Because Holly Did It - Mutter

1. I never thought I would live in a desert
2. I lived in Phoenix and Las Vegas
3. I actually like the mountains now
4. I'm not sure what I want out of life
5. Sometimes I say it's to be a housewife
6. It scares me to be dependant on someone
7. People tend to let you down
8. I have abandonment issues
9. Which leads to commitment issues
10. Which is why I love my cat
11. He's almost 11 years old
12. Sometimes he throws up on my floor
13. Loving your pet is cleaning up without taking it to the shelter
14. I'm writing this because Holly did
15. I miss her
16. Paula is getting married soon.
17. I miss Phoenix sometimes.
18. I have an on again, off again crush on someone on my friends list
19. I spend too much time online
20. As shown by the fact I'm doing this
21. I worry that I'm superficial
22. Then I worry that I'm too deep
23. I'm going to have somone from England living with me
24. For three months
25. I worry about my alone time going away
26. I can't take a bath
27. I'm scared of my head under water
28. So I take really long showers
29. I don't always make sense
30. I always think I have to save people
31. Then I think that I failed when they don't manage to save themselves
32. I believe in God
33. I don't know how much I believe of the Bible
34. I'm a conservative independent
35. But I'd claim Republican if pressed
36. I fouught this for a good long while
37. I can't save money to save my life
38. Truly, I spend it all
39. This makes me sad
40. I never finished my college degree
41. I went to school to become a massage therapist instead
42. I'm not licensed in Nevada
43. I don't want to go to school non-stop for year
44. I remember how much I sacrificed to do it last time.
45. I'm not sure I can sacrifice anymore than I have
46. Yet even as I type that I know I would if need be
47. People think that I am strong
48. I'm really weak
49. I worry too much about what people think of me
50. No matter if I try to brush it off or not, I get nervous when people get close
51. I try not to miss them when they leave
52. When I have a crush, I feel betrayed when my friends like the crush
53. Even if he's not mine
54. I won't ever say anything
55. I can express myself in writing with amazing eloquence
56. I wonder why that is
57. As I cannot express myself verbally so well
58. I'm starting to think about having a relationship
59. The fact that I am considering it terrifies me
60. I sometimes see things that happen before they happen
61. And experience a lot of Deja Vu
62. I tend not to tell people this
63. I know it makes me sound crazy
64. I"m very possessive and jealous
65. But I'm loyal to stupidity and back
66. I don't really like the strip
67. I find it the epitome of tackiness in the world
68. I miss the greeenary and the snow
69. I have pondered more than once moving to Canada
70. I don't know why either
71. My job is probably going to become something I hate
72. If it hasn't already
73. I worry that my bills won't get paid and I've taken on more than I can handle.
74. Like my new car payments
75. Ouch
76. This isn't as easy as it looks
77. I like to describe the world around me
78. I like to remove myself from it though
79. I'll hide away without realizing it
80. Until someone points it out I haven't seen them in months
81. It always shocks me its been that long
82. I should go to the gym
83. I always say that
84. I rarely do it.
85. I found the perfect plant that was given to me as a gift
86. Peace lilies - they are so far rather unkillable
87. Really, I've gone weeks without watering it
88. Add water and it perks back up
89. It worries me that the person knew to buy this plant for that reason
90. As well it makes me gleeful that he did
91. I want to write
92. But I cannot hold the thoughts in my head
93. I want to go to Morocco or Austrailia
94. I still haven't gotten my passport
95. I need to do that first
96. I also need to get a Nevada license
97. Stupid state requirements
98. My roomie moves out at the end of March
99. I'm worried about making rent
100. Wanna move in?
101. Okay I hit 101 I'm done now.

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