Fuck

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.....FFFUUUCCCKKK!

fUck. FFFFFffffffffUUUUUuuuuCCCCccKKKkkk.

I feel better. Thanks.

11:16 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Longing

Longing is a strange feeling. I think it's the hardest of all feelings to deal with. It's the place where happiness meets sorrow. Where the very thought of the object of your desire, both, thrills you and breaks your heart.

10:50 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Laws Of Attraction

What makes someone attractive?

What makes someone attracted to someone else?

I imagine it could be any number of things. On the surface, it's the obvious things....Looks, sense of humor, blah, blah, blah....

But below the surface.....What is it that attracts two people to one another?

What is that magic that happens between two people..The X factor. I have asked some friends this question and gotten the typical responses. We have the same beliefs....We have a lot in common....

There has got to be more than this.....What about those parts that you can't put your finger on? I think it has less to do with how you actually feel about the person....I purpose that it has more to do with how that person makes you feel about yourself. Someone who makes you feel sexy, desireable, interesting.....Couldn't this be part of it? I mean, isn't life really about how we treat other people? And when someone treats you well and makes you feel good about who your are, then isn't that what really attracts you to them? If someone is constantly putting you down, even if they are aesthetically pleasing, doesn't that make them totally unattractive? We have all been in those relationships...Where the person LOOKS good, but their personality sucks. And what about the X factor? That thing that draws you to someone....Does it have something to do with the soul? I don't know.....I would love to hear your theories.................

3:45 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

What If?

How many "What If's" do you have? Have you ever thought about it? I have more and more everyday. I guess it could be my age. Forty is just around the corner....Or maybe it's the fact that I have a kid and want to teach her how to avoid what if's...I rarely regret anything I have done. Most of my regrets are things that I did not or have not done. Here is a list of some of my what if's....I would love to hear yours.

What If.....

I had moved to Europe when I graduated high school?

I had really committed myself to school instead of music?

I left  my life behind and moved West to see how I liked it? Or back home to the mountains of WV and spend my evenings playing Bluegrass?

I were to quit my job and just see what happens? You know, force myself to get out and find something else...

I were to go into business with my brother?

I were to shut up and just go back to my life as it is?

How long before the what if's are so loud that I can't stand it and have to answer them? Before the silence of doing nothing becomes deafening?

1:40 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Love of My Life vs. The Love of My Life

It's an odd thing to be a parent and a musician. I have been a musician for 25 years. I have been playing for more than half of my life. There are times when being a musician gets in the way of being a parent. And then there are times when being a parent gets in the way of being a musician. More often than not, being a musicain gets in the way of being a parent. Playing is an addiction. I HAVE to do it. It's all I have ever known. I can barely remember a time when I wasn't playing. I also HAVE to be a parent. It's hard to put one thing ahead of another. I am not talking about the important parts of parenting. Those come first no matter what. It's the little things that get blury. Leaving to go to band practice after you have worked late. Having multiple rehearsals, gigs, sessions, etc... for several weeks, eating up your "free" time. This time is not free. It costs a lot. At the same time, you HAVE to do things for yourself. I am not happy if I am not playing. And if I am not happy, then can I possibly be a good parent? Part of parenting is teaching your children to be good to themselves.To me, this means having something that is yours and yours alone. Something that is just for you. Everyone needs this. If you do not have something in your life like this, no matter what it is, music, books, movies, painting, whatever... You need to find it. It will enrich your life...I promise you. Children also enrich our lives. You begin to live FOR your child. Some even live THROUGH their children... This can not be healthy for you or your offspring. At this point I am still trying to find the balance. I don't know if I am doing a good job or not. But I do know this...Parent/Musician....Musician/Parent...HOW you chose determines what kind of man you are. And no one will be a bigger critic of your choices than you yourself...

6:18 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

My state of (musical) mind

I am in the studio with my band Bell Jar, mixing a record that we have been working on for quite some time. Everytime I make a record, I hope to make a record that makes me feel like I feel when I listen to the records that I love. I have yet to acheive this feeling. I am not sure that it is actually possible to feel that way about something you are a part of...? I don't know if I am too close to the material or overly critical of my own preformances... But I have never done a record that I want to listen to over and over again. I want to make one record, just ONE, where I am totally and completely satisfied with every aspect of the album, and can't stop listening to it. The kind of record that when it's over, you could almost cry, it moves you so much.  But, can you make yourself feel that way? Or can that only be acheived by others?

11:51 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment