I'm a dumb azz!
Current mood: annoyed

So, I haven't been in a car accident since I was 17 yrs old but not anymore! I normally have quite a bit of patience but last wed I got off of work in a bad mood and tore out of there like a bat out of hell! When I reached the U-turn I have to make every day I got upset with the traffic backed up waiting to turn and u-turned from the lane next to it. Opps! The same time a little 19yr old who didn't see me turned too and BAMMM!!! right into my drivers side door big dent! Soooo, I suck and felt real dumb for it! The car still works properlly and hers didn't even have a scratch on it! Now it's $300 for a used door and the cars only worth like $2000 or so anyway. I guess I'll just drive it til it dies and keep it for now. Hate this car and want a new one!!!! But 4 or 5 more payments left on it can't til it's paid for wouldn't make much sense. Why me? Usally don't let work get to me like this but that day was soooooo boring and everyone was picking on eachother and pissing eachother off. Working with just men and no women to keep them inline Sucks! Men are pigs without women around!!! Get's extremely annoying since i've been there for 5 yrs now! Maybe I should look for a new job? Hmmmm hard decision.

12:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Fun Night of play :) Swapping Included!
Current mood: happy

So, it's been five days since last friday and i'm still smiles:) We meet up with this couple at a bar we had set up through Adult Friend Finder once the week before. They were nice cute and real for once. Then last friday set plans to go to a movie and then back to our apartment to see where it might go. After the movie we got home around midnight we sat around and drank for about 3 hours and sex discusions came up every now and then. Finally got to each of our fantasies and things started to move. When it was discovered that both the women would be unuseable soon we all decided to move to the bedroom. Started with our respective partners until naked and then we traded the women around and kissed and touched until everyone was aroused:) She is 5' tall and an asian princess with a tiny little body that scares me i'm gonna break! But with her sexy asian accent she wispered into my ear "will you fuck me?" And I couldn't wait to fuck her silly! (hasn't gone this smoothly yet) In shock and excitement i'm handed a condom they brought and tried to use it but it was just too small to roll down. I use trojan large because theirs more room in the end of the condom. Changed to that and me with my extreme fetish with ass couldn't think of anything else but doggystyle which disracted me in other positions but I worked with it. Looking down at this tiny woman of 25 years and seeing that pretty pink pussy! Had me diving into it and being shocked to the itty bitty clit that was hideing in there! She is tiny in all aspects and kinda concerns me that I'll rip or tear something or beat up her cervix. But on the other hand she likes it on top and we tried that but faceing each other and it could have been better. The solution to this is simple: I need Ass! Yeah Im terrible with the ass thing so turn her around on top and tada! I know it will work! I love porn from that angle :) It was fun and helped me feel totally over this hump of actual fucking without worry about my woman. When I started this I was looking for friends with benefits and not just a quick fuck see ya later or maybe never again. This couple is great and we are the first couple they have met and done this with:) Totally comfy talk about just about anything with them and we have plans for the next two weekends with them:) This is FUN! No worries about my woman or them because I feel safe and comfortable to do things before I only fantisized doing. (I might tell more later if any of these come to pass) Thought i'd share the progression of an interesting friday that turned into more fun in the future meetings when we all are in working order again!(damn monthly visitors)   SMILE! Not the same person anymore! I think my testosterone levels have risen more than usual since and only made my agressiveness with sex harder to control. Shucks darn!  

11:48 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Have you ever had YOUR moment? Think I've had 2 now:)
Current mood: indescribable

The moment in life where everything around you crashes in on you and your forced to look inside. Knowing at that moment it's just you and only you who now has to make a choice to move forward or whine in self pitty. I had that moment in 1999 when my wife cheated on me with my boss. The hate toward this woman stops tonight. No longer will I hurt and waste my thoughts on her. I wish her health, long life, and hopefully more stable brain waves. LOL!!!! Seriously though, umm it's 2006 and I still hated this person ? Umm, yeah for wasteing my life and hers and never being honest. Can I change this? NO! So why waste more of my life thinking about it? I'm engaged right now to the best woman i've ever met in my life! Had the first 25 years of my life not lead me to that MOMENT I might have never met her. I never have really sat down and thought about why I hated my ex-wife for so long until tonight. Was too upset and ignoreing the fact that I was in pain but didn't have time for it. I was gonna prove to everyone I'm no bum and can take care of myself asap. Which was never truely a complete end to the pain with anger and hate left behind. Ignoreing it for years and not thinking it affected me only caused me to lie to myself and get good at it. Lieing to yourself only causes confusion in your brain leaveing you in a blur of changeing your mind about things that were fine one minute and not the next. I'm through with decisions being affected by BAGGAGE from the first 25 years of my life! If a decision in my mind comes down to "no" and the reason is because when I was with my ex-wife this or that happened and now I'm worried. Time to reconsider and entertain the thought again. What's the thought basis? Previous experiances are to learn by not to use to put up walls to stop good people from getting close. A smart young beautiful woman helped me realize that. Now I move forward with the knowledge that people aren't all bad and I need to change my social attitudes that I portray previously unknowingly. Make more attempts at conversation with people I don't know so well. You never know what your missing if you don't invest the time and effort. Here's to all!!! Good night:) :) :) :) :)  

11:45 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Hate is baggage! Life's too short to be pissed of all the time!!!!!
Current mood: Shocked, Enraged, Sad, Happy, and a few others

So i'm home alone watching a movie named "American History X" WOW! Seeing it from both sides! Now I had a friend in high school that suprised me with his racism but, explained it with bad family history. Never really socialized with him outside of school after that. Kinda scared me that someone could hate someone for soo long. Watching this movie reminds me of the small what we would normally think ourselves as insignifacant lessons we learn at an addolecent age. Hate is wasted effort passed on by generations of people who hurt inside. Hate eats at you from inside. Taught at an early age can grow into almost a religon. Hate only feeds hate!!!!! FUCK HATE!!!!!!!!!! Too many people have died for what? This movie tears at your heart. Why are people so narrow minded and blind? I grew up in the North where there's more segragation in churchs, towns, and neighborhoods than here in Florida. Whites didn't live next door to Blacks unless they were poor or old. I never really relized this until I moved out.Will hate ever be drowned out by love? Please if you've never seen this movie WATCH IT!!!!!!! What an ending!!!!!!

Currently watching : American History X Release date: 06 April, 1999

10:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

working toward comfortable Adam
Current mood: determined

So here i am once again i'm smilelin to pieces! The situation to be comfy is to start soft swap and work toward full swap when comfort with all is achieved. This is pleaseing to me and will work better i think! No big swinger parties for now! I like the idea of couple to couple playing, then there's only one guy to worry about! Those big parties always have a gagle of men wanting to fuck my woman. Understandably so, She's HOT !!!!!!

All you big swinger party people can just hold off for now we are slowing down to soft swap first!!!! Try to be friends first! Not just aquaintences! Got alot of those they mean shit to me until i trust them to call them friends.

Anyway, since everyone just reads these things and never comments I DARE YOU TO WRITE!!!! LOL!!!! Nobody will anyway :(

1:55 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Make up my mind?
Current mood: nervous

Here I sit stuck in the middle of my life trying to make a decision. Grew up very concervative wishing for more of a crazy wild life. Now it's here stareing me in the face and WOW! One half of me wants to go buck wild and fuck every woman willing. The other half is screaming at me to stop and think about it more. Just can't stop and do nothing! Gotta make up my mind up about swinging and at the very least do something that keeps the excitement of it all going. Don't wanna hurt anyone includeing myself or others. Want to be in a comfortable situation just once to set my mind at ease. But, can't find that without at least giving it a full whole hearted attempt!!!!! So, my minds made up then? Or? Need to talk this out more with the woman tonight. Ill write more later when the decision is fully made and the terms are decussed completely. Later! 

2:00 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Little bit of thissssss....annn...none of that.
Current mood: frustrated

So, Life goes on even if we as people don't want to. My thoughts and my frustration with my own issues in life only frustrate me further. Ok now that i've gone in circles. My swinger experiances have not once been a happy enjoyable one whenever another male is naked in front of me. My early childhood only hants me in these times. Why is it sooooo hard to let go and enjoy myself!! I sure can when it's only me or with just female(s) so WTF? Well being engaged to a wonderful intelligent woman with experiance in this lifestyle only torments me further and makes me feel unwanted and ignored. And then watching another man fuck my baby doll does nothing to excite me. So, I'm taken to believe in my own mind that swinger life is cold mindless banging of parts and only makes me less aroused in these situations. Women are incredible creatures with a whole differant set of wiring. All I ever wanted from this is to be with another couple in a friendship type situation where we all are talking enjoying each others company. Then if it leads towards sexual things let the women play and the men watch. Maybe after awhile join the women respectively and fuck the shit out of them! It's not that I don't want to play with other women it's just I feel wierd even if the other man says it's ok. I still get the thoughts that i'm doing something wrong even in front of their partner. Not sure what will make this comfy. Is this not me? What will I think of myself later? I think if swinginging is just talk for a few hours and fuck then this man wants no part of it!!!!! I move slowly for good reason in my own mind. And should not be expected to follow along in a hurry! But here with a woman who gets impatient and is submissive, she follows the other couple. Can't find a happy speed with this. Should it end? My slow hesitant nature with sex until I know someone has caused me much grief!!!! Kicking myself down for not being someone else to the point of stupid thoughts of killing myself!! Why do I do these things to myself? Then with cutting off swinging I feel guilty even talking and finding women attractive. I watched the weather on channel 7 today and she's HOT (beating myself up) I analize things to the point of stupidity! Why? My brain hurts now..........

Feel free to comment........ It may even help?

4:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment