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July 3, 2008 - Thursday
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John and Janie Doe’s Got a Gun: THE END IS NEAR!!
Current mood:  scared
Category: News and Politics
This is a satire article I wrote for Thepeoplescube.com
Comrades, normally I would adhere to party doctrine and never succumb to Han Solo's tendency to "have a bad feeling" but out of fear of losing my quarterly toilet paper ration I must report to you all the most grave of news.
Just a week ago today the Supreme Court of the United States, albeit a non-binding part of government according to President Bosh, just ruled in DC v Heller that *gasp* the people have the right to bear AK-47s and M249 squad-automatics! That's a job for the military and law enforcement since they're ordained by the state, not by John Wayne movies!! This is disturbing news comrades; how can the state force work efficiency bymaking people go to work and pay 80% of their money to charity so Uncle Obama can wear nice boots if the people can resist? How can the safety of criminals be ensured when dastardly things like the Castle Doctrine allows untrained sheep to shoot home intruders who are only trying to redistribute the wealth like Robin Hood only without green tights?
It's been a week since the ruling and it's effects are already being felt. The uneducated in gun crime are putting up signs saying"private property" and "You will be shot and killed." They even try toput confusing letters that I guess is some local law. Privacy is contrary to the common good so if it isn't an open house, I say it should be... their personal art collection would look great in John Edward's fuel-efficient house anyway.
On top of that, people are already questioning the handgun bans in Chicago. How is organized crime supposed to conduct business and maintain order where law enforcement dare not go if the people can defend themselves? Not to mention it means no-knock warrants are considerably more dangerous now that plain-clothes officers have to actually show their badges and identify themselves. How can they operate with so much red tape?! After all, if you have nothing to hide, then you should have no problem letting in the local SWAT team and let them sift through your good China like a bulldozer.
Then there's Kalifornia; our place of refuge and source of wisdom in these dangerous times. We need to keep all firearms with pistol grips,barrel shrouds (whatever those are), bayonet mounts, and chambered in .50BMG outlawed! Just because they only exist in fiction, doesn't mean the civilians should have them! Just look at what these assault weapons can do!!
Just look at this test conducted at the Metreon in San Francisco!! It can clear A WHOLE ROOM WITH ONE SHOT and, as you can tell by the tester's health gauge in the Heads-Up Display, it does not injure the user!! Imagine what emo boy could have done at Virginia Tech with this fictional weapon of mass destruction!!
These are troubling times comrades as the country we know and love to hate is spiraling downwards into a John Wayne movie where the fight scenes goes on forever. The people must not be allowed to arm themselves, even for the sake of defense, for in a perfect world we'll have armed police officers and guardsman on every street corner. It solved the campus crisis of the 1970s and it'll solve our issues of racism, homophobia, and fear or wicker furniture.
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Currently
reading
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1984 (Signet Classics)
By
George Orwell
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11:55 AM
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Guitar Hero: Got Stars In Your Eyes 3
Current mood:  tired
Category: Games
That's right, it's time for this year's projections into Guitar Hero 4!!
Just last week Activision released Guitar Hero Aerosmith for the next generation systems and I did something this year I have not done yet with any of the Guitar Hero releases; I didn't buy it. I'll admit it, Guitar Hero 3 did it in for me with the greater emphasis places on background aesthetics rather than gameplay and selection of songs. I felt as though the look was waaaay too emo and too many songs were made within the last two years of the game's release, turning the game's title "Legends of Rock" into a misnomer.
Now no franchise is perfect as every one has their black sheep installment. Xenosaga had Episode II, Final Fantasy had X-2, Indiana Jones had The Temple of Doom, etc. etc. You would think that with a franchise with an excellent record they would redeem themselves on the next run.
Unfortunately, Activision did the exact opposite; they released Guitar Hero Aerosmith.
 Even with GH: Rock the 80s, they had an excellent mix of songs to make up for a more-of-the-same style game but GH: Aerosmith takes that style of game and butchers it with a 60% homogenous sound. 60% of the songs in Aerosmith are from the band of the same name, leaving the other 40% various songs from popular bands like Joan Jett and Cheap Trick. While this is nice and dandy, the 40% are simply openers.
Seeing this from a mile (or in the measurement of time, months) away, I decided to save my money and wait for Final Fantasy IV to hit the DS. It'd be cheaper anyway.
Despite this failure of an installment in a very successful franchise, many are looking for the upcoming release of Guitar Hero 4 to save us all from the last two abysmal failures. The soundtrack is still a mystery but that isn't stopping people from pouring in their votes on in from across the blogosphere.
I've been going over some of the surveys and here are the most requested songs.
1: Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne
2: Hotel California by The Eagles
3: Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin (Don't deny us again!)
I'll admit, I love these songs and hope they make it.
So, what does the pop culture guru from BF North Dakota think should be in the final cut for Guitar Hero 4? Well, in no particular order....
1: Real Gone by Sheryl Crow
2: Peace of Mind by Boston
3: Superstition by Stevie Wonder
4: Money for Nothing by Dire Straights
5: Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx
6: Running Down a Dream by Tom Petty
7: You Know My Name by Chris Cornell
8: I Want It All by Queen
9: All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix
10: The Transformers by Lion
11: Wizards in Winter by The Trans-Siberian Orchestra
12: I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick
13: The Boys Are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy
14: Hotel California (Extended Accoustic) by The Eagles
15: Green River by Creedence Clearwater Revival
16: I Get Around by The Beach Boys
17: White Room by Cream
18: Basket Case by Green Day
19: We're An American Ban by Grand Funk Railroad
20: Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Barry
21: House of the Rising Sun by The Animals
22: Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf
23: Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
24: 867-5309 by Tommy Tutone
25: Are You Gonna Go My Way (Gran Turismo 3 Mix) by Lenny Kravitz
26: Summertime Blues by Eddie Cochran (The Who Mix)
27: Beat It by Michael Jackson
28: Smooth by Rob Thomas
29: Viva Las Vegas by ZZ Top
30: Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin
31: Crazy Train by Ozzy
32: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
Lemme know if you guys have any more suggestions!
12:27 AM
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June 25, 2008 - Wednesday
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Fiance Younger then the State Law Permits? Saudi Chapel Services is the Answer for You!
Current mood:  sick
Category: News and Politics
Now, I can remember the time I had an untimely encounter with the daughter of an Air Force officer I worked for and she was 17, albeit the consent age in the state was 17. The cadets and enlisted folk would never let it up, giving me the nickname "Staff Sergeant." I felt like a weirdo afterwards.. but THIS makes what I did look like nothing.
According to the article by FoxNews, marriage with anyone as young as one years of age is OK so long as "sex is postponed." How long that postponement is has yet to be determined but I think at least a double-digit year waiting period is involved.
Recently, Eharmony.com CEO Dr. Nick Clark Warren hired Dr. Ahmad al-Mu'bi to work as a love consultant for the Middle Eastern world as well as certain North American special interest groups.. Here's a screenshot of his recent work.
12:05 PM
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