9 days and counting....
Current mood: excited

Is it weird that I have packed already?


The excitement is almost too overwhelming. I can almost see Moldova. Oh, the rolling hills that are so yellow and full of sunflowers. I can almost hear Moldova. Romanian being spoken all around. I can hear the kids yelling my name. Kati they would call me turning the "a" in to a long "a". And touch, oh the anticipation of the hugs from those kids. There is no other touch in this world that can replace the hugs from those kids. Oh, the taste of Moldova. Chicken and rice. Real bland, but good at the same time. Maybe a slice of cheese and piece of bread for lunch. Can't forget about the smell of Moldova. I can almost smell Moldova. Just picture standing down hill, wind blowing your way and the outhouse right there. You are waiting to squat over a hole and pee but at the same time you are trying to hold your breath due to the overwhelming stench. Not a real pretty picture, I know. But, at the same time - something that I don't mind at all. Last time anyway, I became accustomed to it. We'll see how it goes this trip over.

So, is it weird that I am already packed to go back to a place that I would call paradise? The Peace that I find in places like Moldova or Chicago are a little slice of heaven. So, I'm excited to experience this adventure again. I am also scared not knowing what is going to happen when I return from Moldova. I know God is going to do mighty things over there. Not only in the Moldovans, but also in me. It's time for my world to be rocked. It's time for me to be challenged. I just pray that I can hold strong and not fall and cave to the pressures of society. I pray that when I come back that I will be able to do mighty things here in Nashville -God willing, Nashville will still be called home.

I know that I am excited to board the plane next Sunday. Hopefully, this week, I can contain all my excitement. It's hard to believe that we are at 9 days and counting....

7:02 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

peace
Current mood: blah

Can't we all just get along?!

Why am I finding myself surrounded by such negativity lately?! Why am I attracting it? Why do people want to take their frustrations out on me!? Why is this world filled with so much hatred?! I dont' always remember it being this way. Or has it always been this way and I have just been to naive to notice?

How come I let it affect me so much!? I try to do the best I can in things. I try to give every one the respect they each deserve. I have gotten better about not just letting people walk all over me, but then again - maybe standing up for myself is now a downfall. Because, I seem to now attract negativity like it is the plague. It has worn me out. I am to the point in my life where I just want peace and Peace in my life.

And, now I am at the point in the night where my brain has said goodnight. so..good night.

9:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

family
Current mood: good

So I was thinking this morning about my family. I am not sure why I was really focusing on them, besides the fact that I began reflecting on the life of my great aunt who lost her battle with cancer last week. We never did see much of my dad's side of the family growing up. Everyone always seemed too good for everyone else in the family, so one big family reunion happened every year on Father's Day weekend. I think of Phil (that's what we called her), and how genuine she was about knowing how Annie and I were doing. Her sister, my grandmother, didn't even care about how Annie and I were doing.

Then I started thinking about my current family situation. My sister lives about two minutes from me, and is my best friend in the world. Now, it hasn't always been like that. We couldn't stand each other back in the day. There were many fist fights over stupid stuff like friends, and who was collecting stickers first. I was so mean to her, how could she have come to be my best friend. The only I look to for support, encouragement, and love. Some day I pray that I could only be the woman that my sister is. Such beauty, such strength, such peace with God.

My parents, who hated each other the first 25 years of marriage, have finally fallen in love with each other. I grew up with two parents living such different lives. I grew up with parents who couldn't say the others name without saying it in a way of disgust. They have been married almost 29 years now, and I look at them and tell myself, that I want a marriage like that. Not the first 25 years part, but I look at them now, and they actually love each other. They look in to each others eyes and sparkle with glee. They say the other's name and giggle. They do everything together. They even go on dates! I am proud to say that my parents are also my best friends. My dad has become the most passionate, caring, loving man. I can only pray that I find my soul mate in a man much like my dad. A man who loves his family and will do anything for it. My mom, much like my sister, exhibits such strength and beauty. I can only pray that I will some day become with woman that my mom is.

Then there is my granny. Granny is my mom's mom. Granny is the most beautiful mid 80s year old woman I know. She has been through a lot in her life. Too much to name. The big point though, was losing her first husband to lung cancer. Only to continue to raise her two children as a single mother. When my mom was in her late teens, Granny met a man named Charles N. Scott. They married and loved each other for the years to come. I look at my grandparents. I remember a grandfather who loved my sister and I like no one would believe. I remember a man who didn't have to love us, because we were not his own. As I sit here today and think about my family...i really think that my family transformed in to a loving family just before Grandaddy's death. Grandad died 2.5 years ago. But, before his death, he needed to be taken care of for the last two years of his life. Grandaddy struggled health wise and Granny needed to care for his every second of life. If it wasn't Granny, it was us, who had traveled to KY to help. We spent a lot of time in Elizabethtown those last two years. Upon Grandad's death, our family bonded together in a way that will not be torn apart. I truly believe that it was in grandad's plan for us. I know why God put him in our lives almost 40 years ago. God knew who mom would marry, He knew the struggles. I believe it was God's plan for us to all be moved by this man named Charles N. Scott.
I look at Granny today, as we just moved her in to assisted living. Since Grandad's death, this is the first time i can call her and hear happiness again. I mean, I know she has tried to show strength in her voice, but now, she has strength again. I have a Granny, who I can only pray that I am as strong and beautiful as her one day. When I am in my 80s, I can only pray that I am as genuine and caring as her. I can only pray that I have been a grandmother to my grandchildren - just how she has been the most amazing grandmother to me.


So, as I sit here and think about my family, I am thankful for the family that I have been given. I am thankful for God's plan - even if I don't understand it sometimes.

Currently listening : Children Running Through By Patty Griffin Release date: 06 February, 2007

6:42 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

season of change
Current mood: drained

As the season is changing outside, I find myself in a season of change too. This whole summer has been a transition period for me. It has been full of the exact thing that I don't deal with well - change. I finished college after 6.5 years. It was a long road, but I actually did it. I feel as if for the first time since high school I feel like I can attempt to be the age that I really am. For my time in college, it has been full of nothing but work and school. There has been no time anything that even resembled a social life. Now school is done, and I am trying to step out of my comfort zone more to be more social. I also left a field of work that I have known for the last 12 years - working with kids. It has been a tougher adjustment then I expected. I now find myself working as a sales associate at Dillards. Not something I ever pictured myself doing as a full time job. So far, it has kept me busy. I am so exhausted by the end of the day, that I find myself finding my bed earlier and earlier these days. I also find that when customers with kids come in to the store, I end up sitting on the floor with the kids while the parents shop. I am now in "business casual" attire and sitting on the floor with kids. What went wrong with this picture.

Anyway - back to the season of change. I know I am in a season of change - I am changing spiritually. I find that I am content with where I am spiritually...is that wrong? I find that I am changing physically. The body I worked so hard on this summer, is now gone due to the fact I am too exhausted to even by physical. I am in a job that I am not sure I need to be in, but it is working for me right now. I just don't know what other direction I need to go as far as career right now - and I refuse to go back to get my Masters Degree. I am so tired of school. Is it possible to feel dumber at the end of your college career then where you were at the beginning? I just might have to say it is possible. Emotionally, I feel like I am not stable lately. I feel like I am in such a roller coaster with all this change - it's hard to find a peaceful middle ground. Socially, I am not pursuing many of my friendships right now, I desire to have quality friendships. But as a true Hallquist girl, I keep my friends at arms length. Ugh - those hallquist traits ---many i wish I knew how to get rid of. oh well

I just want to be settled in life. I am almost 25 years old - which is scary in itself - but I don't feel settled.

Oh no - this has to be cut short. Sorry - but I have to go to work. I will attempt to add to this later.

Currently listening : Get Lifted By John Legend Release date: 28 December, 2004

7:10 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Ahhh...God is good.
Current mood: calm

I know you have all had those "ahh...God is good" moments. I have said before, that I tend to find my moments when i am either submersed in nature or submersed in a culture that is not my own. Today, I was submersed in nature. Traveled out to Fall Creek Falls with a bunch of old friends and new ones too. It was an amazing day of being still with God. We traveled for many hours up and down the paths. We looked over cliffs so high, that we couldn't see the bottom. We climbed up high behind the waterfall and just sat there. There were three of us sitting up there. Not a whole lot of conversation, just a lot of sunflower seed spitting. We took our time traveling - soaking up everything as we went. Came within 30 feet of a deer. So beautiful. We saw HUGE spiders, that I could have lived without. We got blisters that were well worth it. Much of the time, we walked in silence. I wouldn't have minded talking - but many of us were too out of breath to do so. Which was fine. It allowed me to "just be." It was so great to "just be." I can't tell you how great it was. Words cannot express how great today was. The weather was perfect. Skies were clear. The trees were green. The company was great. The water was too cold, but only seemed to bother me :). And of course, God was good.

8:42 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

life
Current mood: blank

I should totally be in bed right now. In fact, I really faded out about an hour ago. So, I don't know why I decided to sit down and write this. I guarantee none of it will makes sense, due to my inability to concentrate right now....but we'll see where this goes.

Life is interesting. Life is full of questions and often I just don't understand. I often feel like the 3 year old who is beginning to ask "why" all the time. I mean there are the obvious questions like "why in the hell didn't they see that I was at a complete stop, yet still chose to run in to me?" or "Why is TN so hot?" or "Why is this happening?" "Why God...Why?"

I too often do not take the time to slow down to accept that God is moving in my life. If I would just sit and stop asking why for a minute, maybe I would be able to take God in more. Maybe I would trust more. Maybe I would learn to let go and love more. Maybe i need to slow down and breathe more. Maybe I would learn to yearn for God more. Maybe I just need to trust in God's plan more.


I don't regret anything - I learn from it. Wouldn't call it a mistake - would say that I am grateful for it.


Alright folks, that's all i got for ya tonight. I must get some sleep - peace to you

9:02 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh, the beauty
Current mood: content

Oh, the beauty of children. I am not speaking of the external beauty, but of the beauty within. My heart melts at the sight of them. (Wait. Change that.) My heart melts at the sight of most children. :)


They are so carefree, pure, and loving life.
They are not afraid to say what is on their mind. They speak of truth.
They have not yet been corrupted by this world - just guided by either good or bad parenting.
They do not yet care what other people think of them. They are not afraid to dance, even if it is a wee bit bad.
They are excited to learn something new.
They are excited to accomplish something new.
They don't care what they wear - it can be so mismatched and they love it. Society is the one that cringes at it.
They are not afraid to get a little dirty - bring it on.
They have an everlasting love that they are ready to share with you.
They make you happy when skies are grey.
They do not care about the wealth of this world - finding a penny is wealth.
They do not hide their emotions. They can throw a tantrum in public, because that is what they are feeling. I leave mine bottled inside.

I'm sure the list could go on. My life is surrounded by children. I would be lying if I said that every day with children was great. There are a few that bring you down. There are so many children in my life that bring me such joy though. The good ones out weigh the bad. I'm just thankful that I am surrounded by such beauty. God has truly blessed be with the ability to work with kids. For that, I am grateful.

6:23 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Shaved Legs..
Current mood: touched

So...this afternoon...I shaved my legs for the first time since the beginning of January.  I know...I know...it was mighty nasty.  All for a good cause though.  There is this little boy who is in need of heart surgery.  He will be having it in a few weeks.  (He is on my friend's list - check it out!!! Baby Dalton)   So, for the last 2 months, I have not shaved.  Everytime that I have thought about shaving my legs, I have prayed for Dalton.  Every time the hairs would get caught on something, I would pray for Dalton.  Every time I showed those lovely legs off, I would pray for Dalton.  Now, the men were suppose to grow beards for this project.  So, there are tons of people showering this little boy with prayer.  It's an amazing story!

So, today, I shaved.  Honestly, I had a REALLY hard time doing it.  Not only because it clogged my razor many, many times, but the emotional/spiritual connection I have had to this project.  Dalton's surgery is drawing near.  I know it's a very scary thing for his family. 

Please pray for his family, that they will find comfort and peace through this time of transition and uncertainty.  Pray for Dalton - that he can stay healthy, and strong for this surgery.  And pull through it with flying colors.  Pray for the doctors - that they have the knowledge about what exactly needs to be done and that they can complete that task with out any complications.

Thanks!

4:00 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

How Great Thou Art....
Current mood: hopeful

Ok, so the last thing I need to be doing right now is to be on here!  I am procrastinating on my studying....oye.

I was in the mood for Ol' Hymns.  So, I've got it playing in the background.  This CD of hymns means so much to me.  How Great Thou Art, imparticular I hold close to my heart.  It brings me to tears everytime I hear it.  It might not be a good thing that I have it on my myspace home page, but we'll see.  This song, my grandfather died to.  It brings back the memories of how much he lived his life for God.  Maybe it is a good thing that I have it on here, so I am constantly reminded about striving to live my life for God.  It's not easy by any means. 

Lately, I have been struggling with my future.  Anxious more like it, because I find that I can be patient with every one around me except myself.  I lack the patience needed in my own life.  So, today, out of no where, a friend told me I need to be doing missions.  Her comment kind of knocked me off base.  I wasn't prepared for this comment from her.  I haven't even talked to her about my struggles with life.  My response to her was, well, I might go back to Moldova this summer.  She said she ment long term missions.  So....Is this the sign from God that I have been looking for?!  I've been begging for an obvious sign.  Lay it out on the line kind of thing.  I don't know.  I don't know that I am ready for such a big step.  I mean, I can handle short term missions.  I DON'T KNOW!  oye. Leaves a lot for me to be focusing on in prayer. 

Ok.......i've got to get back to studying!  I've got to get off this computer!  peace  

4:13 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Not sure...
Current mood: drained

I am a girl who is wondering what God has in store for my life.  I know, He has some big plans in store for me.  I just hope God gives me the patience to trust in His perfect timing.  Why do I often think I can do it on my own?  I find that everytime, I just run myself in to a wall.  How come I haven't learned that I need to just give it all to God?!  

I am drained.  I am drained of all these earthly things.  I am emotionally drained from the anxiety of wondering what tomorrow holds.  Lord fill me with you.  Let my every breath, breathe You. 

Lord,

I realize that I can't get out of this canyon on my own.  Here I am Lord.  Break me. Mold me.  Use me.  Guide me in the direction you want me to go.  I am yours.   

8:07 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment