R-I-P The Anti-Chrysler
Current mood: evil
Category: Automotive

Thats right, the poor fucking beast finally had it. After several years and several hundred dollars (more than it was ever worth monetarily) the Anti-Chrysler finally ate shit. The old man finally dragged the hunk of metal to the scrap yard the other weekend, and didn’t even get enough for it to pay for the haul.

    I wanted to take a minute to look back at this amazingly awesome sub-standard piece of machinery. The damed thing was legendary, it even had its own mythos about how the engine stayed working. I think one day on one of my long drives to Amy’s old house I dreamt up something about how the engine was really fueled by damed souls, and that the explosion in the engine was really a result in from a portal from a unholy dark dimension opening in the piston chamber.
    Of course a demonic claw would come out of this portal and rip the infernal soul from this plain of existence and drag it down to the netherworld, where it would experience pain so intense that the mother of this said soul would cry blood for a thousand years... or you know, something like that.

I think H.P. Lovecraft’s car had a similar type of engine.

    My friend Mary was scared shitless of riding in this car, as she should of been, the damed thing must of been haunted. The breaks never worked consistently, the steering was off all the time, and the tape deck kept playing tapes at random, so in mid-conversation it had a tendency to blast Kiss-Love Gun or Obituary or White Zombie or whatever I had in there.
    By far the sexiest feature in this car was the talking computer system. My car would tell me that I needed more oil or gas or what have you. I kinda always thought it had a problem with the Arab people as a whole, as it constantly burned oil at a ridiculously rate, and then VERBALLY demanded more of the damed black gold.
    The drivers side windshield wiper always had a tendency to come off the windshield, but only in really bad rainstorms. When this happened I would have to stick my ugly face out of the car going like 60+ on the fecking freeway in the middle of a god damed rainstorm so I could see where the fuck I was driving down the fucking road.   
    To be honest the thing was an unholy road hazard. It should of never been built let alone driven. But, it was a lot of fun to own, despite the multiple near fatal wrecks I almost got into while operating it.

    So if you’d like to leave a fond memory of the Anti-Chrysler here, possibly when we drove to Seattle in it and it overheated and warped the engine Or when it was left in your driveway for weeks at a time, feel free to mention it.

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The Parting Glass
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life

Of all the money that e'er I spent
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that ever I did
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

If I had money enough to spend
And leisure to sit awhile
There is a fair maid in the town
That sorely has my heart beguiled
Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips
I own she has my heart enthralled
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Oh, all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had


They'd wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

Currently listening : Come Fill Your Glass With Us By The Clancy Brothers Release date: 03 February, 1998

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The Voyage and the Arival
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life

Despite the forces of the universe seemingly working against me and my attempt to move to San Francisco, I have made it here. For those of you who don't know, I had eye surgery right after graduation the after affect was some left over gas in my eye. This gas prevented me from traveling over 1,000 feet of elevation making my trip to California incredibly hard to plan. All this on top of not having a place to stay when we got here...

With careful planning we followed the coast the whole way down and I took some medicine for those parts of the route that were too high. The down side was the medicine made me drowsy and nauseous; this combined with a wicked two day hang-over (thanks for the free booze Nich) and Capitan Calculus's horrible taste in fast food, resulted in me vomiting the whole way down.

We arrived in the city after looking for a truck stop in Oakland to shower at (thank the gods we didn't find one). We spent the rest of the day looking at over priced under sized apartments and of course, vomiting.

After a while it came time to find a place to stay as our apartment search wasn't as fruitful as we had hoped. Luckily my brothers finance's Aunt took us in. Her family has provided us with food, a place to stay, hot coffee every morning, and the latest edition of metal maniacs.

With all of this going on, a place literally just fell into our laps. We got a really big in-law for very cheep next door to my brother. And to top it off, theres no one in the unit above us. So we will be here for another week and then we will move into our new place. The neighborhood is awesome (Sunset) out here. There is nothing but Irish pubs(and not just the shamrock on the wall bars either, Amy and I went to a small pub today called Dirty Nelly's and we could barely understand anyone else because their accents were so thick) and Asian restaurants for blocks and the beach is very close, so Amy and I can go on walks and of course if the weather permits, I can surf again.

Aside from that this city is just amazing. 24 hour buses and street cars, record shops the size of warehouses (Amoeba music has an entire wall dedicated to just metal!) And strangely enough body piercings are exstreamly inexpensive here. Just to note a few things.

I had a chance to visit my school today. Got some sylibi from a few of my new classes. I can tell that this is the place for me, the only prerequisite for a class I'm taking was "An open mind". My psychopathology class is using a psychodynamic diagnostic manual which I think is just plain awesome. So classes look promising, and I'm excited about that.

Since I've arrived here I've been feeling a bit more spiritual than I have in recent times. Coming to grips with my own spirituality has really paved the way for me to open up more and progress personally. I picked up a book called "Comfortable with Uncertainty" written by a Buddhist nun. The book is about learning the ways of the peaceful warrior, or Bodhisattva and through practice and meditation, cultivating one's inner benevolent spirit. "Warrior-Budhisattvas enter challenging situations in order to alleviate suffering". This line stuck me in particular because I feel that it is not only very similar to the path that I follow in Asatru, but it is an accurate description of my chosen career and life path. The jolly elephant-headed lord of wisdom and intellect has been prominent in my personal preference of deities for quite some time, but as the great remover of obstacles and god of new beginnings I feel as though he is more prominent now. With this in mind I picked up a children's book called "Lord Genesha's feast of Laughter" the other day and have been enjoying it as a bedtime story these last few nights.

Last but not least, I want to thank Amy for all the faith that she has put into me, and her incredible patience with all that has been going on lately. She loves to have things planned out to a T and I really commend her courage as she went with the flow and "winged it" these last few weeks, thanks babe :)

Currently reading : Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion By Pema Chodron Release date: 30 December, 2003

11:05 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Offical O'Hagan 40oz fundraiser!
Current mood: amused
Category: Friends

Thats right kids, the rumor is true, you can get your very own 40 oz with my face on it, for the low low price of only $20!

And believe me kids, its worth the money, not only do you get a great souvenir with my face on it, but its for a great cause: Helping me move and pay for graduate school!



If you didn't get a good look at the label, heres what it looks like:

  

So come by and get your very own 40 oz! Thats right, get off your fat ugly ass and buy shitty booze from yours truly! In severe cases I may deliver, and I'll ship, but I'm not paying the shipping and handling. (only domestic, I'll ship labels to you foreign kids and you can put them on your own damn beers)

Offer only till supplies last! But who gives a shit about that, I'll just make some more. But I'm not holding them for anyone they've got to go before I move, so get them while there hot!

(this booze is in no way supported, affiliated or otherwise involved with any school that may have a logo similar to the one on these bottles)

Currently listening : Astro Creep: 2000 -- Songs of Love, Destruction, and Other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head By White Zombie Release date: 11 April, 1995

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An Update... and some zombies
Current mood: artistic
Category: Life

Well its official.

I'm leaving to graduate school in the summer. You know I wasn't ever sure I was going to make it this far; I mean I always had hopes and dreams, but it's a whole other thing when they become reality. Something funny happened a few Sundays ago, after my last Jung society meeting I was waiting for Kim and Mike to pick me up so we could watch "28 weeks later", I was contemplating all the changes in that are going on in my life and kind of spacing out. The analyst I've been interning with stopped his car and got out to talk to me. He pointed out that the sky was in a very strange state. Half of the night sky was dark and covered with a solid black cloud bank and the other half was crystal clear, the moon shined a bright and brilliant and its glow seemed to be pushing the murky cloud bank away. I couldn't help but look at the sky and think of it as a symbolic representation of where my life is.

I'm not going to rattle on about how I've seen the light and my life has been completely transformed or anything, I just thought it was an interesting little bit of synchronicity. And of course there are quite a few ways to interpret this symbol of the night sky. Maybe the dark clouds are yet to come. I don't know. One thing I do know is, I'm not afraid. I've spent too long being afraid, doubting myself, letting others tell me how I am and how the rest of the world is. It's my time to shine.

Of course the movie I went to see later that night was great, so good in fact, Amy even liked it. And she doesn't really dig the whole horror flick/zombie movie thing. This got me thinking about why people are attracted to these kinds of movies, this whole subculture of horror and suspense. The Zombie movie phenomenon is one of particular interest. I know so many people that are engrossed with the concept of being a survival in a post apocalyptic world roamed by the walking dead. Time and time again I have heard dreams involving this particular scenario.

Now as far as the dream aspect goes, there are several dream theories that are applicable here:

1. One theory states that people have nightmares to raise their body temperature if the body gets too cold while sleeping; this is possible and a likely function of the body. And I assume that any good zombie dream will have an element of excitement and fear, a perfect emotional cocktail for raising one's temperature.

2. Another approach could be Freud's theory of condensation, this theory suggests that all the images and things one runs into during the day are smashed together in the unconscious and played out in a dream that night. People who spend a lot of time fixating on zombies and watching zombie flicks are likely to have dreams about zombies if this theory stands. I personally have had experience with condensation dreams, although I believe that often times the unconscious uses symbols that are fresh from the conscious mind to deliver a message to the conscious mind. Of course coming from a Jungian perspective I also believe few dreams are completely arbitrary.      

3. Compensation could also be at work in a dream such as this. The idea behind compensation is that if things are unbalanced in the psyche the unconscious creates a drive to balance the psyche out. An example of compensation in this particular situation (I speak of one having zombie dreams) would be some one who currently leads a life that completely lacks any kind of thrill or suspense (we've all been there at one point or another) and the unconscious creates a dream that is full of thrills and craziness to get the psyche that much need fix.  

 I could tackle this idea with a dozen other dream theories, but I'm not going too. I wrote down the above examples for my readers who are interested in dreams and the meaning of dreams.

One thing to keep in mind is anything that appeals to a large audience is always archetypal. (That is to say, it contains powerful images that symbolically represent functions of the psyche, and that also transcend the individual's psyche making it universal) So, curious about the possible archetypal symbolism in zombie movies I asked the Jungian Analyst I'm interning with about it. That's right kids:    

I asked the Jungian Analyst I'm interning with about archetypal symbolism in zombie movies.

 His response was very interesting as you could imagine. He broke down the basic formula of a zombie movie as follows. Firstly you have the survivors. These are often a few humans that are conscious and are agents of progress. They act intelligently and have a certain awareness that gives them edge over zombies. Secondly you have the zombies. This huge mass of "people" that are faceless, without personality who act completely on instincts and impulses. Equally important is their desire to integrate the survivors into the horde, make the aware and thinking, unaware and instinctual.

So here is the breakdown of how these zombie motifs are archetypal:

1.The Survivors: The survivors represent the ego. The thinking, aware aspect of the psyche that has the ability discriminate and contemplate, investigate and form conclusions and so on. A great metaphor for the ego/unconscious dichotomy is consciousness is like a cork bobbing on the ocean and the ocean is the unconscious. Remember, like the survivors the ego is miniscule compared to everything that lays in the unconscious. This brings me to the next motif.

2.The Zombies: The zombies represent the unconscious or shadow. They are crazy and instinctual and have no ego to monitor them, just like the true nature of the unconscious. The zombies belong to a huge mob that is wild and instinctual and without being really "aware" of it, can harm the survivors.

The ultimate aim of Jungian psychology is to integrate the shadow (unconscious) into consciousness. This process is known as individuation. The opposite of the individuation process would be the shadow integrating consciousness into itself. This counter to individuation can be seen symbolically in the traditional zombie movie. It is possible why these movies are so scary and appealing to people, because its counter productive. Even more scary is the idea that there is no cure for zombism, which symbolically means that there is no recovery from the unconscious. 

So in the end we both agreed that this was an interesting and accurate (in the Jungian model) approach to explaining the popularity of zombie movies.

Thanks for reading, hope you understood all the ideas I put forth here. I just felt like writing for a bit. If I get some positive feed back I'll write more.

Currently listening : The World's Room By Old Blind Dogs Release date: 12 October, 1999

1:06 AM - 13 Comments - 15 Kudos - Add Comment

Graduate studies in San Francisco
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

As many of you may know, I had an interview and was admitted to a graduate school over the weekend. This is of course very exciting news for me. The admissions process was long and grueling, it involved studying for tests, submitting all sorts of records and writing multiple essays. All this was on top of my normal course work at Evergreen.

Well it looks like it paid off. I have been admitted to the PsyD program at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. I am writing this blog to give some more lengthy answers to all the questions I have been asked over the last few days.

Firstly a PsyD is a doctoral level degree in psychology, that's right folks, I will have the title of doctor after completion of this program. A PsyD is different from the more common PhD in psychology because of its training model. The PsyD's training model has more of an emphasis on counseling and less of one in statistics and research. You can check out more info on the PsyD at the Psy Chi website:

http://www.psichi.org/pubs/articles/article_171.asp

Secondly CIIS has APA accreditation for those of you who were wondering about the credibility, this is pretty much all that needs to be said on the subject. Along with the PsyD program they offer masters in Art therapy, Drama therapy consciousness and transformational studies etc. The PsyD program is a solid APA accredited program with a spiritual twist. When I say that I mean that the faculty and atmosphere at the school support a spiritual environment and with what little flexibility the APA accreditation gives them they facilitate this in there course work. The school has a huge emphasis on Transpersonal and integral psychologies. In short transpersonal psychology is like humanistic psychology that includes spirituality. Integral studies value the importance of spirituality academically with the absence of metaphysics.

Again here are some helpful links:
CIIS: www.ciis.edu
Transpersonal psychology: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transpersonal_psychology
Integral theory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_theory_%28philosophy%29

Keep in mind these are Wikipedia articles and were only given to help you understand the basic premises given a little better.

And last but not least, it is inevitable that I will be leaving Olympia. As much as it hurts me to say this, I have too. BUT, whether or not I will be going next year or not is still undecided, but I will keep you all up to date.

Thanks for tuning in,

Mr. O'Hagan

Ps- Just so you know, I made an excellent hot sesame coconut stir fry for Amy last night. It was delicious.

Currently listening : The Unicorn By The Irish Rovers Release date: 17 September, 1991

11:30 AM - 16 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

Impact
Current mood: Hung over

This is on the myspace page of a little girl I used to know:

Heroes-Maggot-(John O'Hagan) The first punk I'd ever met...I wanted to be like him when I was little...in my ignorance. I always thought that he was just another stupid teen who didnt give a shit about life....I never knew that he was really an "A" student...and now he's going to some university to be a psychologist...

Its funny the impact you make on people.

Currently listening : In Their Darkened Shrines By Nile Release date: 20 August, 2002

8:23 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

New Orleans
Current mood: sympathetic

Holy dumb fuck.

You know, I usually only write these things when I..m feeling inspired, but fuck it. The introductory phrase really sums up a lot of things for me right now.

A lot of my friends have asked me about my trip to New Orleans in the last month. In short the place is incredibly impoverished; there is filth all over the streets instead of cleaning the trash up, people have just been adding to the piles. The Garbage men have to be ..tipped.. to remove the immense garbage heaps that lie festering on the streets. The important thing is that all those nice places that people love to visit are still there, mostly. The French quarter is intact Bourbon street is still the piss reeking debauchery hole that is was before the storm and all the rich folks in the garden district still have there houses.

If I where to make judgments, I would have to say that I witnessed the tragic nature of man that the Greeks described during my time there. However, I..m not making judgments; New Orleans is not my home no matter how much my friends down there, the store owners, shop keepers and bartenders insisted that this be the case. I guess what I..m trying to say is, I saw a lot of things I didn..t understand, the people..s mentality down there is completely different from what I..m used too. I could get into the details, but in all fairness those people have been hit hard. And like I said, it..s not my place to make judgments.

The whole thing wasn..t tragic though. I made some great friends and got a chance to see old ones. The many nights I was there were filled with drinking an unhealthy amount and hoping around on the ancient massive tombs that liter the city. Drunken contemplation on top of a mausoleum is an interesting thing. The realization that I was sitting in a city full of people who don..t exist was even more interesting. I think it really made me appreciate life. The fact that I did all the shit that I did down there is amazing and the fact that I didn..t get into trouble partially because of law enforcement empathy is even more amazing. Apparently is legal to fire a handgun while intoxicated out of your car window with open containers in the car and a large bag of ..sugar.. in your center console.

So now I return to my bubble that is Olympia and my even smaller bubble that is Evergreen. I enjoy the nanny politics that prevent me from doing anything that may or may not harm me like indoor smoking or not wearing my seatbelt. But, I..ll take outdoor smoking to being shot at any day of the week.

In other news, I punched Kevin in the face last night. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in retrospect I think it was a bit of a party foul. Sorry about that Kevin, I hope you got as much of a laugh out of that as I did. Thanks for reading kids and remember,

Rejoice in the coming oblivion!!!!

Currently listening : Love, God, Murder By Johnny Cash Release date: 23 May, 2000

2:14 PM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?
Current mood: rejuvenated

This moment in my life can be summed up by one very strange situation:

Action: Myself attempting to be chivalrous and cute.

Re-Action: Getting kneed in the throat by a wet stripper.

For those of you who were wondering if they were missing anything in the life of one Mr. OHagan, I assure you boys and girls, you are. Things have been very much turned upside down in the best way possible and I find myself at a very strange point, not that things have ever been any less than that.

The task of shedding my stupid human suit was a very refreshing experience, and being able to free my wings from the intra-emotional bondage has re-ignited the fire within. I feel as though I can come at life with ten times the strength and force that I could before. I suppose being in my twenties, this is a common state of being, but the feeling is so euphoric! Plans to travel are becoming realities and I find myself almost foaming at the mouth to inhale all of what is out there for me. There seems to be an almost mystical correlation around traveling and transformation and although I feel changed in so many ways right now, I can feel something else immensely important coming over the horizon. It calls to me

This minute increment of my life has helped me put into words something Ive known for a very long time. The person you are today has to die in order for you to become the person you will be tomorrow. This previous epiphany being translated into something remotely tangible has become very comforting to me. I now watch as the corpse of my former self gently glides through the water on a funeral pyre. I think to myself, goodbye, you are gone but not forgotten, I have learned from your mistakes. As I light the pyre, I wonder to myself why I feel no sorrow.

For those whom I consider friends and family (this is applicable to almost every one who reads this) Im sorry I have been away for so long. I am back now and better than I ever was. I look forward to seeing you soon.


-John O'Hagan

Currently listening : Once Sent From the Golden Hall By Amon Amarth Release date: 10 February, 1998

10:56 AM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Reality, the soul, and miss Molly O'
Current mood: peaceful

So, coming to the end of the quarter, in which I have been studying consciousness, the nature of the soul and the neurological correlates of personality and the self combined with facing the death of my Aunt, who suffered sever brain damage during her teen years, has left me with some interesting questions involving the mixture of all of these topics.

First let me say, I am a Cartesian dualist, I believe that the material body is some how linked with an immaterial soul. Our bodies are beautifully constructed facilitators for our souls to interact in this material reality and nothing more; they are not the beginning or the end. I very much subscribe to the idea that I am a spiritual being having a physical experience.

Next we get into the concept that during the course of our life, through processes like synaptogenesis, our brains are molded to fit our personalities, rather our minds change the structure of our physical brains. Thus, in my little dinky model of the mind body connection, our souls/minds have molded their selves optimal equipment for physical existence.

Well this model is just fine, (unless youre a real scientist, than youd probably want to shoot me in the face for believing in a soul in the first place) until you get in to damaged brains and even psychopathology. Did my Aunt or rather my Aunts soul have the ability to fully manifest itself within the physical construct that was her body? Do people with sever schizophrenia have that ability? I know you might be thinking, man this guys an asshole, is he trying to say that people with brain damage or psychological disorders dont have souls? No, thats not what Im saying; Im not that big of a prick.

I guess the answer that Ive come to from all this is; our bodies are a major restriction to our souls and that is just part of the human experience. Another way of looking at this whole question is, do people like this have entirely different experiences? Yes, I would say so. I would even go as far as to say, theyre experiencing reality in a whole other way. Something that could be very beneficial to the growth and evolution of something like a soul, possibly a necessary step in the scheme of reincarnation. In the end I guess I believe that my Aunt was meant to be the person she was, just like you or me and her soul was doing what it was meant to be doing, may it find peace with all that is.

Currently listening : Empiricism By Borknagar Release date: 22 January, 2002

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