I think I’m wearing a Kryptonite necklace
Current mood: pissed off

So every once and I while, I just don't have it in me anymore. I am not Superman, I am not even above average. I feel like I wish I could blink myself into oblivion. I think the only anchor that keeps me sane during these times are the girls. They know when to just walk into the room, and say nothing, but just give me a big hug and a kiss and tell me that they love me. Without any provocation, they just know. And I am so grateful for that.

These times are when the world seems to increase it's "need" of me. By need I mean that is when my phone goes off with someone having some "crisis" that they may think is important, and they have to talk to me immediately. Of course this happens without every asking how I, or my family, are doing. But as long as I am there to give advice that they need, then my well being doesn't matter.

These are also the times that Damary will amazingly find EVERYTHING to complain about. Example: I have learned to keep my mouth shut every time Damary's family opens their mouth and says something wrong or ignorant. Why? Because what is the point in proving someone wrong??  But whenever my Mom opens her mouth, no matter what the topic is, Damary is there to argue, like this morning, over my Mom spending 2 freaking dollars to get some clothes for the girls. I mean, if I can keep my mouth shut with MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT MULTIPLE TIMES, how hard is it for her to do the same with ONE person??

These are the times that people somehow think it is okay to offer an opinion on how to raise my children, or my dog, or how to treat my wife....yet they have none of the above.

These are the times when anything I enjoy or like somehow MUST be criticized by everyone I know. I love how I have to explain why I enjoy the Olympics to people who are so addicted to "Reality Shows", as an example. Let me ask, what is more real than for 2 weeks every 4 years the world remembers that we are all human and to CELEBRATE our differences?? Oh, but I guess if they are degrading themselves to win 25 bucks and 15 minutes of fame is more enlightening to the brain.  How stupid of me.

To the select few people I know, that no matter what time of the day/night it is, I know I can pick up my phone and call. I am most thankful. Not only are you there for me no matter what, you are there for me without a judgmental, or overly opinionated ear.

There are some of you who will read this and wonder if I am talking about you. And then wonder which part of this I may think of you. If you have that urge to email/text/call me asking was I talking about you? Don't... 

The point of this?? No idea....

12:18 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Sometimes I Hate My Head
Category: Life

So last night I had a HORRIBLE dream. It was one of those nights where this was the only dream I had and when I woke up in the middle of the night and went back to bed, this dream continued like someone paused and resumed a movie.
So in my dream, Damary and I were coming home from a date night. We were in our driveway when Damary said she needed to tell me something. She proceeded to say she was tired of us living the way we are and her faking it. She showed me her phone and it was a picture of her and some guy hugging each other. I commented that I hadn't seen Damary that happy since our wedding day. She said she was happier in this picture.
The next half an hour goes by slow motion. Damary tells me she is in love with...REALLY in love, not what she thought was love. Mind you she wasn't mean about...she was more matter of fact about it. Something was admirable about that level of honesty. So I asked if she had introduced the girls to him, and she said yes. She said she made sure that they understood I am still Papi.
She went on to tell me that she understood this news was hard, and I could choose whether she or I would be the one to move out.
The dream was so real, when the alarm (mercifully) went off, I was convinced this actually had happened, and I was confused why Damary would want to be in the same bed with me.
The point of this is not to put Damary on blast. Just the opposite actually.
I know a lot of people who believe that once they are in a relationship they get this "this is who I am, and if the person I am with can't accept it, then it is their problem" mentality. And then they expect that their mate will change to accept their wants/needs/shortcomings. Bottom line: that is crap.
If you think that you are so wonderful that you can't/shouldn't change or grow, then you will be destined to enjoy a life with the ONLY person that will agree with you: yourself.
So yeah, I am man enough to admit my heart was evaporated hearing that Damary would be leaving our marriage, but being that I have unconditional love for her, I was happy she found someone that she could give her all to without reservation.
Now I know that this may cause controversy, even in my own house, but I needed to get this out to the world, and can handle the criticism.

6:36 AM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Something a little more lighthearted, enjoy :)
Current mood: peaceful

Quiz :)

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you

Currently listening : 3121 By Prince Release date: 21 March, 2006

11:52 AM - 9 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I JUST DON’T GET IT……AND I’M DONE.
Current mood: pissed off

I JUST DON'T GET IT……AND I'M DONE

OK, so these past few days have been very sad around the Queen household (because of Damary's Grandfather passing away), and it also made me do some thinking as well. When tragedy happens, people get exposed for the fake-ass people they are.

I am not going to apologize for what I am about to say:

If you are:

·       The person(s) who only seems to have time to talk, or text message me because you have a question about: directions, computer/electronic usage, sports stuff, or anything that is strictly self serving, but can't return a phone call or text otherwise

·       The person(s) who uses me as a sounding board for your life, but then continues to bitch and do nothing about it (if you lost your job like me and have time to drink every other night, or make multiple trips to the beach, don't bitch to me that I keep going on interviews…oh yeah I HAVE A JOB NOW).

·       The person(s) who has the time to give me parenting or marriage advice, and you are F*CKING someone else, and/or whoring around in general, and hate to be around your child/children (to that person in particular….everyone around you knows because you/your best friend can't keep your mouths shut. Your husband WILL find out…make peace with whatever Gods you believe in).

·       The person(s) who thinks because I am a good Husband to my wonderful wife Damary (WHO DESERVES IT), I would be a good man for you (you know what I mean, and you know who you are).

·       The person(s) who thinks I am their personal sounding board/life fixer/advice giver and yet is no where to be found if I need to talk (and there are a LOT of you).

·       The person(s) who has no kids/not married/no real responsibilities, and wants to look down on me/give me a hard time for choosing my family and making them more important. I LOVE MY FAMILY….and to make my point further I LOVE KNOWING I AM GOING TO WAKE UP TO SOMEONE I LOVE, EVERY DAY!!

·       The person(s) who has been over to The Queen Family's place multiple times, eaten our food, drank our alcohol, but never invites us over

·       The person(s) who isn't Kristin Rapacki, and you've known me for over 15+ years (the exceptions are BJ, or anyone I've reunited with on My Space, like Kathy in Maine!!). I am not your friend for a reason (probably something you did to f*ck it up).

·       The person(s) who thinks their happiness is somehow my responsibility.

·       The person(s) who is getting pissed off or somehow heated in general, reading this.

If you fit into any of the above: DELETE ME FROM YOUR MY SPACE, YOUR CELL PHONE, YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW.

Seriously…..I'm tired of being emotionally used or held hostage. If you are not "ride or die" (if you need a slang translation, let me know), peace the f*ck out.

We're all intelligent people, what I wrote is crystal clear.

Remember, everything we do comes to the light. So don't get mad at me if you got exposed for dirt you've done, or are currently doing.

Let the replies/comment/ messages begin…

Currently watching : 300 (Two-Disc Special Edition) Release date: 31 July, 2007

10:34 AM - 21 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

I cannot ever say I do not believe in blessings.....
Current mood: excited

Well, as most of my friends know, or had it happen to them, I was laid off last week. To be honest, it is hard to feel too bad for myself when I saw most (75% to 80%) of the company getting laid off. It also wasn't a surprise, but that is why they invented severance packages.

Anywho, Damary and I have been really busy this past few weeks. Thanks to my bother-in-law and his wife, Ayanna's 1st birthday party will go on (Thank you David and Karen). On top of that, my Mom will be making the Sunshine State her home!!! So this means Nana gets to be close to her grandchildren :)

On top of all of that, Damary and I just found out we will be moving into our own house!! Yes, the girls will have a front and back yard to play in!!  Damary's Dad has renovated his house, and the attached apartment. He has had many tenants who have defaulted one way or the other. He wants the house to stay with Damary.

Long story short (TOO LATE lol) we will be moving into our first house the day After Annabelle's birthday party on Saturday!!

So, once again, life has taught me another lesson: Everything is a matter of perspective and attitude.. Both are looking up for The Queen Family!!!

Currently watching : Akira (Special Edition) Release date: 24 July, 2001

1:11 AM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!
Current mood: ecstatic

Yes, it is that time again for me to Blog about something very important to me:

Currently listening : 3121 By Prince Release date: 21 March, 2006

3:06 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!
Current mood: cheerful

We all know today is Mother's Day. I haven't written a blog in a while, because I like for things I say to be meaningful. In other words, when you see that Corey has written a blog, you know he must have something deep on his mind. So here goes.

                As I was sending out Mother's Day's wishes to people on my friend list (man, I know a lot of Mom's LOL), I took a moment to reflect on you all as Moms and more importantly, my beautiful wife as a Mom. I have to say WOW J

                Motherhood is the closest thing to a common miracle, straight from God.  I work with some amazing Mom's; I am blessed to be friends with some amazing Mom's, and I am lucky enough to be married to an amazing Mom. Guys, we might think we're the shit, but ever seen a Mom get up many times in the middle of the, still get up in the morning, get herself, and the child/children together, and still be sweet and caring to us husbands.  Moms don't really ask for much, and let's keep it real; we really don't give them much credit. The amazing things that they do, we (as a society) are so used to seeing it, we just take one day a year to say, "Thanks, and keep up the good work."

                My whole point is that my wife is wonderful. Every time any says how beautiful our children are, I respond the same way. "They look like my wife". Ayanna and Annabelle's sensitivity, their loving nature, their exquisite sweetness are because of Damary.  Damary, I hope that Mother's Day isn't the only time you feel special as the mother of our children. Yes you got gifts, yes you got flowers, and yes you got cards, but I hope I am man enough to make you feel special everyday.  If I don't, I am also man enough to tell you I will do better.

                So to all of you Mom's HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. You all deserve it. Take a bow, and note that if no one else understands how wonderful you all are, I do J

Currently listening : Ten By Brian McKnight Release date: 05 December, 2006

8:29 AM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I am grateful for.....
Current mood: contemplative

I am/have lead an amazing life. No, it isn't CLOSE to being over, but it has been an amazing ride so far, and I want to reflect on that…...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I'm grateful because no matter how stressful my day at work, can ever get, I open the door, and hear Ayanna yell, "Papi!!!" and she comes running with her lips all puckered up and arms wide open.  Damary gives me a wonderful kiss, and Annabelle greats me with the most, bestest, bottom two-teeth grin I have ever seen (since Ayanna was that young, of course J). Then life is more than "good". It is heaven. To find that kind of peace, some people go workout, some go shop, some go drink. I am blessed, all I have to do is open the door J  For that, I look up to God every night and say Thank You, and wonder why I am blessed J

I am grateful because for some reason, I have NEVER figured out, people like me. I know that sounds weird, but what you have to understand, I don't even know if I like me (well, I sort of do now, but it took a lot of struggle over 34 years to do so). So it still warms my heart that whenever anything Superman, X-Men, or comic book in general finds it way it someone's life, they think of me and make it a point to tell me. I know most of the time I come off a little reserved (I am trying to find a nice way of saying it LOL), but yes I do feel very grateful that people think that much of me.

I am grateful because at work, I am respected from people that, for the most part, have only known me for a short time (for people I work with, you know what I mean). Again, I know I come across as brooding (again, being nice LOL), but it means a lot that so many of you think I'm smart, or trust me with your questions. No, it never annoys me to talk to people at work, for the record J

I am grateful because being a father of two wonderful children (My Princess and My 'Belle) has given me joy I haven't felt since my Father was alive. That doesn't mean I am not happy, or haven't been happy since he passed away (on my 22^nd birthday), but I mean in a "this is how God meant it to be" family kind of way.  When my Dad was alive, I felt like no matter how not alike anyone I have ever felt, I had someone who understood me, and applauded me for that, and someone I learned from, every single day.  With Ayanna and Annabelle, it is the same feeling, but completely different, because I am the parent now. Realizing all of the things I ever did as a kid (pure mischief of course J), I guess I tend to have a GREAT deal of patience when it comes to Ayanna and Annabelle, because I understand their curiosity at the level it is at.  I also think this helps the bond I have with them separately and together.  The greatest compliment my Dad gave to me when he was on his deathbed was that not only did he love me (what choice did he have, he was my Dad), but he liked me, because of the person I had become.  I always have carried that comment in my heart, and now that I see the developing personality of Ayanna, and the beginning of Annabelle's personality, I already see that about them.  One of the coolest things about being a parent is simple: There is proof I existed on this planet, and I can't be more proud of the legacy.

The last, but not least reason I am grateful is because of my wife, my queen, the woman who has given our family two of the aforementioned beautiful daughters: Damary Queen. I am grateful because at being 8 years her senior, she has taught me so much about the importance of life is in the living of it. The journey is greater than the destination. And man, what a journey I've been blessed to see with her.  I mean, everyone makes fun of the massive amount of pictures I take with/of her (believe me, ask anyone I've dated before, and ask how many pictures exist of me and them……well I know I don't have any, anyway LOLJ), but I love having the actual/literal snapshot of our times together. Besides, there is nothing better than looking through some old pictures and just having a crazy smile on my face because I am reminded of one of the millions of inside jokes or memories. Plus I am always looking forward to the upcoming memories that we haven't made yet J

As my Queen, and my Princess, and my 'Belle are all taking a nap, I was watching them napping and thinking just how lucky I am. I wanted to put it out there so the whole world would know, plus I want a grand way of telling my friends, Thank You.  I also am always doing grand ways of telling Damary and the girls, Thank You J

Currently watching : Superman Returns (Widescreen Edition) Release date: 28 November, 2006

10:50 AM - 8 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

I don't apologize for what I'm saying...
Current mood: accomplished

            So as my birthday comes up next week, I often find myself in deep thought about my life. As many of you know, my birthday also is the day my Father passed away. This year will be the 12^th anniversary of his passing.

            One of the things I tend to do on my birthday (and always have done since I can remember) is I take a look at my life now, compare it to where I was in life on my last birthday, and the previous four or five birthdays.  I always like to feel like I am going forward in my life.

            Well, if you're reading this blog, then you've seen my page and pictures. So then you see that the answer to "How am I doing on this birthday?" is a resounding DAMN BLESSED!!! I love my life. I love the family I have.  But sometimes I find myself getting angry with people. There in lies the rub…

            There are only 24 hours in the day. That is simple. I have the God given right to free will to choose how I spend those hours. It seems lately I've had people become unreasonable because I don't make time to hang out with them. Here's the thing. I like hanging out with Damary, Ayanna, and Annabelle. I Love my Wife. I Love My Princess, I Love My 'Belle J  It's very simple. I don't apologize for that, and I never will.

            I am a minority, in more ways than one. I like being around my family in my spare time. I love doing things for my wife, I take an active role in my daughters' lives, I do the cleaning in our place, and I do the laundry. When people ask me to do things, I talk with Damary first, because I don't want that to take away from our time together. If you ask me 10 times what I would love to do, 10 times I will say spending time with Damary, and our girls.

            People, who aren't married (happily) nor have children, don't get it, like the rest of us do. So those of you, who aren't happy in/with your lives/spouses/children/jobs, STOP, FOR GOD'S SAKE, draining the energy of those who wake up everyday knowing they are blessed!! It is absolutely ridiculous how negative people want to be coddled and babied and told, "It's okay." Bottom Live: If you want attention because you don't get it at home, just be an adult, and say that, and stop wasting everyone else's (read: MINE) time.

            So my whole point is simply this: for my friends I've known for sometime: Thank You for being a real, true friend. I have nothing but love, an open door, and a cold beer for you, as long as I live. To my recent friends, I look forward to making some funny, great memories to look back on one day and say something like, "That shit should have never worked" or "How the hell did we get out of that without getting our ass whooped!!" J (Which most of my long time friends can easily put one or both of those phrases to many a story of something that we've done!!)

            To my Wonderful Daughters: Ayanna and Annabelle. Thank you for giving me purpose. Thank you for answering the internal question of why my suicide attempt never worked, and why 4 bottles of sleeping pills never even made me take a nap. Why I died for 5 minutes and came back with renewed feeling for life.  Ayanna, when you say "Papi" and hug me and give me a kiss, and tell me "Thank you", it melts my heart. When you smile at me, it makes my day all right. When you're eating your fruit snacks, and you want to share with me while cuddling with me when we're watching cartoons or wrestling, I know that my Dad is looking down smiling J  Annabelle, now that you're starting to smile at me (and it isn't gasJ) and you clutch onto my finger to tight and look at me when I'm giving you a bath, I know that I really am capable of helping to create something wonderful in this world. I love how the both of you already interact with each other. It is so amazing to me.

            Last, but not least, to my wife, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, Damary. Thank you for giving me pride. Thank you for being better to me than I could ever be. Thank you for rescuing me from emotional hell, when we first met. Thank you for reminding me who I am. Thank you for having a better grasp of love long before I did, and helping me to see that vision, and sharing it with Ayanna and Annabelle. Thank you for not laughing at me because I'm still a big kid at heart. Thank you for accepting my baggage, when we first met, and having the patience as I shed it. Thank you for being an extraordinary Mom, but not forgetting to be a Wife too J J J  Thank you for not trying to inhibit me from still continuing to grow as a person in the years we've been together. Thank you for believing in me.

            Yeah, I know next week may be my birthday, but trust me. I already have my presents all around me.

Currently listening : Chairman of the Board By Count Basie Release date: 24 June, 2003

3:46 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

ANNABELLE IS BORN!!!!
Current mood: PROUD!!

Hey Everyone,

       Annabelle was born at 8:38 P.M. August 7th, 2006 (yes, her birthday is 8-7-6!!!). I'm home tonight with Ayanna. Damary is staying the night in the hospital with Annabelle (hence why I have the pics up first!!).  Both baby and Mami should be home tomorrow (Wednesday), and are doing wonderful.  I am so full of pride right now. I am so incredibly proud of Damary!! She did such a wonderful job during delivery and nursing and everything!! To be honest, this moment is all about Damary, and I don't want to take anything away from her spotlight, so when she gets back and gets settled in, I am sure she'll write about it, and you can see even more pics!!  So when you get the chance, leave her bunches of comments and emails so she has something to read when she logs on!! Speaking of pictures, if you want to see all of the ones we took, please go to our website, that Damary and I have specifically for the purpose of pictures for friends and family.  www.prettyboy1072.net

P.S.- Why is it I can find a thousand descriptions for "Current Mood", but they don't have a simple one like "Proud"???  I mean, I can say I'm "Thirsty" or "Quixotic", but not "Proud"??? That's balance!! :)

11:30 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment