Don’t worry, I’m just making this up for sympathy.

I don't really know how to start this blog. I guess I could start with the back story.

Callie is my cat. I've had her since I was in 4th grade. For those of you that can't add, she's 16 years old, so she's a part of the family. She's been acting a little weird lately, but I honestly didn't think anything of it, because she's kind of a snooty bitch and does that sometimes. So anyway, fast forward to yesterday.

I get home and go to my room, and then to the kitchen for a drink. I step right into a god damn puddle, and I was like "FUCK" because people have the tendency to spill drinks, or drop ice, and whatever. Mindy's son, JW was here with her, and I thought he might have been the drink spilling culprit. I noticed the bottoms of my socks were an orangish-red. RAGE. I did a quick wipe-up job and go back into my room to play Silent Hill. About an hour or so later, there is a knock on my door, I answer it, and it's Josh, he tells me that "Callie is bleeding" and I run into the living room, and she's just laying there in the floor bleeding. I instantly tear up. I mean seriously, this cat has been in my life longer than pretty much anything I own. She's even older than my little brother. She's my baby and she's always there. She may be a stuck up bitch, but she's the best cat ever.

I went back into my room. I had to talk to someone. I called my friend Evie, who didn't have her phone on. I also texted another person who shall remain nameless. She wrote me back and said she was sorry and didn't know what to say. I told her I was going to go in there with Callie and to call me when she got home because I wanetd someone to talk to. About 15 minutes later, Evie calls me, and I tell her everything, and she says that I should just try to make her as comfortable as possible, so that's what I did. She didn't really seem like she was in any pain, but she looked incredibly weak and just kind of laid there.

Then at about 2 this morning, she wanted to go outside and wouldn't quit meowing. I said goodbye and I let her outside, thinking it would be the last time I saw her.

I wish I had had the money to take her and get her put down. It killed me to sit there with her and watch her. I went outside to look for her at about 8 this morning and I didn't see her anywhere. I just hope she went off and died peacefully and painlessly.

I was going to post some funny pics of her and I that I had, but I can't find them anywhere on my computer. This sucks.

10:46 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

CANNIBAL MOM

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit

I really should start my own planet after reading all the fucked up shit I've blogged or posted bulleins about lately.

God damn.

10:13 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

So apparently...

I've got a girlfriend named Megan from St. Louis.

That's pretty funny, considering I don't know a Megan from St. Louis.

So, if you're Megan from St. Louis and you're my girlfriend, please let me know, because until 2 hours ago, I was totally unaware of your existance.

Love always,

Your "boyfriend" that didn't know you existed.

The reason I wrote this blog is because some dude told people that I was dating a girl named Megan and even showed people her Myspace. I'm really confused as how this guy can know who I'm dating and where she's from before I even know she exists. It's a mystery to me.

Also, if I really were dating a girl named Megan, I wouldn't write a blog aboug how I wasn't dating her.

This is just fucking ridiculous. Grow the fuck up.

1:45 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Only in America.

Holy shit. Am I the only one that can't stop laughing at this?

Or am I just an asshole?

Probably both.

9:42 AM - 11 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

FIRST!!!!!!!

If you're confused as to what "FIRST!" means, go to a blog site. Any blog... except this one. All the people who read my blog aren't retards. Ok. I'm lying. Most of you are, but at least you're not annoying retards. But anyway, people just rush to that fucking comment section to type in "FIRST!" to let the entire internet know that they just read the artice.

Dear sir, I'm afraid to let you know that NO ONE ON FUCKING EARTH GIVES ONE MOTHERFUCKING CUNT FUCK IF YOU READ AN ARTICLE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DID. Maybe 20 other people read that fucking article before you, but they're not that up their own fucking assholes to proclaim to other sweaty forum lurkers that they read the article.

What's worse is how someone who really is first comments, makes a point about the article, and after him, someone says "FIRST!!! LOL!!" and they're FUCKING SECOND. I'll fucking make you eat a motherfucking keyboard and follow you around for the rest of your ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE to cut in front of you to let you know that you'll never be first.

If you're reading this, and you don't know where my aggression comes from on this topic, you can get fucked. I know that all the forum nerds that read this blog will know EXACTLY what the fuck I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, and nothing worse than that asshole who posts first, some fucking fat, man titted bastard comes along to claim SECOND. What the fuck?! You're the target demographic for suicide. Get off the goddamned planet.

I bet everyone who posts "SECOND!" never owned that fucking No Fear t shirt that says "SECOND PLACE IS THE FIRST LOSER"

Anyway, this was inspired by many instances I've seen of this in my days as a professional nerd, and I was basically speaking out to my fellow forum trolls who also hate this fucking ignorant bullshit.

9:48 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I can’t even come up with a good title for this.

What the fuck?

That link right there is the most twisted and disturbed thing I think I've ever read in my entire 25 years on this planet.

I can't even logically begin how to describe this. This is so fucking absurd, it even goes beyond the realm of logical comprehension.

Just read the link.

Also, I'm posting this in a blog because no one really pays attention to bulletins and I want people to see this, because it's just that fucked up.

7:13 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

A comprehensive list for your reading pleasure.

I haven't really had the time to write anything worth a bit of a fuck lately, but a while ago, I thought about a list of shit that's annoying to me, and incredibly funny to laugh at. Sure, if you get offended, you'll think I'm a jerk.

Eh, I guess you missed the part where I don't really give a shit. OMG WINK. =^.~=

1. Profiles that are just blank with some shitty "artsy" picture, and some line from some shitty song. Wow. How cool and unique of you.

2. Dudes who pose shirtless. Hey, man-teets, put them away. If you've got to try that hard to get laid via pictures on the internet, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

3. Girls who post pictures of their tits hanging out and then complain on their page about "creepers" talking to them. Hey, slut, tuck your fat bags away and get the fuck over yourself. If you didn't want the attention, you would stop acting like a fucking tramp.

4. People who sit on the "rest benches" mid-shop at walmart. Come on. Walking around with that shopping cart and maxing out your link card isn't really that difficult or tiring. If I knew Uncle Sam was footing my bill, I'd be there with 2 carts. I'd also be jogging in a fucking track suit.

5. Dudes on here talking about how awesome their band is. You know, if your band was so awesome and good, I'd have heard of you outside of high school girls having shitty animated banners on their page. Did you ever think that maybe your friends are just being supportive? Some of my friends are in terrible bands and I'll still go see them and support them. Don't get an ego unless you've got a fucking record deal.

6. 16 year old kids who talk like they've got life totally figured out. When I was a kid, my dad would tell me "Gregory, you might as well move out now while you're a teenager and you still know everything" Back then, I thought he was an idiot. 10 years later, I realize how fucking right he was.

7. Pages about how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. You know, it's not going to last. I'm not a Debbie Downer, I'm a fucking realist. High School should be about fucking off with your friends and doing stupid shit, not hopelessly devoting yourself to a relationship that's doomed to failure as soon as you both grow up.

8. People who don't put their real age in their profiles. Seriously. People STILL do this. HEY LOOK, THIS GIRL IS 200 YEARS OLD AND SHE LOOKS 15. HAHAHA OMG THE HILARITY. Really kids, it's not funny. At. All.

9. Anything remotely associated with ICP. You are the aids of the planet. You like middle aged douchebags in clown makeup. That's all there really is to say.

10. Just because you own a camera doesn't make you a professional photographer. It makes you some shithead who happens to own a camera. Your ability to hold a piece of machinery, point it at something, and press a button means nothing to me or anyone else. Photography is something EVERYONE ON EARTH can do. I think people like taking pics so much because it's really hard to fail at doing. I mean, it's up there on the easy as fuck scale with collecting rocks.

11. People that go to raves. Hi guys. It's 2008. It's time to realize that a bunch of idiots in a dark room, dancing and ingesting potentially harmful things is a recipe for disaster. It's not fun, nor is it cool.

12. Little girls on here who are always talking about what a "bitch" or a "cunt" they are. Seriously, no one cares about shit like that. OOOOOOHHHH. You're mean on the internet? Big fucking deal. Once you start getting paid for it, then you can talk about what a bitch you are, until then, you're just little cunts with shitty attitudes.

13. Internet tough guys are hilarity. I saw a guy threatening to beat people up if they messaged his girlfriend. I'd message her to spite him, but she's kind of ugly and not at all worth what internet drama this idiot kid would start. OMG I'M GONNA FITE U ONLINE. E-BEATUPZ OMG.

14. Having pages with pictures of yourself and saying things like "omg don't steal my pictures and use them omg!" I laugh at this. Usually it's unattractive 15 year old hidden fatties with layers upon layers of makeup caked on over their puberty pimples. If these people do steal your pics to use on other sites, they're apparently trying to get left the hell alone. Suck it up, twat. No one wants to pretend to be you on the internet.

15. What's the fucking point with the whole "omg surprised, hand over the mouth" picture? Way to look like a fucking creepy pedophile. Creepy.

16. People who come to my page and decide to post their own list of rants almost exactly like mine. Cool. Take my rants and put your own spin on them. I get paid to bitch. You don't. Hey, I win.

17. For future reference, talking about how "important" you are to the "scene" is hilarious. That's like being the best smelling turd. I don't have anything against St. Louis, just some of the people that reside there. I once heard someone call St. Louis "Chicago's little retarded brother" and that was pretty spot-on.

18. People that write you to listen to their band. You're fucking annoying. What's worse, is the people that tell you to listen to their band and then get all fucking butt hurt when you say "your band sucks" and then they call you names. Hey dude, don't take it out on me your lame excuse for a band can't write a decent tune.

19. Yo, big glasses, you look like a fucking bug with downs' syndrome. Get that shit off your silly ass head.

20. I love seeing people post pictures of their cars. Nah, that's pretty much the dumbest thing on Earth. Hey, nice ricer, Vin Diesel.

21. You've got to have a picture of you and your best friend, and you've got to talk about how much you love this person. Reality check. This person will probably screw you over for a boy.

22. People that take pictures where they're holding a peace sign and pursing their lips out. You look like fucking idiots. It's the new "mirror" photo.

23. People that pose in pictures with their guitars. They're not playing them or anything. Just holding them and taking pics with them via shitty webcam.

1:29 PM - 5 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

My ex girlfriend looks really fucking old.

For those of you not in the know, I need your phone number. For those of you in the know, you've already re-given me yours and everything is golden.

This is more or less for the kids that didn't see any bulletins that I posted about losing all my numbers, I need them. The end.

Also, if you post them in my blog, I won't approve the comments so noone can see your number and the secret is still safe and weird girls that lurk my myspace won't verbally harass you. Hahaha.

Fuck.

9:11 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Many (mini) rants.

1. "Ringback" tones. Yeah, because when I call you, I want to hear some stupid ass shitty fucking song you like. What I want to hear more is the most fucking annoying part of the song played over and over in 30 second clips. Hey, how about you teleport back to non annoying land and keep a basic fucking ringer, or do you enjoy paying extra money on your phone bill to annoy people.

2. Confederate flags. Hey guys, I don't know what school taught you, but you lost. Suck it up and get over it. This reminds me of a story. Eric (my black guy) and I were working one day, and this guy comes in and says "Hay ya'll got any cun fed a rit flagz?" and I yelled "THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!" and shook my junk at him. He turned around and walked out.

3. People who talk behind your back. If you're going to be a total cunt, atleast have the balls to be a cunt to someone's face.

4. People who order the fattest food on earth with a diet soda. I can hear you getting fatter from across the room. Go all out, fatty. Get those extra calories. Don't skimp out on your slow demise.

5. People who bitch about how they can't smoke in bars anymore. Good riddance. Now I can sit in a bar without feeling like I got a fucking smoke filled cumshot to the fucking eyeballs. You know how I had to go stand outside to get away from your bullshit? Yeah. Hi. Welcome to the planet, twat.

6. People who bitch about gas prices still. Yeah, we fucking know. It's expensive. It's sad that you're so unhappy with everything that you find the most menial things on Earth to bitch about. LOL HYPOCRITE. But seriously, the people that bitch about the high gas prices talk like their words are going to come out and revolutionize the planet and suddenly gas prices will drop. It's not going to happen. If you want cheaper gas, steal it.

7. My dvd burning software. All I'm fucking trying to do right now is burn a copy of "Lady Vengeance" and for some reason, all the dvd software I've attemped to use is just bullshit, and keeps burning the disks all fucking wrong. I wish I had my old version of Nero back. Goddamn new computers.

8. People that take ICP and anything "juggalo" seriously. You're the fucking aids virus of the planet. I can't believe people listen to this shit and commit themselves to living this ridiculous man-clown bullshit. I just wish they could borrow my eyes and take a good long look at themselves. I know I'm not the picture of perfection, but I'm way fucking better than an ICP kid. That's like, not even bottom of the barrel species. It's like kicking the barrel over and digging up the crap under it type of people. I made a new shirt with a picture of the icp dude on it pushing a shopping cart, and it says "Ignorant Cart Pushers" because if you've ever been to a Walmart, you've seen these kids wearing pants like someone hot glued 2 dresses together running around outside in their cool 4x ICP hoodie, collecting carts. Pay attention next time you're out. You'll probably laugh and pee.

1:14 AM - 7 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

HE WENT TO JARED!

If I see one more of these fucking commercials, I'm going to face fuck a wood chipper.

Nothing shows a shallow cunt's real interest like a fucking jewelry commercial. Is that all broads really give a shit about? Stupid fucking material possessions? Guys don't really give a shit about stuff like that. I can't really see a guy bragging about his sweet new ring that his wife picked up for him. He's more likely to brag about the sweet ass blowjob he got on the way to Red Robin last Tuesday.

Am I the only one that's fucking annoyed until death by these commercials though, seriously. They're like a terrible car crash, and during this car crash, 2 midgets dressed as pilgrims are fucking on a waterbed. There is no way in hell you're going to look away.

The point of these commercials is to say that if you get a girl diamonds, you get whatever the fuck you want. Which is true, but if you're cool and decent looking, you don't have to resort to petty material possessions.

Now get me some fucking diamonds if you want this dick, you cunt.

EDIT: I searched the youtubes for a video, and apparently, all I could find was this clip. OMG JARED WTF

5:21 PM - 7 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment