When someone tells you that there are no viable third party candidates, I want you to show them this- Your Green Party candidate for President, Cynthia McKinney!
Urgh.
Currently
listening
:
Rickie Lee Jones
By
Rickie Lee Jones
Release date: 1990-10-25
In the words of John Foley "You know who I have absolutely no patience for? Girls named 'Michael.'"
In the words of the great April Winchell We saw an ad for tonight's episode of Saturday Night Live, which was a serious groaner. I said "imagine if SNL were somehow less funny, what would that be like?" She responded "if SNL were less funny it would be a Merchant/Ivory production." This is why she's so great. She keeps me grounded. In the words of the immortal Charles McCord In reference to Sarah Palin- "She is the Bridge to Nowhere."
Another thing, stop trying to convince me that this woman is "hot." Maybe she's better-looking than your average politician, but that's not the same thing as being "hot." Yes, Sarah Palin is more attractive than Maxine Waters. So what?
Funny story- A couple days before I went away to Burning Man, I was talking with my friend Gina, who is a complete politics junkie. We were trying to figure out who McCain would pick as his running mate. We'd heard a lot about Joe Lieberman, but I couldn't see that happening. Republicans hate Lieberman almost as much as Democrats do, so that wouldn't fly. Mitt Romney, the dictionary definition of "empty suit?" I couldn't see that either. I expected something bolder than that. Gina then said "with Biden as Obama's pick, should McCain go in a completely different direction and pick someone like Sarah Palin?" I remember thinking "who the hell is Sarah Palin? Better make a note to look her up."
Then I went away for a week. When I came back, guess what? McCain had picked Sarah Palin, who I still knew nothing about. So Gina guessed it ahead of time, before any of us. Talk about prescient. Anyway, I looked into this Palin character. I figured that since she was a woman, maybe she had more moderate views. I saw that as a good sign. By this time, I was getting pretty disgusted with McCain's attempts to court the more reactionary elements in his party. I should never have assumed that she was a decent person just because of her gender.
Boy, was I wrong. I looked up Sarah Palin, and was immediately terrified. This had to be a joke, right? No one could seriously think that this woman could be Vice President. I wouldn't trust her to run a Carl's Jr. franchise. I thought that the world had gone insane. Surely I would wake up in the morning and this would all turn out to be a terrible dream.
I woke up in the morning, and it was not a dream. Now what was I supposed to do? I had defended McCain for a long time, and to a lot of people. But I could not and would not defend THIS. This was indefensible. This was a sleazy, cynical pick. It only served to rile up the Republican base. This was not a woman who would serve to make America better.
I asked April a question: "You hear these Republican commentators and pundits falling all over themselves talking about how great Sarah Palin is, and you just scratch your head. So what is more frightening- that these people would straight-up lie about how they really felt just to give the party a shot in the arm OR that they actually believe what they're saying?"
My own belief is that most of these pundits know what a farce this is, but they're just keeping mum out of a misguided sense of party loyalty. The screeching fanboys at the convention, though? I think they mean it. Matt Taibbi thinks so, too, and he was actually down in the trenches at that convention.
This VP pick is an utter and complete disaster. Not only does this emperor have no clothes, I doubt she could successfully tie her own shoes.
I know why John McCain felt he had to pick someone like this. I know why John McCain has done a lot of the things that he's done in the past 6 months. That doesn't mean I approve of them, but I at least know why he did them. He knew that he was not the favorite in his party. He knew that he had to get rid of the bipartisan McCain that had been so popular in the past. He had to energize the base. I guess. But this was just despicable.
And pointless. Seriously, he never needed to placate the unpleasant ideologues in his party. Think about it. The kind of person that loves Sarah Palin would never have voted for Obama. Never ever. The bible-thumping, fag-hating, gun nuts on the far right are never going to vote for the Democrat, even if they consider McCain half a Democrat himself. And let's not forget; for all his attempts to look like the company man in recent months, McCain is perceived by many in his party as a liberal Democrat. With that said, they were never going to vote for an America hating Muslim Ay-rab terrorist like Obama, even if the only other choice was John McCain. They'll just suck back a swig of moonshine, hold their noses, and vote "R."
In short, McCain destroyed his reputation and screwed himself out of any independent votes he would have gotten, all so he could gin up some goodwill with people who A. are repulsive bigots and B. would never vote Democrat in a million years.
Nice job there.
So here is my advice to the McCain campaign- Get rid of Sarah Palin, by any means necessary. This cynical ploy of yours worked for a couple of weeks, but it's not working now. The joke's over. You want to see what a good VP pick looks like? Check out Joe Biden. There's a guy who could actually be President in his own right (I'd actually rather see him running than Obama, but that's a story for another day). Sure, Biden is a goofball. And yes, he puts his foot in his mouth on a fairly consistent basis. But he's a good man and a good Senator. Biden as Vice President complements Obama as President. Sarah Palin only serves as an embarrassment.
Get rid of her. Make up an excuse. Anything. Say that the liberal media drove her crazy with their incessant witch hunts or something. Say she had a nervous breakdown. Say that she just couldn't spend that much time away from her baby with the stupid name. Anything. Maybe it's too late for the campaign, but you have to do something.
Whatever good will you earned with the religious whackos will still be there, for what that's worth. You made the effor to give them someone they could endorse. The media and the gays in Hollywood just wouldn't let it stand. You could sell a story like that.People are always willing to believe conspiracies.
Then go out and pick someone who's actually qualified for the job, like Mike Bloomberg. Blomberg is a brilliant man and a financial genius. He's the kind of person who might actually help to fix the economy. You'll take a hit from the crazies in your party who don't like Jews, but so what? Yes, Bloomberg supports abortion rights, gay marriage, and stem-cell research. He will piss off Rush Limbaugh. So what. Like I said before, those people can be as pissed as they want, at the end of the day they'll still vote for you instead of Obama/Biden.
Or you could just stick it out with this lunatic, and go down in flames. You'll make the Dole/Kemp campaign look like Reagan in 1980.
I can be pretty objective about this kind of stuff, but watching this interview was extremely uncomfortable. I wanted to run and hide. And I don't spook easily.
Enough.
Lastly I'm not usually that impressed by editing, but this is pretty spectacular. It's so good it even makes Desperate Housewives look almost...watchable. Almost.
Currently
listening
:
The Imus Ranch Record
By
Various Artists
Release date: 2008-09-16
This don’t make me queer, do it?
Current mood: Uppity.
What did you not know about me? Even some longtime fans of John Foley might not be aware of the author's affection for the TV program Project Runway. Well, it's true. John Foley is a huge fan of one of the gayest shows ever made, and that show is hosted by Heidi Klum and the fabulous Tim Gunn. So what's it to you?
And as if that weren't bad enough? Now April and I are heavily invested in something even more questionable- a Project Runway office pool-type of game. It's like fantasy football*, only it's an even bigger waste of time. At least, that's what football fans would probably think. Me, I think that fantasy football is on the short list of most useless things ever. And this is from a guy who reads comic books and has rules for the microwave oven. So I know from useless.
The rules for this game are somewhat dense, unless you happen to be a fan of the show. Then they seem perfectly sensible. Even obvious.
Essentially, you each put up a hundred samoleans, pick three designers for your "team" and watch how they fare during the season. Here are the rules. Enyoy!
===== The Rules: If your contestant wins a Challenge: +6pts Guest Judge picks your design: +5pts Verbal Fight with other designer: + 4pts (1 fight per show per contestant) Model Trouble- no show/ ruins garment/ late to show/ fight w/ designer: +3 pts If your contestant cries (must include moisture surrounding eyes): +3pts If Sewing Machine Breaks: +2pts If Heidi says "I'd wear that": +2pts If any judge says they love the color +1 If Nina Garcia says "you really showed me something new here": + 2pts If model wears a hat: +2pts Physical Contact w/ Tim Gunn: +3 (Multiple touchings permitted) If Designer goes to Bryant Park: +10pts Designer gets thrown off for cheating: -15pts If your designer is eliminated: -5 pts Poor construction: -3pts Bottom two but not eliminated: -3pts Guest judge "disses" garment: -2 Judges think model can't walk runway b/c of garment: -2pts If judges deem design too short or too low cut: -2pts If judges call design "boring": -2pts Argumentative back talk during judging panel: -2pts Design deemed "matronly": -1pts Wins at Bryant Park: +20pts
===== Hey, listen. If you get enough people involved with a thing like this, there is the chance for a significant payday. All you have to do is pick your people and watch TV.
While we were watching the season opener, I remarked to April that I was pretty sure I recognized one of the designers from my days at Otis. I checked. Sure enough, it was a girl that had dated a guy I used to be friends with. A girl by the name of Emily Brandle. April asked if I was going to pick Emily for my team. I thought about it less than a second. Emily was dressed exactly the same now as she had been when I knew her 8 years ago. Not a very promising sign for a supposed fashion designer. I passed. Emily was gone two weeks later. Can I pick the ponies or can't I?
Anyway, I wound up picking- Jerrell (is that one or two Rs?)- I actually chose J because I misread the rules originally. I thought that points were awarded if the designer wore a hat. Nope. The model has to wear a hat, which- I have to confess- is a lot more logical. Jerrell wears hats like a motherfucker, so I chose him. Luckily for me, he has a habit of sticking his models into hats too. He also cried once. Hasn't won an actual challenge yet, but I blame whitey for that. Suede - I pretty much picked Suede on a whim. He seemed like a total idiot, and total idiots have a tendency to stick around for a long while on reality shows. I thought he might be a crier. And I secretly hoped that the rules would be amended to allow points for designers who refer to themselves in the 3rd person. Nobody does that more than Suede. Those rule changes never materialized, and John Foley is none too pleased. Suede did, however, win a challenge in Week 2. Leanne - Another whim. I thought Leanne might be one of those weird, quiet, incredibly driven people who turns out great designs all night long and has no friends. She was nearly eliminated on the second episode, and was a relative no-show for the next several weeks. Never scoring any points, and not emotional enough to do any good crying. But then! Then, Leanne won two in a row for me. And the guest judge, Diane von Furstenburg, even announced the winner. Beaucoup points for John Foley.
April is in second place, so it seems almost certain that one of us will be the winner. The other, of course, will be out. But we're a team. We pick each other up. It's good to be a part of a team.
Participation in this game doesn't make me gay. It's just a game. And it's just a TV show. Now, if you wanted to talk about how terrible the season opener of America's Next Top Model was, then you might have a case. What was up with Mr. Jay's hair?
*Or, as Adam Carolla calls it, "fairytale football"
Yes, I would willingly sacrifice six months of my life... ...for the opportunity to punch this man in the face. Hand to God. I mean, what's 6 months, anyway? I'd never miss it. I've wasted 6 months doing plenty of things that were less valid.
The world of YouTube is irredeemably putrid. There is no video so innocuous, no clip of puppies too cute, no clever video mashup so amusing, that someone won't write vile comments about it. FAKE Gay Fag I'm watching this why? I want my 2 minutes back!
Those are pretty much the canned responses to anything. And yet, the commercials for FreeCreditReport.com get nothing but love and praise. Can someone explain that to me? How do the blackhearts among the YouTube faithful manage to find anything good to say about these worthless pieces of amateurish drivel? I guess it's asking a lot to expect good taste or judgment from the YouTube faithful, though. These are, after all, the same fools who made internet stars out of Smosh and Fred. So there are clearly no limits on the depths of their bad taste.
Maybe it's a contrarian thing. Like "if we just pick the worst, most unwatchable thing in recorded history, and talk about how cool and funny it is, won't that be hip and ironic?"
Here's another thing: if you're already wasting endless hours farting around on YouTube, you can NOT act like your time is worth something. You want your 2 minutes back? Why, so you can put the finishing touches on your Doctoral Thesis? Donate blood? Rescue orphans from a burning hospital? Or just something small like organize a 5K run for AIDS research?
Memo to the unwashed YouTube masses- if you're ALREADY ON THE INTERNET, you've clearly demonstrated that your time is worth nothing. You're watching this why? Because you spend your days looking for videos on the internet so that you can piss all over them. This is pretty much the textbook definition of "having too much free time." It's a little late in the game to be acting like you had something better to do.
Speaking of getting too old- I think it's safe to say that Pierce Brosnan
ain't what he used to be.
But even still, how do you explain this?
Yeah, that's Mrs. Pierce Brosnan. This is not OK. And it validates one of the essential guiding principles of my life: The belief that bikinis are a privilege, not a right.
Currently
listening
:
Freedom Rock
By
Various with original Artists
I'm willing to live with the food... I'm also willing to cut them some slack on the phony fireworks. I'll even be generous, because it's Sunday, and let the lip-synching girl scandal fall by the wayside.
Beijing - Thousands of young Chinese women applicants for the 200 jobs to lead each country's athletes into the National Stadium for last week's opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Games had to be at least 1.66 metres tall, have a pretty face - and strip naked for the job recruiters.
The Beijing News, in a story detailing the latest opening-ceremony outrage, said stripping naked for measurements was a requirement merely to apply for the position.
Ummmm, yeah. Sure. They're figured out a way to make a flexible LED screen the size of a goddamn football field, but they haven't sussed out how to take a gal's measurements without making them get NAKED first? They've got the technology, the drive, and the wherewithal to get 2008 guys to move in perfect robotic harmony, but when it comes to getting simple measurements they make you prance around in your birthday suit? How many leering creeps are standing there watching you while this takes place?
Now, I don't mean to get all Glenn Beck on you all... But something tells me that if the Olympics were being held in the U.S., and the Americans in charge made thousands of nubile teenagers strip naked as a prerequisite for the job, and tried to come up with a phony-baloney justification for the whole thing, I have a feeling there would be quite a bit more of an outcry than you're hearing from me right now.
Honestly, how did the Orient ever develop a reputation for wisdom and gentleness? Was it just good P.R. people?
I probably shouldn't care. The Olympics have been great otherwise.
Rest in peace, motherfucker
Current mood: good as hell
You just never know who's next, now do you?
CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Bernie Mac, the Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor and comedian who worked his way to Hollywood success from an impoverished upbringing on Chicago's South Side, died Saturday at age 50.
That's a real shame. Bernie was one of the most underappreciated comics of the past 25 years. In an age where unfunny, loathsome hacks like Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, and Larry the Cable Guy got all of the headlines and HBO specials, Bernie Mac was a cut above the rest.
The motherfucker will be missed.
Another way in which Bernie was always useful to me? Bernie was the ideal example of the kind of black man that uptight white people are uncomfortable around, and this always made for good comparisons. For example:
"People always say how *exciting* it is that Barack Obama may be the first black President, but let's be honest. The only reason he's gotten this far is that he's the right kind of black guy. Sure he's black, but not too black. And he doesn't 'sound black.' America isn't ready for that kind of black President. It's not as if we're getting ready to elect someone like Bernie Mac or anything. Maybe some day, but not anytime soon."
That kind of example.
So sad. By the way, don't judge Bernie Mac on the basis of his mediocre BernieMac Show. That wasn't Bernie at his best. Bernie was never safe for television.
I think it’s time to hide the car keys.
Current mood: credulous
Ed Markey, step into my office- 'Cause you're fuckin' fired. Who let this guy in, anyway?I don't who decided that this nimrod needed to talk to a group of high school students about Global Warming, but the results were anything but productive.
"A top Democrat told high school students gathered at the U.S. Capitol Thursday that climate change caused Hurricane Katrina and the conflict in Darfur, which led to the "black hawk down" battle between U.S. troops and Somali rebels."
How is this helping?Doesn't this guy realize that this just serves to undermine the cause? Any time an ill-informed dummy like this spouts off it just gives more ammunition to the other side. Now all some idiot like Glenn Beck has to do is say "how am I supposed to believe in Climate Change when this is the kind of nonsense that they believe in?"
Isn't it possible to believe in Global Warming AND think that mankind needs to stop burning fossil fuels and come up with alternative energy sources WITHOUT sounding this dumb? It must be possible.I definitely believe in Global Warming, but I'm not going to blame it for everything.
More Markey: "In Somalia back in 1993, climate change, according to 11 three- and four-star generals, resulted in a drought which led to famine," said Markey. "That famine translated to international aid we sent in to Somalia, which then led to the U.S. having to send in forces to separate all the groups that were fighting over the aid, which led to Black Hawk Down."
First things first: I want to know who these generals are. Secondly: I'd like to know when they found the time to get degrees in meteorology. Thirdly: ED MARKEY YOU ARE NOT HELPING. Stop it.
Don't misunderstand me, Markey was not the only moron at this little confab. Those high school students didn't exactly distinguish themselves. Here's a couple of good quotes:
[Danielle Wold from Harvey, La.] "One of the worst disasters in history made me want to do something. In 100 years, New Orleans could just be another Atlantis." Here's the thing- it wasn't a huge disaster because of the rain and flooding. It was a disaster because the levees broke and because the relief efforts were such a cock-up. There are hurricanes every year, but very few Hurricane Katrina level fuck-ups. There were hurricanes before mankind was burning coal and oil. To say that Katrina was "caused" by Global Warming just makes you sound like someone who doesn't care about getting the story straight.
[Stephen Bordes from New Orleans}] ...said that he thinks the warming of the atmosphere could lead to a situation in which his home, which is near the superdome in New Orleans, could become permanently inundated with water.
Permanently? Well, New Orleans is already below sea level, so this is probably a bad place to begin the argument.I don't mean to pick on these people who have obviously suffered through a tremendous tragedy that was not their fault, but it is still possible to have a more intelligent discourse than this. It really is. Plus, these are just dumb high school kids. I was one myself. I would have believed anything when I was in high school as long as the government could be blamed.I was as dumb as it gets.
There is hope on the horizon though. Because while it might be true that our students are getting dumber, at least they're also getting much fatter.That's comforting.
The biggest waste of time since "Abstinence Only" education...
Current mood: double deuce
...in my [rarely, if ever] humble opinion.
Changing your middle name on Facebook to "Hussein" Emily Nordling has never met a Muslim, at least not to her knowledge. But this spring, Ms. Nordling, a 19-year-old student from Fort Thomas, Ky., gave herself a new middle name on Facebook.com, mimicking her boyfriend and shocking her father.
"Emily Hussein Nordling," her entry now reads.
With her decision, she joined a growing band of supporters of Senator Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, who are expressing solidarity with him by informally adopting his middle name.
Come on, guys. Really? I hate the whole Barack HUSSEIN Obama thing that the right-wing sites are doing, too. But this is laughable. Truly. Let me put it to you this way: I am perfectly able to find one thing asinine yet still find the reaction to it to be equally as asinine.
It sorta reminds me of this Obama fan's reaction to the recent FISA vote controversy-
"Yes, I'll still vote for Obama (and he knows that), but I've already sworn off any more campaign contributions to him, and am thinking about going downstairs and removing the Obama sticker from my car."
Oh no! Where would we be without bumper stickers?!
So I think that I will be "John Stojakovic Foley" for the foreseeable future. Why the hell not?
Currently
listening
:
Let It Come Down
By
Spiritualized
Release date: 2001-09-25
