I brushed my teeth today.
Current mood: artistic

I brushed my teeth today. While my angst riddled heart bled to the poetic justice of Linkin Park. Afterwards I went to a shit head bar full of ugly gothic people, so I could feel better about myself.

I listened to some guy scream while some static was played in the background. Everyone wore black and looked upset, so I thought my pink man vest contrasted pretty well.

The guy of the "screaming man band" told me something deep. So I told him to "crawl to my exsistance, on a bed of broken dreams." It was so deep he jumped out the closest window and fell 4 stories to his death. I think he landed on a homeless guy.

Afterwards I think I raped someone in the parking lot, it might have been that goth dude that jumped out the window. I was drunk and I do things when im drunk.

11:56 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

that show invasion, with fat kids
Current mood: confused

I was watching that new show "invasion" today. I used my binoculars that I took from a homeless man, because he found them for free. So it wasn't really his. Anyway I used those things to watch it on my neighbors TV.

It was getting good till his kid named "donut destroyer" changed the channel to some poorly drawn wacky haired pedophile loving Japanese cartoon. He ruined everything. Normally Id just go over their and slap the fat out of his skull. Except I got one of those ankle bracelets on that alerts the fuzz every time I leave my house. Its like one of those bracelets that goes around convicts necks in that really bad 80s movie. When you try to escape it blows your head off.

So I had to improvise. I quickly remembered that the Donut Destroyer left his slingshot in my yard the day I punched him in the stomach for getting my mail that comes to his house. He puked donut juice all over my yard when I hit him. It was funny. Shut up.

Back to what I was talking about. I couldn't leave my house. So I figured id change the channel by using my new slingshot. I have lots of large steel BBs so I thought they would be the best to use.

I opened my window and took the first shot at the TV. It didn't go where I wanted it, but I hit donut destroyer in the head. He fell right over, prolly puked a little donut juice up. So I shot another, this time it went straight into the glass of the TV braking it all to hell. Stupid cheap Korean built TV. American TVs dont break when you shoot them with giant BBs. I know this.

Anyways I said I had a lot of steel BBs. I lied, I only had two. I couldn't finish my show, I saw the first 5 mins, it was good. I hate that kid though.

12:45 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I have a computer and need an intarnet girl friend
Current mood: scared

I have a computer and need an intarnet girl friend. I have no friends, im very ugly and I live in my mothers basement. Call me 

Im getting pissed because this stupid thing was prolly over 500 bucks and hasnt got me any babes. The guy across the street should have paid for bars on their windows before hand. No bars means its free. 

I punched their kid in the gut once because he was trying to get my mail that comes to their house. The post office puts their name on it to fool me. My mail box doesnt work anymore because I ran over it with a free car I found. So I use theirs.

3:27 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

This one time at band camp...
Current mood: touched by an angel in the pants

This one time at band camp, I played the flute and totaly got my ass kicked by the instructor. He was all like "you play the flute and like it."


I didnt like it.

8:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

my day of goodness and death
Current mood: artistic

Today I was viewing the mind box that shows magnificent pictures. Amoung the mind box viewing, my stomach rumbled a terrible sound. From the regions unknown I exploded a terrible fart. From the demons mouth sprang blood and filth. Most likely from the many 50cent tacos I ate at the taco bell, where I found them in the dumpster behind the store for free.

Seeing how I dont believe in toliet paper. I had no option but to goto Piggly Wiggly. Where I had been barred from ever going. Yet I had no choice. Quickly I wrapped my lower regions in plastic bags to cover the digusting mess of human fecal matter. It was cold outside, to cold. The crap that covered my body now began to harden, forming caked on turd armor of +5 armor and -2 to charisma.

None the less I had to gain paper towels. I walked the 5 minute journey to the Piggly Wiggly I live behind. Several times I fell and wept fearing the end and frost bite.

When I walked in the door the cleaning lady looked at me like I was a Juggalo. It angered me as I screamed I dont like ICP. She was shocked because I had won and was better. I proceeded to the toliet isle where I picked up some fine "Always Save" paper towels. Knowing full well that if I was spotted by the clerk Id be arrested again. With that fresh thought I heard the words "what the fuck is that smell." That was my cue to leave this filthly hole of lies.

I quickly turned and threw a roll of nickles at that persons head. Then I relized I throw like a girl and hit some canned beans knocking them over. Thinking fast I rolled a 20 side dice, it landed on a natural 20. I shrieked in my highest voice "YOU SHOULD LIKE ME."

7:34 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment