Ultracrepidation
Category: Life

Had you noticed?

The less someone knows about it, the more dogmatic they are.

The less they know about it, the angrier they get if you disagree.

The less they know about you, the more certain they are about what you should do.

My t-shirt would read, "You are too certain. I don't believe you. You ultracrepidate."

What do you think? Is there anything in what I have said?

What does "Ultracrepidate" mean? In the old days the village cobbler's house was often a gathering place where men would meet to idle and chat. Naturally the cobbler, bent over his last - the metal on which the shoes were shaped - knew most about making shoes. But he often came to believe that he therefore knew most about everything else: he knew more about farming than the farmers, about baking than the baker, about hunting than the hunter and so on. You can see that they would get annoyed and said to him, "You stick to what you know, you bugger!" In more polite language this became the proverb, "The cobbler should stick to his last". It goes back a long way. The ancient Romans said the same thing in Latin, "Ne sutor ultra crepidam." And is it this Latin which has given us the word ultracrepidate: to speak as if with authority about something you know next to nothing about.

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Jealousy
Category: Life

No man, when another man tries to steal his car, blames his car.

Some weak men, when another man tries to steal their partner, blame their partner! In the end their anger will drive her away.

Brave men, when another man tries to steal their partner, blame the man. They use their anger to drive him away.

Much the same is true for women.

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The Possible and the Impossible.
Category: Life

There is a pleasure in dreaming of the impossible;
there is another pleasure in living the possible.

Merely to dream of the possible leaves the belly empty;
while trying to live the impossible destroys the soul.

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The Doors to the Mind
Category: Life

Houses come in different designs. So do minds.

The way in to some houses starts with getting past a locked gate, waiting outside a heavy front door while you are viewed and assessed before being allowed into a hallway in which will be questioned in detail as to who you are, and what are your credentials and business. If that stage is passed you may be allowed into a reception room where you may be listened to.

Other houses have an unlocked front door that leads straight from the road into the living room.

The trouble with a mind like the second house is that unless you live a very secluded life anybody can drop any idea into your mind and generally mess it up. People with minds as trusting as that are all too often taken advantage of. "This car is a bargain. You must buy it!" says the salesman. These words are not examined: they are allowed into the mind and believed. Nice for the salesman; a wreck for the punter.

The trouble with a mind like the first house is that the barricades are so strong that few ideas can get in at all. A person with all those mental defences tends to react to any new idea or person with, "Not interested. Go away."

Most of us have more average minds and more average houses. We have a small room in our minds into which we let any new thing we hear or see. We then take a litle time thinking it over. If it seems sound then we can take it into the depths of our minds. If we find that it does not suit us then we can get rid of it again.

I wonder how the rooms and doors of your mind are arranged?

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The Gap between Thought and Action
Category: Life

Thinking is one thing. Doing is another.

Sometimes people have trouble BRIDGING the gap between the two.

Sometimes people have trouble FINDING the gap between the two.

Suppose that someone wants to stop smoking. There the problem is that there is so little time between thinking of having a cigarette and smoking it, that the action follows the thought like a bullet follows the pulling of the trigger. But it is in that gap, and only in that gap, that your will can work. No smoker can decide not to think of having a cigarette. Anyone, if they can get into the gap, can decide to lengthen it: to postpone the smoke. A three year old can postpone urination. Any smoker can postpone a smoke if in a non-smoking area. So any smoker can, if they notice the gap, prolong it for hours at other times too, if they choose. They can get satisfaction just from increasing the gap. And from there it becomes comparatively easy to stop altogether.

The same applies to any habit which has become so automatic that the gap between the thought and the action is invisible.

Now imagine that someone who is a bit of a couch potato thinks that he would like to run a Marathon. The chances are that the gap between the desire and the goal is too big. He may get out, start jogging, get exhausted and slouch home to fill the couch with his body and his body with fast food. That is the only thing that is fast in his life. If this man is to get to be able to run a marathon then he needs to get there following the (Ancient Occidental) Way of the Ladder. There must be rungs an easy distance apart. The first rung may only be walking the 200 yards to the local shop instead of driving. And keeping that up for at least a week. The second step may be getting (or borrowing) a dog that has to be walked for half an hour every day for a few weeks. The third step might be to make that twice a day. The fourth step might be to buy a track suit and trainers. The fifth might be to start alternating jogging and walking.... I do not need to go on. The point is clear. Only Clark Kent can become superman in a flash. Other people need to bridge the gap with scores of simple steps.

So IF you feel that you are failing to achieve something in life, it is worth looking at the gaps. Are some too big? Are some too small?

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The cost of Keeping up a Front
Category: Life

I started to lose my hair in my twenties. It did not affect me emotionally. Now, years later, I can shower and have dry hair in seconds! But I once knew a man whose also started to lose his hair early but who took it much more seriously. He quite soon started to keep up a front. He wore a wig. OK, why not? Well, the problem was that he seemed to spend more and more thought and energy on maintaining the image. His hair-piece had to keep up with the receding hairline. The best ones had to be re-done regularly and expensively. The fear of getting caught in the rain grew on him. Then he become afraid of winds. And all the time it seemed more and more important to hide it from everyone.

He got married. He hid it from his wife! What a strain on the nerves that must have been.

But in the end when his hair was taking up nearly all his thoughts and energies he finally decided that enough was enough. It took courage. And a trip abroad so that he could at least give a dead white scalp a time to match his face. He dreaded the expected comments on his return. But in fact little was said. And why should it? People can easily take it in their stride if someone else loses his hair!

Do you think that this is unusual? Well, remember that the real problem was one of Keeping up a Front, of Living a Lie. There are very many ways of doing that. And they can be expensive.

Many 36 year olds are miserable as sin trying to look as slim as they were at 16. Millions are having sleepless nights because they have bought a more expensive house or car or holiday than they can afford. Many are perpetually stressed by pretending to be calm when other people would be screaming. Many more are straining so much to look as if they can cope with a job that they neither like nor can do that their health is breaking down.

Before you spend time or money or energy on Keeping up a Front, make sure that it really is worth it.

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Self-Confident Women
Category: Life

Do you feel self-confident?

If you answered, "Only at times" then you are like most of us. But we differ from each other in what self-confidence means inside.

Today I am thinking about the way in which it commonly seems to mean rather a different thing to women than to men. We can see this at a superficial level by just listening and watching. "I can deal with anybody wearing these heels." "I feel so fit I could piss a hole right through that wall." No prizes for guessing who is talking.

But let us look a little deeper. Here is a thought of mine. The heart of a woman's self-confidence is whether she can trust her feelings to guide her. The heart of a man's is whether he can trust his body to do what he wants it to do.

Maybe that surprises you? Perhaps you thought I was going to say that a woman's confidence is based on her looks? Well, of course, that is part of the picture. But if you think about it you will find plenty of women who exude self-confidence but have little in the way of looks and will never make page 3, or want to.

The self-confident women are those who know that they know what is best for them. They know what clothes are right for them: they trust their feelings. They know what friends are right for them: they trust their heart. They know what music they like best: they trust their feelings. They know which men they like and which men they can love: they trust their heart. The know what food is right for them: they trust their feelings. They know who they can trust: they trust their heart. They have a kind of inner strength and inner harmony which comes from this trust. And the trust is repaid. The more you trust your heart or feelings, the more reliable they tend to get. Be forever doubting them and they just pack up or crack up.

The women who lack self-confidence are generally far too ready to believe other people, fuck-wits and all. Their minds are filled with a hundred rubbish suggestions on how they should be and where they should go. Suggestions chucked into their minds by people who know next to nothing about them, and are often are only hoping to gain some advantage.

Shakespeare wrote the words: "This above all: to thine own self be true". You might use the phrase as a reminder that trusting - being true to - your feelings is one of the keys to a happier and more confident life.

It is also true, but less central, for men.

Footnote: After writing this I did some Googling. If you want a heavyweight article by women on this theme go to http://www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11164.

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Hunters and farmers

What do you think YOUR fore-fathers did for a living? Did they work in I.T.? In Offices? Shops maybe? Think again. Chances are that for thousands of years they mostly worked the land as farmers or labourers. They worked their muscles steadily from dawn to dusk most days, with a mid-day break. They did not rush or hurry, or talk much. They could plan ahead: it was months between sowing and harvesting. They were pretty calm: what's to get excited about on a farm? Why waste the energy?

But there was another kind of life: the hunters' life. They needed keen senses and very fast, accurate reflexes. They needed to attack fast, throw fast or to avoid wild animals fast. They needed the natural high that adrenaline gives to push all systems into overdrive for the hunt. Later they would relax, lie back and feast. They would also naturally turn to hunting other men: to war.

Why does this matter?

You have inherited genes from your ancestors. I wonder whether you have more hunter or more farmer genes in YOU! It can make a big different to the sort of life you will feel happiest in and do best at. One student will do best working steadily through the year, under little or no pressure. Another is best with occasional bursts of adrenaline-driven intense work under extreme pressure. One needs a calm emotional life. Another thrives on great highs and lows. And there are many other differences as well.

I find many lives get messed up just because someone with a lot of hunter genes is stuck in a place where only farmer genes can butter the bread – software design, teaching, routine jobs – or someone with a lot of farmer genes is stressed and inadequate in a life where only hunter genes can make a killing - the armed forces, sales or sports.

And lives can be messed up by well-meaning people just not realising such differences can exist and cruelly force the young into quite the wrong moulds for them.

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100 percenters
Category: Life

There are some people I really admire. They have the knack of giving 100% to everything they do. They may be into marathons or making music or running their business or friendships or whatever. But they never hold back. They never let anxieties or worries or set-backs stop them when their heart is committed.

They are 100% into each thing they do. But in any minute they are just doing one thing: wholeheartedly. When working, they give 100%. At play, they give 100%. In a relationship they give 100%. When sleeping, they sleep completely. When eating, they relish to the full each chosen mouthful. When they are with you, they are 100% with you: nothing else matters at that time. And when they feel anything, be it sorrow or joy, they feel it completely.

Of course they cannot do everything. So they are also fantastic at trashing the second rate in their lives. They are 100% switched off to anything that not for them. If something is not worth doing wholeheartedly then they will not do it at all. They will not eat anything that they cannot enjoy 100% - and so they stay slim. Their wardrobes often contain few, but very right, outfits. They will not waste time on time-wasters or people they cannot trust.

Do I admire ALL such people? No! Hitler and Stalin were 100 percenter. There are murders, Mafia leaders and other dictators who are also 100 percenters. They achieve a lot: a lot of suffering.

But if I hear of, or meet, someone who starts with a deep humanity and is also a 100 percenter, then I feel honoured to belong to the same race.

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Friendship
Category: Life

Some will say "I am your friend" because of what they can take from you.
Some will say "I am your friend" because of what they can give to you.

You can take your time to choose.

1:28 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment