funeral for a friend
Current mood: bummed

So I thought I'd post something about this today.  I woke up this morning to find that one of my little girls, ChiChi, had passed away during the night.  I think she had a good, happy life.  She was 2 and a half years old, which is good by rat standards, as I understand.  Laura and I gave her a bath the night before, so I'm happy that she was cleaned up nicely when she went.  She is survived by her sister Thisby, who seems to still be in excellent health.  Laura and I buried her in Laura's backyard this morning and Laura suggested we pick up a flower to plant over her, so that'll be on the errands for this week.  I plan to post some more pictures of her later when I have my computer set up.
-D

9:07 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Drinkin rich people’s beer

I had one of the most fantastic times last night!  A few weeks back a guy came into my store and after chatting awhile he told me about Chicago's Columbia Yacht Club and that on Wednesdays all summer long they have their Beercan Races.  These are a night for the serious sailing racers to bring friends, spouses, kids, neighbors out and race casually, drink beers, and get new people involved in sailing.  Requires no signup, no fee, no commitment, no experience.  Perfect, I am fully qualified!  So after attending the intro meeting last week, I was hanging out with Mike Signorelli at his place earlier this week and his brother/bandmate Matthew and their other bandmate Shane and they got interested in coming along this week.  Our other buddy Dom who is also in the band called off of work to join us and thus 80% of More In Sorrow was learning to sail.  I thought this week was just going to be another informational meeting, which it was for the first 20 mins.  After that they cracked open a couple of kegs of Goose Island Summertime ale (the owner of Goose Island is a member of the yacht club apparently, i met him last week).  They had a band playing and a bunch of boat captains approached us to get our info and were visibly vying to snatch us up to crew their boats.  Aweseome.  There was a cash bar and burger/hotdog/pizza line, but the keg was free and delicious.  So Shane and Matty got to have their first drinking experience not involve a dirty thirty of Natty Ice or some nasty college shit like that.  Then we ducked out of the party for a minute and went up on the top deck.  It was fucking beautiful!  The sun had just gone down and the Chicago skyline from the water was a sight.  Navy Pier was just a block to the north and the ferris wheel and everything was all lit up.  I didn't want to leave that top deck.  The whole time I kept thinking, this is such a great rare sight, I wish Laura could be here to see this, she would love this.  It was amazing.  Funny note: at one point I noticed all the rows of little 2-person sailboats in a row perfectly still on the water in the marina except for one rocking vigorously.  haha.  boat sex ftw!
Then we went back inside, refilled our beercups, and walked along the lake drinking and figuring out where to get those boys some dinner.  Next week we set sail.  There's a team called The Assassins, and I think they'll be our choice out of the various captains we met.
-D

8:51 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Grey rape? thanks Cosmo!
Current mood: frustrated

This was brought to my attention by a coordinator at a sexual assault crisis center I used to volunteer at. wanted to pass along a heads up about this alarming and scary trend.


-D

Hey y'all,
Many of us have been discussing the languaging of sexual violence recently. I've been especially troubled by hearing high school and college students casually using language like "grey rape" or "date rape" (the latter often to refer to drug-facilitated sexual assault). My colleague and I wrote in our column (Doin' It Well, focusing on sex and sexuality) about this issue just this week, and y'all might be interested in it. I've pasted it below, but you can also access it online.

I hope you find it useful and it gets us talking!
Peace,
Ross
_____________________________________
Ross A.

Wantland
Coordinator of Sexual Assault Education
300 Student Services Bldg.

(MC-306)
610 E. John St.


Champaign, IL 61820
217-333-3137
*************************************

Yes Means Yes: "Grey Rape" and the Fear of Women's Sexuality
www. doinitwell. blog. com

In the September 2007 issue of Cosmopolitan, an article claimed that a "new kind of date rape" had been uncovered: grey rape. So-called "grey rape" referred to an ambiguous sexual experience for both partners, that could technically be called rape, but for which women who were raped shared some of the responsibility. In the survivors' accounts, many of them knew the perpetrator, had been drinking, and had shared some initial sexual intimacy with the perpetrator. Also, each of them said, "No" (which was ignored by their partner).



For Doin' It Well, this doesn't seem very "grey." Yet the article goes on to claim that it is women's sexual independence which is leaving men and women unclear of sexual boundaries.



If only "grey rape" had remained in the pages of Cosmo! Recently, we have heard high school and college students use this term, usually to minimize the severity of the assault or the responsibility of the perpetrator. Doin' It Well wanted to take a look at this term, and what messages it might be saying about our sexuality.



What's In a Name?
"Grey rape" has a familiar ring to it. In the early 90's, the media coined the term "date rape" to refer to sexual violence committed by a dating partner. When some men began incapacitating women with drugs, the media called these "date rape drugs." Let's ignore for the moment that no other crime committed by a dating partner gets labeled in this way. (Imagine: "date larceny") Qualifying rape as "date" or "grey" means that the act is somehow less serious, not as violent as a "real" rape. We set it apart from the sexual violence that seems most newsworthy, yet is less common: a strange man attacks a woman with extreme physical and sexual violence in a dark alley. All rape is rape, representing both an individual who ignored someone's lack of consent and an individual who was violated in that moment.



U Call It
The idea of "grey rape" also boils the sexual violence down to an issue of miscommunication. She was being sexual, so how was he supposed to know what her resistance (whether she said "No," froze up, or even passed out) meant? Legally and morally, we can never just assume that our sexual partner is consenting to everything we might have in mind for ourselves, without some kind of clear communication, verbally or nonverbally. Nor is that presumption an excuse for sexual violence.



Ultimately, it is the victim who gets to define whether or not an act was rape. But most often, survivors do not label sexually coercive experiences (which are legally rape) as rape. Why? Because society and their community usually says that the perpetrator can't be responsible for the assault, that the survivor shouldn't have been so "sexually independent," or that it was just one big misunderstanding. There's a big difference between regret and rape.



Fictions of Men
Although "grey rape" seems to say little about men, between the lines, it says a lot about men. As the Cosmo article claims, men are supposed to be the aggressors and women the pursued, but the modern-day rules leaves men uncertain of boundaries. Ross talks with men about how these ideas should be found offensive by most men. Not only is it saying that men are too self-centered to recognize their partner's wishes, but also that men's violence is natural and normal. Without women saying no loudly enough, men are doomed to rape? Men should question these ideas that try to excuse men's violence by saying that men couldn't help themselves. Men who rape are making a choice to rape.



No Means No
"Grey rape" suggests that it's just too impossible to know what "no" looks like. Here are some of our suggestions in case you're wondering what might count as "no.

"

* "No"
* "I'm not ready"
* Too high or intoxicated to understand
* Passed out
* Sleeping
* Crying
* Pushing away
* Not answering when asked "are you into this?" or "does this feel good?"

Of course there are many other ways that someone may communicate that they are not consenting. Because consent means a "yes" from both people, we all have a responsibility to check in with our partners. It doesn't have to be awkward; it can be sexy and comfortable . But it also means we must listen to what our partner is telling us both verbally and non-verbally.



Yes Means Yes
Rightly so, the anti-rape movement has spent a lot of time talking about what non-consent looks like. At the same time, if we're going to take rape seriously, we also need to take women's sexuality seriously. We can't focus on "no," without also understanding "yes." We all – male, female, & trans – have the right to say "yes" to sex we want and enjoy.



Everyone has the right to initiate sexual activity and have limits around sexual behaviors that are heard, acknowledged and respected. We need to create an environment in which women have the safety to explore and experiment sexually, without fear of their limits being ignored or being called a "tease." Healthy sexuality is about mutuality. It's up to all of us to ensure that we are promoting a sexually healthy community! Ignoring someone's consent is not Doin' It Well. It's rape, and there's nothing "grey" about it.



--
Forest Tracy King, MPH
Crisis Intervention and Prevention Coordinator
Middle Way House
PO Box 95
Bloomington, IN 47402
812-333-7404 X203
foresttracyking@gmail.com

9:56 AM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

"Why doesn’t the Democratic Party take Dennis seriously" from MSNBC
Current mood: restless

This is an excerpt from the Tucker show on MSNBC following the Nov. 15th Democratic Debate.  I thought it was interesting and not something that I've heard brought up or examined before, though this effect should be more alarming in a democratic society.  Here's the direct link to the source.  Unfortunately I could not find any video clip of this.  Also you see Tucker mention Dennis "talks to UFOs" the rumor that got embellished from the joke I have a clip of on my page.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21883087/

Here to tell us, associate editor of "The Hill, A.B. Stoddard and "L.A. Times" columnist Rosa Brooks.  Welcome back.  Before we get to that, which I think is an interesting question.  I want to talk very quickly about Dennis Kucinich.  Now, people laugh at Dennis Kucinich, and they kind of gently mocked him last night.  People—he's short.  He's a vegan.  He talks to UFOs.  He's got a tall wife. 

On the other hand, almost everything he believes in is Democratic dogma.  He's against the war in Iraq.  He's against Yucca Mountain.  He's for universal health care.  He's against the Patriot Act.  He's kind of a trail blazer.  Why isn't he the Democratic nominee, apart from the fact—seriously? 

BROOKS:  Apart from the fact that he's short? 

CARLSON:  Yes.

BROOKS:  Good question.  He doesn't have the machine behind him.  He doesn't have Bill (Clinton) behind him.  He doesn't have the money behind him.  But I think clearly he's got a grass roots following.

CARLSON:  He's more a Democrat than Hillary Clinton.

BROOKS:  Part of it is people like us, not to be self loathing, Tucker.  But we sit around here.  We talk about polls.  They become self-fulfilling.  I don't want to put ourselves out of business, but I sometimes think we should just shut up about the polls, let these folks go out there, just talk and talk and talk as much as they want.  Then let the voters vote.  I think we would actually get somewhat different results.  We keep driving the process.  We're creating the inevitability. 

CARLSON:  I can see that.  Except then you have Howard Dean or Ron Paul or Mike Huckabee, who is not the media darling, at least at first, and then comes out of nowhere.  But Kucinich is—I think part of what you're saying is right.  But Kucinich is mocked by his own party.  Why is that? 

STODDARD:  I just think the country has moved to the center and the
Democrats want to win.  Dennis Kucinich is the Democrat party, just like
you said, pro union, anti-war.  Everything he went through last night—
it's not palatable any more for them in a general election.  He has to be -
he's at the end.  He's belittled.  He's not the centrist enough Democrat who can win and go all the way. 

CARLSON:  You're right.  But what bothers me is they claim to believe the things that Dennis Kucinich clearly really does believe. 

STODDARD:  They nuance those positions.

CARLSON:  Right.  But they claim—they ape his positions, and yet they mock him.  Shouldn't they give him their due?  Shouldn't they bow down before Dennis Kucinich and say, Dennis, you were there before we were. 

STODDARD:  I think he had a great night.  I thought he was articulate about—I actually think the moderators were giving him a lot of credit.  Do you feel vindicated now on these issues.  Yes, I do.  And he also had that great line about reading the Patriot Act. 

But I am impressed by Dennis Kucinich.  I've said it before.  I think that—I think if he had enough of a following, he would be ahead in the polls. 

CARLSON:  If he had enough of a following, it would be a different country.

10:45 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Global Dimming and Global Warming
Current mood: chipper
Category: News and Politics

So Laura and I watched Nova on PBS tonight and it was really interesting. It turns out that global warming is only half of what's going on, global dimming is the other effect. Global warming is caused by the invisible greenhouse gases in pollution holding heat in our atmosphere, while global dimming is caused by the visible particles of dust/ash/soot/etc from pollution cooling our atmosphere. The particles change the atmosphere to reflect a large portion of the sun's energy back to space before it gets to Earth. Over the last 20 years we've done a pretty good job of drastically decreasing the particle pollution in the US, but not the greenhouse gases, which researchers now believe means that we underestimated the effect of greenhouse gases since it was partially masked by the unknown, but increased, cooling created initially by global dimming, and as particle pollution decreases, if greenhouse gas doesn't decrease with it, we'll be making the situation worse than it is already. Scientists thought it was reason for serious concern when the global climate rose about 1 degree over the last 100 years, but now taking global dimming into account, it is estimated that the global climate could increase by 25 degrees over the next 100 years. FUCK!
Check out the website and hopefully they'll rerun the program sometime soon.
Dimming The Sun
flex your head,
-D

Currently listening : Siamese Dream By Smashing Pumpkins Release date: 27 July, 1993

7:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

SiCKO
Current mood: contemplative

Dude!  It's really great!  Go see it.  I'm really impressed.  I was surprised to learn a lot about healthcare in the US and in other western countries.  That's about all I feel like saying about it right now.
-D

6:40 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Nobody knows ya like Freddie knows ya
Current mood: mischievous

My new profile song does crack me the hell up...

before I take another sip and the tears run down into my lonely beer.  Like a sad clown with no facepaint in sight.  drinking at the bar.  if i were drinking at a bar.

-D

Currently listening : Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell By Social Distortion Release date: 11 February, 1992

5:42 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The POGUES!!!
Current mood: bored
Category: Parties and Nightlife

I drove up to Chicago on Saturday with "The BJZA" Bart Sod and "Sexy Leslie" Deckard for the weekend.  Got a chance to visit with the newly-expanded Signorelli family-- Mike, Julie, Mama Signorelli, Dean, and fresh out the box, the almost-two-months-old Bella Joy Signorelli.  Got lots of pictures of the weekend that I'll hopefully get up on Facebook later this week, maybe add a couple on here too.  Then we met up with Goodrich at his apartment, had a good time at his friend's apartment party, which I think had an 80s theme or tacky theme.  Mike and I made our own theme which was "kill our 40s and then eat too many jello shots."  Ran into Neil Blakemore there completely randomly.  He was lookin sexy as usual.  Sunday we met up with the always lovely and charming Claire Jennings for a fantastic falafel sandwich lunch followed by a tour of the town courtesy of Claire. 

THE SODS & POGUES:
Backstory:  In 1999, Jonah introduced me to Rum, Sodomy, & The Lash and If I Should Fall From Grace With God by The Pogues.  In the year following, he and Bart invited me to join them and Linda Sod, our original bassist, in Jonah's garage as a percussionist playing mostly Pogues covers on the "Blatterbox" with Bart on guitar, mandolin, or gazouki, and Jonah singing.  We played a couple coffeshop shows and one show at FN Music, a record store in Muncie during 2001.  In early 2002 we played our first show at The Art Factory and, still not expecting a serious response or really calling ourselves a legitimate band, we were surprised and excited to receive a strong positive response from the Ft. Wayne street punk scene.  So we started having weekly practice, writing originals, and soon became a regular headliner at the Art Factory, while rocking the Irish folk-punk style of The Pogues.  The three of us saw Shane MacGowan with The Popes in 2002, and Jonah flew out to see The Pogues in Vegas last fall, but this was the first time for the 3 of us to see the band that birthed The Sods.

Bjart and I met up with Jonah Sod to go see The Pogues Monday night at the Congress Theater.  Fuckin great!  I got lots of pictures of that show, and a few videos too.  Crashed at Leslie's friend Janie's place Monday night and hit the highway back home Tuesday.  whew, long weekend.  check out the pictures later.

Currently listening : If I Should Fall From Grace With God By The Pogues Release date: 19 September, 2006

6:53 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

THE LEMONHEADS!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: listless

So Dave, Christina, Jason, and I went up to Indy to see The Lemonheads at The Vogue Friday night and it was awesome!  I haven't been to The Vogue since freshman year when the singer of Better Than Ezra wouldn't stop flirting with my girlfriend, Julie.  Evan Dando played almost every song we wanted to hear and  he played them with no breaks or talking in between.  It was a uniquely special show for me because The Lemonheads were my first favorite band and my first 2 albums, given to me by my friend Michael Wartenbe on cassette for my 7th grade birthday present.  It's About Time was the first Lemonheads song I ever heard so that one was special when he played it and I actually got a little misty-eyed.  It was really interesting to finally see, standing right in front of me 13 years later, the man whose voice and music accompanied me through my transition into puberty.  Putting music to stuff that's going on in our lives is something I think we take for granted so much now that we don't even remember life before doing that, but It's A Shame About Ray and Allison's Starting To Happen had special relevance to my life at that time so I was very excited to hear those as well.  I wish that he would come back through this way before I leave Bloomington.  The timing of the show seemed a bit appropriate to me--kind of putting some musical bookends onto the Midwest chapter of my life before I head out.

Set list:
Hospital
Drug Buddy
Great Big No
Hannah and Gabi
Bit Part
Confetti
No Backbone
It's About Time
Style
Ride With Me
The Turnpike Down
some Gram Parsons song, probably "$1000 Wedding" or "A Song For You"
Rudderless
If I Could Talk I'd Tell You
Losing Your Mind
Allison's Starting To Happen
Big Gay Heart
Tenderfoot
The Outdoor Type
Frying Pan (Victoria Williams cover)
Bein' Around
Ceiling Fan In My Spoon
I Wish I Was Him  (a Ben Lee song about Evan Dando)
I Want Your Skull (Misfits cover, duh)
It's A Shame About Ray
Dark End Of The Street (Gram Parsons)

There were 6 other songs in the lineup that I didn't recognise which may be off of his new album, since I haven't gotten my hands on a copy yet.

-D

Currently listening : It's a Shame About Ray By The Lemonheads Release date: 10 November, 1992

6:53 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Hello Big Apple!
Current mood: excited

Yo! I'm leaving tomorrow morning for New York City!.  Come party at the Vid with me my last night in town after Josh's show at Festers!  No more working on Saturday morning = party party Friday night!  Plus Shaun's driving the whole way since I can't drive a stick shift, so it really doesn't matter how much sleep I get or if I'm hungover.  Hope to see ya!

Currently listening : Social Distortion By Social Distortion Release date: 12 March, 1990

7:42 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment