URGENT!

Read these first...
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90247842
http://transactive.blogspot.com/2008/05/dsm-v-kenneth-zucker.html

I hate it when therapists, if they are not transgender themselves, claim that they know transgenderism better than someone who is actually transgender and I get especially angered when they think they know what the life of a transgender person is like, the view of so called "docters" like Zucker comes from bigotry and a lack of outside research, you know I was very frightend back when I was led to believe it was a disorder, I was led to believe it was wrong and you know i've always loved history and I wanted to delve deeper and search for the odd things that most people don't get to learn about and I found an entire history of transgenderism that goes back to the beginning of recorded human history and cuts across most if not all cultures and in some of those cultures yes we were outcast but in many of them we were divine, special, gifts from the Gods and to figure out how that turned, well thats easy to figure out so i'll let you make that connection yourself. After finding all this out I was filled with pride, a sense of wholeness and happiness that I never felt before. Remember therapists like Zucker want you to conform to this society, to a binary system that was not always in existence. Remember that "therpists" like Zucker CANNOT tell you more about transgenderism than a transgender person and even then you have to be careful, hell by all accounts i'm a better gender therapist than most of these kooks and before you say it I am not a person who encourages others to transition, very much the opposite in fact the big difference is that I don't think in binary terms, I don't put religion behind it and I don't believe in the black and white, from everything i've seen and experienced humanity is extremely diverse but our minds have a hard time catching up.

You don't label kids I agree with that but none of these parents done anything to make their children behave like this they were just as perplexed about it as any parent and asked what they did wrong just like any parent in this culture would so really this behavior IS their natural state and Zuker says going with the flow creates more transgenders i'm sorry but there is plenty of evidence to the contrary from other cultures still in existence that do not treat the behavior as something odd, yes they don't label untill the kids get older but they are allowed to socialize and play with whatever they want.

Course in the end there are always exceptions which seems to be an idea that most people have a hard time accepting due to our binary system for instance they "cure" a few people of homosexuality and suddenly they think homosexuality is entirely curable yeah some people are led into it for various reasons but they are exceptions i've talked to a few people who wanted to transition and after talking to them for a bit they decided that it was prolly not a good idea for them to do so exceptions, just know thyself  nad know the world then you can find out who you really are and what you need to do heh if you could do that you would not need therapists.

"In the meantime, though, Zucker's approach continues to thrive. He says nearly 80 children are on the waiting list at his clinic in Toronto." Well yes seeing how your clinic is what, one in two clinics that "specialize" in transgenderism up there?

2:50 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Update

Finally went somewhere again other than with the band, to a support group meeting and yeah it was productive with interesting discussions about gender and identity and I learned that I missed pride but I really have not been up to date on anything, i've had a totall lack of the need of wanting to go somewhere so i've been sitting here day in and day out either doing art or spiritually exploring myself and i've been in a lull of late, it feels like something is holding back my growth like I need to do something but have absolutely no idea what that is.

I'm supposed to be going to see the Thrill Kill Kult in Raleigh on the 15th so if anyone is going to that i'll see you there.

12:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Interesting...

Carolyn Myss [WebSite] writes in her book, Sacred Contracts, that all great teachers teach the 3 C’s; that is: Consciousness, Choices & Cause and Effect.

Whether the teacher is at a dojo or showing how us to care for our car or offering a class in Earthwise Spirituality, they are teaching the three C’s as these pertain to their field of knowledge. For example, my mechanic wants me to be conscious of my car’s needs, to realize what happens if I don ’t take care of my car and to make right choices (such as changing my oil in good time). Spiritual teachers work with the same principals.

Some people are drawn mainly to the toys, the costumes and the fun involved in our path. Some of them are, sad to say, in full flight from adulthood. They want unicorns and moon beams and money spells. They like to think of themselves as rebels and tend to have a "look at me" attitude towards their practice. There is less rebel and more faddist in their make-up than they know.

For some people, becoming fully conscious of their own emotional baggage, dealing with their Shadow Sides, owning their own strength and power, and living as joyful and responsible beings sounds like too much work. As a result, they rarely move beyond the lower levels in their practice (unless, of course, life gives them a really rough push.) All too often, though, they sense how much work it is to move forward and they switch paths or partners or do whatever it takes to avoid the pain of growth.

Myss claims we need to confront our Shadow Selves in order to grow and move forward. She sees the journey as one in which each of us is the Co-Creator of our Highest Good. I have noted some of the Shadow archetypes she lists in her book, below. In the interest of balance, I have included what I consider to be, the Positive Companions to these Shadow Sides, as well.

The Prostitute: This is the side of us that that will do anything to insure love, acceptance, financial security or safety. This applies to body, mind and spirit. The question here is: What does it take to make us sell our self? The Companion to the Prostitute is the Priest or Priestess; that part which supports, appreciates and protects us. This Companion speaks for our Highest Good.

The Victim: This part feels perpetually wronged or misunderstood. This part is often angry and resentful. If we unconsciously get "points" for our suffering, then we then slip into a Martyr path, as well. The Companion to the Victim is the Peaceful Warrior; think of Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings. The Warrior is that part of us which is strong, capable, loving and wise. It has the courage to make difficult choices and to embrace change.

The Saboteur: This is how we get in our own way. This part makes sure that we do not have balance and it keeps us too busy, too tired, too overworked or too stressed to pay conscious attention to our life. The Saboteur is involved when we do not feed our selves in healthy ways and it puts the needs of others above our own needs. The companion to this is the Wise Parent. The Wise Parent works in the light of the conscious self and helps us to make healthy choices. The Wise Parent is that part of us that is loving and patient and kind. This part cares for us in ways we may not have been cared for as children. We may be better at caring for others and fail in being a Wise Parent to ourselves. If we never had a Wise Parent modeled for us in real life then we have had to create our Wise Parent from scratch and this is no easy task.

The Wounded Child: The Wounded Child feels unworthy of love. This child is shame based, has abandonment issues and feels that there is nothing they can do to fix their life. This part feels unworthy of attention. At the same time, the Wounded Child is angry for the lack of attention of others. This part lives in fear and has a great need for safety. The Wounded Child has difficulty with intimacy as a result. The Companion to this archetype is the Magical Child, that part which is healthy and intact and who we were always meant to be. The Magical Child is not selfish or childish, as some would have it, but is creative, active and in touch with our Highest Good. Knowing the Magical Child does not preclude behaving like an adult. When we see folks "acting out", what we see is the Wounded Child in action.

Shadow Sides do their best work in the dark of our unconscious. The more we avoid and ignore them, the more power we give to them.

As I have said, each of these Shadow archetypes has a healthy Companion. Together they form a sort of spiral, a double helix, of sorts; one in which each part of our character has both a positive and negative aspect. To be conscious then, is to know these sides of our character; strengths and weaknesses alike, and to make the best choices we can.

Myss writes that these Shadow archetypes are neutral. They are not out to get us, but they are there to teach us a lesson. If we choose to make right choices, the Laws of Cause and Effect and the Laws of Energy and Attraction will support our healthy sides. If we allow our Shadow archetypes to make our choices, then we choose to learn our lessons through them.

Wishing us all the courage to look at our Shadow sides and the wisdom to make right choices.


Sia

4:52 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Belief & Knowledge...

For the last few months i've been studying ancient and modern day religions and cultures, especially that delt with transgender people, from this I felt immense pride in being transgender cause we really do have a wonderful diverse history dating back to ancient matriartical societies. This all started from reading "Transgender Warriors" a book which promted me to do further research and I learned that it's not hard to find any information as long as you have the patience, drive, and time to do so.

I've studied my roots extensively which are Scots-Irish/Cherokee/German and and I learned alot about these cultures and others at different points in history, especially placing emphasis on religion.

I looked at all this from all the angels I possibly could, doing so, I believe makes what you learn well rounded and you're able to make up your own mind about a subject. By no means am I done learning, thats a life long process but I have learned what I personally believe.

~Mekari            Follower of Cybele

8:20 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

To my friends: I’m sorry...

A friend sent me a message a little earlier that promted this blog post....For about the last two months i've pretty much been a hermit, i've been trying to find reasons not to go somewhere, the exceptions were band practice, yesterday which was very enlightening and tonight went to a club with alot of negative energy so that was not fun. These past two months allowed me more time with the comic and alot of time to study religion to find my beliefs which was desperatly needed, but i've been neglecting my friends even on the internet. This friend said that I only contact her when I need something which is not true cause I really never contact her which is even worse and i'm sorry for that, I can see how you can be mad with me over that and it's ok if you never contact me again though it will be sad, I was asking you things cause I really wanted to open up communication again, honestly I can learn what I asked you by myself but I thought it was a perfect way to start dialouge again, but I was wrong and I am sorry for that I should have just asked "what's been going on with you?"

So to all my friends who are close to me, or have been close to me at one time I am sorry for neglecting you and not realizing how important you all are to me. I plan to be a hermit for just a little while longer but i'll keep in contact with all of you

~Mekari                  Follower of Cybele

1:30 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Demeaning Others is Infectious

I just watched something on discovery about this one kid who had exactly what I had when I was a kid, made me tear up! I had severe ear infections when I was born which happend frequently for many many years and I did not always respond to my mom when she said something to me and I was developing alot more slowly than the other kids which caused the kids to make fun of me especially when the teachers singled me out. Every time mom took me to the family doctor he said that nothing is wrong with my ears, and that went on for years. Then when I was 8 I was about to be labeled autistic but my mom knew that I wasen't so she blessed out the family doctor and took me to someone else and he said that what is causing my discomfort is alot of fluid build up in the ear and so tubes where put in my ears and afterwards I had no problems, my IQ shot up and I started to catch up to the other kids...kinda funny that I started crossdressing and all my gender confussion started up right after I had the tubes put in, before hand I just tried to copy my brother.

Sometimes I really want to go back to elementry and laugh in the faces of teachers who said my IQ would not go any higher, who singled me out, who called me stupid in front of the other kids and made me sit away from the other kids....maybe I would actually beat the shit out of the kindergarden teacher who started it.

I do wonder how things might of been different if I didn't have those ear problems...

6:10 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

GoTriad & SF Bay Times Interviews...

GoTriad Interview...

Artist draws transgender tales

9:46 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

How to kill a transperson

How to kill a transperson 

9:42 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

CHICKEN BRING CRIME!!

Incase your wondering about the title it is a joke that was told to me by my new friend Jeremy that I met in NYC where in his town Kentucky fried Chicken was trying to build on some historical site and a town meeting was held to debate the topic and eventually a woman in the back stood up and yelled "CKICKEN BRING CRIME!!" so now whenever I see a fried chicken place I yell it out ^.^ love it!

Anyway I had alot of fun. I learned that I hate planes, yeah it was my first time flying ^.^ but at least the Greensboro airport was nice to me when they had to see my license, the girl at the counter, after seeing the picture was like "wow thats a big change!" anyway I hate taking off it's the worst feeling but I was ok when we were in the sky but not to well. what was really great was being able to see NYC from the air, when the clouds were broken up enough, but when they did I could see the washington bridge and the staue of liberty =P landing was not bad at all it just took awhile to unload and i'm thinking that Delta might not be the best airline.

Dana was there to greet me and I was so happy to see him! We took a bus to where he lives in Washington Heights. I tried to sleep on his shoulder along the way cause it was still 7AM and I had not slept all night but it was much to bumpy. we then transfered to a subway and my luggage was becoming a real hassle but we eventually made it to his place and this time NYC looked exactly how I expected it to look when I was there last time, this time it was all dirty and grimey. the apartment he lives in with his dom was really nice which being outside I did not expect^.^ I met Jeremy who was staying with them for a few days and hes a pretty cool guy, we actually went out later that day to run some erands but it was just sooo cold and windy though.

Dana's big event "Miss Rubber World" came up but it happend to be on the coldest that NYC is supposed to have this year and me and Jeremy had to be the door people and every time the door opened we got to feel that cold blast. It was actually pretty interesting especially stephie the rubberdoll who happend to win this year cause she just looked like a wonderful rubber barbie doll but most of the time I had to watch the door except for taking pictures of the contest which will be shown later.

Dana's birthday came and I treated him with $60 worth of sushi and some esstiential things to keep him warm, it was really fun and it was great that I could treat him I want him to be happy hes just sooo nice to me and I hate it when I get used to him holding me at night and then when hes not around i'm just so lonely. Went to see the Vulgaras play later that night  and they are some really great musicians though I can't really say any good things about the sound system in that little tiki bar and I got a lil tipsy since Dana got free drinks since it was his birthday.

Dana got sick the next day so we decided not to go see Voltaire and we spent a really nice night together at the apartment.

Was not able to hang out with Saige cause noone would bring her to NYC =( and I really wanted to go to a TG club but I want to go with a TG friend preferably Saige otherwise I don't want to go.

Dana and I went to see Rambo and it was better than I thought it would be, the acting was not very good but at least there was accuracy of the damage those guns can do, heh yeah I have alot of military friends but I don't think it the movie would have been as good without having Dana there with me.

Next night we hung out with Lady J who I like but did not really get to know her cause we stoped at a rock & roll bar and I wanted something thats very tasty with very little alcohal so I asked for a strawberry daquri but they did not have any of that, now if I really want to get drunk i'll useually do Jaguer shots but I really wanted something tasty so she made me something in the vien of a red headed slut well this drink had like two whisky shots and two vodka shots within it and thats plenty to get me drunk but afterwards I begged to get some soup!

Dana got two free tickets to see Marilyn Manson play and though i'm not a really big fan of MM I went cause Dana really loves his music and it deffinately was not a bad show at all! I think I prefer to hear MM live actually. This security guy out front was an asshole he made everyone go outside to wait for their companions in the cold he would not let anyone go back in to tell the others they were with that they would be waiting out side hell this one girl lost some item and he would not let even her back in! Went to eat afterwards in a really shitty diner ^.^

The next day was my last in NYC Dana and  I went out shopping and I was just gonna get some heels but we ran into this cool eastern store and Dana ended up buying me some clothes and a really REALLY nice lamb skin leather jacket. After looking around some more we had our last meal together for awhile. Also bought a book called "Transgender Warriors" and it's about the history of trans people and it was immensly interesting and inspiring! We took the bus back to the airport and said our goodbyes then when I got through the dumbass security a lady stoped be and pointed at the exit and Dana was standing there waving and they let him open the door enough to have our last kiss, gah i'm missing him ^.^

7:35 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

New Years & Last Time in C-Ville

One of my friends had a birthday on new years so I went to the bday party she was having at O'Henrys, the food was horrible and I could not stop thinking about Nicole which really limited my conversational invovlement. I did not feel to good emotionally afterwards and wondered if I should really go to the Gecko House party that night. I decided that I really wanted to get drunk so I did and had a great time and was able to get my mind off of the situation.

A little over a week after that I went to Charolettesville VA for prolly the last time since Savvas is moving out west. I went up there and met his "little brother" Anthony and his bf Brice and they were really awsome to hang with, also learned that Savvas has a new bf named Josh who appears in the background of the first club panel in my comic Between the Lines(betweenthelines.sosdg.org) all of them were very cute ^.^ First night I was there we all went to the fallout shelter, a goth/industrial club in Richmond and it was like the best goth/industrial club that i've ever went to had alot of fun there and we parked next to the Poe museum =P

Next day Ethan came over and the very hot Ethan came over and it was wierd cause he was really nice in his everyday clothes but when he dressed up for the club he was different and stand offish toward me =/ but we went to the downtown mall first to the tea house and found out that Skittles can taste great with hot tea. Later that night was the Dawning and they decided to turn it into Savvas's going away party. There were a decent amount of people there and we all had alot of fun. apparently I was one of the hotest things there in my corset, fishnet shirt, and shreded long skirt and then once we were all at Ihop the subject of me being a TS came up (can't remember how, think we were talking about discrimination or something) alot of people at the table I think were drooling over me especially the little long blonde haired punk guy sitting next to me, heh his did not believe that I i'm a TS though lol I dunno it's still surprising sometimes cause still when I look in the mirror I see a guy though when others see me they only see a girl but I know alot of other TSs who do the same no matter how "passible" they are, anyway it was a fun night and I was glad that we did not watch gay porn like the previous night o.o though it was really funny cause we were watching it on fast forward lol. The next morning I had to leave I said goodbye to everybody and like always I left things I needed behind lol.

Right now i'm in NYC. I've been here since the 18th and staying till the 30th and i'll post about my NYC trip when I get back to NC.

Mek & Angie


Antony & Angie


Bryce & Antony


Ethan & Tina


Savvas & Josh



Most pics were taken by Bryce, Antony, Savvas, Ethan or I

7:52 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment