeping it realer then Wonder Womaning that Hoe (I wonder which one of his bitches he's kickin it with?),
You know, it's been a long time since I've been in a physical fight. Just over three years. Now, I'm definitely not the baddest motherfucker out there, but I did mangle someone faces at a nightclub in Miami for physically abusing some girl I was with. To me, that was a good reason. And when you have a good reason to fight, you usually kick the living shit out of someone.
Fighting, however, is wrong, and I can't even really think of a time since then that I felt the need to fight. There are almost always other options, no matter how much someone pushes your buttons.
The other day, while at lunch with my Dad, was the first time in a long time that I truly, truly, wanted to KNOCK SOMEONE THE FUCK OUT.
No, not my Dad, dickheads. Listen.
So me and Pops are eating lunch at Benihanas, on a weekday. If you've never been to Benihanas, it's a Japanese Restaurant where they cook the food in front of you. Since they are putting on a show in order to maximize usage of their kitchen staff if you do not have a party of 8 they will seat you with strangers. Now, whether you socialize with these motherfuckers is on you, but they're there at your table.
Since it wasn't incredibly busy, we had a table of 5. Me, Pops, and these three middle aged white guys.
Right when these guys got to the table, one of them was talking on obnoxiously on his cell phone, and I looked over at my old man, rolled my eyes, and said "This motherfucker".
Shortly after that, the Japanese waitress who's first language was clearly not English took our order. No one had an issue placing their order with her, and Pops and I were already a couple Mai Tai's deep. Once it got to Asshole, he apparently is one of those people that thinks when talking to someone with language barriers that if you talk LOUDER they will understand you better. I hate motherfuckers like this, and that goes without explanation. Everyone should hate motherfuckers like this. Even if you are a motherfucker like this you should hate other motherfuckers like you for being like this.
Two strikes on being obnoxious, white man. You are one Hiroshima comment away from getting a Bento Box shoved halfway up your ass. Be careful.
So, as the meal winded down, these geeky fucks started talking politics. Personally, I don't feel the need to talk politics with people who don't already agree with me. Not that I don't feel the need, I just fucking hate it. All you end up doing is going in circles because what's gonna happen? Am I going to get someone to admit they're a fucking idiot, tell me I'm right, and vote for my guy? Fuck no. It's like arguing about religion. And guess what, asshole. You might think you did your research but my 26 year old beaner vote counts just as much as yours. So fuck your life.
But it wasn't the talk of politics that pissed me off. I could clearly see that Asshole was NOT an Obama fan. That's fine. We don't have to see eye to eye.. But when the talked turned to Ted Kennedy endorsing Obama, here is what the guy said.
"I can't believe Kennedy is endorsing that FUCKING MONKEY"
Strike three. Niggas is out.
"Excuse me" I said, and said loud enough for a ton of people to hear "Did you just call Barack Obama a fucking monkey???"
I stood up.
"Did you REALLY just say that?"
"Er, uh, duh, I - uh, um" was about all he could conjure up.
"You know, maybe when you're at home at one of your KKK meetings, saying shit like that is cool, but here in the real world, ITS NOT COOL"
Then he says, "I didn't mean it like that" (((well how else do you mean 'Barack Obama is a fucking monkey then, asshole)))
So Pops jumps in, "Yeah, that sounds like something a punk white boy would say"
Hell yeah. Go Pops. And believe me, Pops is an OG. He had the 2pac Greatest Hits CD before I did.
I really felt like beating this motherfucker up for saying that. You know if he says that in public, he drops true N-bombs in private. His kids probably inherited the N-bomb dropping and all deserve multiple ass-whoopings.
When he was red enough in the face I told him "have a nice day" sarcastic as fuck and shook my head at him like I was checking the shit out of a young child.
Hey Space,
Is the world really still like this? It's fucking California for Christs sake?! I'd expect this shit in Alabama or something, what the fuck?
Keeping it realer then perpetuating Mexican stereotypes by beating his ass and going to jail (again),
Happy motherfuckin' New Year. In the past few weeks I've thought about a ton of shit to write about but didn't really have time. Ya'll know how it is. New Years Eve was extra skanless this year. You all would be very proud of me.
But all good vacations eventually come to an end, then you find yourself back at work with a hangover and a shitload of voicemails. You probably blew a few people off over the Holidays as well. Your Christmas presents sucked, but you felt guilty asking for the gift receipts. You wanted to check your Grandma for that weak ass gift, but due to Holiday cheer you just told that nigga everything was cool.
Anyways,
I'm out for awhile. In the next 10 days I will be in the following cities doing work related bullshit.
Fort Worth Dallas Houston San Antonio Austin El Paso Albuquerque
Now, it's technically not a vacation. It's probably the most important business trip of my professional career, but who cares about that. Once the business is taken care of, what the fuck am I supposed to do in Texas?
I've been to all those cities except Austin, which I'm looking forward to, because I've heard Austin in the least Texas-like city in Texas. I didn't choose Texas, either. The next time there is another opportunity for our business to grow I'm going to try and pick a fun place, like Tijuana Mexico. Maybe a nice office somewhere in Zona Norte, or something.
As I'm in and out of Hotels, meetings, and other bullshit, I'm sure at some point something skanless will happen. I really hope so, so I can tell everyone about it.
Anyone know a good place to get hookers and blow in any of those cities?
THEY BROUGHT ME FUCKING RUM CAKE (I normally don’t make videos, either)
Space,
Does this ever happen to you? You think or talk about someone you don't normally think or talk about, and they show up at your front doorstep with 8 pounds of Rum Cake. This happened to me, TONIGHT.
I had just gotten home. I was waiting for a friend who was coming over for good company and possible sexy time when there was a knock at the door......
I figured it was the homie. But when I opened the door, it wasn't her. Here's a quick list of the people I thought it would be more so than who it really was.
1. Your Grandma 2. My Grandma 3. Tom, from Myspace, letting me know he thinks my page is funny, and he's really gay 4. Jaime Lynn Spears, telling me I'm the father. 5. The fugly couple that solicited me for a threesome
How weird is that? We talked about this shit. You member? It was me, you, and that one dude who looks exactly like this guy: Grimace
Anyways,
I explain better here in the Video:
But that wasn't enough. I had to try the cake.
So, Space. After tonight, the following conclusions can be made.
1. The Fat Neighbors can cook. This cake is legitimately off the hook. 2. I didn't even have to ask those hoes for a ride to Inn-n-out. They straight brought cake. 3. They invited me to their New Years Party. Heffers. Too bad I'll be in San Francisco. However, if I didn't have plan, I would try and foil Ms. Mel's opinion by making valiant attempts in boning the fine friend. It'll have to wait 'til Easter.
And the last observation that can be made is this:
