Contentedness
Current mood: exhausted

What if today is to prepare for tomorrow to avoid the yesterday? 

I'm not good at being content with the today when it's just a preparation for the tomorrow.  Working hard and having goals is one thing, but when it means that I'm stripped of what's important in order to get there, I'm not so sure about it.  I'm not all about instant gratification, but I'm also not about putting the blinders on importance until I'm out of the red.  Hmmm.

So how do I enjoy today while preparing for tomorrow in order to live better than yesterday?

Currently listening : I Know Who Holds Tomorrow By Alison Krauss and The Cox Family Release date: 1994-02-04

8:04 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Amidst the Storm

Floridians groan when they hear a forecast of anything below 70°.  Jesse and I chuckle about the so-called "cold fronts" and immediately open the windows to enjoy the fresh day.

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This ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Florida lifestyle got me thinking about how it's the same way in my life.  I groan when I experience trials.  When the forecast reveals a 65° situation, I want to run and hide, and wait until the sun comes back. 

This past year has been one trial after the other.  The sun has come out here and there, but the storms have weighed heavy on my heart.  Hospital visits, job searching, relationship testing, and so much more have sometimes seemed unbearable.  Yet, I'm beginning to see that while these "cold fronts" were difficult, I should have looked at them differently.  Instead of focusing on the challenges, I should have been focusing on the blessings.  I have learned so much in the last ten months—patience, perseverance, grace, faith, and forgiveness. 

So while I may have to live through many more "cold-fronts," I'll know now to open the window and enjoy the fresh day.

9:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s beginning to look a lot like...summer
Current mood: hot

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?  Not so sure about that one.

Santa is hanging out in the department stores, blow-up decorations litter the green lawns, and shoppers are frantically trying to complete their lists.  While these are sure signs that Christmas is near, my mind cannot quite capture the signs as fact.

Today was 82 degrees out.  I could hear people playing in the pool, and my bird continues to be in molting mode.  I wore flip-flops and a t-shirt when I went to gas-up our car.  I've given up wearing sweaters in this hot weather, realizing that no matter how much I try to disguise the truth, it's HOT out.  I dread the moment when Al Roker says, "Here's what happening in your neck of the woods."  No!  I don't want to know that December 25th will bring sun and oh, more sun! 

This got me to thinking...do I rely on the feeling of Christmas to get me in the celebrating mood?  I'm ashamed to admit that Christmas has become a time when gingerbread and cinnamon fills the air, when the cold makes us cuddle close, and when Christmas music warms the heart.  As much as I don't like this Florida Christmas (which Floridians are very proud of by the way), I'm thankful that I've had a reality-check.  Christmas has become a feeling and no longer a day to celebrate the birth of Christ.  So, though I would much rather be playing in a big pile of snow, I now realize we can celebrate Christmas no matter what the temperature is outside.  What's happening in my neck of the woods?  I'm remembering what Christmas is really about--and laying on the beach, getting a tan.

Merry Christmas!!

5:02 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

New Years Resolution?

I've always thought that New Years Resolutions were strange.  People make huge claims to leave a bad habit behind, or say they will become better people--yet I will guarantee you that by April or May, they've totally forgotten about that so-called resolution. 

I've been reading a wonderful book called Sacred Marriage, and have been thinking about how I can refine and tune up my life...permanently.  Not just hoping I can become a better person because a ball drops to signify a new year, but because I'm called to live a holy life.  I must admit that trying to be more patient and loving with people is a daunting task, especially when I've lost sight of whom I'm supposed to emulate--Jesus Christ.  Every day brings new challenges.  Holding my tongue when I'm upset, being patient with other people's habits, loving the hard-to-love, and most of all living only for God.  This book has opened my eyes to the fact that if I live holy, the others will fall into place.  If I live a life that is strung on the fingers of God, patience will be the light shining from my strand.

So, perhaps this year, I am being a hypocrite.  This year, I am making a resolution--but not quite the kind that I have found silly.  This time, I'm making a life resolution; a promise to God.  Days will come that the battle seems to be won over by my anger and selfishness, but I'm hoping that those days will be far and few between.  Christ is my strength.

10:05 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Saturday Mornings
Current mood: rejuvenated

Saturday mornings are beautiful.  The only hustle and bustle going on is the constant rhythm of the cars driving by outside. 

I woke up this morning at the usual 7am, but rather than crawling out of bed to get ready for the day...I simply rolled over and fell back asleep.  My dreams conquered the morning for another two hours! 

God has created a beautiful world around us.  I believe He calls us to serve and to live a life that may not always be easy.  But I also believe that we are missing out if we forget to enjoy what is around us.  Working hard is a way to worship and an opportunity to use the gifts we've been given, but those gifts will wither away if we don't stop and take time to rest.  Saturday mornings are a reminder to me of what life is about:  Praising God, spending time with loved ones, and enjoying the simple things in life.  Society bombards us with music, movies, work, and false expectations.  When was the last time you sat in a room without any music on--when the silence was so overwhelming that your heart beat sounded as though it would pound out of your chest?  When was the last time you stopped and looked up into the sky to see the beautiful cloud formations, and the vast, open blue?  When did you last observe a family enjoying their time together around a dinner table? 

Life is a fast rollercoaster.  You always have the option of getting on or off.  This morning, I chose to get off.  Amazingly, I'm not missing out on anything.  The sun is shining through the blinds on my window, while I can hear the whir of the fan behind me.  Saturday mornings:  a gift from God.  A reminder to live life to fullest, but to not forget that we live in a beautifully orchestrated creation meant to leave us in awe. 

10:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Wanting the "Unhaveable"
Current mood: pensive

I am well aware that "unhaveable" is not a word, and cannot be found in the dictionary (not even the Oxford's extensive version), but after reading literature theory for an hour, a better selection of words is unretrievable.

I can't help but be blinded by the longing in my heart at this moment, and every other moment that the day brings.  School has officially begun, and classes are underway--yet there is a large black hole that exists.  Friends smile and laugh around me, and I long to whole-heartedly join them in their joy, but something holds me back.  Distance never intimidated me up until now.  Time and black freeways torment me.  Money and airfare laugh in my face.  Stranded here in this new apartment that I should be loving, I cannot help but want something else.  I realize I must decide to think positively.  A wise friend once told me that happiness is a choice.  I need to make better choices. 

I have never longed to be with someone this strongly before.  My heart has never ached before falling asleep as it does now.  Everything reminds me of the only thing I want.  One word or gesture can send me whirling back into missing him.  If my friend was to tell me to make a choice, I'm not sure I'd know how to respond.  How do I make better choices when my happiness is directly linked to what I'm separated from?

Currently listening : From There to Here: 1989-2002 By Brian Mcknight Release date: 05 November, 2002

9:24 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Tag--dumb, but I've gotta do it
Current mood: busy

Tag..I'm it Rules: The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 (only 6) people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a Comment that says "You are tagged" in their myspace comments and tell them to read yours.

So I don't think it's quite fair that Jesse tagged me because I don't normally do these kinds of things--but hey...when ya' love someone, you do crazy things...

1.  If I wear flipflops, I HAVE to wash my feet at least once that day...

2.  I love to talk like a gangsta, especially when I get the hand motions in

3.  I blow my nose when I'm in the shower to save time...despite the massive sound it makes in our community bathroom

4.  If I had a preference between dressed or naked, I'd choose naked...in every circumstance that it would be legal

5.  It's almost impossible for me to eat salsa verda chips without a mango-a-go-go jamba juice

6.  Put me infront of a camera, and I'll do things I normally wouldn't do in real life

I hereby choose to tag:  Jesse, Jennifer, Kara, Sue, Luci, Kaylin

5:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

J.T.F.
Current mood: giddy

Take me and hold me with everything you've got
Regardless of hurts, pains, and struggles--
We'll hang on to each other no matter what.

Give your whole heart with a smile and hug,
Leaving behind fears, tears, and questions--
I'll show you that all I can do is love.

When a quarrel uprises, and frustrations storm,
Remember perseverance is the key to more.
More smiles, more laughter, more love--more.

You are the man that exceeds my wishes and dreams;
You abound past the starry bright sky,
Shining mightier than any full moon's beams.

I love you more than words can express,
In fact these words written now,
Don't embrace what I want to confess.

3:18 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Desk Chairs
Current mood: sore

So yesterday, I sat in front of my computer for about seven hours, working on a nasty paper.  Sure they say it will be beneficial someday, but I'm not exactly positive that knowing the correspondence between literature and postmodernism is a life-changing subject.  Granted, I did get a small break to go eat dinner in our "delicious" cafeteria (fish tacos just aren't the same here in La Mirada), but only to return to that bright glaring screen and the stack of books beside me.

All of that is to say that I think they need to revamp desk chairs.  You'd think out of the hundreds of designs, they'd have one that would fit EVERYONE perfectly.  But no...Now as I sit here all I can think about is how I don't want to be sitting in this nice blue, very soft, chair.  The sad part is, I can't really blame anyone for the fact that I have a screwed up back.  Oh well, I suppose I can just go ahead and blame postmodernism because if it didn't exist I wouldn't have had to be thinking about this anyway.

Well, now that I've managed to use a whole blog to say absolutely nothing, amazingly enough--I feel a whole lot better.  Amazing what a little "blog-venting" will do!

11:53 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

missing him...
Current mood: hungry

I've often wondered what it would be like to miss someone so deeply that each moment seems completely taken by thoughts of that person.  I guess that curiosity has now turned into reality.  Some days, I miss that man who lives way too far away, so much that everything around me screams his name.  Where normally I would hear a joke and laugh, now I think, "oh, he would love this joke."  Missing him is the closest thing I have right now, so I am more than content with spending every single moment thinking of him.

(by the way, that mood of hungry isn't speaking of food)

12:58 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment