Understand the Blackness within.
Current mood: blank
Category: Writing and Poetry
:: The Sirens are calling. Again I fall victim to my curse. Day turns to Night. Eternal Blackness is falling. For once everything feels right... I cock my gun.... And leave no one in sight.
The killing helps me keep feeling human. Haunted by those I've slain. Images of Men, woman, children. Dying with their last breath. They are all now dead to me... like the rest. ::
My sole defense is to fight the enemy. Every day, I tell myself. Do good. A little voice in my head, that fire in my belly. It drives me to do GOOD. I always hear. "The good you do today, will often be forgotten by other's tomorrow; do good anyway."
I am a strict believer in this. I'm a guy who couldn't stand to see another suffer. We have all suffered to some extent. To believe someone can have it worse than me truly gets to me. I give what I can. Advice, wisdom, money, food, company, even just to sit and talk and listen; it opens a world of opportunity for someone else to share their pain. We've all been oppressed in some form over our own lifetimes. Sometimes this feeling of oppression causes us to take drastic measures. To kill, or to steal to survive. Maybe for others it is not the same. Maybe some men do these things because it's all they know how to do. Maybe other's cannot control themselves. When a man hits rock bottom, maybe that's when he's given up all hope in life. Maybe that's when the blackness inside takes over.
WE all undoubetdly have this blackness within. How we use it can be a life altering situation. I've learned to control it. I have a huge migraine as I type this in... I can't think.. I'm losing all trace of thought, it's slowly leaving me. I must go and rest. I will leave you with this..
Day Care for Deserters.
Current mood: betrayed
Category: Writing and Poetry
Blindfolded, an example must be set. Clap; Three dark, brooding men enter the cold dank room. Many shall enter, and few alone shall make their departure.
Hands bound, as well your comrades all the rest. Clank; a machete is swung just behind your neck. Splitting hairs is all is all it does, the smell of urine fills the room. Your back to the wall, your knees tremble, your ankles buckling beneath you.
Mouth gagged, your desperate cries for help are petty. Click; the rifle is cocked. No escape, the silence of our sanctum shattered with a boom. The skull of Nicholas is shot to ribbons.
Jaw broken, your pleading grows weary. Drip; filthy water saturates your scalp. Impalpable! The mind of who cannot grasp his filthy sin. Your tears are washed away.
Time stops. Your daughter is at home crying, waiting for your return. The desperate wife, laying out the dishes for supper. Your seat is empty. "Your food is going to get cold"
Ribs scattered, your breath comes of short. Thud; the bleeding head of Nicolas slides to the floor. Oh, don't cry, don't cry. "Your lies untold". Who is next in our charade. Russian Roulette!
Crack! Sickening like the dogs of Hades himself, a .357 finds poor Richard. Trashing his temple, kill from within. Exit stage left. Who knew he won't be missed; his wife the whore.
Neck bruised, you strain to remain still. Slump forward. Pitter patter; Richard's brains descend. What are you doing here? Pathetic! What are you doing here? You waste! You shame your father. Shatter the illusion. Shatter the trust. Shatter the faith. Embrace the Betrayal! "You, you, you.. you are a rotten apple"
We are your God now.
Prod; the muzzle of an AK-47 brushes through your short hair. The muzzle is warm from it's last kill. You choke in fear. You wrench your gut. You swallow your vomit..
We own you now.
We see you when you're awake. We know when you're sleeping.
So please be good for goodness sake.
Because there's no telling when the hour glass will shatter. Your time is up. You gain our trust, and you lie to us. You eat our food, and you steal from us. We give you a gun, and you run away. We give you shelter, and you went Helter Skelter.
You kill your own to find new life. You lie to your brothers to breath fresh air. You bitch! It's time to die. You better find your God and hold your grip. You better pray now Mother fucker. Pearly gates await sky high.
Now is the time. Say Goodbye.
We know you. We can see you. You're stupid and blind. We'll fuck your wife and sell your daughter. We'll slay your father and find another. Your mother? I wonder what she tastes like.
It's time to die bitch. Your crime was greatest of all. You think you're the shit. You think you had us for even a second? You're on your knees cock sucker, now you're not so tall. It's time your time you prick, now get hit.
Have you said your prayers? Can you not see the light; what that blank stare?
We tear off your blindfold. We will have our fun. You can see the dripping rifle pointed at you. Let the blood run. Stunned? That's funny. You saw this coming.
We cut you loose. Time to fuck your brain. OH buddy, what a shame. Get on your hands and knees! Have you learned anything? Have you made a single gain? You're losing ground; this is your last game. Take a look around you. Is this sick? Is this wrong? Heh.. you're turning blue.
Do your self a favor cunt. Don't be shy. We had our fun, now it's time to vent. Confess your sin, confess your wrongs. Good. You plead, and sob, and beg for your life. This is what I meant.
Recoil - Flesh Field lyrics
Current mood: impatient
Category: Music
I don't think you understand You've never seen this face before I tried to tell you I'm not the man you took me for
A silhouette, a shell No, what you knew was not me A facade, a charade Now can you see more clearly?
Everything is gone I can't feel anymore And now I can expose you for everything you are
I am perversion and decay I am hatred and greed I am everything I hid from you Now tell me, do you like what you see?
No truth in anything you tell me In anything you show me In anything you ever do Deceit You never cared about me You never felt for anyone Unless they had something to offer you
Don't let me inside you You're not prepared And I cant turn back before I infect you I just want you to see
So beautiful on the outside Yet so obscene on the other side And now you recoil from me
Can you see me in the light? Do you know me, and were you right? I just thought you should know me
OMERTA - Lamb of God
Current mood: angry
Category: Music
Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of themself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I Live, I will kill you, If I Die, You are forgiven." Such is the Rule of Honor.
Broken the paradigm an example must be set. Invoke the Siren's song and sign the death warrant. This is what has been wrought for 30 pieces of silver. The tongues of men and angels bought by a beloved betrayer.
I am the result, what's better left unspoken. Violence begins to mend what was broken. You've been talking, I've been all ears.
Words meant to dwell in darkness shall never see the light of day. Words can be broken so can bones, execute the mandate. Mouth full of dirt your name is removed from the registry. St. Peter greets with empty eyes then turns and locks the gate.
I am the result, what's better left unspoken. Violence begins to mend what was broken. You've been talking, I've been all ears. Omerta.
Cheaply venal, stupidly verbose. A slip of the tongue, a slit of the throat. Six feet under with no marker. Keep my name from your mouth forever. Free speech for the living, dead men tell no tales. Your laughing finger will never point again. Omerta. Omerta. Sing for me now.
The She devil. Her presence usurped the darkness surrounding us in the moonless night. My soul was set ablaze when her eyes met mine.
Good God.. Her eyes blazed like forging steel, burning into my image. She stared at my body, searing my flesh into ruins. I became short of breath; her stare smoldering and feverish. I could feel my chest tightening, my lungs scalding hot turning to ash. That igneous gaze melted away the pain and amputated the suffering.
Good God.. Her breath was like a cutting tundra, breathing down the back of my neck. She turned my spine into ice, sending chills throughout.I froze in my steps. Everything became bleak. My toes began to curl, her breath encircling me and rushing into my nostrils. She tore away my last breath as if I fell on the thin ice. I could feel my lungs turning into vapors, killing me from within.
Good God.. Her touch was like a static concussion, her fingertips encompassing my bare chest. My nerves were shattered, beaten, and raped. I could feel her mere touch thundering through my insides like the unlawful wrath of Oden. My body had erupted into shock and pure ecstasy... I lost the feeling in both my arms. My muscles twitched.
Her silky, midnight black hair blanketed the light in the air, whipping around me. The locks of hair brushed past me gently, enticing me further. She stood before me now, looking into my eyes once again.
I placed a hand on her cheek, brushing the hair past her to reveal her flawless profile. Her skin was as white as moonlight, her eyes broken and wandering down to the floor. Her head pressed against my chest, Her soft lips pecked at my pectorals, her teeth gently scrapping the flesh. Is this what it feels like to be wanted?
I let go... sinking into what felt like a bottomless pit. Standing there forever with her in my arms. My eyes were sealed shut. My lips became moist with a soft kiss. Everything went black. I stopped feeling everything.. Please don't let this be a dream..
Scholar Achievement: Mass Effect
Current mood: blank
Aliens: Council Races
Asari: Speak with Captain Anderson after the first meeting with the council.
Salarians: Speak with Captain Anderson after the first meeting with the council.
Turians: If you miss it at the beginning of the game, you can get it by speaking to people about Specters and Saran. Otherwise, it should appear after your first encounter with Ashley.
Aliens: Extinct Races
Rachni: Speak with the VI Avina near the Consort Chambers/Krogran Statue about the Rachni wars.
Protheans: Speak with Captain Anderson and Nihlus on the Normandy at the beginning of the game in the Communications Room. This is your only chance in the game to get this codex. If you miss it, you will not be able to recover it later in the game.
Aliens: Non-Council Races
Batarians: After you become a Spectre, speak with Captain Anderson about his Spectre activities at the Docking Bay.
Elcor: Speak with the diplomat Calyn in the embassy. He is located at the end of the hallway to the right of the Embassy Clerk next to Udina's office.
Geth: While on the mission Eden Prime you will receive this codex automatically.
Hanar: Speak with the Hanar Shopkeeper at the Emporium.
Keepers: Speak with the VI Avina in the northwest part of the Presidium. She is very close to the Preaching Hanar and C-Sec Turian whom are arguing.
Krogan: You get this automatically by entering Choras Den. A scene will play showing the Krogran Wrex.
Quarians: Speak with Garrus in the medical center after fighting the thugs.
Volus: Talk to the VI Avina closest to the Embassy Clerk. You will get this by asking the VI why the Volus were the first race to get an embassy.
Eyes and Ears Achievement on Call Of Duty 4.
Current mood: validated
Category: Pissed as Hell. Games
((ATTENTION: This is not my Walkthrough for the Intels. But this could help you if you can't find all of them; I found about 20 of them on my own. Let's see how well you can do.))
1 - Prologue Crew Expendable - After wasting the bridge crew, follow the team down into the ship. Investigate the bunkroom where the drunk terrorist stumbles out of. Two sleeping terrorists should be inside.
2 - Prologue Crew Expendable - The team will use a flash bang in the cargo hold (if you run ahead, the enemies will fire and the team will simply skip the flashbang and fire back). At the bottom of the stairs in that hold (the stairs are right next to the hold's entrance) is the intel. It is out in the open and hard to miss if you're looking for cheap AMD laptops.
3 - Act I Black Out - At the start of the mission, there is a shack to your left with two terrorists. Check the shack's interior for the intel. Just a moment before, your team should be given the "weapons free" order.
4 - Act I Black Out - In the building where the informant is (you need to use night vision since the team cuts power to the house lights), check the bathroom on the second floor.
5 - Act I Charlie Don't Surf - In the basement of the first objective building, head down to the basement. Check the small room in the basement corner (marked with a Kalashnikov silhouette) for the intel.
6 - Act I Charlie Don't Surf - After clearing the first building (the terrorist training building) and getting orders to retake the TV station, there will be some intense house-to-house fighting. Place the TV station marker so it serves as "map-north". There is a wide street in front of the station; before crossing it completely, head "map-east" and take out a terrorist sniping post. The intel you want is on the second floor of that sniping post. Note if you approach the main road, you went too far ahead. As read on IGN! 7 - Act I Charlie Don't Surf - After crossing the heavily guarded main road towards the TV station, there is a building next to a large pile of wrecked cars (occasionally, the pick-up truck with the mounted machinegun may be destroyed nearby). Head up the stairs of that building and check its second level for the intel.
8 - Act I The Bog - After evading the machineguns and entering the apartment complex, you head up to the second floor. Clear the area of enemies and look for a silhouette of a Kalashnikov with two crossed sickles. Allied NPCs should breach the door for you so you can enter it. If you missed which door was breached, the room in question has a checkboard floor. The intel is in there. Note, if you leave for the next block to rescue the tank, you have gone too far ahead.
9 - Act I The Bog - After using the Javelin to destroy enemy vehicles, you proceed into a street market composed of narrow streets. From the broken fence, you make two lefts to a central market that has an upright refrigerator; turn around from the fridge and march straight back towards a wall. The intel is behind a stack of boxes.
10 - Act I The Hunted - After the enemy chopper detects and springs an ambush on the team, you go into a house that will get flashbanged and rushed by enemies. Once you survive that ordeal and leave the house, you will be in the middle of some farm buildings; look for a dwelling with a Russian soda machine next to its entrance. The intel is inside that building. Note you should get the intel before you encounter any attack dogs, unless you just like killing small beasts and yukking it up with your buddies later. As read on IGN! 11 - Act I The Hunted - After going through both greenhouses, there is a wreck of a building to your left (when you exit the second greenhouse). Work your way into that building and then go to the small section covered by a sheet metal roof; the intel is in there. If you reach the barn to fight off the enemy chopper with Stingers, you went too far ahead.
12 - Act I War Pig - After your friendly tank runs over the car, check the multi-level building on the inner corner (it will be on your right side if the objective marker serves as map-north). The staircase is in a multi-use building (commerical on the bottom, residential on the top). Check the second floor of the building for the intel.
13 - Act I War Pig - Check the multi-level building on the outer corner -- basically across the street from the previous intel. This building's staircase is in a dry-cleaning store. Again, it's on the second story.
14 - Act I War Pig - Right before the enemy T-72, you have to storm a building with a machinegun nest. This nest overlooks a short alley filled with civilian cars. Investigate the second story of the "machinegun nest" building for the intel.
15 - Act I Shock and Awe - Once you rendezvous with the advance recon team, check the corners of the room they were holed up in. The intel should be on the second level of their building. As read on IGN! 16 - Act I Shock and Awe - After jumping down from the building where the advance recon team was holed up in, check the building directly straight ahead. Like previous intels, check the second story of that building. It's in a closet if you're honestly lost.
17 - Act II Safehouse - After clearing the forest (which takes all the five seconds of your life), check the first building you see -- it's next to the church and has a satellite dish attached to it. As before, check the second level of the house for the intel.
18 - Act II Safehouse - Check the building next to the water tower. It is in one of the restaurant booths on the first floor.
19 - Act II All Gillied Up - Atop the ladder in the church. Let the allied sniper take the lead so he can open the door for you. Otherwise, there's no way in. Get the intel quickly before the chopper appears, or you may not be able to get to it later.
20 - Act II All Gillied Up - Mid-way through the container maze, a makeshift camp full of terrorists will have intel on a table made from 55 gallon drums. If you want the intel, you may have to kill the enemies if you are not able to sneak by them. Note if you enter the next area and start sneaking under the trucks, you may not be able to go back and grab this intel. As read on IGN! 21 - Act II All Gillied Up - After sneaking under the trucks, you come to a building with an enemy sniper on a fire escape. Brain (headshot) the sniper and check the top of the fire escape for a small room with the intel.
22 - Act II One Shot, One Kill - After downing the enemy chopper, you need to carry your allied NPC to the extraction point. During this sequence, you will enter a building to attempt to lose your pursuers. Fight off the terrorists and attack dogs inside. Once you leave that building, locate the gray fire escape on that building and grab the intel at the top. You need to hurry back down before the timer (or your ally) expires.
23 - Act II One Shot, One Kill - Carry the allied NPC "McMillian" to the Pripyat ferris wheel but do not place him on the highlighted spot on the hill yet; you need to scout around this area so you know where to go once enemies appear and general mayhem occurs. Put the ferris wheel behind your character and look for a side street towards the southeast (use your HUD compass). There should be a non-descript (closed) door to a sad looking Communist Russian apartment building. This door will open later during the firefight (enemies are spawned from there). Place the allied NPC at the spot on the hill and prepare for hordes of enemies. Once enemy choppers appear to fast-rope troops, the aforementioned door will be open. Head into that room now and grab the intel on the floor. If you are having difficulty grabbing this intel, you can always stage select and use the easiest (Recruit) difficulty to survive the enemy onslaught.
24 - Act II Sins of the Father - After securing the diner, you will enter a Russian diner. Immediately check the tables to your left (upon entering) to grab the intel. Once the screen fades for "uniform change", you cannot get this intel.
25 - Act II Sins of the Father - After the target flees into a Russian village, the team stays behind to do rear guard while you pursue the target into a side alley. Your chase leads to an area which is covered by several snipers and many terrorists on the ground. A red dumpster and a green car signifies where you can go left (suicide) or right (flanking route). Take a right at that fork and look for a side staircase leading up to a house room. A few terrorists will be in there (it is a kitchen of sorts). The intel is on the table. Grab it quickly and continue your pursuit.
26 - Act III Ultimatum - After destroying the power tower, your team will infiltrate a Russian base. Pass through the breach in the wall and follow the allied NPCs through the motor pool. Across the base's courtyard, there is a large room where a majority of the enemies will come from (it's basically their spawn point). Fight into it and turn right. The intel is in a small partition to the side.
27 - Act III All In - After destroying the first enemy BMP but before going past the silo's gate, check the alleyway behind the building to the gate's right. The intel is at the end of the alley by some weapons.
28 - Act III All In - Once inside the silo base, there are three missile tanks (not BMPs - those are your targets) parked in the base. Align your map with compass (true) north and use your main HUD compass to identify the southernmost missile tank. South of that missile tank, there are three buildings on your map (when you pause and check your mini-map). Investigate the center southern building (it will be an army warehouse) for intel just lying on the floor. Quickly grab it and get out of there before the enemy choppers shred everything.
29 - Act III No Fighting in the War Room - Follow the ally NPC "Price" and drop into the locker/shower/bathroom facilities. Exit that area and you find you can take the left or right; take the left route so you come across a darkened meeting room when the hallway starts to angle (the right goes to the base's kitchen and is a longer way around). The intel is inside the dark meeting room (left route). As read on IGN! 30 - Act III No Fighting in the War Room - Once you breach the wall to get into the launch control room, go straight ahead, up the stairs to your left, and look for a small meeting room that has the intel on a table within. Time should be tight, but a checkpoint occurs just before blowing the wall, giving you (technically) infinite chances to re-attempt your search. Note you can probably abort the launch and then grab the intel, if time is really tight.
CHEATS VVV
2 intels - COD Noir cheat (black and white mode) 4 intels - Photo-negative cheat (inverts colors) 6 intels - Super contrast cheat (gamma over-correction) 8 intels - Ragtime Warfare cheat (as above with quickened gameplay & SFX) 10 intels - Cluster Bombs cheat (hand grenades fragment into 5 grenades) 15 intels - A Bad Year cheat (enemies gib into car tires) 20 intels - Slo-Mo Cheat (R3 slows gameplay down by 40%) 30 intels - Bottomless magazine cheat (Infinite ammo, except for claymore, C4, and smoke grenade)
Bathory - Blooded Shores ((lyrics)) [[Read this.]]
Current mood: touched
Category: Music
Blooded Shores
Dark is the sea : raging waves endless the sky above me mighty is the wind that fills our sail many of us will follow : our journey brave
The day when ice would break and sun was high we sailed with wind of fate across the seas we followed the stars bright in the night
The land was bleak and could not provide sail across the sea with the wind and tide brothers at my side : our blood the same Oden up high : I call thy name
Through the fog they will come in the dawn with the wind from the raging sea beware of the men of the North they will sail down the blooded shore with the wind they will return to the seas
Down foreign shores : all land would sleep silent at dawn : with fire and steel by our swords : silver and gold our journey glorious : tales will be told
The day when ice would break and sun was high we sailed with wind of fate across the seas we followed the stars bright in the night
The land was bleak and could not provide sail across the sea with the wind and tide brothers at my side : our blood the same Oden up high : I call thy name
Through the fog they will come in the dawn with the wind from the raging sea beware of the men of the North they will sail down the blooded shore with the wind they will return to the seas
Wumpscut - Die In Winter ((lyrics))
Current mood: depressed
Category: Music
The time has come to close your eyes Time has come to realize Time has come for saddling down Time has come in sleep to drown From life from your life from life is this your life From life this is your life from life this was your life If you should die die in winter If you should die die in winter If you should die if you should die Die in winter Die in winter Die in winter
The time has come to breathe no more Time has come to see God's shore Time has come to realize Time has come to pay the price for life for your life For life for your life for life this is your life For life this was your life If you should die die in winter If you should die die in winter If you should die if you should die Die in winter Die in winter Die in winter
Come to me you are the chosen You will see your eyes stay frozen Black coffin waits for only a chance To pick you up oh what a romance In life in your life in your life once in your life Once in your life this is your life this was your life this was your life If you should die die in winter If you should die die in winter If you should die if you should die Die in winter Die in winter
In winter you will live on in people's mind Though for a minute of mankind Nature it dies in winter too But will be awoken in contrast to you If you should die die in winter If you should die die in winter If you should die if you should die Die in winter Die in winter Die in winter In winter
blank
betrayed
impatient
angry
aroused
cultured
validated
touched
depressed