First of October!

Wow! I can't believe that the summer has come and gone and the fall season is here. Football season is okay so far, some disappointments but they still have a couple more months to get there ass in gear and show off. Lets look back, a couple of months ago, things were looking pretty bad, today we are doing better. Everyday is like taking a baby step, never really know how far you are going to get. We have taken some great trips together to see family and friends which has helped a lot. We are getting into the season where i fall apart. The cold weather. I do not like the cold depressing gloomy weather, even though i do have a longer fall here in Charlotte. I have been doing  a lot of thinking and I am going to just live my life everyday, don't worry about the small shit. Life is too damn short for that. I know he loves me, I know I love him. I would do anything to make him happy as he would for me. But, I will leave it at that.

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July 4th

It has been awhile since i have done an update on things, so here we go. We had our 2 year wedding anniversary June 25, i can't believe that. We went to a baseball game the night before and just had a good day. We are taking a trip out to LA end of the month for one week so that is our gift to eachother. But, he did give me a card which he never does, a sappy one. But, things are better, the communication is better and we both seem happier with things. I still question in the back of my head but i always will. He and I have been together so long, 7 years today, and know eachother inside out. We both have a lot of learning to do and lots to work on. Relationships/marriage is not easy, just don't take eachother for granted. That is what we were doing and just got in a horrible routine of things. But, we are doing better and much happier. I will keep you all posted.

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update

Well today is the first of May and things are about the same. Justin has changed somewhat in the past week or so. In that I mean, being nice and trying to talk amongest other things. He still does all the calling and checking in, why I am not sure. I on the other hand have been very resentful and mean at times. Making my rude comments and jumping to conclusions. I don't know how else to act or say. I am not sure if he has cheated on me, I do feel that something happened but not any hard evidence, only clues and facts. But, he denies and swears that nobody else is involved or was involved????  I leave again for MD next week for a couple of days so maybe that is where the conclusion will finally come about. We talked about him moving out weeks ago, but that has not come up again. I love him, of coarse i do, I always will...but it seems as if he is just pushing me away by not doing anything. He has done nothing to help this whole thing, maybe that is his way of doing shit, but not mine. He needs to do something. I want to work things out and get this relationship back in the works but he is not giving me that vibe. But, anyways thank you so much for listening and responding to my blogs....i really took in all the advice and comfort and it really helped me get thru this. I  might not talk to you all everyday but it means a lot to me that you care. I will keep myself and you posted on things. xoxo

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another day

Well things are looking about the same. He is totally acting like a roommate still and just ignoring the fact of all of it. He is so weird and crazy. I am looking forward to coming home (MD) to get away. My girlfriend is having her bridal shower, that should be fun. Brings back memories but it is exciting to see her happy and get lots of gifts. I remember that...on other note i think he is moving out. I feel that would be best. What do you ladies think? If he needs to be apart and get his fuckin' head clear then he needs to pack his shit and go. We can't sell our house until Dec. which sucks, i love this house but we need to build equity and all that shit. I hate to give up my house and all my fun stuff but i will find something cute.....me and my 2 dogs. But, then maybe things will work out down the road if that is possible. I don't know what happened. I think I might read that book Women are from mars Men are from Venus....they are so dumb sometimes. So selfish, needy, mean, unromantic, and just blah....but thanks for listening and all your support...love ya

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the next day....

Well today was another day...same shit.Work really got to me (like every other day)  probably because of all the shit going on in my life. I am an emotional wreck all of a sudden, I guess I thought that this whole thing would pass over and we would work things out like any other married,happy couple. Marriage finally proved to me that it is NOT easy, you really have to make it work and compromise. Thank god we have no kids, that would be worse, I think. He got home late last night, not sure when, and didn't even wake me to tell me he missed me or that he was home. I was hoping this past weekend was going to come to some conclusion but it didn't....I didn't get that drunk phone call early hours of the morning, him spilling his guts and saying sorry, like I really thought he would. He didn't call much and just acted like nothing...i am nobody. It is the worst feeling in the world. I have lost my best friend. My heart was once complete and it is feeling 1/2 there all of a sudden. I haven't felt this way for 7 years and now it will be memories. Memories memories memories. But, things happen for a reason, i guess that saying is true???? I keep telling myself I will be alright.....i will be.

3:56 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Life can change so quickly...

Today is Easter and well I am all alone. I have really found that today will not be a good day and how fast life can change. Just imagine waking up one day and hearing your loved one say "I don't think i want to be married anymore" and "i am not happy with this/my life" This happened about 2 weeks ago today and i am finally hitting reality. I am not sure what is going to happen but it really doesn't feel right and I have the worst stomach pain and broken heart. I'm not sure if I did something wrong or if he is just loosing his mind. I haven't really talked to him he has traveled home for the holidays to be with his single bachelor friends and see some family. While I sit here not knowing if he is coming home here to Charlotte, if I should start packing up my stuff, look for apartment????I dont have these answers right now. I have my 2 dogs and friends to help me thru this but....i would have never ever thought this would happen to me. So, what i guess i am trying to say, for ppl out there, it isn't always greener on the other side and always be honest, truthful, open with your loved one and don't keep them in the dark. I thought marriage was for everybody but i guess not. I feel like I am loosing my best friend and I feel so broken. I was once complete and put together, and had the best feeling in the whole world. But, it can change that fast.

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Thanksgiving Day!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!! We had a great feast amongest some friends of ours and learned that life and love is something to be thankful for. I am so thankful for my health, my family, my husband and friends. We all take life for granted and sometimes we need to sit back and realize how life is so short and could end so quickly. I am blessed to have a loving husband and I just wanted to say that i love him very much. I am thankful for a lot of things this year, I never really thought about how much love surrounds us and we are blessed. Thank you!

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Progress
Category: Life

Today I finally got a good news phone call. My brother is much better today. Its a long road ahead of him but he is a strong person with a strong family to support and love him. I never how fast you could loose someone until this happened. It is the worst feeling ever.

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don't take life for granted
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

This is my first blog entry and i felt that i needed just to spill some guts. My older brother was in a horrible car accident last week and it makes me realize how sweet your life is. Your life is precious, short and we need to appreciate life more. He could have died, but will have to live the rest of his life in pain and a memory of being trapped in the car with broken legs, ankles, ribs, lungs collapsed, etc. due to an aggressive driver trying to get somewhere in a hurry. She caused this horrible trauma long with a innocent young womans life. I will never forget that phone call from my mother last wednes. evening. NEVER!

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