Never ask "How much worse could it get"

Never ask how much worse could it get, because it invariably will get worse. It had already been a string of bad events - sewage flowing into my shower, my AC freezing up and flooding my hallway, and my computer getting fried, I thought it couldn't get worse.

No such luck.

Tuesday, I come home from the gym, and see my neighbor's door swinging open. I come up to mine, and it's ajar. I take a good look, and it's been kicked in, the doorjamb in splinters. A quick walk through confirms the worst. I've been broken into and robbed. TJ's laptop was taken, my xbox 360, my roommate's desktop and laptop, and some jewelry and coins are missing. It could have been a lot worse, but it's still a shitty thing to come home to.

But wait, there's more! The first day back at work, my battery dies, and my car won't jump because the battery was so dead. So, I have to wait for a ride to the auto store, and replace the battery. And the sewage flowing into my shower? The plumbers came, fixed it, and it's already back and stinking up my bathroom.

At least there's some good news. I've been accepted to JU, I just need to fill out the financial aid forms and student registration and I'm good to go. Maybe this means the pendulum of luck will swing back my way? If not, I need someone to drag lady luck into a dark alley and have some words with her.....

9:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Biking it

Thanks to TJ, I have a bicycle again, so today I did something I'd been thinking about for a while: I rode a bike to work. It took me 27 minutes to get here, while it usually takes me 10 minutes in a car. Not a huge time difference, I can live with that. Thankfully, it's pretty much a straight shot from home to work, and a bike path 90% of the way. A couple of observations from the ride:

1. I'm really out of shape!
2. I need a more comfortable seat
3. I'm really out of shape!
4. I'm going to need something to cover my head
5. I should save up eventually for a better bike - this one only has 7 gears, I could use a 12 speed

I'd like to say it's for the environment, and I want to live green and save on gas... but really it's for the exercise. That is to say, I need more of it, and this is a good, healthy and practical way to do it. I'm sure that after a couple of trips I'm going to get stronger legs and cut my time down.

8:57 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Update on the puppy dog

Apparently my sister missed her calling as a salesperson, she's one hell of a networker. I asked her if she knew anyone who might like a dog, and the next day she has two people lined up to come look at the pooch!

So, the dog is gone to a good home, I made sure she had all her shots taken care of first. I really did kind of want to keep her, and was hoping no one would want to take her in, but it's better this way - she has a yard to romp in and kids to play with. I have a condo, no back yard, and my life at this time is not really suited to take care of a dog.

12:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Perception vs. reality

After a long talk with someone last night about content in my journal, I decided to go and read back, and see if I can recall what I was thinking and where I was in my life when I wrote the words. It was an eye opener, if I didn't know me and I read all the various entries, I'd have a picture in my head of a chronically depressed gamer with no ability to form long term relationships.

The problem with that picture is I tend to post when things are bothering me, or on my mind. I don't tend to post when I'm happy with things. We as a culture tend to reflect on our dramas. Our achievements aren't quite as fascinating. As a result, I think we have a perception of a culture that is rapidly going downhill, when it may not really be that bad. Perception becomes reality though - just as if people think I'm a depressive, they will treat me that way and if I get treated that way I will come to believe that is how I am. On a societal level, media perceptions reinforce themselves with news reports and movies and music. The perception of what our culture is becomes our culture.

Looking back, I see a picture of living through a really horrible relationship. I don't remember it being that bad until the end, but I have a different perspective now and I can see it's worse than I viewed it as being at the time. My entries paint a picture of someone who was crushed by the separation and divorce, but I know that's not the reality - I know that behind the depressed entries was a strong person whose life was turned upside down but was struggling to set it right. Behind the words is a person who could have wallowed in misery and addiction, but fought to make himself a better person.

You can have your perception of who I was. I'm working with my perception of who I want to be.

12:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Shaping Up

I've spent the last couple of weeks hitting the gym on a regular basis, and it's starting to show some progress. Not fast enough for my taste, but I guess positive change is better than nothing. I hit 215 and I just decided I'm not happy with the extra weight anymore.

There are other changes in my life I want to make, but getting in shape is the easiest place to start, and has the most easily visible and trackable results. At the party on Saturday, a couple of people told me they noticed a difference, which made me feel like it's worth the effort. After seeing the difference in Angelique, I know it can be done if you want it bad enough.

I think if I feel I look better, that will help with a more confident attitude for tackling other aspects of my life, starting with being more outgoing and independent. I've got an idea of some places I'd like to travel - just no traveling companion at the moment. So, what's stopping me from just going on my own? My personality has never been a very gregarious one. I don't make friends easily. But there are things that I want to do, and I can't count on anyone else to do them with me - I just have to be prepared to do it on my own and enjoy it as best I can. It's time to start planning and saving for the trip I want - next year sometime my goal is to go to Australia and go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef, walkabout the Outback, and catch a performance at the Sydney Music Hall. I may not get all that done, but it's worth planning for. And I'm worth the adventure.

8:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Such a bad goth...

I was at Borders tonight, looking through the music section. There was a new release I wanted to pick up, so I stopped by after work.

I found it sitting on the new release shelf (naturally) so I reached for it. I wasn't too careful, however, as it slipped through my fingers and tumbled to the floor, knocking several other CDs down on its way.

As I picked up the CDs I had knocked down and began to put them back, I noticed that one of them was a new Siouxsie CD. Unless the picture lies, she still looks damn good! It wasn't what I came in for, though so I put it back and headed to the checkout. I picked She Wants Revenge's new offering over Siouxsie. What a bad goth!

6:44 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Combichrist show

What does it say about you that you go to a club, and wind up saying hello to a lot of bartenders you know from a different club? And I don't even drink that much!!! Oh well, I had a good time at the show last night, seeing Combichrist, Porcelain Black, and some other bands I completely missed. Missed Infernal Doll Factory as well, but I'm sure there will be more opportunities to see them, if they keep doing their monthly thing at The French Quarter.

I called up a friend to see what time the shows started, and she told me 8:30. Naturally, I didn't believe her since shows NEVER start on time, but y'know, she was right. It was a huge crowd, I wonder where all these people are the rest of the time? I never see them at Eclipse. There was definitely some eye candy, but with my hearing as bad as it is, that was no place to attempt a conversation.

Combichrist was definitely high energy. I can't say I will be rushing out to buy any CDs, but they do a good stage show. I was half waiting to hear something anti-semitic from Andy during the night, because a few of the videos and pictures I've seen before look kinda Nazi-esque. Well, if he likes the style, it's cool, I'm hoping he doesn't go for the same politics. I didn't hear anything like that, so it's all good. I was also pretty impressed with Porcelain Black this time, I think this was one of the better shows I've seen them do. They're a local band, but they didn't act or sound like that last night.

One thing that did hit me is I saw a lot of people I know last night. Plenty of people I can walk up to and say hi, have a conversation... but not really any close friends. I wonder if I'm becoming one of those people who knows everyone, but always from a distance?

7:59 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing exciting to report, I'm afraid

Not much to say about this past long weekend. I had a few different things I wanted to do, none of which really got done, but I'm OK with that. It was a very relaxing, do-nothing weekend that I needed. I'd have liked to get away for the weekend, but finances currently suck. Someone special was in the hospital on Sunday, so I spent a few hours there with her.

I did finish building my latest project, pictures will be forthcoming. I made a 6-foot tall St. Andrew's Cross, and it didn't turn out too bad for a first attempt. Now I need volunteers to test it out.... Of course, I did manage to knock my cieling fan while I was moving it into my room. That led to great excitement as the fan dropped from the ceiling in the middle of the night! My roommate was nice enough to reattach it in the morning for me.

9:47 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Late New Year's Resolutions

One of the things successful people do is making lists of things that need to get done, and setting goals. I think maybe I'll have more success in my own life if I give that a shot. This list is probably going to change a LOT as time goes on and I think it over, but here's a start.

1) Get my bachelor's degree. This week I need to apply to UNF and see about class schedules, and likelihood of getting in this semester.

2) Learn yoga. I have a book, I need to read it. Maybe think about a yoga video. There is a free group in Riverside Park one Sunday a month. Find the date, make it there.

3) Read Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". This should be easily available at the library, get it this week. Something my boss will probably not be at all upset by me reading at work.

4) Play more guitar. My guitar needs its fretboard fixed, take it by Izak sometime this month. It would be good to see him too.

5) Lose weight. This requires eating healthier, which I've been working on. Also going to the gym regularly. I've been getting up earlier in the mornings before work. Haven't made it to the gym every day, but I have been adjusting my inner clock and it's getting easier. If I can get it done before work every day I should be looking good soon.

...more to come as I think about it. I think once I start being more active and dynamic more projects and ideas will present themselves.

11:04 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Gossip
Category: Friends

Not too long ago, a close friend told me I can tend to be a bit of a gossip. I don't think anyone really wants to think of themselves as a gossip, so this disturbed me a bit and I've been trying to watch what I say and who I say it to.

I tend to be a very good listener, so my friends usually feel comfortable opening up to me and sharing things. I know some of my friends' secrets, and I do try to keep them to myself. Sometimes, though, people tell me things that I really have no business knowing about someone else, and I can't help feeling I'm being tested. Am I getting told things to see how fast it gets back? Or is someone using me to disseminate the gossip so it doesn't get traced back to them? I know this sounds pretty paranoid, but the hardest thing to fix is your reputation.

10:18 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment