Shhhhhhh! Mean Are Watching Baseball T-shirts
Category: Sports

Hey suckers!A lot of people have been asking about how to get our new "Shhh! Men Are Watching Baseball" T-shirts so I figured I'd give you the scoop.I have a whole box of them thanks to Brad over at Enemy Ink with sizes running from Small to Extra Large. Why did I get small T-shirts instead of 2XLs? Because I'm retarded.

If you're looking to snatch up one of these beauts, the best way to get it done is via paypal. Our paypal address is fatcitymag at hotmail dot com. Just spell it out in emailspeak and it'll work. Trust me. If paypal ain't your style, you can mail the cash or money order to PO BOX 120196, Boston, MA 02112.

The cost is $12 in the US, $14 if you live in Canada. I'll also toss in some free stuff because that's what I like to do. There's a pic below or you can just click here. I only have a couple of white shirts left and the rest are in NAVY BLUE.

Currently watching : Mad Max (Special Edition) Release date: 01 January, 2002

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Bad Punk Makes Jay Something Something ...
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Surprisingly I wasn't drunk when I wrote this but I DID listen to all four Methadones CDs.

Here's the State of the City in 2007:

It's very rare that I get out of the house and go to shows these days but when I do, there's an endless barrage of questions asked in between and during the consumption of beers: "Hey dude, how's the magazine going? When's the next one coming out? What have you been up to? Do you have any Advil?" Well, let me just say that the next printed issue of Fat City is probably never coming out. Ever. Well, maybe if they finally release Spenser: For Hire on DVD I'll find some inspiration. I have a great idea for the finale but I think I might save it for a book instead. It's not that I dislike doing the magazine it's just that the magazine and music industry suck giant, sweaty, unwashed trucker gonads in a rest stop bathroom with one bare, 60-watt bulb swinging from a chord above the depravity.

I took it on the chin like a silicone-injected porn star the day Tower Records went under and when Thorp/Sailor's Grave snuck off like a thief in the night with my ad money – not to mention album advances and royalties for a bunch of good bands – I started to think, wow, these guys are fucking crooks. The hundred beans Takeover Records owes me that I'll never see? Yeah, that was probably my fault for not investigating that the label was run from some douche in a shitty fruitcake band. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the magazine … it's kaput … as a printed entity. Distributors don't like to pay, paper costs a ton of money and I can't whore myself out and start three different magazines catering to emosexuals, street punks and metalcore hermaphrodites. Sorry but my fashion sense hasn't changed since 10^th grade. I've got standards. And I like to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see some sort of punk rock advertising money bucklebunny.

I know I've been talking a big game for the last three years but I'm hitting the home stretch with moving everything to the web. They have this new thing called video that I think is going to be huge. I might as well hop on board before it becomes the next big thing. Those of you who like what Fat City has to offer should still enjoy it although the coverage will be expanded. I'm not going to scrape a homeless guy's turd nugget off the sidewalk and claim it holds true to  "the punk rock ethos," I'll leave that to Brett Gurewitz. He's doing a bang-up job (snicker, snicker…nice signings, buddy.) There will still be interviews with bands that are making good music and wanton cheap shots taken at ones that are in it for the money and think they're bigger than Jesus---Jones or Christ. There will also be interviews with people involved in the media and entertainment biz as well as sports coverage. Why? Because it's a hell of a lot more interesting than any of the bullshit that's been going on in "the scene" in years. I mean, those hacks in the recently reunited Rage Against the machine think they can "tear down the Bush Administration" by playing some nerd festival in California. Are they fucking serious? Were they ever relevant to anyone besides confused suburban white teens and befuddled "music critics?" You fucking phonies, go back to writing movie soundtrack songs with Chris Cornell for Vin Diesel flicks. I lost my train of thought again, stupid bullshit makes me go off on tangents. Bah!

If anyone wants to swap banner ads for T-shirt printing or buttons, drop me an email cause I need them both. Also, if you're a band, a label, or a cool business and want to take out ads with us on the new site they start at $50 a month. Up front. I don't want to have to beat up anymore poor mothers and steal their WIC checks to publish my shit. I retired my ski mask and snatch and grab moves after printing Issue 10.

One final thing, if you live in the US and want to help me clear space in my office, we're still running our fall cleaning special. You can buy ANY Fat City of your choice plus one of MY choice along with a minimum of 5 CDs, a bunch of coupons for Listerine and Boston Market, and a ton of other surprises by sending $5 (cash only) to our PO Box.  And remember, it's for AMERICANS only, no Canadians, no Mexicans and definitely no Swedes. (These restrictions are due to postal rates only, not my xenophobia or jingoism.)

Until then, hey neighbor, have a 'Gansett and for the love of all things holy stop sending me motherfucking metal CDs. I just bring them down to the men's shelter to toss in the barrel fire while we pass around a bottle of Scope and get plastered!

Currently listening : Destroyed By Sloppy Seconds

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Six-Disc Changer to round out December
Current mood: drunk
Category: drunk Music

Man, I haven't updated this effer in months. I feel like I've let everybody down. For shame. If you haven't heard, I've quit my job so right now I'm drunk and messing around on myspace. Here's the current Six-Disc arrangement as far as I can remember. I have a feeling if I run down to the car right now the coppers will get me so I'm gonna have to use the ol' drunken noodle to fill in the blanks.

Jay

1. The Lemonheads by The Lemonheads
        Evan Dando is back and this time he's bringing Karl and Bill from the Descendents with him. This CD took like two seconds to grow on me and when I stop slacking I'll give it a glowing review on fatcityrockers.com.

2. The Very Best of Drunky the Bear (monsters.fm mp3s)
        Our buddy Drunky posted eight of his latest "One Minute of Comedies" on his section of the monsters.fm website and I quickly burned them on a CD-R for my mobile listening pleasure. "Bums don't have families. No one will miss him." Great stuff Mr. Vann American!

3. Death Valley High by Zombina & The Skeletones
        This band from the UK has been sending me CDs for the past three years and the punk opera is the BEST thing they have ever recorded. Completely Awesome and it will be a shame if it's not widely released in the States. So many different styles, so many different sounds from one great band. Again, look forward to a review.

4. Lenny & The Piss Poor Boys (self titled)
        The long-awaited Lenny Lashley (Darkbuster( fronted country band CD release! Although its devoid of many of the band's best songs (mostly cover tunes) it's still a great listen. Review forthcoming, blah, blah, blah ...

5. "Dugout Out Mix #3" various artists
        I just found this CD-R I made for my birthday party at the Dugout Cafe on Comm. Ave in a random CD case so I'm stoked on it all over again. How could I not be? It has "Kill the Trendy" by Sloppy Seconds, "Another Bag of Bricks" by Flogging Molly and "Sin City" by AC/DC in a row!

6. Come On Feel The Lemonheads by The Lemonheads
        Erin and I just went to see them play at Avalon (we showed up while he was playing "Skulls") and I wanted her to be more familiar with the core material. It's a good disc.

That's what it do!
Jay

Currently listening : Death Valley High By Zombina and The Skeletones

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Fat City Six-Disc October 10-16
Current mood: blah
Category: Music

Im not quite sure how often these six-disc assortments are going to have thematic ramifications but here's the first one. Because last weekend was the annual Fat City father-son fishing expedition and I plan on going camping in the frigid White Mountains this Saturday, I went looking for tunes that fit my mood. Here they be.

Jay

1. Two Things At Once by Descendents
        Not only are they one of the best (if not THE best) punk bands to
        hail from LA, the Descendents may have written the best punk
        song about fishing -- "Mr. Bass."
2. Punk Goes Country by Chip Hanna
        Chip suggested slappinng one of his new CDs into the mix and
        after I found myself hummin "A Country Boy Can Survive" last 
        Saturday while reeling in two big trout, I had to oblige.
3. Dear Johnny -- A Tribute to Johnny Cash by Various Artists
        All my Johnny Cash is on vinyl so this tribute will have to do.
4. The Very Best of Drunky the Bear (monsters.fm podcast)
        Chances our one of our favorite radio personalities will die in a  
        horrible stunt related mishap at the Mountain Dew Action Sports
        Tour in Orlando so I'll listen to him complain about his wife one
        last time. 
5. Don't Back Down by The Queers
        Joe Queer often works on a fishing boat in his downtime ... you
        think this might be a stretch but I saw them last Saturday and it
        was another great show. I'm hooked on them again and Joe said
        there'll be a new album on Asian Man in February.
6. Drunken Lullabies by Flogging Molly
        No connection, just a good album for a long drive.

That's all folks!
Jay

Currently listening : Two Things at Once (Milo Goes to College/Bonus Fat) By Descendents Release date: 01 November, 1991

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Fat City Six-Disc September 22-29

Im gonna be doing some driving over the next few weeks so Im loading the Fat City six-disc to the gills with some great music. Heres what Im rocking this weekend. Suggestions? Comments? Critiques? Keep em coming in the blog!

Jay

1. Within a Mile of Home by Flogging Molly
2. Scream Dracula Scream! By Rocket From the Crypt
3. 21st Century Power Pop Riot by The Methadones
4. Ruby Red by The Dambuilders
5. Sin Sin 77 (self titled)
6. Live Fast Diarrhea by The Vandals

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Preorder Information for CKY/Bronx Split 7-inch
Category: Music

OK kids, you've waited long enough. We're finally ready to post our PREORDER information for our new issue featuring the split 7-inch between CKY and The Bronx. Are you psyched? I'm psyched.

You can check out the great cover art for the album, which was painted (yes PAINTED) by Holly Doucette, over in our myspace picture zone or on the frontpage in our media player. As many of you know, CKY graciously donated "Tripled Manic State" off their last album, An Answer Can Be Found. The Bronx, however, gave us the rights to an unreleased tune called "Shitty Future." It's so new, I haven't even heard it yet. I don't even know if it'll appear on their next album in June.

Here's the ordering information you've been dying for. Because we only have 100 copies of this album left over from the shipments we sent out to Tower Records, Newbury Comics and Interpunk.com, we are only selling the album as part of the CKY SIX PACK. Each Six Pack comes with three Fat City interviews with CKY Fat City #3, #7, the brand new #10 and, of course, the split record.
 

The cost per SIX PACK is $6 shipping. Shipping within the United States is $2  per SIX PACK/$3 per SIX PACK to Canada/$7 per SIX PACK to Un-American countries. Yes, the cost of overseas mail has risen lately. We will be accepting preorders beginning March 27 in four different ways:

Paypal. This is probably the easiest way to get things done on the Internerd, especially if you're ordering from some country not named America. Our paypal address is fatcitymag at hotmail.com. Just replace at with @ and you're good to go.

Personal Checks. This can get a little skecthy but we'll accept your checks and mail your SIX PACK after it has cleared. Checks must be drawn from an AMERICAN BANK for all our Canadian pals.

Money Orders. Less sketchy than checks but the must be drawn in AMERICAN CURRENCY. No Euros, No Loonies, No Yen, etc.

Well Concealed Cash. Don't tell the Post Office because you're not supposed to do this. ONLY AMERICAN MONEY WILL BE ACCEPTED.

Our mailing address is:

Fat City Magazine

PO Box 120196

Boston, MA 02112

More info will be forthcoming on our website, www.fatcityrockers.com, once I chase the family of raccoons out from under my desk. If you have any questions until then, hit me up with an email.

Jay

Currently listening : The Bronx By The Bronx Release date: 26 August, 2003

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Parry Gripp -- Genius or Menace?
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

My vote, of course, is for genius.

If you are unfamiliar with the name Parry Gripp, you may know him as the singer from Nerf Herder who wears lots of argyle sweaters and looks like a nerd. But he's no nerd, not by a long shot. This guy has his finger on the pulse of funny and if we learned anything from movies, TV and World War II, nerds aren't funny at all.

Don't believe me? Check out his site for those about to shop.com. This little link is to a page of reviews where you can find great commentaries on things from The Grammys to banannas and cheese sandwiches. If you don't find this hilarious, you have mental problems. Or you're a big fan of "The O.C." and "The War At Home." Both programs, written by unfunny nerds.

Jay

Currently listening : My E.P. By Nerf Herder Release date: 03 July, 2001

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Where do I get that super sweet CKY issue?

A lot of people have been asking where and when our next issue featuring CKY will be available. I'm sure the answer will piss off a lot of people, especially Jimmy Reject who I’m sure has put a hit out on me by now, but, yeah, its delayed. But not because I'm lazy. It's because I was presented with an opportunity that just couldn't be refused.

Jess Margera of CKY was talking with a rep over at Island Records about how they are going to be on the next cover and the Island guy said, "Hey, that's cool. They put The Bronx on the cover not too long ago." So they got to talking and one phone call later, I'm putting out a limited edition CKY/Bronx split 7-inch record with one stipulation -- that the magazine comes out closer to the release date for The Bronx's Island debut. I love both of these bands so I said yes. End of story. The magazine will be out in March and 1,000 of them come with a FREE record. Yes, comes with. No mail-away coupons that you clowns are too lazy to send in, no "Punk Point" proof of purchase jibber-jabber. It will be in the magazine.

But where I can I find a copy with this limited edition record, Fat City? Good question. We're making them available through our best distributors: i.e. the ones who pay us on time unlike JR Fesperman and the now defunct Desert Moon. (That guy fucking sucks. Can I say that on the Internet? I guess I just did.) Therefore you will be able to find the record at these locations:

Tower Records. You can find the list of Tower Records stores that carry Fat City right here.

Interpunk.com. Interpunk is one of the best places to buy Fat City. They'll ship all over the globe and have always been great to us. They'll get a decent amount of 7-inches so hit them up right here.

Newbury Comics. Newbury Comics is a New England based record store chain that rules the school around Boston. I don't think they have a mail order system but you can find Fat City and the split at all their stores.

Directly from us. Do you think we'd let all of these records out of our sight? What are you, crazy? Yeah, you're crazy. We'll be selling a very limited amount of the magazine and 7-inch as part of our "CKY Six-Pack"  where you get every Fat City interview with the band for a measly $6 ( 2 shipping US/$3 Canada/$5 Un-American Countries). We're talking our first phone call jamboree with Chad I. Ginsburg in Issue 3, the transcript of the legendary "G.G. Allin Grave Tape" in Issue 7 as well as the big-timing Issue 10 spectacular. You can only get this deal from us. Everybody else well tell you to go fuck off and you don't want that, do ya? No way.

If you have any questions about anything -- world politics, Freezy Freakies gloves, Netflix, how lame emo actually is, please drop us an email. The next issue is 100 pages of pure joy and you'll love it. It'll teach you how to gamble, where to drink and other informative crap. Trust me, it's worth the wait.

Jay

Currently listening : Can't Do Nuttin' for Ya Man By Public Enemy Release date: 13 December, 1990

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Fat City's NFL Playoff Predictions (Eeeeeeeek! Sports!)
Category: Sports

Do you like sports? No, well too bad because you’re about to see a whole bunch more sports coverage over at fatcityrockers.com. To get the ball rolling, I couldn’t think of a better place to start than my predictions for this weekend’s NFL Divisional Playoffs.

New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos        Saturday 8pm

Not to go all Dan Shaughnessy on you but the Broncos and Patriots are very much alike. They both perform well in the cold, have stout defenses and, most importantly, both have a brain-dead yahoo fan base that thinks any critique of their beloved team is an all-out assault on the size of their genitalia. Patriots sycophants will go to their grave thinking they’ll win just because they have Tom Brady in the huddle and Bill Belichick on the sidelines while the Denver contingent are putting all their eggs in the basket of “Rocky Mountain Thunder,” Jake Plummer and the Aurora Borealis freaking out the New England offense. Will the Patriots make it 11 playoff victories in a row? Will the Broncos not poop the proverbial playoff bed now that they’ve finally earned a home game? Is it possible to be a fan of one of these teams and be objective? We’ll find out in about 1,000 words or less.

Patriots Keys to the Game

There are more keys to this match up than on that ring dangling from the belt of your creepy-looking grade school janitor. Why did that guy always have his hands in his pockets and a big smile on his mug? I digress. These types of things are often rife with cliché and lo and behold, so are mine starting with …

Winning the Turnover Battle

Any jimoke with a rudimentary knowledge of football gleaned from playing Tecmo Bowl knows that the team who gives the football away less frequently usually wins. In this game, it will be even more crucial. Denver simply doesn’t cough up the rock. Plummer (18 TDs, 7 INTs), who seems to have passed on his erratic genes to Brett Favre, has been extremely proficient in the passing game now that he has been asked to manage games and stop whipping the ball all over the joint like a drunken sailor. This week, look forward to a change. New England’s linebackers are champing at the bit to make a game-altering play so look for one of them to initiate a tipped ball interception out of nowhere on a throw over the middle. Also, count on a blindside strip sack by Roosevelt Colvin who should have fun chasing Denver’s myriad of solid running backs. Brady has only hurled three picks in his 10-game playoff career and I feel confident this trend will continue. As long as rookie left tackle Nick Kaczur can protect his ass long enough Brady should do fine against the league’s worst team at sacking the QB. The one thing the Patriots need to tighten up on is catching the ball. Tight end Ben Watson (and Daniel Graham if he could get healthy) needs to overcome the yips, as does complementary receiver Tim Dwight. If you get hit in the hands, chest or chin strap you have to catch the damn ball. If you bobble it slightly, Denver’s D will be there to make it hurt and possibly take it to the house.

Stopping the Run

If there is a whopping difference between these two teams, it’s the superiority of the Denver running game. Anchored by Tom Nalen, this offensive line could pull me out of the stands and block well enough so I could gain 800 yards. They’re also very adept at cut blocking and mucking up the defensive rush lanes. It will take a Herculean effort for Richard Seymour and his partners in the front three to take on and shed these linemen before they can blast the linebacking corps. Look for Seymour to be constantly double teamed and occasionally clipped. Colvin and last week’s star Willie McGinest need to corral the Broncos’ vaunted stretch play and prevent Tatum Bell and Mike Anderson from zipping down the sideline. If you like to watch battles in the trenches, this game will be your Christmas.

Working the Middle of the Field Through the Air

Rumor has it that safety John Lynch can’t tackle a lick. I’m not too sure about that, the dude has 62 tackles and four sacks. But one thing I do know is that he hits harder than a dump truck and will kill you, literally, if he’s given the chance. Did you see how he snapped Drew Brees’ shoulder like a Thanksgiving turkey drumstick? Lynch, like injured Patriot Rodney Harrison, is a hard hitting thug. You’d love to have him on your team but fear going up against him in the defensive backfield. The Patriots need to match Watson against Lynch and watch the sparks fly. This will be steel on steel and fodder for the cackling masses in charge of ESPN’s “Jacked Up.” Count on a bunch of those lateral passes to the split backs and receivers along with a healthy dose of quick slants to test the speed of Denver’s linebackers as well as the flipper cast on Al Wilson’s busted hand.

Champ Bailey

Am I alone in not worshipping at the altar of Champ Bailey? Sure, he had 10 interceptions this year but so did Ty Law, and he spent the offseason chubbing up for his new role as Bernie Mac’s stunt double. Even if the “league’s greatest cover corner” is matched up against Deion Branch all day, the Patriots offense is built on reads and options. Brady threw touchdowns to a record 12 different receivers in 2005 so if you subtract Branch or David Givens from the equation, he’ll just focus more on Kevin Faulk, the tight ends and maybe, just maybe, toss the ball to the ageless Troy Brown. The Champ Bailey situation will be handled by putting the receivers in motion if he’s defending man-to-man and with a lot of crossing routes in zone. 


I see this game being very close going into the fourth quarter with Denver leading 14 – 13. With about six minutes left in the game on a third and eight, Plummer will dump a pass off to his tight end Jeb Putzier who, after getting both feet down and making the elusive “football move,” will watch Patriots safety Eugene Wilson separate his head from his body and recover the ball. Utilizing every clock management trick in the book, Brady will slowly march the Pats down the field for a touchdown and the lead. Plummer will have to work from his 20 with just over a minute to go after the kickoff, ending in a Hail Mary pass broken up by Ellis Hobbs on the one.

Patriots 20, Broncos 14


As for the other games, here’s what I think:

Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks

The Skins barely made it this far and I don’t see them going any further. They’re a little too undisciplined for my tastes, surprising for a Joe Gibbs-led squad, and the voracious Seattle crowd will give them fits, as will prematurely bald Boston College alum Matt Hasslebeck. 

Seahawks 28, Washington 10


Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears

Defense wins championships but if you don’t have a speck of offense, it doesn’t matter one bit. The Panthers leave the Windy City bloody, bruised but victorious unless Brian Urlacher can QB and Nathan Vasher  is in the backfield as a running back.

Panthers 9, Bears 7


Pittsburgh Steelers at Indianapolis Colts

As much as I’d love to watch the Patriots walk all over the Steelers in  a home AFC Championship game, the Colts will put an end to Pittsburgh’s 2005 douchebaggery on Sunday. Is there a less likeable team than the all bark, no bite Steelers? They may put a halt to Indy’s running game but they have no one to stop Peyton Manning and his receivers unless Kimo von Oelhoffen pulls another “oops, I ended your career, my bad” maneuver.

Colts 42, Steelers 17

Currently listening : Elvis Gold Records 5 By Elvis Presley Release date: 15 July, 1997

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Put That Back In Your Pants! This is the Library!
Current mood: amused
Category: Life

Many people know that I do the majority of Fat City's writing in the Brookline Public Library. Not only does this joint have free parking and many leather bound books it's right down the street from my girlfriend's apartment in case I need to use "the facilities."

Until I got my snazzy wireless Internet card, I used to hide in the silent study wing called "The Brookline Room" so no creeps and degenerates would pick their scabs on me (PS, some dude just ripped a loud fart in the lobby, I heard it from 90 feet away) and I could get some work done. For the past two days I've been out and about in the library's general population and I've made an astonishing find. Kids love coming here and checking out porn. I was in mid e-mail to Far From Finished's Steve Neary when I glanced up and caught some dude surfing through big booty babes and only1goodass.com. Right now, there's some 14-year-old gawking at boobs on the sly while "surfing through myspace." I wonder if the gray-haired hag looking at homes for sale to his right knows that he's about 15 minutes from rubbing one out in the handicapped stall. But I digress.

Oh well, back to the cracker factory!

Jay 

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