exile on lame street
Current mood: depressed

    its become (painfully) obvious that i have reached a plateau , comedically speaking. i think i have gone as far as i can go with the limited amount of time and effort i put into it.
so what to do? quit? work on it more? maintain the status quo?
and where do i think i want to go? am i even capable of more, or is lack of effort a convenient excuse for not going farther.
i know i could be better than i am, maybe significantly. maybe not.
am i interested enough to find out?
anyway, if i make the finals tomorrow night, i have another week to put off confronting the obvious.
wish me luck.

6:00 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

dinner time conversation

so what did you do at recess today?
"we played fairies"
really?
"yeah, i was the baby, sydney was the mommy, and caleb was the big brother"
where was the daddy?
"he's dead. he got eaten by a shark"

8:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

jerry falwell backs lucifer in '08

7:05 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

is viagra just too hacky? let me know
Current mood: high

Don't we have enough pills to give old men boners? What we need is a pill that actually makes someone want to fuck an old man. No it's not money. Money makes you willing to fuck an old man, it doesn't make you want to; it's an important distinction I believe.

Hell how many pills do you see for Alzheimers? None, and don't blame the pharmaceutical companies. They do their market research. They know what we really want, not what we say we want. So basically what we are saying is that given the choice between remembering your name or having the ability to fuck you. well bend over what's your name.

Wasn't one boner pill enough? Were we supposed to be scared of the side effects? What, a four hour boner? That's the side effect? Most pharmaceutical commercials have warnings like "may cause severe abdominal cramping, halitosis,  genital shingles, morbid flatulence, and psychosis"..You know, shit you dont want.  A four hour boner: hell ,I was fourteen once, four hours was a light day. You give an old man the quality of lumber that he had when he was 14, there's not a side effect in the world to keep him from taking it. Blindness, hair loss, Alzheimers- sign me up and call me Woody.

Hell, even if it made you gay you would just an old man with an impressive erection and expanded options.

The best boners I ever had were when I was 14. Didnt get laid till I was 17, a little foreshadowing of  the sort of sexual irony I would live with.

8:32 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Look,...up in the sky...

I heard some right wing blowhard bitching about the new Superman movie the other day. It seems that the phrase "truth, justice and the American way" is not  used anymore because they are trying to appeal to an international audience; and whether or not we like it they find that phrase  rather ironic in many parts of the world.

Excuse me, but Superman is not an American, he is an alien.

And I'm pretty sure that he is an undocumented alien. Just stealing a super-hero job from a perfectly qualified American.

Look...up in the sky ...its a bird....its a plane....its a goddamn wetback!

7:31 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

spel chek-1st draft
Current mood: drunk

I went to type the phrase "I'm fucking serious" and typed "vucking" instead of "fucking". The options spell check offered me were: bucking, lucking, ducking, mucking, and sucking.

So when I type "I'm vucking serious", spell check feels my best options are:

Im bucking serious

Im ducking serious

Im lucking serious

Im mucking serious

Im sucking serious

Yet, when I correct it myself, it's accepted, grudgingly , that fucking is a word. Apparently spell-check, brave enough to confront me on every little minor grammatical transgression, is too demure to suggest fucking as an option; but ,when pressed, will acknowledge its existence. Which makes me wonder if I  didn't  divorce spell check 14 years ago.

7:41 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

FPIA

Last night was a blast. I'd like to think I would be just as happy if I had a good set and didn't advance, but I'm not that big a person. The only downside was after the initial high wore off, the realization that some very deserving comics didn't advance. I thought that there were probably 7 sets that were worthy of moving forward. The bar has been set high for future prelims.

All of the comics I spoke to were  supportive and complimentary, even the ones who had not advanced and had to be dissapointed. The Austin comedy scene is truly special and I'm proud to be a part of it.

.

4:03 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

The Omen

So i had a dream the other night about buzzards. Just a couple at first, then more until the sky was black with them.

I don't know much about dream interpretation, but i think it has to be a good sign.

FPIA, here i come.

6:43 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment