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Gender: Female
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Age: 23
Sign: Virgo

City: SAINT LOUIS
State: Missouri
Country: US

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Friday, January 04, 2008

Birthday pics from "07"
Category: Art and Photography

:-)My most recent Events! :-)
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Friends
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Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Arc of The Covenent/Sacred Sites of Ethiopia
Current mood: amused
Category: Religion and Philosophy


Armed guard and obelisk Axum, Ethiopia.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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Sacred sites of Ethiopia

Seldom visited by foreign tourists over the past few decades due to its continuing political problems, Ethiopia is most well known as being the possible cradle of humankind. Fossil remains (the famous Lucy) discovered in northeastern Ethiopia have been dated to roughly 3.5 million years, making them the earliest known example of an upright walking hominid. The oldest known stone tools, dating to 2.4 million years, were also found in this same region. But Ethiopia has numerous other claims to fame, including the mysterious granite obelisks of Axum, the extraordinary rock-hewn churches of Lalibela and - most enigmatic of all - the church of St. Mary of Zion, probable location of the Holy Arc of the Covenant.

The early history of Ethiopia (also called Abyssinia) begins with the glorious but little known kingdom of Axum. The origins of the Axumite state are now dated to the middle of the 2nd century BC. At the height of its power, between the 4th and 7th centuries AD, the Axumite kingdom controlled most of present-day Ethiopia, including territories in the southern parts of the Arabian Peninsula. The Axumite rulers were in regular diplomatic and commercial contact with Egyptian, Greek, Byzantine and Persian empires. The achievements of this grand culture are recorded today in the ruins of its cities, reservoirs, temples and, most remarkably, its towering black granite obelisks.



The field of Obelisks, Axum, Ethiopia.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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Toppled Axumite Obelisk
Armed guard and the tallest of the Axumite obelisks, toppled by a mad queen.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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These obelisks, also called stelae, are known to be the tallest single pieces of stone ever quarried and erected in the ancient world. Their age and use is a complete mystery. Some scholars, extrapolating from ancient coins found at the base of the giant pillars, suggest that they may have been carved and erected around the beginning of the 4th century AD. Due to their proximity to nearby tombs, the obelisks may possibly have been used as memorials to deceased kings and queens, but this is only a speculation. The tallest of the monoliths, now fallen and broken into six massive pieces, was 33.3 meters tall and weighed an estimated five tons (the largest Egyptian obelisk is that of King Tutmosis, 32.16 meters high and now standing in Rome). The tallest obelisk still standing at Axum today is 23 meters. Precisely carved upon its sides (and upon the sides of many other nearby stelae) are what seem to be representations of multiple storeys with floors between them. Each storey features several window-like carvings and, at the base of the obelisks, what appear to be false doors complete with knockers and locks. Are these carvings merely artistic ornamentations or did they have some deeper function?

An even greater mystery surrounds the ancient city of Axum. A few hundred meters from the cluster of towering obelisks is a large walled compound surrounding two churches. Between these two churches, both dedicated to St. Mary of Zion, are the foundational remains of an ancient church and a strange looking, fenced off and heavily guarded "treasury" said to contain the true Arc of the Covenant. Legends tell that long ago this entire area was a swamp inhabited by evil spirits. God helped the local people by coming down to the nearby sacred hill of Makade Egzi and throwing a miraculous dust from heaven that dried up the swamp, dispelled the evil spirits and charged the region with a magical power. Over uncounted centuries shrines were constructed upon the hill and where the swamp had been. Around this holy place grew the cities of pre-Axumite and Axumite kingdoms.

In 331 AD, the Axumite king Ezana was converted to Christianity by the Syrian monk Frumentius. Upon the foundations of the ancient pagan temples, a great church of St. Mary was built in 372 AD. This church, probably the earliest Christian church in sub-Saharan Africa, was visited in the early 1520's by the Portuguese explorer, Francisco Alvarez. Writing of the church, Alvarez says:

"It is very large and has five naves of a good width and of a great length, vaulted above, and all the vaults are covered up, and the ceiling and sides are all painted; it also has a choir after our fashion ... This noble church has a very large circuit, paved with flagstones, like gravestones, and it has a large enclosure, and is surrounded by another large enclosure like the wall of a large town or city. "

What factors explain the remarkable grandeur of this church isolated so deep in the remote mountains of northern Ethiopia, so far from the orbit of Christianity? One explanation is that a rich king of a powerful empire built the great church. More compelling is the notion that it was built to house the fabled and enigmatic relic, the
Holy Arc of the Covenant.


Courtyard of St. Mary of Zion, Axum, Ethiopia.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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The Arc of the Covenant and its supposedly divine contents are one of the great mysteries of antiquity. Its story begins with Moses. The traditional founder of Judaism, Moses was born in Egypt, the son of a Hebrew slave. The Hebrews had been in bondage in Egypt for four hundred years from approximately 1650-1250 BC. Near the end of this period an Egyptian priest in the service of the Pharaoh made a prophecy that a child would be born to the Hebrews that would one day free them from their slavery. The Pharaoh, on hearing this prophecy, ordered that every male child born to the Hebrews should be killed by drowning. In hopes of preventing his death, Moses' parents placed him in a small basket, which they set adrift on the Nile. He was found by the daughter of the Pharaoh and subsequently raised as an adopted son of the royal family. During his upbringing he was extensively educated in the esoteric and magical traditions of the Egyptian mystery schools. At the age of forty Moses discovered that his original people, the Hebrews, were in bondage to the Egyptians. Enraged at this cruel treatment, he killed an Egyptian overseer and fled into exile into the Sinai wilderness.

Approximately forty years later, while grazing his flocks on the side of Mt.Horeb, Moses came upon a burning bush that was, miraculously, unconsumed by its own flames. A voice speaking out of the fire (Exodus 3:1-13) commanded him to lead his people out of bondage in Egypt and return with them to the mountain. Upon his return Moses twice climbed the mountain to commune with god. Regarding the second ascent, Exodus 24: 16-18 states: And the glory of the Lord abode upon Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days; and the seventh day God called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud. And the appearance of the glory of the Lord was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel. And Moses entered into the midst of the cloud, and went up into the mount; and Moses was in the mount fourty days and fourty nights. During this time on the mountain Moses received two tablets upon which God inscribed the Ten Commandments, in addition to precise dimensions for the Arc of the Covenant, which would contain the tablets.

Soon thereafter the Arc, a portable box-like shrine, was constructed and Moses and his people departed from Mt. Sinai. According to archaic textual sources the actual Arc was a wooden chest measuring three feet nine inches long by two feet three inches high and wide. It was lined inside and out with pure gold and was surmounted by two winged figures of cherubim that faced each other across its heavy gold lid. Many scholars believe it may have contained pieces of meteorites or powerful radioactive rocks.

In the ensuing two hundred and fifty years, between the time it was taken from Mt.Sinai to when it was finally installed in the first great Jewish temple in Jerusalem, the Arc was kept for two centuries at Shiloh, was captured by the Philistines for seven months, and then, returned to the Israelites, was kept in the village of Kiriath-Jearim. During this entire time it was associated with numerous extraordinary phenomena, many of which involved the killing or burning of often large numbers of people. Biblical and other archaic sources speak of the Ark blazing with fire and light, inflicting cancerous tumors and severe burns, leveling mountains, stopping rivers, blasting whole armies and laying waste cities.

Passages in the Old Testament give the impression that these happenings were divine actions of Yahweh, the god of the Hebrews. Contemporary scholars, however, believe that there may be another explanation. Writing in his meticulously researched book, The Sign and the Seal (concerning his search for the lost Arc of the Covenant), Graham Hancock suggests that the Arc, and more precisely its mysterious contents, may have been a product of ancient Egyptian magic, science and technology. Moses, being highly trained by the Egyptian priesthood, was certainly knowledgeable in these matters and thus the astonishing powers of the Arc and its "Tablets of the Law" may have derived from archaic Egyptian magic rather than the mythical god Yahweh.

At some unknown date, this awesome object vanished from its place in the Holy of Holies in the Jewish Temple. The date of its disappearance and its subsequent whereabouts has mystified legions of biblical scholars, archaeologists and historians. Among the various explanations given for its disappearance, two are particularly worthy of consideration.

Ethiopian legends say that when the Queen of Sheba made her famous journey to Jerusalem she was impregnated by King Solomon and bore him a son - a royal prince - who in later years stole the Ark. The name of the prince was Menelik, which means "the son of the wise man". Although he was conceived in Jerusalem he was born in Ethiopia where the Queen of Sheba had returned after discovering that she was carrying Solomon's child. When he had reached the age of twenty, Menelik himself traveled from Ethiopia to Israel and arrived at his father's court. There he was instantly recognized and accorded great honor. After a year had passed, however, the elders of the land became jealous of him. They complained that Solomon showed him too much favor and they insisted that he must go back to Ethiopia. This the king accepted on the condition that the first-born sons of all the elders should also be sent to accompany him. Amongst these latter was Azarius, son of Zadok the High Priest of Israel, and it was Azarius, not Menelik, who stole the Ark of the Covenant from its place in the Holy of Holies in the Temple. The group of young men did not reveal the theft to Prince Menelik until they were far away from Jerusalem. When at last they told him what they had done he asserted that they could not have succeeded in so bold a venture unless God had willed its outcome. Therefore he agreed that the Ark should remain with them. Thus Menelik brought the Arc to Ethiopia, to the sacred city of Axum, where it has remained ever since.


Church of St. Mary of Zion with Treasury of the Arc of the Covenant in background.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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The Treasury of the Arc of the Covenant Axum, Ethiopia.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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In The Sign and the Seal, Graham Hancock presents a radically different explanation for the Arc's disappearance. Based on compelling evidence gathered from years of research, he suggests that Jewish priests from Solomon's temple removed the Arc during the rule of the apostate King Manasseh (687-642 BC). The Arc was then hidden for two hundred years in a Jewish temple on the Egyptian sacred island of Elephantine in the Nile. Next it was taken to Ethiopia, to the island of Tana Kirkos in Lake Tana, where it remained for over 800 years. When the Axumite kingdom converted to Christianity after 331 AD, the Ark of the Covenant was co-opted by the Christian hierarchy and brought from Tana Kirkos to the newly constructed church of St.Mary of Zion in Axum.

The Arc remained in Axum until the early 1530's when it was removed to a secret hiding place to protect it from approaching Muslim armies. In 1535, the fanatical Muslim invader, Ahmed Gragn, swept across the Horn of Africa from the Islamic holy city of Harar (in southern Ethiopia) and destroyed the Church of St. Mary of Zion. A hundred years later, with peace restored throughout the empire, the Ark was brought back to Axum. It was installed in a new St. Mary's church built by King Fasilidas (with Portuguese assistance), immediately adjacent to the ruins of the earlier church. The Arc remained in this church, called Maryam Tsion Cathedral, until1965 when Haile Selassie (said to be the two hundred and twenty-fifth direct-line descendant of Menelik, son of the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon) had it transferred to a more secure chapel, the so-called treasury, ten meters away from the northeast corner of the old church.

In past centuries, the Arc of the Covenant was brought out during important church festivals, to be taken on processions around the town of Axum. More recently its use in such processions was limited to the festival of Timkat, the major Ethiopian Orthodox celebration that occurs every January. Since the beginning of military conflicts between Ethiopia and its northern neighbor, Eritrea, the Arc has remained securely locked within the treasury. No one but the head priest of the church, not even the president of Ethiopia, is allowed to see the Arc. (But lucky pilgrims, like this author, will occasionally be given water to drink that has flowed over the sacred Arc.)

Writing in his book Lost Secrets of the Sacred Ark, author Laurence Gardner disagrees with Hancock's assertions, and states that the Axumite Ark
"Called a manbara tabot, is actually a casket which contains a venerated altar slab known as a tabot. The reality is that, although the Axum chest might be of some particular cultural significance in the region, there are manbara tabotat (plural of tabot) in churches across the breadth of Ethiopia. The tabotat which they contain are rectangular altar slabs, made of wood or stone. Clearly, the prized manbara tabot of Axum is of considerable sacred interest and, by linguistic definition, it is indeed an ark – but it is not the biblical Ark of the Covenant, nor anything remotely like it."

Other sources researched by Laurence Gardner indicate that the Arc of the Covenant had been hidden beneath Solomon's Temple at the time of King Josiah (597 BC) so as not to be seized by Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonians. In his Mishneh Torah of 1180, the Spanish philosopher Moses Maimondes told that Solomon had constructed a special hiding place for the Arc in tunnels deep beneath the temple. The prophet Jeremiah, son of Hilkiah who became the High Priest of Jerusalem, was the captain of Hilkiah's Temple Guard. Prior to Nebuchadnezzar's invasion, Hilkiah instructed Jeremiah to have his men secrete the Arc of the Covenant, along with other sacred treasures, in the vaults beneath the Temple. More than 1700 years later a group of nine Frenchmen known as the original Knights Templars spent the years from 1118 to 1127 excavating beneath the El-Aqsa mosque on the site of the old Temple of Jerusalem. They retrieved, in addition to a vast wealth of gold bullion and hidden treasures, the true Arc of the Covenant. While the existence and exact location of this Arc are not currently known, the Templars soon became one of the most powerful religious and political institutions in medieval Europe.

Writing in his book, The Head of God: The Lost Treasure of the Templars, Keith Laidler says:
"The Ark of the Covenant can also be shown to be of Egyptian derivation. Many gods (including the state god Amun-Ra) were carried in procession in stylized boats, or arks. They were, as it were, portable homes for the gods. This was a very ancient tradition. When Tutmoses III, the great empire builder of the eighteenth dynasty, went forth to do battle, his god went with him. 'Proceeding northward by my majesty, carrying my father Amun-Ra, Lord of the Thrones of the Two Lands before me.' While he rejected many of the old ways, Akhenaten retained the ark as a 'home' for his god. That Moses introduced an identical concept to the Israelites (who also used to carry the ark of their god Adon (Aten) before them when they engaged in combat) is quite compelling evidence of identity."

The city of Axum also occupies a central place in the traditions of the Muslims. The remote town of Axum was the earliest historical center where the followers of Muhammad freely exercised their religion in an atmosphere of peace without the fear of persecution. In the fifth year of Muhammad's mission (corresponding to the year 615 in the Christian era), the Axumite king, Ella Saham, offered asylum to a small group of Muhammad's followers (11 men and 4 women, including Uthman ibn Affan, who was to become the third Caliph). A few years later, nearly 100 more Muslims came to join this first group and altogether they stayed in Axum for thirteen years. Scholars believe that Axum was selected as a place of asylum because there existed a close commercial link between the kingdom of Axum and the city-state of Mecca long before the rise of Islam.

The rock-hewn churches of Lalibela

Axum began to decline in the early decades of the 7th century following the rise and rapid expansion of the Muslim Arabs throughout the Middle East. Both Byzantium and the Persian Empire fell to the Arabs and this dealt a deathblow to the trading endeavors of the Axumite kings. Little is known of what became of the Axumite kingdom between the 8th and 11th centuries. Around the middle of the 11th century the Ethiopian state reappeared as the Christian Zagwe dynasty with its center in the town of Roha in the Amhara region of the Ethiopian highlands. The Zagwe dynasty, ruled over by eleven kings, lasted until the 13th century, when its last king abdicated in favor of a descendant of the old Axumite dynasty.

The most notable of the rulers of the Zagwe dynasty was King Lalibela who reigned from 1167 to 1207. A brilliant achievement of his reign was the construction of a dozen beautiful rock-hewn churches. According to legend, a dense cloud of bees surrounded the Prince Lalibela at the moment of his birth. His mother, claiming that the bees represented the soldiers who would one day serve her son, chose for him the name Lalibela, meaning "the bees recognize his sovereignty". Lalibela's older brother, King Harbay, was made jealous by these prophecies about his brother and tried to poison him. While Lalibela was drugged, angels transported him to various realms of heaven where God gave him directions to build a New Jerusalem with churches in a unique style. Lalibela also learned that he need not fear for his life or his sovereignty, for God had anointed him so that he might build the churches. After three days of divine communication, Lalibela returned to mortal existence and accepted the throne from his brother, who had also been visited by God (and told to abdicate to Lalibela). Both brothers traveled to the city of Roha and began the construction of the churches. Assisted by angels and St. Gabriel, they built twelve extraordinary churches over a period of twenty-five years. The Ethiopian Orthodox church later canonized the King and changed the name of the city of Roha to Lalibela.

The churches of Lalibela are among the most extraordinary architectural creations of human civilization. Each church is sculpted, both inside and out, directly from the living bedrock of the earth (this type of architecture was not new to the area for there are numerous other examples around Ethiopia dating to earlier periods; the Zagwe constructions, however, took the art form to a new level). There are two basic types at Lalibela: rock-hewn cave churches which are cut inward from more or less vertical cliff faces and rock-hewn monolithic churches which imitate a built-up structure but are actually cut in one piece from the surrounding rock and separated from it by an encircling trench. The probable method of construction was for craftsman to first sink trenches directly into the stone, then to slowly chisel away excess stone to reveal exterior and interior spaces. Narrow, labyrinthine tunnels connect several of the churches, and the walls of the trenches and courtyards contain cavities and chambers filled with mummies of pious monks and pilgrims. The churches are still used for worship today and many are filled with richly painted biblical murals.


The hill containing the rock-cut church of Bet Giorgis
Lalibela, Ethiopia.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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Looking down on Bet Giorgis church, Lalibela.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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The most remarkable of the Lalibela churches, called Bet Giorgis, is dedicated to St. George, the patron saint of Ethiopia. According to legend, when King Lalibela had almost completed the group of churches which God had instructed him to build, Saint George appeared (in full armor and riding his white horse) and sharply reproached the king for not having constructed a house for him. Lalibela promised to build a church more beautiful than all the others for the saint. The church of Bet Giorgis is a nearly perfect cube, hewn in the shape of a cross, and is oriented so that the main entrance is in the west and the holy of holies in the east. The nine windows of the bottom row are blind; the twelve windows above are functional. One of the most sophisticated details of Bet Giorgis is that the wall thickness increases step by step downwards but that the horizontal bands of molding on the exterior walls cleverly hide the increase. The roof decoration, often used today as the symbol of the Lalibela monuments, is a relief of three equilateral Greek crosses inside each other. The church is set in a deep pit with perpendicular walls and it can only be entered via a hidden tunnel carved in the stone.

Lalibela was the refuge for one of Christianity's most interesting heresies, known as Monophysitism. This belief states that Christ was both divine and human before his incarnation but that his divine nature left his body and only reentered it after the Resurrection. First professed at the 2nd Council of Ephesus in 449 AD and soon thereafter condemned as heresy at the Council of Chalcedon in 451, Monophysitism spread through Asia Minor into Africa and Ethiopia. In different forms it survives today
in the Syrian Orthodox church, the Armenian church, the Coptic church of Egypt and Ethiopian Orthodoxy.


Ethiopian Orthodox  priest with ancient Bible and crowns
of Ethiopian kings, St. Mary of Zion, Axum.. #BeginLibraryItem "/library/order_custom.lbi" -->
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Other sacred sites, power places and pilgrimage shrines in Ethiopia:

  • Abreha Atsbeha shrine near Wukro
  • Ancient temple of Yeha, 25 kilometers east of Axum
  • Rock-hewn churches of the Gheralta region, near Hawzen
  • Pilgrimage church of St. Gabriel, near town of Kulubi
  • Monastery of Debre Libanos
  • Monastery of Debre Damo
  • Monastery of Gishen Maryam
  • Archaeological site of Tiya
  • Moslem pilgrimage site at Shek Husen
  • Church on island of Tana Kirkos, Lake Tana
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 The Deeper Meaning

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Cleopatra's Race

CLEOPATRA VII
QUEEN OF KEMET (Ancient Egypt the land of the blacks) (69-30 B.C.)
Although known to be of African descent (and Greek descent) she is still deliberately portrayed as being white. She came to power at the tender age of seventeen and the most popular of seven queens to have had this name. She was also known to be a great linguist and was instrumental in making Kemet (Egypt) into the world number one super power at that time.


 

Cleopatra as race warrior?

At the onset of the 19th century, the debate over Cleopatra became more grounded in her race than ever before. Images of Cleopatra, at least those considered modern depictions, are often based on debatable scholarship and theory about her dubious lineage, which serve as debate fodder.

Modern scholarship heavily supports Cleopatra's heritage as Macedonian Greek. That theory would seem to stamp out any debate about her race. But opponents offer that despite the fact that Cleopatra's patriarchal line was indeed Greek, her grandmother's heritage is forever lost. All that is known of her grandmother is that she was a concubine and gave birth to both of Cleopatra's parents. (Cleopatra was the result of an incestuous relationship: it was common practice for members of the Ptolemic dynasty to marry their siblings.) This tidbit about her grandmother leads many to speculate that Cleopatra was of mixed heritage, and that her grandmother was plausibly of African origin, which would explain the lack of records about her and her being a concubine. However, it is considered unlikely given the xenophobic demeanor of the Ptolemies.

"[Cleopatra] had been portrayed in Western Europe since the Renaissance at least, but she is always portrayed as a blonde, rosy cheeked European beauty, in the European tradition," Foster said.

"After Napoleon's expedition to Egypt in 1798 ... at the same time that the Western European nations were beginning their imperial acquisitions of territories around the world, at that time she begins to be exoticised, her skin gets darker, she looks like an eastern queen and even sometimes an African queen. In the 19th century there was a very distinct shift in the portrayal of her," Foster explained.

The companion catalog to the exhibit, Cleopatra of Egypt: From History to Myth, edited by Susan Walker and Peter Riggs, with an essay by Mary Hamer states: "Today controversy rages again over the body of Cleopatra, and in particular, over her race. When black nationalists in the U.S. lay claim to Cleopatra, as they do, that attempt is surely made in pursuit of dignity ... Countering them are mainly white scholars, who in defense of civilization and scientific knowledge, as they put it, insist that Cleopatra could not have been black..."

Much of the suspicion has been linked to efforts to explain or sanitize her romantic liaisons with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, both of whom were swept up by her graces and with both of whom she bore children. Racial conspiracy theorists believe that making Cleopatra European- or Roman-looking is simply a stab at rewriting history. How could two of the most significant male rulers of Rome consort with an African or non-European woman so intimately?

The 20th century portrayals of Cleopatra are often wrapped up in the issue of her race, and show how artists have used her as a political propaganda tool. As an example, Hamer points to a famed sculpture by American artist William Wetmore Story. "A Marble Statue of Cleopatra," made in 1858, housed at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, depicts Cleopatra as she sulks in rejection by Octavian, and according to Hamer, the statue "was initially hailed as an 'accurate' and 'daring' portrayal of a black woman," an observation hard to assume at first glance today. Hamer asserts "[writer] Nathaniel Hawthorne's appreciation of the statue in his novel The Marble Faun indicates the image was picked up as a reference to sexual intimacy between women slaves and white men. In showing Cleopatra as rejected by Octavian the statue was designed to model a white master's disdain for the advances of a black slave ...".

"As [white scholars] put it, Cleopatra could not have been black. I find myself asking about this passion for certainty, for knowledge that is absolute and final, one that cuts off final debate," Hamer wrote.

Still, Greek, African, or mixed, Hollywood has taken little pain to portray the queen with any diversity. All of Hollywood's Cleopatras have been Caucasian - a far cry even from Macedonian. The 1968 film starring Elizabeth Taylor gained blockbuster success and is still highly regarded as one of the greatest films about Cleopatra. The film solidified Taylor's face as Cleopatra's.

The totality of Cleopatra's racial make-up will probably never be uncovered. Nevertheless, Egypt during Cleopatra's time was not Detroit. Race, of the peculiar American variety, was hardly an issue among the Egyptians. Egyptian citizens came from many places. Culture and citizenship mattered far more. Whatever her race, she was an African queen who governed an African nation and has left her imprint on the world.

The exhibit brings Cleopatra to life, in all her ambiguity, intricacy, and charisma, the exhibit welcomes the inconsistent images of Cleopatra. Claimed by many and captured by none, Cleopatra's legend continues to pelt the world with uncomfortable questions and inspiring imagery. The exhibit is just another step in helping the public come to terms with the imperfect, vulnerable, yet unyieldingly power-driven woman who has captivated the world for centuries. If nothing else, the observer is left not having found the real Cleopatra, but instead having found her many ghosts and incarnations. Instead of confusion, the viewer leaves reconciled to some degree with the reality of the inability to know the real Cleopatra.

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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Dirty one liners

dirtyoneliners

Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?

A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)



Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?

A. A good thing screwed up by a period.



Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?

A. It changes their blood type.



Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?

A. Come in eight flavors.



Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?

A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.



Q. How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.



Q. What's six inches long that women love?

A. Folding money.



Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.



Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.



Q. What is the new gay website address?

A. c : enter ### (see colon enter pound pound pound).



Q. What is the new O.J. website address?

A. slash slash backslash escape.



Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?

A. Speed bumps.



Q. What's got four legs and one arm?

A. A Rottweiler.



Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?

A. When you open her legs the lights go on.



Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?

A. When he eats his first Brownie.



Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

A. Very satisfying.



Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?

A. He was half nuts!!!



Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?

A. Collecting her thoughts.



Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mom.



Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.



Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.



Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.



Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

A: Full.



Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.



Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.



Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have

left is the greasy box to put your bone in.



Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?

A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you

lose your house.



Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.



Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.



Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?

A: Odor eaters



Q: Why do men name their penis?

A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of

their decisions.



Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: Snowballs.



Q: Why do women have vaginas?

A: So men will talk to them.



Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?

A: If it were more, it would be Hell.



Q: What is the new gay website address?

A: c : enter # # #



Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?

A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.



Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

A: About three inches.



Q: Why don't women have any brains?

A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in.



Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?

A: Her feet!



Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?

A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.



Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

A: Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.



Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.



Q: Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.

A: A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.



Q: What do elephants use for tampons?

A: Sheep.



Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A: A different bar.



Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.



Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A: A speech impediment.



Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

A: They're hiring.



Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?

A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.



Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

A: He walks around saying, "Yo".



Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A: A pimp.



Q: Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car

only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.



Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?

A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!



Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?

A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"



Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."



Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?

A: Say, "Nice dick."



Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?

A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."



Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

A: An itchy, twitchy twat.



Q: Are birth control pills deductible?

A: Only if they don't work.



Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.



Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?

A: Because they have cotton balls.



Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?

A: A cock that stays up all night.



Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.



Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.



Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A: A bingo machine.

7:15 AM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment


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