Freedom: Forbidden?
Current mood: annoyed

When did we allow the terrorists to win their war?  When did we allow our fears to consume us so much that we have thrown out all of our previous freedoms?  And when did we deem that a language is illegal?  An Iraqi architect and activist for peace, Raed Jarrar, was attempting to board a plane here in America, his home, for a business meeting when he was taken into questioning.  He soon found out that the problem was with his T-shirt, which had the words "We will not be silent" in Arabic and English.  The questioners forced him to change his shirt, but they would not answer questions as to why he needed to censor his mother language.  When he eventually got onto the plane successfully, they had moved his seat from up near the front to the back, near the bathrooms... even though he had obliged and changed his shirt.  It may sound like a scene from an old Nazi movie or from the more recent "V for Vendetta" but I feel we are getting dangerously close to banning a certain rich culture.  This may not seem like much in a world of languages, but this includes all forms of history and poetry that is included in that.  America is far from being a nation of freedom.  Scary stuff indeed...


Read Raed's full account of the situation here: here

Currently listening : Mer de Noms By A Perfect Circle Release date: 23 May, 2000

11:16 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Boring Shtuff
Current mood: blank

So school is off to a.... start.  I'm not sure of what sort of start, but a start nonetheless.  I have a feeling that Portfolio is going to kill me.  For my first project I chose to do commemorative stamps.  Now I just have to do research and try to hash out an original idea...*sigh*...the hard part.  The more I go to class the more I wonder about my future.  Chaiwat seems to talk about Leo Burnett like they're the end-all/be-all of graphic design careers.  It frustrates me because I don't want to end up in a massive company like that.  Sure it would look good an a resume and working there for just 2 years could get me any job I wanted to in the country.  But at what price?  Oh well, I have a year or two to think about it.  Besides, I'm certainly not in the top 5 talent in my class so I'm not even concerned about getting hired there even if I tried.

In other news can't wait to go see the Psychostick show in Sept.  Prepare for the DUMB!  And Tool shortly after that.  Should be fun.  Speaking of music, my Tech in Society class is part of a pilot group.  We will be given our own iPod Video's to use for the semester to see how college programs can be integrated into them via podcasts etc.  So yay, I can finally get a quality mp3 player for awhile.

I also picked up the new Lamb of God cd a couple days ago.  The first listen through I was unimpressed and a little disappointed.  The more I listen to it though, the more it grows on me.  I still think their single "Redneck" is uninspired and boring.  Most of the rest of the songs are about on-par with the quality of Ashes of the Wake.  Which is not necessarily a bad thing; it's still high-quality heavy metal.  But I just really miss the style of their first two albums.  The last two most recent efforts (Sacrament and Ashes) just feels simply too refined.  It's like enjoying hanging out with a homicidal schizophrenic who is now taking anti-psychotic drugs.  What fun is that?  It's still good (think Pantera-level metal here), but it's not the Lamb of God that originally hooked me with New American Gospel.  They have gotten too consumed with perfecting their trade without taking chances and just going crazy like they used to.  Either way, still a good listen, especially if you enjoyed Ashes more than their earlier stuff...

Currently listening : Sacrament By Lamb of God Release date: 22 August, 2006

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Gospel of Judas
Current mood: apathetic

What if everything we believed for thousands of years ended up being wrong in the end?  It wouldn't be the first time.  The world is round.  Manifest Destiny.  The universe revolves around the Earth.  And the list goes on and on.... 

We recently discovered in the desert what has been confirmed as Judas' Gospel.  Of course I don't expect the Catholics or devout Christians to accept this as fact (along with other recently discovered and confirmed gospels recently discovered such as the recently discovered Gospel of Thomas).  No, they will hold on to their doctrines as fact, and no others will be right except for themselves (much like Jesus's persecutors).

I recently read an article about the Gospel of Judas that I found to be quite intriguing.  I do not accept it is fact.  But yet it is an interesting take on the whole situation by one person.  This author comes to the conclusion that the bible is actually written about two separate gods based on studies of the newly revealed scripture.  The god of the Old Testament is a violent war god who wishes to mislead humanity and eventually destroy it.  This makes sense when you look at things such as intolerance when Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed simply because of sins such as homosexuality.  There are many more examples to be found in the Old Testament.  But this is the example that stands out most in my mind.

According to the author, she believes Jesus Christ is the son of a different God.  One who would eventually free us from this bloodthirsty war god of the Old Testament.  If you have studied extensively the Bible, then like me, you may also have noticed some strange contradictions between the two sections.  I always attributed it to the fact that until Christ, we weren't able to ask for forgiveness because he died for our sins.  So after that point, perhaps God became more lax?  But it just seems strange that in the Old Testament the penalty of most sins was death by stoning, however the New Testament primarily preached about tolerance and to love your neighbor etc.  The two sections of the bible seemed to be starkly contrasting each other.  I always thought this was very strange, and hard to believe at the same time.

This article I have come across is very interesting as it attempts to answer some of those questions with the newly released (publicly) Gospel of Judas.  Now, like I said, this is far from fact.  And it is only one person's opinion.  But it is a very interesting read for any open-minded person.  I have yet to read the Gospel of Judas or Thomas for myself yet.  So I will reserve my own theories for after the time that I read the translated versions of those for myself.

-flip

Source: http://www.rense.com/general72/dec.htm

Currently listening : Classics By Aphex Twin Release date: 12 February, 2002

11:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The setting of yet another sun
Current mood: tired

Well, the spring semester has finally drawn to a close for me. How strange it feels. I will not see my extended graphics family for another three months. It's almost surreal. My final two projects were met with aso-so response from Chaiwat. Which I find strange because I did all of my layouts and execution for my 'ABC book' in about 3 hours. My type video however cost me a grueling amount of work, maybe close to 60 hours for just execution alone. Add on close to 50 hours of simply brainstorming and you have one monster of a project. However Chaiwat responded to my video with less enthusiam than my slapped-together ABC book. Go figure. Oh well. I am happy with mycurrent 'roughdraft'of the type video. Hopefully I can finish it in the next few weeks. 3-d effects or no 3-d effects, the concept is there and it's strong dammit. But thank god(s) for summer break. Maybe now I can finally slow down and regenerate those creativity juices that started running dry about a month into the semester. Maybe I'll finally be able to sit down and teach myself to animate in Maya, have time to finish that painting that's been sitting in the guest room since November, or (gasp) heaven forbid, play some damn video games and actually relax. Well, until August, farewell FHSU and good riddance to all-nighters!

-Flip

P.S. Spicy Chicken ramen noodles rock.

6:10 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

"Below the Bottom"
Current mood: drunk

Of course, no, this is not one of my own.  I'm too intoxicated at the moment to come up with my own words. The sweet alcohol suffocates any conscious creativity.  So here is one by Hatebreed (conveniently that's who I'm listening to at the moment :).  So until tomorrow, when I am more sober.... here is poetry from someone else's mouth, which speaks to my emotions...

HATEBREED

"Below the Bottom"

Half dead, you trod through life
So dependent, a shell of a man
Pitiful, you let your vices tell your fate
Follower of the blind, you have nothing.
My empathy has turned to rage.
My pity has turned to hatred.
In selfishness you've sunken to the depths.
How much lower can you go?

All virtue decayed, now a memory
So many friendships lost.
Only enemies.
Shame I feel for you, pain I feel for you.
To cleanse yourself you've got to let go.
Are you not alone now?
Are you not what you've become?
I want to give you the strength to overcome.
The strength to reject those who brought you down.
Take a look, take a look at yourself.
What do you see? What have you become?
You've gone below the bottom.
Take a look, take a look at yourself.
What do you see? What have you become?
You've gone below the bottom.

You've taken their lies as your own.
Tried to justify your own hypocrisy.
You bear the mark of consequence.
You've lied to yourself, you've lied to me.
You've betrayed your own soul.
Sacrificed all you were.
In selfishness you've sunken to the depths.
How much lower can you go.

(All virtue decayed...)
I want to give you the strength to overcome.
The strength to reject those who have brought you down.

Take a look, take a look at yourself.
What do you see what have you become?
Take a look, take a look at yourself.
You've gone below the bottom.

--enjoy,

flip

Currently listening : Perseverance By Hatebreed Release date: 26 March, 2002

12:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

One down.... R&R weekend now!

One project down, many more to go.  Phew, button project finally done.  Strange, there were so many of us in the labs working all night that it almost felt like final project.... and that was a fairly easy project (in most of the upper class's opinions).  Wine bottle up next, enjoy this beer while you can, this is the only free time you'll have for a few weeks--my brain tells me.  Haven't slept for 38.5 hours and feeling great.  Can't wait till later in the semester when I get back into the 4-days-no-sleep situations when I get really loopy.  Meh, a little conditioning is all the body really needs.  Yank it out of the damn summer-sleep cycle and back into Graphics mode.  Muhahaha, here I am, as incoherent as I most likely am..... drunk with "The Passion of Graphic Design" as TJ so eloquently put it.

-phil

Currently listening : Frail Words Collapse By As I Lay Dying Release date: 01 July, 2003

12:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Self-Titled"
Current mood: Critical

Picked up the new Chimaira album "Chimaira" tonight.  Different in its own right, I expected something truly great from them.  As hard as it would be to live up to their truly great "The Impossibility of Reason", they have put together an album truly worthy of any spot in my cd collection.  But the great question that burns in my mind is: is it truly better?  It's an evolution of the band, that's for sure.  When I picked up "... of Reason", I was totally blown away.  The choruses of certain songs such as "Power Trip" "Down Again" and "Pure Hatred" were anthems for my life in their own right.  Those songs singularly were so deliciously addictive that I couldn't take the cd out of stereo for many months.  After my first listen all the way through the self-titled album I noticed none of this.  It's got the trademark Chimaira sound, but with many less hooks and more aggressiveness than before.  They seem to have left behind their nu-metal influences and moved more or less in the direction of straight-up thrash metal, or standard metalcore.  This may or may not be a bad thing.  The cd is truly great, don't get me wrong.  "Nothing Remains" is a wonderful song (if you should happen to read this blog, check out the new video for it--it's wonderful in all its twisting cinematic beauty).  And songs like "Salvation" bring back the slight melodic twist that they engaged in more often than now.  "Lazarus" is a haunting very personal song that actually brought me goose-bumps.  And the whole cd is only further added to by Mike Spicuzza's layers of electronic work which appear much more subtle in this album, but offer layers of haunting sonic texture.  So is it their best?  Possibly.  I believe this is an album that will grow on me for quite some time.  It simply hasn't grabbed me by the jugular and thrown me on the ground like "The Impossibility of Reason" did.

Currently listening : Chimaira By Chimaira Release date: 09 August, 2005

10:28 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The great ant-hill of self-indulgence and self-loathing
Current mood: drunk

Why is it that we kill the ones we love the most?
Why do we fall face-first in our own destruction?
Why do we feel the need to build up our heroes on pillars of gods, yet rip them down when they have reached their apex?
Like a child in a sandbox, we build and create with the beauty and masterpiece of an experienced sculptor, yet delight in its wondrous and chaotic destruction.
Like gods of our own worlds, we create relationships, friends, idols, what-have-you, and clap with desperate fascination as they all come crumbling down around us.

I have loved many times.
I have been IN love once.
I have been loved many times.
And with the clearing of a throat I smashed it all away.... just to see what would happen.
I bring my world down around me.... to challenge myself.
To see if I could face the emotional and financial consequences.
A few times I could not handle it.
I could not fathom the pain and misery I was about to encounter.
Thank you to one special friend and one special band who pulled me through it all.
Without you that blade would have had its say in the bathtub.
Slowly carving my flesh and veins away with its seductive voice.
The warm embrace of death touched my heart, but left no physical mark.
Thank you to those who know their own names.

We dance in perfect lies.
I'm as delicate as glass.
Yet I feel I am strong as steel.
Waving my arms with apathy.
But feeling only discontent.
This is my religion.
Worshipping my god(s) of hatred, neglect, self-righteousness, misery, and selfishness.
This is my church.
Unto which I adorn the altar with sacrifices of myself.

This is your life and you are missing it one heartbeat at a time.
Open your eyes, these people pass you everyday.
In the Quizno's line, on the freeway, on the sidewalk.
They are single-serving friends, they are faces without names, they are humans without a cause.
Strike down your friends, embrace those you do not know.
Impose your beliefs on them with a crowbar and a shotgun.
Fuck what you know.
You believe this world was made for you, yet you shit on it every chance you get.
You believe everyone should love you, but you love only yourself.
Life is a two-way street, sorry to break the bad news.
But for every single-serving friend, there is another faceless, self-indulgent narcissist.
You don't realize it yet, but you are one of them.
You are just another faceless nobody.
Stumbling around searching for your way in this giant ant-hill.
Knowing only what you want and the way to get it (sometimes not even that much).
While all the other ants do the same, only searching for themselves and what they want.
While the neglected queen underground slowly starves.
Congratulations.
You have discovered your escape.
Congratu-fucking-lations.
This world was not made for you.
This world was not made for me.
It was not made for the animals or the trees.
It obliterates thousands of us with a single wave of its watery fist.
Yet we build skyscrapers and monuments to commemorate our own greatness.
We know nothing... and believe everything.
All the while the toddler watches and laughs histerically at the sad selfish ants creating misery upon each other.

I hate you because your inadequacies reflect my lack of concern.
You hate me because my successes reflect your incompetence.
Go ahead.... I dare you..... burn the bridge behind you.
Kill my happiness, but you still can't kill my beliefs.
I'll burn your flag down.
You'll bury my memory... while I bury my dead.

This is everything..... this is nothing... simultaneously.
This is me.... this is you.... this is the faceless egocentric walking past you right now.
This is the world we are in, the great ant-hill of self-loathing and self-indulgence.
The child simply looks on in disbelief as we lie in ruin and destroy the beauty that has been created simply to satisfy our needs for masturbation to our race.
We cannot change it..... we cannot control it..... this is it...... accept the ant-hill you are a part of.

Why do we kill the ones we love the most?

This is your life and you are missing it, one heartbeat at a time.

Currently listening : Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child By Norma Jean Release date: 13 August, 2002

2:49 AM - 4 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh no, here comes Bonesnap, the incredibly annoying cave troll.....let's kill him.
Current mood: tired

What a weekend, what a weekend.  The drive to Denver was a sonuvabitch.  Didn't sleep at all, and got somewhat lost in central Denver when we missed our turn.  After about 20 minutes of almost getting lost in ghettosville and finally getting to our destination at Super 8 motel, we were told that they were all booked up and so was practically every other hotel in the city limits .  We finally got the location of a hotel near downtown that might possibly have vacancy since it was so hard to access from anywhere, and after about 10 tries we finally found it, and luckily they had a room.  We got situated around 7. Slept about 3 hours.

It was around 100 degrees most of the day and bright sun. I was already covered in sweat by the time we got into the concert.  Of course buying a concert shirt and a Poison the Well sweatshirt simply added to this enjoyable experience (I didn't put the sweatshirt on of course-I'm not that suicidal).  The concert itself, of course the highlight of the trip, was better than I expected.  This is more than I could possibly explain to anyone who wasn't there to witness the crazyness for themselves.  The day started off with a few bands who I had never listened to before, and unfortunately was unimpressed.

After four or five bands, I got my first actual enjoyable moment of the day.  Devildriver went on stage.  While I have been known to listen to them occasionally, I refuse to call myself a fan due to the lack of intelligent lyrics, and the exaggerated hype about them.  But Dez truly does know how to command an audience.  When he told everyone from one side of the floor to the other (think half a football field size here) to get into a great big circle pit...... and everyone actually did.....including me........it was an awesome sight to see, to say the least.  After 2  laps around avoiding getting punched etc. I jumped out on the same side I started on, completely out of breath and considered quitting smoking.

Another few bands went on, much to no excitement once again; with the few exceptions of Throwdown who are always fun to see live, and Strapping Young Lad, who's Devin Townshend commenced to talk shit to the crowd the entire time and simply say crazy shit that made me laugh.  Mark Hunter from Chimaira actually came out to help Throwdown sing the Sepultura-cover "Roots" and the singer of Throwdown jumped into the crowd and held the mic so the fans could sing.... good stuff. 

While the lame bands were on, we cooled off in the fan/misters when Devildriver walked by.  Addie clapped her hands and her face lit up as she chased after them.  They walked into the meet-and-greet booth and Addie got into line to meet them (and waited about an hour or so to get there).  I said I wouldn't do any of those things, but then I noticed in the corner Norma Jean's booth with about 8 people in line, so I got a poster signed by the guys and talked to the drummer for awhile who was a really nice guy.

Then came something that I had never seen before.....GWAR.  Wow.  If I ever get to see these guys again live, I'll do it in a heart beat.  It was simply ridiculous and I think I laughed the entire time.  In the beginning the Pope came out and the demon lead singer killed him along w/ his demon henchmen :P.  Another song had an annoying cave troll, which they proceeded to dismember and beat to death with his own arm... lol.  And other various monsters battling the singer and his henchmen.  Of course it was all accented by lots and lots of "blood" spraying along with various other colors of a liquid which we have yet to identify (koolaid maybe? or colored water?).  I avoided it for the most part since I left the pit after the 3rd song, Addie got soaked in it.... and went back for more :P.  After GWAR and for the rest of the concert, half the audience (and security members) looked entirely tie-dyed.  It was great.

After GWAR, Unearth was good, but I saved my energy for other bands.  Norma Jean was pretty good, and I went crazy for most of their songs, you could feel the anger and conviction in their performance.  Poison the Well disappointed me a little.  I love their music, and I enjoyed that, but they didn't seem to have much of a stage presence.  As interesting as their music is, I was hoping for a little more energy I guess.

Chimaira really tore shit up.  I had a blast during their set.  They got a decent circle pit going.  They got everyone jumping and moving around, fun stuff to watch and join in on.  For their last song (my personal favorite) "Power Trip" everyone went nuts.  I stumbled into a small mosh pit and for some reason, everyone in that one stopped moshing... but the empty space remained so I took advantage of it and started full-body head-banging w/ my braids flying everyone and fully enjoyed the song and the atmosphere.

Opeth was truly awesome as well.  They played a good mixture of music that's so heavy and deep it's practically death metal, and so soft and sweet it's almost the most beautiful music one has ever heard... which is what they are known for.  And since their songs are around 10 minutes long each, they only played 4, but it was a great experience to finally see them.

And finally the mighty Lamb of God came out.  Too many great experiences here to list.  Everyone went crazy.  I thought I was gonna die a few times.  Especially when there are 7-ft-tall-300-pound guys looking pissed off screaming the words to the song "Now You've Got Something to Die For" around me.  They got the whole crowd to do a giant circle pit, and once I went about 3/4 of the way around I was right up near the front in the center, when the maniacal Randy Blythe screamed for everybody to go crazy, all hell broke loose.  It was insanity as far as I could see across the floor.

After the show, Addie crashed out at the hotel.  And Paula and I went to this interesting club we heard about.  Interesting is saying the least.  I'm pretty sure that no club/bar like this exists anywhere in Kansas.  If it had been a little bigger and more packed, it woulda been something straight outta The Matrix or Blade.  It was all gothic people dancing to techno/rock.  I felt a little outta place, and yet I didn't. Got pretty drunk, crashed out at the hotel.  Got woken up 4.5 hours later by someone who tripped the fire alarm and drove home since it was about an hour till checkout time.

One of the best shows I've been to bar-none and a good weekend overall.

Currently listening : As the Palaces Burn By Lamb of God Release date: 06 May, 2003

5:12 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

"The End of Trust (Ode to Jessica)"
Current mood: bored

Yep... still bored.  Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.......

"The End of Trust"
(Ode to Jessica)     <--- NOT jessica patterson (the one on my friends list)

I know your life is meaningless
I look for help but you're useless
It's now hard for me to believe
How I once trusted you
All the things that you do
Are so clear to me now
Angry, I stare into your eyes
Betrayed, I can only see lies
I won't take your shit anymore
This is it, no more of your games
Someday you know you'll die
But I know you're already fucking dead
Don't speak to me
I don't want to hear your deception
Don't come to me
With your sickness spreading
Never again will I be
Manipulated by your lies
And now you can see
That it's you that I despise
Hatred engulfs me
When I think of you
Anger consumes me
When I look at you
Don't come near me
I can't trust your words anymore
Just let me be
Is this all your life is for?
Believe me when I tell you this because it's true,
And the only words I have left to say to you are "I hate you."

This is devoted to one of the fakest bitches I have ever known in my life.  And every time I think of you (which isn't often anymore) I fucking thank God you are no longer a part of my life.

Currently listening : You Come Before You By Poison the Well Release date: 01 July, 2003

4:14 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment