25 days to go...
Current mood: nervous

So I just realized that 25 days from now I will be on a plane, headed to New Zealand for the adventure of a lifetime!!  How does God get me to DO these things?  I am not a traveller.  I don't seek adventure.  Heck, I don't even like Adventure movies, unless, of course, Harrison Ford is staring.  Indiana Jones...yum.  But I digress.

As a little girl, I was always fascinated with accents, and Australian accents were one of them.  I wanted to be like Olivia Newton-John and talk like her.  She soulded so sophisticated and elegant.  And the men, forget it.  A nice accent and some strong arm muscles, and I was jelly!

And now here I am, petrified of getting on a plane for that long a time,and not even sure what I need to pack.  What kind of suitcase do I need?  Should I bother with any hair products, or just wear a hat the whole time?  How will I survive without my trusty laptop,  or my mommy?  Is there a way to get Bear into my suitcase?  Will customs let me bring a few cans of Foster's Lager back to the US with me?

Questions abound, and, as you can see, keep me from sleeping.  But I guess I just have to trust at this point that God has a plan for me.  God has a plan for this trip.  It wouldn't have come about if it wasn't meant to be.  So we'll just pray for enlightenment and continued strength. 

Because, baby, I'm gonna need it all!

Syndey or Bust!

7:04 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Only the Lonely
Current mood: contemplative

I have been asked to give a little presentation on the Call to Single Life.  Others will be talking about the Call to Marriage, and I am giving the opposite view.

So, really, what can I say?  Most people think that being single is something that happens because you can't find a man you can actually stand to be with 24/7.  Okay, so maybe that was just what I thought.  Men are scum, I used to scream, and then wonder why I never had a date on Friday nights.

But lately my views have changed a little.  I have come to realize that I like my independence, and I like the time I have to myself.  I picture myself as Mary Tyler Moore, having dates here and there, going out with friends, and enjoying doing things that I want to do.  True, a companion would be nice; a steady date for the weekends would be great; but a little voice deep inside of me tells me that that is about all I want, and what I am meant for. 

I imagine how my ministry would be if I had to share my life with someone; and how much I probably would ignore the other person when work comes to call.

I'm not saying a boyfriend or husband wouldn't be nice; it would be wonderful.  But if I truly am trusting in God to run my life, and to know what is best for me, then I am trusting that God will send me who and what I need for my life. 

Maybe, just maybe, there is a husband in the plan for me.  But maybe not.  Am I ready to accept either decision?

10:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Feed My Sheep
Current mood: tired

"Feed my Sheep."  When I first heard this today in mass, my first thought was, "How can I feed His sheep when I can barely remember to feed myself?!"  Case in point: it is 9:41 p.m. on Sunday evening, and all I've eaten today was two brownies, a bagel and cream cheese, and lots of coffee.  My stomach is growling, but I'm too lazy to get up and actually forage for real food.  So i'll go to sleep still hungry, and wake up with a horrible stomach ache!

Yes, I know that I have to take care of myself; I know that it is no one's responsilbity to feed me and that I have to work on my priorities to make sure I take care of my self, or I will one day faint from lack of food.  I know the arguments, and I know the reasons, and still I inisist on taking my body for granted and not eating correctly.  There is no way I can contine to do what I do and be who I am if I don't take care of myself and make sure I am well nourished and in good form.

Need I make the parrallel?  Spiritually, I cannot give my whole self to ministry unless I can be sure that I am properly feeding my soul.  It is so easy in Church life to go on and do, do, do, and not stope to take the time to focus on my own journey with God.  It's easy to plan the services, pick the music, and write the prayers for others to be fed from, but do I allow myself to be fed by the experience?

When Jesus calls me to take on some other work or minsitry, to feed his sheep in another way, I have to truly ask myself if I am ready to feed them; and how long it has been since I have fed myself.

9:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Feed My Sheep
Current mood: tired

"Feed my Sheep."  When I first heard this today in mass, my first thought was, "How can I feed His sheep when I can barely remember to feed myself?!"  Case in point: it is 9:41 p.m. on Sunday evening, and all I've eaten today was two brownies, a bagel and cream cheese, and lots of coffee.  My stomach is growling, but I'm too lazy to get up and actually forage for real food.  So i'll go to sleep still hungry, and wake up with a horrible stomach ache!

Yes, I know that I have to take care of myself; I know that it is no one's responsilbity to feed me and that I have to work on my priorities to make sure I take care of my self, or I will one day faint from lack of food.  I know the arguments, and I know the reasons, and still I inisist on taking my body for granted and not eating correctly.  There is no way I can contine to do what I do and be who I am if I don't take care of myself and make sure I am well nourished and in good form.

Need I make the parrallel?  Spiritually, I cannot give my whole self to ministry unless I can be sure that I am properly feeding my soul.  It is so easy in Church life to go on and do, do, do, and not stope to take the time to focus on my own journey with God.  It's easy to plan the services, pick the music, and write the prayers for others to be fed from, but do I allow myself to be fed by the experience?

When Jesus calls me to take on some other work or minsitry, to feed his sheep in another way, I have to truly ask myself if I am ready to feed them; and how long it has been since I have fed myself.

9:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

New Life
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I have always loved the name of the small community I belonged to (still belong to in my heart) in East LA.  We called ourself "New Life".  The name was to symbolize that as we joined together as a group, we began a new life together as a family of believers.  These days of Easter, the term New Life means so much more.  Megan McKenna talks of the connection to Baptism during this time of Resurrection, where we die to ourselves to rise with Christ.  It is about so much more than just conversion, or changing who we are; it's all about leaving behind all the old and attempting to be born again in the Spirit.  When we die to ourselves and shed the old like a snake sheds his skin, we are able to grow into totally new beings.  Only if we truly believe we can do it, though, can we succeed.  There is no half-way.

So why, then, do I get made fun of for buying a new outfit at Easter?  To me, new clothes are a symbol for the beginning of a new life; changing everything onthe outside to reflect the new me I hope to be on the inside.  It is a symbol I remember from childhood (at Easter we always got our new white shoes for spring and summer), and one I hope to always continue.  Christmas, Easter, and First day of School are occasions for a whole new outfit; a whole new me. 

As I continue through this season of Easter, I pray that I will be able to continue my journey of change, rather than retreating to my old habits and the old me I tried to leave behind.  I pray that I can live up to my new Easter outfit.

10:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Lucky or Unlucky?
Current mood: mellow

I love my life.  I really do.  I am happy with who I am, what I do, and the friends I have.

This week, I have been on "vacation".  I use the quotes because I didn't really go anywhere, and in fact today, have not even gone outside my apartment except to get the mail and feed a friend's fish downstairs.  I have sat here and done what I have dreamed of doing ever since...well, for as long as I can remember.  I watched TV, worked on a jigsaw puzzle, cleaned the kitchen, hung some pictures on the wall.  Just stayed home.

Lucky Me.

Then I realize that the only times the phone has rung has been when people have called for a specific purpose or question.  My phone has rung three times today; not one just to see how I am or what I am up to.

Most days, I would be upset that my phone rings too much; today, I feel sad that it rang so little.  I guess you should be careful what you wish for.

So, am I lucky to be single, to have my own place and space, to do what I want when I want and not worry about the feelings or needs of another person?  Or am I unlucky to be single, not having anyone to share my dreams with, finding silence in the apartment, and not having any plans on a Friday night? 

Someday I will figure it out.  Someday.  But today, I'll just keep hiding from the black cat that lives downstairs.

7:10 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment