Mother, Wake Up

Warm, soft water, allowing for her to drift off into gentle slumber.  Severed arteries spill America out onto the world.

10:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

JFK..... The Pope On One Arm, Ghandi On The Other

Driving home from work tonight ( this story may be choppy due to the fact that I am damned tired.  If you don't like it, go have your own adventure ), I stopped by the Los Feliz Albertson's, to drop off a bag of plastics bags, in the plastic bag recycling bin.  Long story short, I ended up with a nutty old gal, in the front seat of my car.  Ahh....   Screw it.  I'll finish this story later.  I will say, I was left with a blessing.  A blessing and a muffin.  A blessing, a muffin, and a scone.

1:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t Believe The Hype

Okay, so what big "change" and what great "hope" is that colored fella truly going to bring to us?  I will vote for him simply because he is the lesser of two evils, however, compared to Bush and / or McCain, my crazy Irish grandmother offers hope and change.  Let's not get too carried away with the hype.  Let's do work hard to keep Obama honest ( as much as possible ) and on track.  Well, we can try anyway.

8:15 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

GITMO JESUS

Jesus Christ walking the earth today, how would He be received?  Would His outspoken ways and words of peace and kindness towards our neighbors get Him a wire tapping?  His critical evaluation of the "money changers", sounds anti-commerce, and that's anti-capitalism.  Bad for business that Christ....     Oh, and his opinion on and of the rich man getting into Heaven?  Who's feet does He dare step upon?  Talk on the street says that He is going to tear down the Temple and rebuild it in three days.  First off, if the Temple is to be rebuilt, I believe that Dick Chaney may have a company in mind that can and will take care of the job, so no work for you Son of Whomever.  By the way, let's see His license anyhow.  Second, talk of bringing down any kind of structure is considered a terrorist threat.  Wait a minute....  "Temple"?  Sounds anti-semitic to me, and a potential enemy to the state of Israel.  This guy is dangerous.  Only one thing left to do to ensure that not just America, but the world, stays safe for freedom and democracy.....   That's right, kidnap The Savior, place a bag over His head, put Him ( sitting in an awkward position ) on a long flight to some U.S. run camp in an eastern European country and have a little talk with J.C.  Sure He can walk on water, but how does Mr. Floatietoes feel about a good ol' fashioned water-boarding?  Any Joe can be crucified, but how 'bout having field phone wires clipped to His nipples while an attack dog snarls at His naked genitals?  Still not telling the protectors of freedom anything worth hearing?  Hood that terrorist son of a bitch and send him over to Guantanamo Bay, with the rest of the enemy combatants.  Hold 'em on secret evidenece, with little to no communication with His family or even a lawyer.  That'll teach Him to watch what He says!  What?  Not good enough for you?  Okay, His unique ability to heal the sick and raise the dead could really cut into profits for the health care industry.  Need any more?

9:08 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Christmas Eve With The Prince Of Gay Porn

While mixing up one of those green vegetable shakes in my blender this evening, I remembered an incident ( an adventure in bartending we shall say ), that happened a couple o' years back.  I was hired to work a Christmas eve party at the house of a movie producer.  Not the producer of just any kind of movie, oh no, no, no.....     The producer of gay porn!  Not a small time producer of gay porn, but a pretty big player at that.  Not the king of gay porn big, more like the prince......   Of gay porn.  Of course he lived out in the San Fernando Valley, in a good sized house, with a good sized kitchen. The kind of kitchen with one of those islands in the middle.  On that island was where I was to tend bar off of.  The specialty drinks for the night were blended margaritas, strawberry and regular.  There were two blenders there on the counter top, just waiting for my masterful fingers to fire them up.  People were arriving to the Christmas party at the Prince Of Gay Porn's ( let's say it like a title! ) house, and heading straight to me ( straight???   Ah ha ha....! ), for a drink.  Mixed drinks of all kinds, though no margaritas.  One by one they came and went from the make-shift bar. Why oh why could not the flow have stayed like that?  It wasn't until there was a group of friends.....   Gay porn friends, standing around that capable bar keep, was the request made for margaritas.....    Strawberry and regular.  My question to one and all is, 'how the hell was I supposed to know that the damned lids did not fit, and that it was necessary to hold them down while they were in use?'  There I am, in the kitchen of the home of the Prince Of Gay porn, blended margarita, strawberry and regular, all over the cabinets, fridge, floor, and that island thing I was using as a bar.  Oh yeah, the guests were not exempt from my blended fury either.  Well now, wasn't my face red ( kind of like a strawberry margarita with just a hint of regular ).  After the party was over, it seems that a phone call was made to the person who contracted me to work there, and a request submitted that I never return to the home of the Prince Of Gay Porn. 

The End

 By the way, those green vegetable shakes taste pretty darned bad, however, if you squeeze a bit of lemon into them it seems to help.

8:00 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Because I Care

Most Important Meal of the Day

This morning I cracked open an egg that held two yokes. Two yokes. Now I am thinkin', what if this egg had been fertilized? What if this egg had hatched? What if the result was a two headed chicken? Now this creature has twice the brain power as the average fowl, perhaps an intelligence equal to say.... that of another barn yard animal, like a pig. So now this two headed chicken with pig-like thinking abilities sees how things work on the farm and immediately makes an escape. He now lives in the hills, coming out only at night to conduct raids upon local farms. He starts out small, just mash and kernal corn at first. Then he gets bolder, still mash and corn, but now he's taking bags of the stuff. Soon he realizes he could actually be turning a profit with what the farmers have inside.... The Big House. So at night he loots and pillages the area farms, selling the booty to Mexican bandits. A price is put on his heads. Seeing now that he has nothing to lose, he storms into sleeping villages, burning and raping as he pleases, leaving destruction in his wake. In the tradition of Jesse James and Poncho Villa, a legend is born. The locals won't even go out at night any longer for fear of the Two Headed Renegade Bird of Death. I had a cheese omelet and pondered on this briefly.

11:01 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment