469 Miles
Current mood: adventurous
Category: Life

I dropped my oldest daughter Danielle off at San Francisco State about 2 weeks ago. I was surprised that it wasn't a tearful goodbye for me, but one of such excitement: I wish that it were me: living in the dorms, taking such interesting classes, living in a big city. meeting so many new people. I'm so happy for her.

We spent a couple of days with my old friend JP Collins and his wife Lizbit. They live in one of those restored Victorian houses. They have worked on every inch of their home together (wouldn't that be fun!) They have a very deep lot by SF standards, and are able to grow so many flowers, trees, and vegetables that we aren't able to grow here because it isn't cold enough. Their house is a couple of blocks from Haight/Asbury (great shops and restaurants-the Gen X crowd is cashing in on the leftover hippie movement), and Golden Gate Park. My friends are a little weird (that's ok). The're very into the environment, organic everything, they bike and walk everywhere. They are very happily married.

It's very interesting that JP and I only dated a couple of times when were about 18 (Danielle's age), and have kept in touch by letters over the years. I wonder if there's anyone in her life now that will still be in her life when she's 45?

You just don't know the impact you'll have on people. I looked through his album collection, it's almost identical to mine. Same with his movies. What's really strange is that we're listening to the same new music. I guess that our tastes are really shaped at 18.

469 miles. It seems that divorce is a series of doing things you wished you didn't have to do. You know, as a mother I would walk over hot coals for any of my kids, and not even feel the heat.  I'd like to say that I'm a stronger person for having made that drive alone, but sometimes I just wish there was someone to take care of me.

3:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Supernatural
Current mood: intense
Category: Blogging

This has been a bizarre, profound week. Some thoughts:

1. I know whom I have believed

    2 Timothy 1:12

I came across this verse as I was reading & praying for my friend's aunt. He lives with her, and she is like a second mother to him. Midweek, she was having chest pains and was taken to Tri City Hospital. She seemed to be failing fast, so arrangements were being made. She is back home now, juggling medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, demensia.

I started thinking about what I've heard about her life,  about how she has been a devout Christian all of her life.

At the beginning of the week, Bea Hayes died. Her husband was the first pastor at North Vista Baptist Church--a very special church to me. It was where I first read the Bible cover to cover, where I was baptized, where I was a Sunday School teacher.

These women knew (know) their Lord. 80 years of knowing the Lord--can you imagine? I am excited to think about how I can know God more deeply, how I can love more, how I can truly know whom I have believed.

2. God seems to be stretching me in my love for the homeless and hurting. I have really been struggling with why a young man, just a few months older than my daughter Danielle should have to live in hotels, one step away from the streets again. And why can't someone from our church take him in? He's employed. I struggle with people taking in foster children, and then not loving them, abandoning them again. What can I do? I can pray, give hugs, send emails. If he were an addict or an alcoholic there would be a program at a group home for him. Sometimes the world doesn't make sense to me.

Today at lunch, a homeless man sat down next to me when I was outside. I was able to listen, and give him a business card to invite him to church. I hugged him good bye, eventhough he smelled like sweat and alcohol. I couldn't have done that a year ago.

3. I got an email from one of those religious newsletters. It said that recurring sin develops humility.

I had never thought about that, and I think that it might be true.

I doubt that being humble would ever be my idea!

12:46 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m Still Here
Current mood: intense
Category: Life

The following question was posed to me yesterday: "Why are you here?" What he really meant was "Why are you still here?"

That's a good question, and it's one I never thought of.

Maybe it's time that I thought about it. I tend to gather love around me, holding on so I feel safe and loved. I linger when I should really move on.

What are my motives? What do I really want? Maybe I should figure these things out before I tangle people up in my life.

Can I not be distracted by the ringing telephone, the letters in the mail, e-mail, MySpace?

It would be good to just love myself (have I ever done that?), to let God love me, and have it be enough, be everything.

I need to offer my chair to someone else

7:23 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

An Observation
Category: Blogging

An Observation:

At the Bread of Life Rescue Mission:

The men we serve only put on their plates what they are actually going to eat. They never take more than that.

Going out to lunch with co-workers:

They finish everything on their plates, and go back for more because they "deserve it"

8:18 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Red Carpet Massacre
Current mood: cultured
Category: Music

The ad in the newspaper said, "Live at the Valley View Casino, Duran Duran and the Red Carpet Massacre Tour." Wow, Duran Duran are playing at Indian casinos now. When I was a teenager, those playboys looked pretty rich on VH1 in that sailboat singing ’Rio.’

I remember feeling this way when I saw the band Journey, standing on a street corner, playing guitar in Downtown Las Vegas at the Freemont Experience.

Where is a has-been to go, and when are you one?

I think that David Cassidy probably was one last summer, performing at the Orange County Fair (my niece said he was lookin good). I think that Rickie Lee Jones was one when I saw her at the BellyUp last fall, still wearing her hats and burning incense.

Maybe Joe Strummer of the Clash was lucky to die young, and still be remembered as "The Only Band That Matters".

Or we can echo Deborah Harry’s sentiment in the Blondie song, ’Die young, Stay Pretty.’

I guess that a musician will always want to play music, and a singer will always want to sing.

I just might check out Duran Duran. The ad says that I can redeem my concert ticket for $5.00 Free Slot Play.

7:20 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Beauty!
Current mood: chill
Category: Life

I went to the beach on my lunch hour today. It’s been so beautiful, I couldn’t stay away!

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

Psalm 119:1-4

6:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Grrr
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life

The addict/alcoholic
married
liars
cheaters
sociopaths

These are the men I know
These are the only men I meet

Is there a female equivalent to this?
Am I it?

8:12 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Sweetness
Current mood: guilty
Category: Life

I've been thinking a lot about a sermon I heard a couple of weeks ago from Pastor Balla from India. I don't think that American pastors would preach on this subject. Pastor Balla contends that God designed women to be sweet.

I can think of a couple of situations this last year when I ,most definitely, was not acting in sweetness. On one occasion, I followed the advise of a girlfriend, and applied for a job down the hall from where I have worked for 7 years. From the beginning, I was uneasy about being disloyal to my boss, and considering a job in the same building. I justified my actions by thinking, "I never get what I deserve." I didn't get the job because it wasn't right. God doesn't want me to get ahead by hurting others.

In another situation, I was not sweet to my ex. I acted in a legal, but deceptive way in a money matter. Again, I was following the lead of a concerned girlfriend. I just can't screw anybody over.

I know that women were designed to be sweet, and pleasing to God and those around them. I know that sweetness is part of my nature, and I will ask God to continue shaping me!

7:09 PM - 6 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

An Election Thought
Current mood: busy
Category: News and Politics

For 30 years, from 1776 until 1806, the state of New Jersey granted women the right to vote.

Imagine how different American history would have been, if women weren't disenfranchised for over 200 years!

With that said, I'm done putting off reading the election material. I must get it it done!

8:38 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Summer’s Comin
Current mood: Shivering
Category: Shivering Blogging

This cold weather is so isolating. I'm only using about 1/3 of my usual daily conversation. Maybe I should call QVC and talk to the show hosts.......

9:39 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment