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ALMOST LIVE - Seattle Comedy Show -
Category: News and Politics
ALMOST LIVE!
There was a great comedy show named ALMOST LIVE out of Seattle, WA. I really miss this show. It hasn't been on for a long time.
It was filmed in Seattle and other towns around Washington and shown Saturday nights.
It was topical humor set in Seattle and its suburbs. The show was like a local SNL but funnier.
I haven't been able to find a DVD or anything with the episodes.
Here are a few of my favorite episodes:
"The Ballard Academy of Driving"
This was hilarious. They sterotyped all people living in Ballard as elderly Scandinavians who had terrible driving skils.
My favorite was the episode showing a Driving Test. The driving instructor was wearing a stocking cap. He started the test by asking the driver to check his seat belt. The instructor had to remind the driver to let the seatbelt hang out of the car and drag on the street. He also reminded him to turn his left turn signal on and leave it that way for the rest of the day.
Now they were ready to pull out into the street and start driving. First the instructor told the driver to slow down...he said, "Hey, where's the fire? You're going like 10 miles an hour! Bring it down to 7 mph. That's the Ballard way!"
Then he told the student..."Use the whole road! You pay your taxes! Come on, let's see some weaving around!"
After that, came the discussion of how many cars the driver was holding up behind him. The instructor said it should be at least 5 or more drivers....The Ballard Way!
Now for the parking test! The student looked over his shoulder to check for cars. The instructor jumped all over him..."Hey, Hey, Hey! Why are you looking??? We don't park that way here. We do it by SOUND. So the driver backed up until he hit the car behind him. "Okay! Now we're getting somewhere!" he told the student. So they put it in drive and hit the car in front and kept it up until the car was parked.
And now for the final question. Q. How long have you lived in Ballard? A. All my life! Q. How much longer do you plan to live in Ballard? A. Until I die. Oh yeah! The instructor was very pleased.
The student passed and the instructor proudly slapped a bumper sticker on the back of the car that said UFF DA!!!!
A job well done by both instructor and driver!
Ever since we saw this, in my family we're always saying..."You pay your taxes...use the WHOLE ROAD!
"THE WORST GIRLFRIEND IN THE WORLD"
My all time favorite sketch! Horror stories about the worst girlfriend. This girlfriend mouthed off to everyone. And was so offensive. It just cracks me up.
I remember one episode called Meet the Parents. A guy took this Worst Girlfriend to meet his parents. The mother had fixed dinner for everyone. They were kind of old fashioned - tradtional parents. Very square.
The first thing the Worst Girlfriend did was demand a drink. I don't think the parents drank liquor. She yelled something like...."Get me a drink Pops and shut up!" She sat down at the table and lit a cigarette. The dad nicely told her they didn't smoke.
Again, she yelled at him and said something like..."I'll smoke if I want to old man!"
I'm laughing right now just thinking about it.
Funny!
There was a little song that went with this skit. All I can remember is this....
She's the worst girlfriend you ever had,
Every time you think about her, you get mad
She's the worst girlfriend in the world.
"Uncle Fran's Musical Forest"
This was a politically incorrect children's show. One guy had a hand puppet and one guy played the guitar. The two of them were always fighting.
There were some great songs sung by the guy on the guitar. He was bitter about a lot of things.
"Nature Walk with Chuck"
An alcholic outdoorsman who had a young boy, like a boy scout as his assistant would go on Nature Walks. Chuck always had a cigarette in his mouth. When he was done with the ciggie, he'd throw it on the ground and I think he started a couple of forest fires and looked and walked away.
I think the young boy's name was Timmy. Chuck was always having Timmy carry such a heavy load, the poor kid was barely able to keep up. Timmy had to lug around a keg, while Chuck just walked around and talked.
Timmy tried so hard. Chuck would ignore him and wouldn't even be aware he was way behind. He'd stand on the trail and look out at the woods and always told a story with a lesson in it.
Chuck always ended the segment reviewing with Timmy - Now what did we learn today?
"Sluggy"
A young boy's favorite pet. A snail. Just like the old Lassie show, except the dog was a snail.
One time Sluggy ran away from home. The young boy land his family looked everywhere for him.
When they found Sluggy the boy was so happy. He rolled around in a big pile of leaves and kept saying..Sluggy, we found you...you're home!
"The Ineffectual - Middle Management Suck Ups"
This was great. These four or five middle management types were always in a meeting which was pretty much a waste of time. They would talk about firing people and take a vote.
I think they wrote random stuff on a squeaky board or chalkboard. They really did pretty close to nothing in these meetings.
If you've ever worked in an office.....oh yeah....
"High Five-n' White Guys"
Hilarious. Five clean cut guys hanging around together. They would all of a sudden break into a high five and jump up in the air together. There always had a great song to go with it.
(I think the song was by Huey Lewis and The News).
The guys had no rhythm. They would show them in different towns. That's all they did - roam around and break in to a high five.
"Bill Nye the Science Guy"
He did great science experiements. He was really talented. I think he ended up doing his own show(s).
He also did "Speed Walker."
Another great skit.
"The Survivalist"
About a paranoid guy who had his basement stocked with everything he would need if the time came.
My favorite line was - Who would you choose to be with you on Judgement Day? Tanya Harding or Nancy Kerrigan? Damn right, Tanya Harding!
"The Lame List"
"What's Weak This Week" Local members of "Seattle's heavy metal community", such as Kim Thayil of grunge band Soundgarden yelling "lame" to whatever topic the announcer would present).
Also in a rotating schedule were Collin Matson, Brad Hull, and Tony Benjamin of local Seattle band Forced Entry as well as members of other local bands. When an especially difficult topic or question would arise, everyone would stare and go "Huh?" with blank stares until the announcer gave up and asked a more simple question to which everyone would yell "Lame" in understanding. (from Wiki)
There you are.
I know I'm forgetting some of the other episodes, but this was a great show.
kit kat
PS If anyone out there knows how to find a dvd or video of Almost Live, would you please let me know? thanks
9:23 PM
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