Knee Update

So I saw an specialist* today about my knee. He asked me a few questions, pushed and prodded at the knee, and said, "Well, here's what we know: you hurt your knee." (Gee, thanks Doc - hope you didn't pay much for medical school.) Actually, he was pretty cool and too the point, which I prefer. There's no way for him to know exactly what's wrong without some further testing. If its the best case scenario, I just rest, ice, and eventually it heals up and I'm on my merry way. If its the worst case scenario (ACL or cartilage tear) then it may involve surgery and all that goes with that. He offered me the choice of just resting and seeing if that worked or getting and MRI and knowing exactly what's wrong. There's a choice there? :-) (Thankfully, my health insurance allows me to say that. If yours doesn't I feel for you.)

On Monday at 4:45 I get to have an MRI, then. Once that's done the specialist will look at the results and call me within five days. Kelly thought that was a long time, and then said she was used to "cancer time". In the meantime, the doctor said I don't have to wear my knee imobilizer (YEAH!!!) and that moving in a straight line should be ok, but not to push it. Hey, I'll take that! :-)

So that's what I know - I'll let you know when I know anything further.

*I know there's a name for a doctor who works on joints, bones, etc, but I'm having the hardest time remembering it. I keep wanting to say oncologist, only because I'm used to that. So feel free to mock me about that if you wish; I'm ready for it.

9:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Donovan McNabb, Jerry Rice, and Me!

We've all got something in common, and no, it's not our outrageous salaries or athletic gifts.

Unfortunately, it's our knees. McNabb and Rice both had torn anterior cruciate ligaments, or ACLs, and though I don't know the extent of the damage to mine, there's a good chance it's messed up pretty badly.

We were playing a game called Russian soccer in youth group tonight, which is kind of like a cross between rugby and soccer - suffice it to say it involves lots of tackling. I was going for a tackle and left my feet because the guy I was trying to tackle was also trying to pass the ball. I remember coming down awkwardly and feeling my knee twist, and then a distintive popping sensation. Oh, and PAIN. I ended up on the ground in a crumpled heap, trying to calm myself down and knowing I'd done something to my knee.

The x-ray was clear (which is good), but a quick examination by the doctor in the ER showed a potential ACL injury. With any luck, it will just be sprained and I'll just be laid up for a while. If it's torn...well, let's just say I'll get to know an orthopedic doctor and some physical therapists REALLY well in the next few months.

Please pray for me. Thankfully I'm not in a lot of pain, but the knee just doesn't work right, so I'm hobbling around on crutches and trying to figure out how to carry stuff from one end of the house to the other. Oh, and it's my right knee, so I can't really drive, either. So also pray for Kelly, as she's going to have to help me out A LOT for a while.

Thanks and I'll keep you informed.

9:43 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A ruler will come, ancient and strong...

Last Saturday I went to a concert with my brother. It was by a guy named Andrew Peterson with some other artists and was called Behold the Lamb of God. A few years ago Peterson recording an album of the same name with the idea of musically retelling the story of Christmas.

The concert was great and the album is very good, too. What I really appreciate about it, though, is that he doesn't start the story in Palestine 2000 years ago. He starts the story with Moses and the children of Israel under Pharaoh in Egypt. He outlines the story of Moses, the first passover, the Exodus, and the history of the nation of Israel in three songs (a VERY brief outline) and gets to the point where the Israelites are waiting for their new king. He describes what their expectations probably are around the coming king, and then uses Isaiah 53 as God's response. Musically and lyrically it's brilliantly done.

I'm really grateful for this because it's gotten me to reflect on the incarnation more than I can ever remember doing. The Israelites were looking for a king, and a king in the way they understood kings - powerful, warrior-like, ready to do battle and reclaim the Promised Land from the Gentiles that occupied it. And God responds in such a radically different way - with an apparently bastard baby boy in a stable from the slums of Galilee. He's announced to shepherds, the garbage collectors of that time, and the only people of power that recognize him are from some nebulous 'Eastern' land. (Iran? India? China?) They certainly weren't Jews, whoever they were.

We know how the rest of Jesus' life played out, and he continued to radically fulfill Isaiah's prophecy while not giving the Israelites what they wanted - this was not the king they were looking for.

Paul later tells us that Jesus physical life was the fullness of God on Earth. He was the Word made flesh, the King of Kings, walking on dusty trails with calloused hands and no house to go to. God announces a new way of things, and flips our ideas of power and strength upside down! The King was not born to pomp and high celebration but poor and in simplicity, known only to the downtrodden. His eventual throne was a cross. And he was God with us!

The Israelites were looking for power as they understood it, and Jesus provided a new and humble definition of power, strength, kingship. Basically, I think he was saying our understandings of such things are broken and wrong - might does not make right, kingdoms aren't about land and boundaries, and ruling and leadership begins not with being served but serving. The Israelites didn't get it, that God in the incarnation was showing his way to live. As Christmas approaches, and we celebrate this birth, I hope I can start to get it. The Man of Sorrows is the King of Kings, and the way he lived is how God designed it to be.

Isaiah 53
Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by others,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our inequities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was their any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

9:52 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

You can’t be a Christian and a Democrat, can you?!?

I once jokingly said this my freshman year in college, but it was pretty close to how I thought about Christianity's place in politics and the world back then. It's pretty typical to come out of a place like East Millinocket with that kind of view, especially if you're in the church. Change as a rule is looked down on in small towns, as it's generally bad news for folks. And tradition is held in high esteem in places where children, parents, and grandparents sit in the pews and serve on the same committees.

The more I learn about Christ and his message, though, the more I realize how foolish that statement at the top is. (And no, I don't think Christ would register as a Democrat were he a voting US citizen. I don't think he'd be a Republican either, and that's not the point.) For one, it makes it seem like Christians aren't allowed to disagree on various points of 'lesser' theology. Augustine got it right - in essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity or love. Political positions are very important, but when it comes to or faith (which should be THE defining position of our lives) they aren't essential. So have grace with those who think differently, and if you're lucky you'll learn something from them.

Secondly (and this is where I'm delving into the non-essential stuff), the principles Christ put forth line up more with what we'd determine to be liberal, at least in my estimation. Think about the things Jesus and the church stood for, preached, and practiced: love to all, including enemies; living with non-materialistic motives; working on behalf of the poor and broken; taking care of societal outcasts; living in community, both literally and figuratively; sharing what you have; equality among people of different social, ethnic, and economic standings. These are not conservative views on things, at least not in my experience with conservative rhetoric and action.

Don't misunderstand me - there are conservative views within Scripture and Christian teaching, too. (Paul's admonition to obey government leaders comes to mind.) But those I listed above are some of the key features of Jesus ministry, and the church's acting out of that ministry. I think Jesus had a very radical view of what society should look like, and it wasn't one where folks were self-reliant, bootstrap tugging and capitalistic.

As I said earlier, I don't think Jesus would identify with either of the main political parties in the US. Conservatism lives in both, and both have records of doing things and supporting things are decidedly ungodly. I do think, however, that many (if not all) of the core Scriptural views of what society should look like conform more with liberal ideology than with conservative. And I think many people in this country don't agree with or realize this.

What do you think? And, more to the point, does any of this matter in the grand scheme of things? I'd be interested in hearing your responses and talking about it (see the Augustine line in the second paragraph).

12:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A Tree

Sorry I haven't put anything here for a while - I discovered I like Facebook better, but here's what I just wrote there. Enjoy!

At work I sit next to a window on the ninth floor of an eleven story building. There's nothing else that tall for miles around, and I'm not facing the sun, so I get some really cool views. Sadly, I'm moving down two floors and away from the window at the end of December, so I'm enjoying things while I can.

Across the street from my building is another office building (I'm in an office park of sorts). In front of the parking lot that is in front of the office building is a strip of grass. Planted in the grass are a number of tress that are equidistant from each other. They're deciduous (maples of some sort, I think) and most have shed the majority of their brightly-colored leaves. In fact, they're all pretty barren, except for one.

I have no idea why this one tree still has a full canopy, especially when I see the pile of leaves below it. But it's a really wonderful sight, this one stubborn tree. It stands by itself in front of a bunch of cars and proclaims the glory of a New England fall long after it should have gone into hibernation. Its neighbors still have a few leaves left, but they have mostly given up. For whatever reason, this tree refuses to budge until forced by impulses beyond my understanding.

This part of Massachusetts is heavily forested, so I've been privileged to see lots of wonderful color this fall. It's glorious to have a birds-eye view of the changing hues, especially when the light is growing or retreating. But this one tree keeps drawing my attention, even though I need to turn my head to the left to get sight of it. I find it very strange in its singular beauty, but I'm also thrilled to have its company.

I actually got to visit it up close this afternoon, as I had business in the offices across the street. So I walked right past my friendly tree. He did not notice me, but that's fine - he's a tree after all, right? If I had time, I'd like to sit next to this tree with a book and something warm to drink and just enjoy what life offers there. Sadly, I'm never in this area unless I'm at work, and I don't really have time for such luxuries. So this tree and I will have to remain friends from afar, my visit this afternoon notwithstanding.

I realize I'm probably a bit nutty for calling a tree my friend and all. But I'm so invigorated and enlivened by autumn, and always have been, that its hard for me to not think of its features as dear friends that visit for a few months every year. I know some people who want to rush fall away so they can get to winter for skiing and Christmas and such things. I also know those who wish fall would never come and that summer would stay forever. (I live in New England - NO ONE wishes for spring.) And I enjoy summer and winter, and yes, even spring on some occasions. But I would be heartbroken to miss September, October, and November in this part of the world. And if you find yourself mourning the loss of 80 degree days or pining for snow, I strongly suggest you find some forested area on a clear, crisp morning and introduce yourself to trees like my friend out the window.

7:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

This & That

-Kelly is doing well. She had her last chemo about 10 days ago and aside from some really strange sleep patterns is feeling pretty good. She has an MRI on Tuesday and sees her oncologist on Wednesday. Then she'll meet with her surgeon and set up a date for that. Please keep praying as treatment continues, but thank the Lord at least once piece of it is over.

-There was a prayer service at Elliott St. this evening, and if you weren't there I'm sorry for you, because you missed out. How often do you have time reserved to be still before the Lord? And especially to do so in a place that was built to invite the presence of the Lord of Hosts? It was an experience of the divine for me, and one I hope to not soon forget.

-There's a passage in 1 Kings where God tells Elijah that he's going to show up. And there are all these huge phenomenons that happen - fire and thunder and wind - but God is not in that. Its only when there is silence that Elijah falls on his face, because the Living God has shown up. That story resonates with me; God has never really been in the loud, outrageous things of the world for me, but in the silence. I know I'm connecting with Him when I shut up because words all of the sudden aren't enough.

I was thinking about this driving tonight and came to the conclusion that this is largely the reason I'm not a pentecostal anymore. (If you didn't know, I went to a pentecostal, tongue-speaking church in high school.) That's not to bash on pentecostal churches or believers. For some, it's a perfect fit, and I have no doubts that God is blessed and pleased with those who worship that way. But that's not how I'm wired; I never really have been.

-Sometime, when you want to draw close to God, find a cross to sit in front of, look at it for a while, and start going over the lyrics to the hymn When I Survey The Wondrous Cross. This is especially effective if the cross is at least life-size. Let your imagination be filled with the imagery; "See from his head, his hands, his feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down. Did e'er such love and sorrow meet, or thorns compose so rich a crown?" And then worship your God who gave all he had for you.

-Did I mention you missed a great service of prayer tonight if you weren't at Elliott St.? :-)

-I miss my wife. It's funny to think that, as I've actually seen her awake quite a bit this last week or so, but it's very true. I think, when she's awake and has some energy, she get so focused on the things she has to do or people she hasn't seen for awhile (which makes perfect sense). Then she either can't finish because she's so tired or she finishes and is really tired. Just another reason to dislike cancer.

-Just like the enemy of our soul: Tonight after the aforementioned prayer time, my mind started fretting and getting angry at stuff over which I have no control and is honestly none of my business. Thankfully I didn't stew on it as long as I sometimes do (I still stewed awhile before realizing what was going on, so there's work to do yet) but was able to ask for help, which Christ gave willingly (no surprise there).

-Okay, that's all for now. Sorry for the delay in posts...I do more blogging on Facebook, but not much more.

7:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A response to Ann's old blog about summer v. winter

I cannot believe I didn't see this sooner! I have a few issues with Ann's original blog, and thought the best way to take them up would be to respond in kind. So, without further adieu, Why Winter Is Better Than Summer:

Winter: Crisp and invigorating
Summer: So hot you can't move

Winter: Sun
Summer: Hail

Winter: Cuddling up under warm blankets
Summer: Sweating until your shirt is soaked

Winter: Sleeping in
Summer: Waking up with the sun before 5am

Winter: Stillness
Summer: Mosquitoes

Winter: Pure white on everything after a snowfall
Summer: Brown when it doesn't rain for a week

Winter: Making snow forts and throwing snow balls at each other, then running inside and warming up with cocoa and laughter.
Summer: Did I mention sweating? Or better yet, flopping on a chair in an air conditioned room because it's just too hot to move.

Winter: Whatever you wear over your skin
Summer: Lobster red

Winter: "Which of my really cool clothes will I wear today?"
Summer: "Why are only babies allowed to be naked in public?!?"

Winter: Snow days!
Summer: NEVER an unexpected day off. (Sorry Ann, most of us live in the REAL world...)

Winter: Going for a morning walk and seeing your breath.
Summer: Going for a morning walk and being soaked after 30 seconds.

Winter: Romantic, dim, candlelight dinners.
Summer: Chasing the ants away from your hotdog that tastes like lighter fluid and bug spray.

Winter: Seeing glorious sunrises and sunsets.
Summer: Blazing, searing sun

Winter: Loving the smell and warmth of the kitchen
Summer: Ugh, it's too HOT to cook!!!

Now I admit that summer does allow for some things more than winter, but just because you can't stand the a little cold doesn't mean you should disparage an entire season for the rest of us. Winter can be (and is) a really neat time, too.

And honestly, Ann, if you really dislike winter that much, what on God's green earth are you doing in Rochester, NY, the snowiest city on the country?!? Try Florida, or Phoenix--they got snow this January for the first time in 10 years!

1:07 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Update .2

I apologize for any cross-postings and old information, but I wanted to give a pretty comprehensive update, so here goes...

Kelly had the last of what I'll call her 'diagnostic' exams yesterday afternoon. Since she was diagnosed on June 1 (has it really only been 18 days??? ) she's had a PET scan, heart scan, blood tests, and more physical exams than I can count. She's been a real trooper through it all and I'm impressed with and proud of her for how she's handled it all.

Here's what we know: She has a 6 cm cancerous mass in her left breast that is growing. It's probably been there for years, as most cancers are and just take a while to manifest. It's moved into three lymph nodes under her left arm but no further than that, which is good. She has no other symptoms at this point.

Her medical oncologist, surgeon, and radiation oncologist all agree on a course of treatment, which is nice (she also had a second surgeon and medical oncologist look at her findings and they are also in agreement with the first opinion). They want to start with chemotherapy to shrink down the tumor and kill off any cells that may have spread around the body but are too small to show up in a PET scan. Then they will do surgery, a few weeks of radiation therapy, and probably some more chemo. Because Kelly is so young, generally healthy and has no family history of breast cancer, they want to treat her aggressively so that this doesn't return.

Kelly has a genetic test on Tuesday, and she should get the results back before her surgery. If she has certain genetic markers, she would probably some other things, but that's premature. I'm praying that there is no genetic link, as that would mean this is just one rogue thing that can be dealt with and done.

Kelly will probably start chemo early next week. The treatment will be once every two weeks, and she'll probably have four cycles before surgery. That actually works out nicely with the rest of her summer, as her big events are on her 'off' weeks. Still, it's going to be a long road.

Thank you for your prayers and support to this point--they are so appreciated. Please keep them coming!!! Pray especially for Robert, our foster son, through all this. So far he's been okay, but I'm concerned what will happen when Kelly's sick from chemo.

I apologize for the length of this, but wanted to give you all a full update. I'll post more when I get it. Thanks again.

6:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Update

Kelly received the results of her PET scan, which was pretty good. The cancer is mostly centered in the lump in her left breast but has moved into the lymph node under her left arm. But, it doesn't appear to have gone any further than that, which is good.

We meet with her oncologist on Thursday, who who at that point probably recommend a course of treatment. However, we're not going to start anything until after next Monday, when an interdisciplinary team will meet to look over Kelly's case and give their opinion. This team will include an oncologist, a surgeon and a few other folks and will pretty much serve as a second opinion.

Thanks again for your prayers--the PET results are good and took a load off our minds, but there's still a long road ahead. I'll send more updates as I have them.

6:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thanks, and a public service announcement

First and foremost, thank you all for your support and prayers for Kelly and I (both online and through other means). It means a great deal to us to know we are loved and being lifted up regularly. Please keep praying and saying hi; I'll do my best to post regular updates here.

So now to the public service announcement, specifically for all you ladies; make sure you're doing breast self-exams. The more you do them, the more you'll be comfortable doing them, and the easier you'll be able to spot something weird. I'm not an expert on the subject, obviously, but if you want some guidance on how to do an exam check out www.breastcancer.org and search for self exam. It's recommended you do self-exams about once a month and they really don't take too long or cause too much trouble; from what I understand you can easily do them in the morning as you're getting ready for work/school/etc.

That's it for now - I'll be talking with you again soon.

9:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment