dreams do come true....
Current mood: breezy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

this may very well be the greatest quote i have ever stumbled across...

"Kate Beckinsale Would Rather Eat Vagina Than Sushi"

Currently reading : Making Cheese, Butter & Yogurt (Storey Country Wisdom Bulletin, a-283) By Ricki Carroll Release date: December, 2003

8:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

a few remarkable quotes......
Current mood: jolly

"From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I've ever seen on a running back." — John Madden

........ but to no surprise to mr. madden, from the waist up native american kickboxer johnny legs for arms had the biggest legs he'd ever seen...........

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." — Britney Spears

.........yes, while your out there in africa wandering through the canadian wilderness you must make sure to respect the local customs of norway or else you'll have your passport revoked from denmark and may possibly never be able to enjoy the breathtaking landscapes of veitnam again......................... geography class,.... more important than you may have remembered.....

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" — Christina Aguilera

......... up your ass mrs. aguilera,............ simply,............ up your ass

"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." — Arnold Schwarzenegger

............... yet another reason why people who can only pronounce vowels when speaking should not be elected to run anything but a speech class for the deaf.......

Currently watching : ’’KILL THE GOLDEN GOOSE’’ Release date: 22 September, 2006

11:06 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

a delicious coleslaw recipe.......
Current mood: amused

this is a particularly wonderful recipe for coleslaw from a fantastic comedian by the name of emo phillips....... enjoy

MY COLESLAW RECIPE

1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious coleslaw you want from a nice deli.

Currently watching : The Ice Pirates Release date: 15 February, 2005

2:51 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

white chicks and gang signs.....
Current mood: curious
Category: Life

   so i was watching this thoroughly entertaining video of a monkey dancing and farting occasionally which was bringing me so much joy while i ate my delicious roast beef sandwich with mayo on wheat bread and tasty pink lemonade crystal light beverage. as i perused through some of the other quality filmwork i stumbled across one that brought a good question to mind, when did white girls turn into thugs and start cloning tupac with all the gang signs?.

last time i checked i didn't get that scared when i saw blonde hair and a chanel purse coming up behind me at the ATM. just because you saw boyz n tha hood with the black guy you were dating to piss off your dad and paused it for 20 minutes so you could learn to position your fingers at the right angle doesn't mean that i'm gonna turn down the radio and lock the doors on my car when i see your gangsta ass prada shoes walkin by.

am i the only one that finds it both amusing and very sadly annoying when i see some 5' 3" white girl named becky rockin her "Thugged out" abercrombie halter top with matching skirt and "so totally gangsta ponytail" throw up a "westside" to her "peeps" in the tanning salon in the "mean streets" of pawtucket, rhode island while "mean muggin" and yelling "holla back" or some other dumb shit she heard ja rule say in a song 3 years ago. sorry for the excessive and belligerent use of quotation marks but it had to be done to stress my valid point...... plus i have a rare addiction to short floating double lines so suck it trebek!!..... and please stop with the prison stare facial expressions that accompany your sad arthritic hand gestures cause once again, sadly the same looks that make an actual criminal look all mean in a prison photo just do not have the same menacing effect when portrayed by a pale white girl named suzy.

on an even bigger scale, what about the deaf?. didn't anyone stop to think that with so many white girls throwing up gang signs that we very well may be encroaching on their territory?. i mean they do have the hand signal market pretty much locked down. now some poor deaf guy is gonna think that this cute white chick is trying to talk to him and tell him he has a sexy forehead when really she's just tryin to look hard throwing up hoover crips in the middle of delaware.. i know this isn't going to stop anytime soon cause for some reason you seem to think that we as guy's find this adorable when it's really only cute in your mind kinda like the 10,000 useless pillows with frilly shit that you tried to cover my bed and couch with so i no longer have room to sit or sleep comfortably without drowning in the abyss of cotton nonsense created by the bastards at bed bath and beyond.

so in conclusion, please white chicks at the very least try to use your gang signs sparringly if not for me at least for the sake of the deaf. cause how would you feel if you were trying to look cool for your friends and end up accidentally asking out some poor deaf guy for eggs benidict and fruit salad.... do you really want to get stuck in that awkward conversation that consist's of one person doing actual sign language and you repeating the same 3 signs you saw cane and o-dog do in menace to society?..... with that being said, i shall now leave you with this...............................................................

Currently watching : Sasquatch Odyssey: The Hunt for Bigfoot Release date: 01 November, 2004

12:37 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

misinterpretation....
Current mood: lazy
Category: Religion and Philosophy

"A stupid child is ruin to a father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain."
-The Bible: Hebrew, Proverbs 19:13

..... to put it in layman's terms,... " please stop nagging me about the neighbor's gifted child, commence to shutting the fuck up and go lock our retarded son in the closet, with a barney video and some granola bars never to speak of that big headed abomination again."........

now i could be mistaken, but that's just how it seemed to play out in my head. the way i see it, the bible is clearly telling me that it's okay if i have a slightly malfunctioning infant that drool's a little too much cause i can just be ashamed and put him in the recycle bin outside for gypsie's to eat and find another romanian hooker and try again for a child that jesus has not scorned with ignorance!!

and again, i'm not the wisest person but am i to understand that when my wife nag's too much that i can put her out with only a christmas sweater in the continual dripping of rain till she decide's to shut the fuck up and let me watch columbo in peace while doing the jumble in the back of the highlight's magazine i stole from the dentist's office?  cause that would be sweet.

 i hope there's nothing in the bible against stealing a mango and a box of fruit loops from someone else's cart and darting off into the frozen food's section when they're not looking cause it's the last box..

screw that 90 year old bitch with her convulsing right arm and fancy motorized wheelchair cart!!! i'm stoned and hungry!!, now if i could only find a bag of those chicken nugget's shaped like dinosuar's, a bottle of "i can't believe it's not butter" spray, and 6 frozen pizza's..............

Currently reading : Stitch 'N Bitch Crochet: The Happy Hooker By Debbie Stoller Release date: 15 March, 2006

5:58 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

the smartest person ever.....
Current mood: confused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

--" I think alicia silverstone is very retarded. i think she is retarded in the way that she is very down syndrome-ish. i think down syndrome has to come from a very retarded place if it's true down syndrome."

-Rez, part time Genius

Currently watching : Porn Star - The Legend of Ron Jeremy (Uncut & Unrated Edition) Release date: 25 March, 2003

12:08 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

a thought from the pastor...
Current mood: thirsty
Category: Life

"I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called." --Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean

--wise word's mr. dean. althought the appointing process has greatly advanced, let us not forget that hiding the salami was how we ended up with scalia, and rehnquist..... and to this day no one has found the salami which o'connor hid a good many years ago. it may not be such a flawed process after all.............

Currently reading : Bob Ross' New Joy of Painting By Annette Kowalski Release date: 14 February, 1997

11:56 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

rhymin part 3
Current mood: content
Category: Music

don't ever step inside of cali without askin me first/

fuck lettin the heat burst/ i'll kill you with the reverb/

you'll see your whole life flash in just 2 or 3 words/

the death of hip hop is sure to come with my rebirth/

throw my mic cord around your neck and watch you choke/

son of a bitch you just got your l.a pass revoked/

fuckin with this/

it's true, rez is runnin this bitch/

i'll pimp your girl on your own corner in front of your kids/

i'm just fuckin sick/

a crazy misguided misfit/

who usually tends to listen to the voices instead/

of his own conscience/ and ends up livin life as a convict/

on the run from the cops and/ tryin to avoid a mob hit/

it's obvious there's not much time left for me/

i guess the worlds just a place thats not meant to be/

in my big picture/

i hold the glock up, finish my pitcher/

stumblin out the door makin decisions with liqour/

starin at death pointin my finger at him like an arrow/

i wonder what would happen if i look down this barrell...............

Currently listening : 6 Feet Deep By Gravediggaz Release date: 16 September, 1997

9:04 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

back in the day.....
Current mood: a bit tart
Category: a bit tart Life

i think more women should go back to dressing like they were in the mid 80's again. i'm talking big hair, neon, double layered socks, jelly's and all. i'm not the only guy who thought the poster of the overly oiled up blonde with the america headband and uncomfortably tight blue spandex and ripped t shirt next to the locker was hot and perfectly suitable material for masturbation at 13( oh how i miss the scrambled porn from the days of my youth ). i don't know what it is but seeing a girl in some bright l.a. gear aparrell and a jean jacket with poison airbrushed in graffiti form down the side just takes me to a special place with run d.m.c, different strokes and mr. belvedere.... whatcha talkin bout willis, whatcha talkin bout indeed..

 i encourage more women to break out their old pat benetar headbands, cindi lauper earrings, put your ponytail to the side and declare that yes, love is a battlefield after all. go and be that girl we all used to like in the back of mrs. steinbaum's class. so i say to you, don't be afraid to break out the debbie gibson tapes, go through 2 cans of hairspray and embrace the kelly bundy that is within you......

... or maybe i've just been getting way too high watching saved by the bell for the last 4 hours cause the remote broke and i really want to fuck kelly kapowski right now....

Currently listening : How Ya Like Me Now By Kool Moe Dee Release date: 25 October, 1990

7:20 PM - 4 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

rhymin again.....
Current mood: creative

since i got too much free time/

i'll spit two or three lines/

go back in time and rewind/

these thoughts from a freak's mind/

why is it i think of death so clearly all the time now/

i guess as it gets closer you start to find out/

what you should have done with your life, instead you passed it/

along next to me with a bong and droppin acid/

it's sad when you got nothin to show for years of strugglin/

thats why i need to maintain the flow and keep hustlin/

so stand up/ and make some fuckin noise and throw your hands up/

demand sumthin' more than what these bastards will hand us/

it's mad rough and i'm ready to drown out your bullshit/

standin at your door with two guns loaded with full clips/

i'm not afraid to use 'em even abuse 'em if needed/

put a million holes in you while i get heavily weeded/

so by the time that death has come to get me/

my guns are empty/

and theres more body's to start a party in hell with me/

Currently listening : Black Star By Black Star Release date: 04 June, 2002

4:20 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment