I think I’m going crazy and I need help...
Category: Writing and Poetry

I feel I've completely lost it.  In the past week or so, I've thought about the vastness of the universe and what we don't know.  I've been having panic attacks thinking of the end.  The only thing that helps is sleeping.  Thankfully, it doesn't invade my dreams.  Even if I have a hard time with it, I pray to God for help.

In short, what do I do?  Do I get medicated for this?  I hate to think I'm crazy, but maybe it is true!  I live alone and have very little contact with people.   Is that the medicine I need?  I guess I'll try that, but I've lived like this so long!  I'm shy beyond belief.  I'm half blind to boot.  I'm a little deaf too. 

I guess my last best choice is to go back home.  However, I don't want them to know I'm crazy.  What if I need more help than I think?  I don't want to put them through that.

Oh well...I guess I'm stuck like this.  I know if I'm not crazy, I won't be able to prove it.

8:12 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"When I am Godless..."
Category: Writing and Poetry

When I am Godless,

I can not pretend halfway,

And feel just this way,

And I don't know how others can,

When possibilities are endless,

So, how can you enjoy a second?

4:01 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Sciencist know nothing"
Category: Writing and Poetry

An unfullfilled life,

Maybe why the ending scares me,

It's true,

I'm unsatisfied with what I see

It's not all for not,

Even if it will go away,

This I know,

Right here and now is the only way

Instant gradification I adopt,

Now, that I have this doubt deep inside,

I must believe,

Still, I'll take here, far, and wide

I could crawl and hide,

Making much more of the future's worth,

You know,

Or I could abort my epiphay's birth

Who gives a flippin' fuck,

When sciencist know all but shit,

On us,

Leaving man to go crazy from it

6:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I can’t handle science! (Couldn’t proof read it!)
Category: Writing and Poetry

I don't have a constitution for science,

As I've crumbled to my knees asking,

"What in the fuck and will it all go black?",

Once some idiot figures it all out,

Committing mass expoltion of everything-

Which when I think about and read,

Is too much to ease my mind,

But only makes every second black...

In my mind

I keep thinking,

"Will this be read?",

"Will my next sylible be not?",

It's driving me crazy,

And I guess this is my answer to that...

I can not be an athesis,

When if we came from not,

To one day be not,

Wouldn't that make us nothing?

But I'm something!

That wants to give to other somethings,

That wants to take from them as well,

But mostly give-

And that's one day a child,

Which, by conincidence, is another something!

A child I want to give as love,

To all those that will love them...

Will I write,

Love is...not a particle,

Or is it many particles,

Being connected forever

4:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Will you let me be forthright to you?"
Category: Writing and Poetry

Will you let me be forthright to you?

I want to look you in the eye and be honest,

Or would that be asking far more to do?

Do you count down from 10 to exactly 2?

Do you skip 1 and 0 as symbolic shame?

Will you let me be forthright to you?

A less personal way removes the backbone you grew,

...I wonder if there is hope for that on the web,

Or would that be asking far much to do?

I wonder if Web M.D. I can sue,

With answers they give comes my plea,

Will you let me be forthright to you?

Do you know all without a clue?

Or is forgiveness a possibility normally,

Or would that be asking far much to do?

Is it all a one way avenue,

On cyber street or in the real world...

Will you let me be forthright to you?

Or would that be asking far much to do?

(I need real friends)

8:27 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Though I am a world’s away" (villanelle)
Current mood: Depressed about this
Category: Depressed about this Writing and Poetry

Though I am a world's away,

Living like a bum...wanting to live for you,

I feel that this is the only way-

I'll make you elated someday,

Or at least that is my plan I wanted,

Though I am a world's away-

A definate leach, if I don't stray,

Though you help me, so I feel like a leach,

I feel that this is the only way-

Though I don't work, it's not all play,

For I think of you and what I can do,

Though I am a world's away-

Now, I am stuck in shades of grey,

And I don't see that changing still,

I feel that this is the only way-

On my own I must lay,

With no networking ability to speak of,

Though I am a world's away...

I feel that this is the only way.

(Living is all I can give for now)

7:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Black holes"
Current mood: Truth that needs forgotten
Category: Truth that needs forgotten Writing and Poetry

Colliding thoughts in my head,
Creating black holes,
And seeing no sight of the end…
 
Can they be reversed and if not?
Will I come out the other side the same?
 
Or, will I become it…a monster?
Swallowing up matter that matters,
To make a new space for that which needs none…
 
You are not there,
You…damn it!
You're not there…

8:04 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Rainbow"
Current mood: Enlightened
Category: Enlightened Writing and Poetry

I feel there must be a fine line here,
Between what I am and what I could be-
Now, all I can see is fog,
And all I can be is this…Not that
 
Oh, I like to be living far from here,
Living far away from all my fears-
To be go lucky,huncky dorey,
And tell that story to my grandkids,
Living in glory for generations…
 
That can't be far away from pain,
That builds onto itself with each moment-
Rolling around like cement in a truck,
And sent about to be concrete…
 
No, total bliss and total disarray,
Must be a stone's throw from one another,
With the other falling like rain,
With the weather stirring up a rainbow

10:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Breaking the rack...
Category: Writing and Poetry

In my attempt to shake up my bordum,

I've come into the game of pool (billiards)...

I don't look to play a game out really,

But like to break up an 8-ball rack-

As hard as a person can as it's what I like...

I'll spend my time racking and reracking,

Trying to find a way to knock in an many as I can,

And if I do, fine-

But mostly, I just love the sound of balls getting slameed,

Whether that be a metaphor,

Well, that's dependant on your sick mind going there...

And no, I don't just break racks all day,

As the table is in my apartment,

And if someone comes down,

Then I'll play them...and lose,

And I'll clear the table by myself too,

To break up the breaking...

So, maybe next time I'll discuss equipment,

And my persuit of said equipmental-

Which mostly involves cues

6:26 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"A charity for abuse"
Category: Writing and Poetry

Trip, fall, wink, smile...

I threw paint at the wall...

The wonder I wish I never saw,

Is the invention of hypocracy,

(If I really cared that much)

I'm just going to be stupid...Okay,

Smiling at the pouring rain...

Just so you can keep on like you do...

Working for me...I gather

Scratch, roll, fetch, bark...

I'm your lap dog...

To be your slave at your will,

Like the pet rock I am

A charity for abuse...

Contributing my time and money,

To support this cause,

That causes me pain,

That I submit to...

For I'm a slave to bonage,

As I'm chained and whipped...

In this creation of a light...

That which shines on,

Showing me the way,

To my abuse...

This I love each day

And you are one in the same...

6:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"The more you reinvent the wheel" (sonnet)
Category: Writing and Poetry

The more you reinvent the wheel,

The more I lose track of reality,

Which I gather is how you want me to feel,

That is to be lost with you in insanity-

To be found with you and not have an idenity,

For to be found means I'm not really real,

You hold me down without Earth's gravity,

You let go to let me know my soul you steal-

You hold on just so I can never ever heal,

But I let go this time without my vanity,

So, now my soul needs a ticket for meal,

Yeah, buy me and you have my simplicity-

I'm tired of giving you my constant loyalty,

I'm now the king of my own principality

7:52 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I bowl too much when I bowl
Category: Writing and Poetry

I guess I like to go bowling,

But don't really get to often,

So when I did last Tuesday,

I got it out of my system,

And bowled ten games!

(League discount during the summer)

I was really sore for a few days,

And thankfully I didn't have much else,

Because I could barely move,

But I wouldn't take it back...

In my ninth game,

I figured it out and did good,

Bowling a 146 with three strikes in a row,

Following that up with a spare, along with two others,

Truthily, I didn't feel like the tenth game,

But can you stop at that point?

And when I began the tenth game,

It was strike, spare, strike, spare, spare...

And I thought this would never end!

Well, thnakfully, I finished poorly,

Though a 127 is pretty good for me,

I could finally quit!

8:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"I watched Guiding Light blame the victim..." (Edited)
Category: Writing and Poetry

I watched Guiding Light blame the victim,
Making Olivia the villain,
While the rapist was built with shittim-
 
The Ark and the rapist in verbatim?
Well, that's it in a nutshell when,
I watched Guiding Light blame the victim-
 
How did she change if not by his venom?
Making the girl Eve of Eden,
While the rapist was built with shittim-
 
Does redemption come at Never A.M.?
In this game of cowboys and indians,
I watched Guiding Light blame the victim-
 
Is Olivia real, but the rapist not him?
As I saw Eve become the snake,
While the rapist was built with shittim-
 
Two dramas make a satire in tandem,
Or is sin a parasitic cure?
I watched Guiding Light blame the victim,
While the rapist was built with shittim
 
 
(It should be said this is paciffic to one incident, but is universal in looking at your own morals.)

3:32 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"I can only go to that one place..." (Edited)
Current mood: determination
Category: determination Writing and Poetry

I can only go to that one place,

speaking to you, talking back,

And get a hateful answer in haste-

To exist in that shit shows my taste,

But the other shelters gave up on me so,

I can only go to that one place-

You are either reformed or you are a waste,

I am the ladder in capped fonts,

And get a hateful answer in haste-

It's mostly "FREAK" in their pursuit to win the race,

Hoping I give by bruising my feelings but,

I can only go to that one place-

Now, I keep along at my prior pace,

Reminding everyone I'm just one of many more,

And get a hateful answer in haste-

My pride is my only saving grace,

Though it will be my demise if they choose so,

I can only go to that one place,

And get a hateful answer in haste

1:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"I have taken on the press who don't don’t care" (Edited))
Category: Writing and Poetry

(Edited)

I have taken on the press who don't care,

Being minority or am I apartheid...

To my segragation, driven into despair-

Show them the money and it could be fair,

Hence I'm called crazy here, far, and wide,

I have taken on the press who don't care-

Drop the perverbial potato right there!

Frozen as it is into hot oil fried,

To my segragation, driven into despair-

How 'bout I send a money order there?

As that move will prove the point I made,

I have taken on the press who don't care-

To have money to their power player...

That would show everyone their truth they lied,

To their segragation, driven into despair-

I guess money can buy power anywhere,

Or power comes from my tired hands dried...

I have taken the press who don't care,

To my segragation, driven into despair

And make sure you say what you mean when you say it.  Otherwise, you might not get to say it again to open ears.

11:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment