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Random thoughts, a dissertation is beginning.
Current mood:  aggravated
A poetic dissertation on reproduction.
Difficulty rises often, although as of late the argument is naught, exact to which my unwillingness to partake in seeming pleasures of the body lies. True it seems that we come to this Earth with but one purpose, and to the bewilderment of many I refuse to partake as many of mt brethren have done.
The wondrous eyes looking up at me from a cradle or bassinet I shun, as if it would be death itself to my being to be a party to such a life. Despite the arguments to which I have fallen victim as to the wonders that await, I refuse as if you ask me to stab my own brother to break my vow to self.
Savant such 'spring may be, or an idiot, blessed like Adonis or cursed like a hag, horrors lie under the brows of even the fairest possibilities in this range. Dark secrets of when I tell fall upon deaf ears or unwilling minds, but due to these no such risk shall be taken or gambles made.
For even if the gamble is small and the odds do stack in favor of good, to what do I give any such innocence when the game is complete? A life may be a worthy prize for some to take a gamble on, but I will gamble only on my own life, and not on one who knows not even of the game.
Convince you may try to free a seed from one loin to the next, in hope that a fruit shall be born hence three short seasons. But from my loins no such weapon shall be unsheathed, or at least will only be unsheathed when no fertile purchase is to be found forthright.
No continuance of life shall come to any fields that I plow, fallow fields allow the Earth to regenerate so that others may grow strong. Tis it foolish pride for me to lead to the demise of the family name, or is it an unspoken honor of understanding for which these words recite.
Maybe foolish pride rids more with the rest as they proclaim, where once there were two there shall soon be more. But at which point do your attempts to fix th errs of your fathers, come to the realization that you have just allowed yourself to make your own.
Errs, mistakes bastards of us all, whether in the Christian sense or not, in our minds we justify our actions, or maybe we be unaware of them at all. Animal lusts or failures to realize consequences and choices exist happen as well, I know there is a choice and I make how I feel is best for all.
Foolhardy you may say of my actions as right you may be, but who is to say with our hindsight while it is still ahead of us. I decide for myself what I want myself to be leaving to chance or fate, when I die, alone in the dark I will know if my choice was correct.
Despite what fears others instill in me, I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain, as for now nothing yet exists that is to be created or destroyed. The world will not stop or mankind suddenly cease to be, because one person chose better not to plant a seed for the future in their life.
To die, alone, in the dark, only remembered for the things I left, and not to be cursed for the things that I left behind. I think that in that there is a special place of honor, remember me thus not for being a rapier who poked too fertile a fold.
Remember me to be a rapier with wit and thoughts to boot, often not up to the levels that I assigned them importance in my mind. I leave you with words, some maybe sprinkled with truths you can behold, and no legacy beyond the scratchings which my pen hath inscribed.
1:03 PM
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