The Hell Plaza Oktoberfest!
Current mood: scared
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Click yourself on over to The Digital Bits and check out the most ambitious and possibly idiotic reviewing project I've ever undertaken: Hell Plaza Oktoberfest!  Every day this month (well, every weekday anyway) a new horror review by yours truly will pop up at America's most beloved DVD website.

There will be titles both obscure and familiar, worth checking out and worth avoiding at all costs.  Some of the movies spotlighted so far include the ingenious DIY silent film The Call of Cthulhu, the sex-horror opus The Blood Rose and the bizarro Indonesian I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-you'd-call-it Mystics in Bali!  So don't be a Grade A Moron all your life...head on over to www.thedigitalbits.com and stock up on the spooky.  And if I miss a day, you'll have something to hold over me and make me feel guilty about.

Your pal,
Jahnke

Currently listening : Ramones By The Ramones Release date: 19 June, 2001

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Meanwhile, Back At The Peep Show....
Category: Life

Oh, hello.

So it's August, eh?  Whoopee.  Seems like I've been busier than ever the past few weeks, although most of that work is the usual shuck 'n' jive of trying to get things going that aren't actually moving yet.

The Toxic Avenger: The Novel was soundly defeated by the novelization of Superman Returns in the First Annual Scribe Awards at Comic-Con a couple weeks back.  I have not read Superman Returns but I've seen the movie and it kinda sucked.  Perhaps the book finds the inner core of goodness in that steaming pile of Krap-tonite.  Anyway, it's an honor just to be nominated and Marv Wolfman, who wrote the Superman book, is a comic book writer whose work I've admired for years (he wrote Crisis on Infinite Earths for fucks sake!) so if I had to have my ass handed to me on a plastic tray of humiliation, I'm glad he was the guy to do it.

Other than that, San Diego was a swell time, albeit intensely over-crowded.  I hung out a lot with Hunt & Doogan, from Team Digital Bits, meet a number of fans of our little site (which boggles my mind), got to see Troma superstars Megan & Marcus (not to mention Elske McCain, Kevin Michaels, and some guy named Lloyd who claims he knows me from someplace), catch up with cartoonist supreme Renee French, and get a way cooler signature from James "I only do eyes" Hong on my Blade Runner poster than either Hunt or Doogan did.  And if I'd put my mind to it, I probably could have helped break up the marriage of one of the guys who directed The Blair Witch Project.  But that's a whole other story, one that probably exists only in the vast fantasy-land I call my brain.

Anyway, that's what's up and I may well be checking back in here a bit more frequently, although I can't imagine why.  Adios.

Keep it level.
Jahnke

Currently reading : Heart-Shaped Box: A Novel By Joe Hill Release date: 13 February, 2007

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A New Blog For Those Who Read Such Things
Category: Life

Um, hi.

Clearly I have no fucking idea what to do with this whole MySpace thing.  Just the fact that I felt guilty about not doing anything with it suggests I have some very complex and deep psychological issues that should be dealt with.  Tough luck, cock-smokers!  Those problems ain't going nowhere!  Suck on that!

OK, now that I've called you all cock-smokers and you've stopped reading, let's start.  2007 has been a very strange year so far, in some ways extremely shitty and in some ways, pretty good.  I'm annoyed that MySpace has no in-between "relationship status" between married and divorced, because that's pretty much where I am right now.  Since I've been back in LA from my wee walkabout throughout the Pacific Northwest and Rocky Mountains, things have been surprisingly busy.  Surprising because I've been busy with things I never expected to be busy with.  With luck, I'll be able to tell you all about it later.  Without luck, forget I said anything.  Things are just the same as ever.

Well, this was fairly pointless.  Rest assured, however, that I am alive and haven't completely abandoned MySpace to the scrap-heap of shiny objects that at one time seemed cool but now seem ridiculous along with my old Atari 2600, Rubik's Cube and complete collection of DAZZLER comic books.  And yes, I do have a complete collection of DAZZLER comic books.  Fuck you!  Dazzler was awesome!

Your pal,
Jahnke

Currently reading : I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon By Crystal Zevon Release date: 01 May, 2007

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Toxie Gets Nominated!
Category: Writing and Poetry

Here's the news.  Meet you on the other side of it.

The International Association of Media Tie-In Writers is pleased to announce the nominees for the first annual Scribe Awards, honoring excellence in licensed tie-in writing for books published in 2006.

Our first annual GRANDMASTER AWARD, honoring career achievement in the field, will go to DONALD BAIN, author of the MURDER SHE WROTE novels and the ghostwriter behind COFFEE, TEA OR ME and other international bestsellers.

The IAMTW was formed in 2006 by Max Allan Collins and Lee Goldberg and is dedicated to enhancing the professional and public image of tie-in writers...and providing a forum for tie-in writers to share information, support one another, and discuss issues relating to their field.

The over 150 professional members of the IAMTW include authors active in many other professional writer organizations, including the Writers Guild of America, the Mystery Writers of America, the Western Writers of America, and the Science Fiction Writers of America.

The 2007 Scribe awards will be given out at a ceremony in late July at Comic-Con in San Diego. The details on the event, and how to attend, will be announced in the near future.


SPECULATIVE FICTION

BEST NOVEL—ADAPTED

SLAINE: THE EXILE by Steven Savile
SUPERMAN RETURNS by Marv Wolfman
TOXIC AVENGER: THE NOVEL by Lloyd Kaufman & Adam Jahnke
ULTRAVIOLET by Yvonne Navarro
UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION by Greg Cox

So yeah, I'm an award-nominated novelist now.  What are the odds of that, eh?  Pretty cool, though.  As they say, it's an honor just to be nominated but I think I speak for both Lloyd and myself when I say I'd like to see Toxie kick Superman's ass. 

Currently reading : The Toxic Avenger: The Novel By Lloyd Kaufman Release date: 30 March, 2006

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Jahnke's Electric Theatre Vol. 2!
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

At long last, Jahnke's Electric Theatre has been resurrected and it's even spiffier than ever.  Head over to www.adamjahnke.com (yes, I've been dot-commed...and I think we all know how painful that can be) and check out the new digs.  The official launch date is Monday but you can get a head start 'cause you're special.

New columns will appear every Monday, so mark your calendars for your weekly dose o' Jahnke.

Your pal,
Adam

Currently reading : Dreamweaver 8: The Missing Manual By David Sawyer McFarland Release date: 22 December, 2005

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Happy New Year To You...In Jail! Resolutions for '07
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I've never been a big resolutions guy.  Part of the reason, I suppose, is that I've always treated them more like birthday wishes.  Like, I resolve to have a million dollars.  This year, since I have time on my hands, I thought I'd cobble together a list of resolutions for 2007.  Place your bets now on how long it'll take me to break each and every one.

1.  I resolve to spend more time reading this year.  Time was I could breeze through a book in a matter of days, often reading more than one simultaneously.  Somewhere along the line, I fell off track, most likely after graduating college since, as an English major, I'd had more than my fill of reading.  I should change that.

2.  I resolve to actually get paid for writing.  Granted, this isn't entirely up to me but I can sure help it along.  By the same token...

3.  I resolve to write more.  I've been on a roll these last few months and don't want to see that end.

4.  I resolve to re-launch the Electric Theatre by the end of January.  Hopefully it will be worth the wait.

5.  I resolve to devote no more than eight hours per week to the art of masturbation.  I also resolve to devote no less than three hours per week to self-pleasure for if we cannot love ourselves...

6.  I do not resolve to quit smoking.  I've done that before and I'm sick of being disappointed with myself when I fail.  However, I do resolve to smoke more cigars and fewer cigarettes.  I like cigars better anyway and they always taste better if you haven't already sucked down three-quarters of a pack that day.

7.  I resolve to drink more or at least, no less.  Shouldn't be a problem.

8.  I resolve to return phone calls and e-mails in a more timely fashion, unless the message is from somebody I hate.

9.  I resolve to hate more people so that resolution 8 is easier.

10.  I resolve to find a picture of me that I don't despise for my gay little profile page.  This won't be easy.  In the meantime, please enjoy the currently displayed artist's rendition of what I might look like.

11.  I resolve to not eat any fast food.  I actually made this decision in late October and have stuck to it so far, so this is really just a continuation of something that's already happening.  It may be one of the best decisions I've ever made.  I understand I haven't set the bar for great decisions very high for myself but you get the idea.

12.  Finally, I resolve to wish each and every one of you all the very best in 2007 along with my most sincere hopes that you realize your dreams and sidestep tragedy at every turn.  OK, I guess I can check that one off the list now.

Happy New Year, one and all.  Check back soon for information about the exciting new home of Jahnke's Electric Theatre Volume 2.

Your pal,
Jahnke

Currently reading : Perfume: The Story of a Murderer By Patrick Suskind Release date: 13 February, 2001

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Hey, Kids! Comics!
Category: Writing and Poetry

As is fairly well-known by those who care to pay attention to such things, I've been a comic book reader (as opposed to strictly a collector) since...oh, about 20 minutes after I figured out how to read, I guess.  We're talking about over three decades worth of comics there.  Yeesh...I didn't need to know that. 

Anyway, since my movie/DVD columns have been on hold for awhile, I've been feeling the need to flex the old reviewing muscles a bit.  So here's a brief sampling of some of the comics I enjoy the most these days.  Check 'em out...you'll be tickled puce that you did.

Casanova - Matt Fraction and Gabriel Ba have created a dense, free-wheeling spy story that mixes the best elements of The Prisoner, Steranko's run on Nick Fury, and every ultra-mod 60s Euro-sci-fi movie you've ever wondered if you actually watched or just hallucinated.  At only $1.99 an issue, this is one of the best bargains on the racks (assuming you can find a store that still displays comics on racks).

DMZ - I was lucky enough to get in on the ground floor with this series, thanks to a recommendation from the owner of one of my favorite comic shops in LA.  Good call on his part.  Brian Wood is creating a richly textured world where Manhattan has become a war zone, no man's land in a new American Civil War.  With dark, detailed art by Riccardo Burchielli, DMZ is quickly becoming one of Vertigo's best titles.

Dork - The latest issue of Evan Dorkin's too-infrequently published title is page after page of brief strips and single-panel gags, all drawn in Dorkin's signature style which I'm quite sure has deformed his drawing hand into a crippled, useless claw.  Not every joke hits its mark but hell, there's about 12-20 gags per page so whaddaya expect?  The best gags are laugh-out loud funny...unless you don't find jokes about shit-encrusted dildos amusing.  And if that's the case, why exactly are you reading my blog?

The Escapists - Brian K. Vaughan has been receiving a lot of praise lately, all of it richly deserved, for books like Y - The Last Man and his wonderful graphic novel Pride Of Baghdad.  I'd like to recommend one of his more underrated books, this six-issue miniseries inspired by Michael Chabon's great novel The Amazing Adventures Of Kavalier & Clay.  Part sequel, part homage, part spinoff, The Escapists has quietly turned into one of the year's sleeper books, with terrific art by Jason Shawn Alexander and Steve Rolston.  It's one of the most unique titles I've read in a long time.  My only complaint is that it'll only run six issues.

The Exterminators - My other favorite Vertigo title of the moment, I love The Exterminators simply because Simon Oliver has surprised me at every turn over the eleven or so issues to date.  Not once have I been able to predict where this title is headed and I read each new issue with the same giddy thrill of a rollercoaster ride.  And while I've never considered myself particularly squeamish when it comes to bugs, Tony Moore's art has made me reconsider on more than one occasion.  I can't wait to see where these guys take me next, even though I'll probably want my pants legs tucked into my boots when I go there.

Fell - Warren Ellis' writing is very hit or miss with me, but I treasure the hits enough to make sure I check out everything he does...just in case.  I enjoyed Planetary quite a bit, though the snail's pace with which its last several issues came out made it tough to keep track of.  I'm also guaranteed at least a couple laughs out of Nextwave but for my money, Fell is the Ellis book of the moment.  Fell creeps up on you, creating a mood unlike any other book.  A lot of the credit for that goes to artist Ben Templesmith, who seems to be doing some of his best work here.  I hope they can keep it up.

Girls - The Luna Brothers' epic tale of Twilight Zone-ish creepiness is heading toward its conclusion and I'll be good and god-damned if I can figure out how it's going to wrap up.  This book took its own time getting going, which won't be a problem if you read this in collected form.  But if you go that route, you'll be missing half the fun of the unpredictable cliffhangers at the conclusion of each issue.  Jonathan Luna's art isn't my favorite but for the most part, it works. 

Peepshow - Holy shit!  Joe Matt's produced a new comic!  I first got introduced to this title when I was working at the public library in Iowa City, lo these many years ago, and fell in love with it.  Joe Matt is one of the best autobiographical cartoonists around and if you're not familiar with his work, get thee to a comic shop and pick up his books The Poor Bastard and Fair Weather because quite frankly, this issue is a shit-poor jumping-on place for new readers.  But for the Matt faithful, it's cause for celebration.  I just hope we don't have to wait another five years for the next issue.

Excelsior!
Jahnke

Currently watching : The Double Life of Veronique - Criterion Collection Release date: 21 November, 2006

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The Death Of An Old Man Is Not A Tragedy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Despite my self-imposed hiatus from movie/DVD reviewing, we've posted my tribute to the late, great Robert Altman at the Digital Bits.  Click here and load up your Netflix queue with some of Altman's best.  

Currently watching : A Prairie Home Companion Release date: 10 October, 2006

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Where In The World Is Adam Jahnke?
Category: Travel and Places

I have landed in Bozeman, Montana, the town I spent my teenage years in, to complete work on a couple of projects I've had percolating in my tiny pea-brain for a while.  Bozeman has changed considerably since my day (and yes, it was my day...locals still refer to the years I spent here as The Adam Jahnke Epoch).  The town has grown, with new construction continuing to sprout up in every corner.  Even so, it's still infinitely smaller than the megalopolis I currently call home, so I guess everything's relative.

Here are a few things I'd forgotten about Montana since I was last here.

1.  When I get out of a movie at night, I start shivering uncontrollably.  Something to do with the fact that it's about 80 degrees in the theatre and about 28 degrees outside.  Either that or my system is trying to reject whatever piece of crap I've just subjected myself to.

2.  The planet Earth is surrounded by stars.  In LA, it's easy to believe that the entire globe is shrouded by a velvety cloak of glare-reflecting pollution.

3.  There are other types of birds besides pigeons.  I can't really identify any of them, because I don't really care, but they're definitely not pigeons.

4.  Both darkness and silence can be much darker and quieter than you think.

5.  There are still tiny corners of the planet that mankind hasn't completely fucked up yet.  Don't worry.  We're working on it.  It'll be fucked as soon as we can.

Your pal,
Jahnke

Currently reading : The Ruins By Scott Smith Release date: 18 July, 2006

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On The Road Again
Category: Travel and Places

I'm writing this from bee-yoo-tee-full Seattle, Washington, home of countless Starbucks and the Science Fiction Museum.  I'm on walkabout for a few months, doing some research on one of the projects I'm working on as well as unplugging from the Los Angeles grid in order to concentrate on writing.

I arrived here last night, having spent 36 hours travelling by train to get here.  I highly recommend that everyone take at least one really long train trip at least once in their lives.  For one thing, it's infinitely less stressful than air travel.  No long lines checking in, you're allowed to bring all the gels and liquids you can carry on board, it's quiet and, if you get a sleeper car, pretty relaxing.  It is not a means of transportation for the easily annoyed or impatient, however.  The train goes at its own pace and you have to adjust yourself to match it. 

The trip from L.A. to Seattle is gorgeous, with views of the coast in California, forests and mountains in Oregon and, of course, Puget Sound.  It's fascinating to watch the landscape change and a bit distressing to see how much it stays the same, especially as you go through larger towns and see yet another Target, Ikea, Borders, and on and on and on. 

I'm in Seattle for a week, then moving on to Montana, where I will very possibly freeze to death.  Stay tuned.

Jahnke

Currently reading : World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War By Max Brooks Release date: 12 September, 2006

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