Poetic Banter
Current mood: tired
Category: Writing and Poetry

I look down halls with hollow eyes,
I speak the words, but their only lies,
I tell the world what they wanna hear.
In truth I've got no-one near.
--
As with times past,
the feelings shared n'er changed-
times alone forever a bane,
however should make meeting again
sweeter then an angel's kiss
--
If I should see the day indeed it would be sweet,
unless the devil and I have time to meet.
--
N'er would he be so lucky-
your protection is mine.
Love's shield his pain.
--
If I range the meeting then I know he'll come,
and I am damn sure we both leave when that day is done.
--
A promise made is a promise kept.
least til December no tears of that sort shall be wept.
--
December then,
no days past,
I'm tired of waiting til when,
my agony won't last.
--
Then let us both meet your tormentor,
travel the next leg of the after-life together.
--
Naye my day is yours before you,
for there is a task I must ask of you,
let my story be known.
--
To ask me to live through the pain you now bare
is a request I would n'er like to hear.
Long as you meet me at the gates when I'm allowed to join,
then perhaps that quest shall be mine.
--
Of course with arms open wide,
but your time will come in stride.
Not till your grandchildren are grown
will you return to this loving home
--
Long as they come from the one I love, dear-
no child from me shall you ever hear.
--
There may be one in the works you never know,
and eventually a bouncy baby will grow.
--
I n'er saw your glow before the dawn,
but I fear none shall follow that can surpass your shadow.
--

Hell it may be true. X3

8:32 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Riddle me this fucker!!!!!!!
Current mood: betrayed

Why is it I pushed myself beyond my physical limits to have my own body give out on me?





Why do I constantly get knifed in the back?






What is it about me that people can't seem to trust?






What is it about me that makes everyone hate me?






Why do I sit there and take, then let it slide as if it never happen?







How is it that I can still smile with all this shit going on around me every damn day?







What is my motivation for even staying alive?







Why is it whenever I make some plans, it never EVER happens?








Why can things never be simple or easy?







Why must it always be so fucking hard?








Why do I have to let myself get so full of rage and break myself letting it out on walls, doors, punching bags or bed-frames?






Why am I not allowed to be happy, but must always make people happy?








Why can't I ever be free?








So can anyone who has read this provide me with any kind of answer??








Cause honestly, I really really need to know before I do something very drastic.

7:50 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Hollowness inbound
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Writing and Poetry

I look down halls with hollow eyes,
I speak the words, but their only lies,
I tell the world what they wanna hear.
In truth I've got no-one near.

3:06 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Final thoughts - A scholarly mind in the desert
Current mood: Fatigued

Light. Rays of radiation showering down upon me.
Bright. The lack of shade kills my eyes and skin.
Heat. The prolonged exposure has raised my temperature quite so.
Thirst. This over abundance of warmth has dried my throat alot.
Fatigue. I've lost all energy. I need to rest, to eat, to drink in shade.
Mirage. This heat temps me with the things I need so bad.
More mirages. This desert temps me with what I desire.
Burn. My flesh burns from this light that pierces my clothes.
Quiet. There is no-one around to talk to. I'm so alone.
Noise. The sound of the wind almost defeans my ears.
Hope. I see a beautiful oasis, just over the ridge.
Remorse. There was no oasis. It was just another mirage.
Depression. I can't go on. There's no hope, just desert everywhere.
Quiet. It's so quiet now, I think the wind has stopped.
Cold. The sweat has dried, I feel coldness overtaking me.
Darkness. Everything is getting darker now. I feel so calm.
Tired. I'm so tired, I just want to rest. To sleep. To die.
Darkness. There is no light, nor wind. A nice, silent darkness.
Death.

6:22 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Voodoo
Current mood: Fatigued

Verily, outside of the so called
Ordained religions run by high priest,
Or by men and women of the cloth.
Does retain it's own beliefs.
Ones of black magic, curses,
One of reincarnation, death and the soul.

6:15 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

From dusk to lust, and lust to dust
Current mood: Fatigued

Night falls, spreads beauty and night.
I stand upon the edge of my roof.
Gazing into the dying of the light.
Knowing soon the fun begins.
Turning round to face those,
Those who would use me,
Those that do abuse me,
Those that do love me,
All of which I care for,
Enticing me with song,
The songs soar into me,
Filling my spirit with light.
It's amazing how this feels.
Impossible to inform others,
About this sensation I receive,
It turns my soul from love to lust.
And I embrace each girl with fervor.
Filling both of our desires with passion.
Working into a heated, most blissful sweat.
Beads of liquids forming on our skin and rolling,
Rolling down into little collected pools on our flesh.
Satisfying several temptresses at the same time.
Doing my greatest to never slow down at all.
Keeping pace, crying aloud and loving it.
Making these demons believe in a god.
For that is what I've become to them.
Their own god, and idol they chose.
With nightly blessings and rituals,
These women love me for me.
And worship me for me also.
It truly is fantastic, my friend.
How in all the darkness of night,
When all seems quite peacefuly set.
You can close your eyes and listen hard.
To hear the hand-maidens praising my name.
Moaning and screaming loudly out of lust at night.
Wishing that the dawn would never begin approaching.
But when that fateful sun doth rise, we slowly fade away.
Each exclaims how it's a horrible tragedy. But we must sleep,
Because the cycle continues on. From dusk to lust and lust to dust.

6:11 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Lord keep me strong
Current mood: fatigued

Lord keep me strong,
For the devil holds my hand.

Whispers in my ear,
To kill this evil man.
Promises of righteousness,
for ridding evil from the land.

Lord keep me strong,
For the devil holds my hand.

5:51 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Watch the gypsies dance
Current mood: Fatigued

Flames flickering, dancing in the night,
Gypsies twirling, laughing in the air,
Music playing, enticing all who hear,

Emotions flaring, removing all fright,
Lovers embracing, as if they had no care,
Nobody is crying, replaced by cheer,

Amazing to think, in this cheerful night,
That a thick stench of blood rest in the air,
Mingling after the battle of despair,

But the battle is gone in the night,
And now the innocents may take care,
To celebrate once more in cheer.

5:47 AM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Where to begin
Current mood: pissed off

For any who don't know this by now, I have joined the AF. I currently live in Texas working a very stressful job. Two months ago my gf back home and love of my life, Kiana Aguilar, and I had a little baby boy. His name is Broderick Izak Chanslor. Now Kiana and I were not married because her parents didn't want us to be married. So right now the USAF does not recognize my son as my dependent. This means he gets no health benefits and has no insurance. This also means that I get paid the lowest possible amount, making things even more stressful. Lucky me, I got to go home for Christmas and was allowed to take 12 days of leave when I only had 8. So right now I'm not allowed to take any kind of breaks because I am negative 4 days of leave. Plus my body has recently started to completely give out on me at the most random of times. Making it very difficult for me to march the me and a half to and school every day. As of right now I'm going through tech school for a very hard career field. One of the hardest to get into as a matter of fact. Funny thing is, I didn't even choose to be in this career. The military chose it for me. So here I am, living in Texas with a roommate that is a total dirt-bag that never lets me sleep at night because he wants to WOW till 0345 every morning with the lights on (we have to get up at 0400), going through the most stressful tech school in the US military, having a son 4 states away with no insurance, not having a way to check on my son as often as I'd like, not being allowed to see my son at all, in alot of physical pain, am completely untrusted by my gf back home and am so stressed out that I can barely think straight. Now put all of this together. Sucks doesn't it?

Now that we've caught up to today, I'd like to share today with you all.

Today started out just like everyday does. I woke up at 0535 because my roomate turned off my alarm clock again. And as I stood up to get dressed, my knees gave out on me. So I fell forward and just caught myself in time not to break my nose. At which point, big pain in right elbow, face went straight into carpet. I got dressed on the floor, not caring about how my uniform looked. Didn't shave or eat as I crutched my way to formation. Luckily I forgot to take my razor out of my pocket yesterday and was allowed to dry shave at school. FUN......NOT! Once I was done shaving I crutched to my class room where I started working on my current job. I had already placed over 10hrs of work into it and was feeling rather confident about it. When work time was over my class split up into separate rooms and prepared to brief. As I stood at the podium my heart stopped, because through the door walked a Lt. Col. Now if you don't know military rank I'll explain. I am and E-1 thats the lowest possible rank, it goes officers (O) over enlisted (E). Numbers ranking 1-9. 1 being the lowest 9 being the highest. As I said I am an E-1 (lowest of the low), he is an O-5 (yeah, that's hell). And he sits down to hear me brief. But right before I can begin he states, "Ya know, I used to fly this aircraft. You better know your stuff." Now in the back of my head I was shouting "DMANIT! DAMNIT! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!" over and over again. I merely replied (verbally), "Oh really sir? I was un-aware of this fact. Please correct me on anything if I'm wrong." So I begin my breif. And correct me he did. Now my instructor was being kind and only failed me with a 68, by the Lt. Col.'s orders actually. Once I was done she held me back as every filed out of the room and gave me my score and asked me to follow her into the instructors office. "Damnit!" I thought. Because that is where you go to do paperwork and get washed-back (held-back). And the next class behind mine in 1 n 1/2 months behind us. So we go back into her office and she takes my notes and begins to ask me some questions. I answer them all easily enough except for one. She smiled, and said "You obviously know your stuff, I think you earned a few 2 points back. You pass, have a nice day." I walked out stunned. Excited but stunned. So school let out, and I walked the 1 n 1/2 miles back to my dorm to get changed for PT. Yes I still have to work out despite being physically fucked up. Once back to my dorm I start stripping off my BDU uniform and was putting on my PT gear when I called Kiana. I was excited and wanted to talk to her. So I called and was happy to have her pick up. We talked for  few seconds when she asked, "Did you read my myspace message I sent you? Oh wait, no I guess you haven't since you just got back. Read it later." This sparked my curiosity, "Why later? " "Just don't read it with me on the phone." She replied. "Why not read it now?" As I open my friends laptop (which I'm borrowing since my battery is broke on mine) and open it up to myspace. "Please don't!" She's asking harder now. And I become very curious. So I open it up and don't necessarily like what I see. She hen requested to chat later and I hung up before she could finish "later." I was PISSED THE HELL OFF. So I left for PT, enraged, completely ignoring the pain from my body. And I proceeded to work out until every one of my limbs collapsed.  Shortly there after one of my wing-men helped me back to my dorm and that's where I started to type this lovely blog. I hope you can appreciate my honesty, as I haven't fabricated a single thing. Though it my seem that way. But "In the Intel career field we aren't allowed to lie, for if we do then people die. And not in a good way." And here I will sit, with swollen knuckles, throbbing joints, voices screaming with rage in my head and a dirt-bag roommate that won't shut the fuck up. Thanks for your time.

12:05 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Where are my friends?

Where did you go my friends? I cannot see you.
It seems as if your soul has flown, I want to come too.
You've gone away from me, to a place I cannot follow.
Why did you leave me friends? I'm alone, scared and hollow.

Once my friends and I were many, now we're only few.
I've lost my friends to empathy, jail and death too.
Why did they have to leave me? My brothers one and all.
Destroying my slim grasp of sanity, slowly I begin my fall.

7:49 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment