This week has been pretty fucking bad. I want to apologize for acting so snippy and angry, especially to people who didn't deserve it. To the people who did, I still stand by telling yoiu to fuck yourself! I am just dealing with so much crap, and on top of it all, my Grandma has to go into surgery soon. I am worried about her. Again, there is no excuse for my craziness (I TOTALLY went off on people who were rude to me in my last blog, deserving or not, I lit em up) but I really am under a lot of stress this week. Tomorrow is a new day....
About the chat room on my page..
Current mood: annoyed
I am so sick and tired of hearing ahit about this chat room! I do not have to talk to my fans, most celebrities don't! I try as much as I can to connect with people and give back. I do it here, and on my nowlive.com show, and my blog. My husband thinks I am crazy, and always said that giving to your fans is like giving to a bottomless pit. it will never fill up, and will only want more. Well, he was right! I get messages, e-mails, etc from people BITCHING that I am not in the chat ENOUGH! I don't have to have a chat, or be in it at all! However, I try to do my best and say Hi when I can. Obviously, some people think that I should feel that I have to spend MORE time than I already do with my friends/fans.
So, lets get this straight. I am one of the few celebrities that respond back in my blogs, and I write tons of em to keep you all updated. I also host shows on nowlive.com and let you guys see me on webcam in my HOME, take calls, and chat live with people...ON TOP OF THAT, I decided to be extra nice and put a live chat above my blog AND on my main page. Yet, this is NOT ENOUGH to many people! I guess people don't think I have a life, e-mails to send, a book to write, bills to pay online, auditions to go to, meetings, etc. Nope, I should be sitting here all day giving all I can to make people happy. Sorry guys, I can't. If this isn't good enough, please, I invite you to go to Kim Kardashians page, or better yet, Tila Tequila, and see if they have the time for you...EVER.
I don't mean to bitch, but this is wearing me thin. All I hear is bullshit about this stupid chat. I hear about people who abuse the power I give them as mods (I even spy and catch em!) and I hear (and see) people act like they are snobby fucks above everyone else if I make them a member of the chat. This lil chatbox was a whole lot of fun for a while, but it's leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I DO enjoy chatting with people, and I DO enjoy becoming closer to my fans, but too many people have abused this privliege. I will NOT be taking the chat away, but I will be taking away everyone's status as member or mod. The ONLY mods I will leave up there will be my real life friends..People I have known forever, and talk to or see in person on a regualr basis. Maybe after time, I can start adding people as members and whatnot on there, but for now, I think this is the best solution.
If there are people who are going to get upset over losing a stupid blue icon, or a stupid white one, you guys need to find something better to do! This is NOT that important guys! Let me figure this out on my own. If you have a suggestion, please...fill it out, fold it up...and throw it in the garbage. I am a grown woman and can try to figure this out myself. I want nothing but to have a nice place for my friends and fans to talk and hang out...regardless if I am there or not. Hpefully, I can find a system that works better in the future. I was just trying to give people a nod if I saw them on the chat alot by making them members. I realize that douchebags come in and ruin the fun for everyone. ANYONE can chose to hit the IGNORE button on these people...a mod doesnt even have to be there! If everyone hits ignore, than the problem is solved, right?
I hope you all understand, and for those of you who don't I will not waste my breathe in trying to spell it out to you. I am not saying anyone is less cool than someone else by taking away these stupid icons, I am just trying to solve a problem! This might not be the way, but I wont know untill I try. THANK YOU for understanding!
What would u do if u caught them cheating?
Current mood: cooky/wacky
I always wondered, would you cry, bitch, scream, kill them?
After crushing my mans skull underneath the wheel of my mini, I would then pay his cheap whore two dollars to clean his brains up. When she was done, I would beat her with a tire iron. I would then hop a plane to Central Africa to meet up with a Nigerian drug lord I met during my stay in Africa. After hustling for him for 5 months, I would arrange a nice living situation for myself somewhere on the East coast. Then I would marry into a family of nature conservationists and protect the South African Jackass Penguin
What would YOU do?
EDITED NOTE: Of COURSE that is a joke! Frankly, I would write a tell all book......thats all it would take to single handedly destroy everything that is his image He will SOO slap me with divorce papers before he thinks to cheat! ; )
I used to spend every 4th of July blowing everything and anything I could up! Growing up in Illinois, nobody regarded the no fireworks rules. You would drive to Indiana and fill the car to the brim with grade A explosives. Living in California, I can't have a blast anymore because of ther risk of setting the city ablaze It's depressed me over the years.
I have spent 2 of my four 4th's at Hugh Hefner's house. I like his 4th parties because they are intimate and nice. The third I spent on the beach out here in the rain. This fourth was amazing! I completely forgot my desire to do nothing but blow shit up. We started it off by going to Antonio Sabato Jrs house for an all day BBQ/pool party. A bunch of the cast from Celebrity Circus came and it was a blast. I ate so much I thought I would die. Plus, it's been a while since I was in a pool. It's MUCH warmer than the ocean! It was the most beautiful party EVER, the bodies walking around were just SICK! I always get all proud of my man seeing his body blend beautifully in a landscape of younger men. He's so ripped up! I gotta say, as I watched Antonio work the grill, and the flexing and unflexing of tight toned bodies all around me, I realized that the scene was MUCH more beautiful than the Playboy Mansion! Chris really lucked out with this show, he seems to have the nicest cast of all time. Normally you always get a big dud.
We had a blast, but we had to leave to meet up with our good friends Barry and Julie. They took us to a country club in the city where we ate even MORE BBQ! There was a petting zoo, and I ran int here with all the little kids and rolled around with pigs, bunnies, and goats. I saw Mark Wahlberg, his beautiful pregnant girlfriend and their children sitting not far from us. We ended the night watching a SICK display of freedom in our skies.
BBQ's and exploding gun powder should always be present on the 4th. What did YOU guys do?
Marijuana laws in the U.S. are pretty confusing—some would say downright stupid. The situation is even more sticky (no pun intended) here in California. Though it is legal for prescribed patients to use and cultivate marijuana under California state law (thanks to voter-approved Prop. 215 passed in 1996), it's still illegal in the eyes of the federal government, leading to the butting of heads between state and national officials, with innocent people caught in the crossfire. On May 22 in Sacramento, however, the Assembly Appropriations Committee passed AB 2743 by a vote of 9–7. The bill, authored by Assemblywoman Lori Saldaña (D-San Diego) aims to protect the integrity of Prop. 215. If the bill were to become law, it would make it the policy of state and local police not to cooperate with federal drug hounds in raids on those who are purchasing and providing marijuana in a state-legal manner. You're probably still fucked if you're buying that shit at your local playground, though.
If marijuana policy is your thing (and even if it's not), June 12 will be a good chance to celebrate this most recent legislative victory. The Marijuana Policy Project (MPP)—an organization founded in 1995 that strives to change U.S. marijuana laws—is throwing their third annual fundraiser party at the Playboy Mansion in L.A., and the event is open to the public. Hosting will be Adrianne Curry, the controversial reality television star of programs such as America's Next Top Model (she was the first winner), The Surreal Life, My Fair Brady and others that you probably lie to your friends about watching. Notoriously outspoken, Curry shared with Submerge her thoughts on marijuana laws and the upcoming event while visiting family in Chicago.
I wanted to talk about the MPP event over at the Playboy Mansion. How did you get involved with the organization? I think it's really messed up that we would deny anybody [access to medical marijuana]—especially someone with cancer. My mother's best friend, who's like my second mom, is battling stage four cancer right now. I see how much pain those people are going through, and it's like, why are we going to deny them anything? They're not going to live, so why can't we make them comfortable? It just doesn't make sense to me.
Everyone says marijuana is the gateway drug. I disagree. That would've been cigarettes for me. I wouldn't have drank or smoked or done anything had I not started smoking. I prefer it over drinking or anything else. I think [marijuana] is a lot safer. I would rather have a guy drive a school bus a little stoned over being wasted—not that anyone should drive stoned, but if you catch my drift.
I'm a little anti-alcohol in ways. Sure, you can have fun with it here and there, but you know, the drug war is just another failure. I'm one of those people who thinks that all drugs should be legal, and that the people who are going to do them are going to do them anyway. So, kill off the weak. We don't need them. Is that sweet?
How do you feel about the commercials used to steer kids clear of drug use? There's this one commercial with kids who are obviously stoned, driving a car, and they hit a kid on a bike while exiting a drive-thru. First off, that's stupid. Secondly no one should use anything—NyQuil, Benadryl, anything—and drive. It's just not the smart thing to do.
The propaganda that this government is using against marijuana when there's stuff out there like heroin, which I was addicted to along with cocaine… Where are the ads that are telling people to not do these? I don't see them. But we'll show someone hit a child because he smoked a joint in a drive-thru. What the fuck?
Do you think, given your past history with drugs, does that make you more aware of the dangers of what's out there? Yeah, because of my excessive drug use in my past, I've been able to discern what's the real drug and what isn't. Cigarettes? My God. It took me forever to quit. I gained 15 pounds. It almost ruined my life. That's a drug. Alcohol? Same thing. Coke? Same thing. Heroin? Same thing. I can quit pot whenever I want. I'll go six or eight months and not smoke it for no reason other than I just don't feel like it. That's not a drug. Everything affects people differently. Some people are allergic to pot, and they shouldn't do it. Some people are allergic to raisins, and they shouldn't eat those either.
Do you think drugs' being illegal fosters irresponsible drug use? Well, not just that. It being illegal causes projects with drug people walking around selling weed. It makes people who need it, who have cancer, who would rather not go out to the bar and drive and would rather sit at home and get stoned at the end of the day, it makes them go to dangerous lengths to pick shit up. It's like really? This is what we're going to do. It doesn't make sense, in the greatest country in the world, as we love to claim. I would just like to see us start acting like it. I don't like going to other countries and see that they have figured stuff out before we have. You know, I don't like prostitution. Do you think I want to know that my husband has a readily available clientele of prostitutes anywhere he goes? But he has them anyway, even if it's illegal. Might as well legalize that too, that way it's safer and people don't get diseases or get murdered by Green River Killers. It's ridiculous. We make things harder for ourselves, because secretly, I think our government doesn't fucking care about us.
You've been in Playboy magazine before, and I'm sure you've been to a few parties at the mansion. How does the MPP event compare to what normally goes on there? There's a lot less…uh…fuss [laughs]. There are a lot of women who respect themselves. But they're still hot. You don't see people doing some of the things you'd see at the mansion. It's a little more calm. People are a lot less fucked up, because there's a lot less drinking, and there's a lot more deep conversation going on [laughs]. It is awesome, and it's still a lot of fun. You'll see a lot of hot chicks and you'll see a few wild and crazy things. I think because the alcohol intake is a lot less, that people are on much better behavior. I'm going to guess that they have to clean up after the stoners a lot less than they do after the drunks.
He may be 50, but he is only 28 inside! My husband is fricken awesome and I am SO proud of him! His competitive spirit is one of the things that I found so attractive in him when we met. If you hadn't noticed, I have one myself. The fact that he did all these amazing things with a broken arm the entire time is a testiment to his spirit, which I adore with all my being. Even though I missed Chris terribly during this experience, I was so proud of him, and so happy to see him enjoy this so much. I witnessed him do things that were borderline insane, and I gained a lot of respect for him. My man has an iron set of fucking balls!
Thank you all for helping me in keeping him in the competition! He had such an amazing act this week! I watched him during practice, he would have got huge scores! He and Aliane were going to do the duel trapez. It was very physical. He was hanging upside down from his ankles holding her with one arm! The stress from falling and holding her weight, and the weight from the bungee the week before broke his arm worse than it was in the beginning. The fact was, it hadn't healed enough for him to have jumped in so hard. The doctor told him that if he did his routine one more time, his arm could come apart in front of everyone. Though I am all about winning things ; ) I am also really into keeping him healthy. If he performed his routine, he would have caused permanent damage. I am happy he is sane enough to make the right choice(and happy I didn't have to kick his ass into submission), and so sad that he can't continue. I don't know what else to say besides that I love him, am so proud of him, and am going to take excellent care of him! This son of a bitch is going to heal the multiple wounds all over his body and get this arm on the right path. We had an arm specialist over this morning for the break, and took him to the chiropractor today for his tendenitos in his sholder from the act he was doing with Aliane this week. The burns in his hands are starting to close from his fire act. I am always going to have amazing memories of my man doing crazy shit. It's almost like my old days, minus the drugs! ; )
I wanna thank all the trainers at Celebrity Circus for keeping my man together....for the most part ; ) Without you guys, he would have killed himself! Also, thanks for getting my man back into the shape he was in when we first met! Christopher is fucking bangin again, and I am sure he learned some new tricks he can perform on me! You guys fucking rock!
I think it is a wonderful thing if a person makes the choice to not eat meat. I would never think to rip on or make fun of a person who makes this choice for themselves. So, why are they always up MY ass? I am a midwest girl who loves her BBQ. I FORCE myself to eat veggies because I HATE them, so being a vegan is out of the cards for me. However, vegetarians always seem to pull the almighty card with me and get in my face about eating meat. I was at a photo shoot once, quietly reflecting during my break and eating a burger. My makeup artist for the day proceeded to walk up to me and ream me asbout eating meat the entire time I ate!
Call me crazy, but you would think that if a person wanted you to understand their cause, they would be KIND to you..informative, etc. Nope, I have never got that from a vegan. I always get the nut jobs. It almost reminds me of terrorists! This is one of the many reasons I cannot support PETA. I am not into Fear tactics. I do not believe it makes you or your cause any better, in fact, it turns most people off from even wanting to listen to you. Recently it has been going around that the beautiful Pam Anderson ripped into Jessica Simpson for wearing "Real girls eat Meat" shirt. She called her a BITCH and a WHORE. Now I love Pam, but if she wanted to help bring Jessica to "the other side" perhaps she should have showed some grace and offered some useful knowledge to Jessica instead? There is nothing that upsets me more than when two women I have spent years drooling over are at arms. I think they should have sex and make up....in front of me.
Anyway, why does this happen? Why do people who would probably want more people to JOIN thir cause proceed in pushing people away with their rants? Again, I respect people who make the decision to not eat meat. I can't do it. The watery stinky poop was enough to turn me off from it after only trying it for 2 weeks. I bruised everywhere, and did NOT look healthy. That's me. Kudos to those who can do it, though. Why do I get torn apart for making the choice to eat meat? I love animals too, and because I do, I also respect Mother Natrure and the food chain. Since the dawn of man we have hunted and gathered. It has been PROVEN that societies in the past who had a meat based diet (less carbs, veggies) had BETTER teeth. Carbs and veggies actually cause decay! There are great arguements to both sides, but I am not hear to argue. I am hear asking one question.....If you want someone to believe what you do and follow your lead...why would you beat them up first? It makes people unsympathetic to your cause.
EDITED NOYE: After reading a bunch of the responses here, from meat eaters and vegans alike...I have come to a conclusion. There are assholes on both sides. STOP BEING ASSHOLES!
As many of you know, I have been writing a book about the major key moments of my life. These are the things that molded me into who I am today, for better or for worse. I have just finished a chapter about my years of heavy LSD use and decided to share a paragraph or two from one of my stories.... let me know what you think. It isn't edited, spell checked, nothing. Just a raw little excerpt..
"Acid and Mushrooms were a weekly thing for me for almost 4 years. If I didn't have it, I was looking for it. I wish I could sit here and tell you how much I hate drugs, but the truth of the matter is, they are FUN. Yeah, you heard me. I really enjoyed being fucked up, why else would I have done it? My body and mind still ache for it on a daily basis...but I know it's evil. I spent my every waking moment doing nothing but getting fucked up, or trying to find ways to get fucked up. My reign with acid came to a close after the night I overdosed. I was 16 years old I never thought you could O.D. on acid, but it happened. My ex boyfriend "Ralph" (the guy I dated before I met my husband) took us over to a friends house in downtown Joliet. The city had condemned it, but my friend was still living there. it was VILE. Dog shit on the floors, cockroaches on the walls, you name it. Not exactly the wisest place to tripp, but I did. My friend "steve" came over with a vile of liquid acid. I took some and waited a while but convinced myself I wasn't feeling anything. I am pretty sure I was, but was probably too fucked up to know."Steve" decided to give me another drop so I held my mouth open in anticipation as he moved the dropper into place. "Ralph" accidently bumped into "steve" as he squeezed the dropper and before you knew it, my entire mouth was full of fluid. It was dripping down my chin and neck. The entire room looked at me wide eyed. LSD can be absorbed in your flesh as well, and I had just taken probably the most acid that anyone in that room had ever seen. People began to wipe at my face and lick their fingers, an attempt to get high and help me not have to absorb it all. Immediatly everyone started freaking out and telling me how fucked up I was going to be. I started to tweak out so I ran outside in the front yard. The whole night from there was a blur. Trees were holding out their long branches in attempts to trap me. A woman who said hello to me was an agent of Satan there to suck out my very soul. At some point, I had taken off all my clothes and was patrolling the street for white ferrets ion my underwear. I swore I saw Lucifer's ferret and vowed to not stop my search until I had captured him. Well, I did find an albino ferret that night, which is truly fucked up shit! The fact that I was able to see it and recognize what it was on that many drugs is impressive. More impressive was the fact that I actually caught the thing!
As my tripp intensified, I began to see things like I had never seen things before. The world was melting around me. The sky loomed over my head dripping onto the ground in giant blobs. Everytime I took a step, ripples would go through the ground like a body of water. Every person I came into contact with had melting faces. I began to just scream. "RALPH", my boyfriend, was a really big guy. He picked me up and carried me into the house and laid me on the floor. I began to convulse and shake. LSD can sometimes contain strychnine, a chemical used in rat poison. You can feel it affect your spine. My spine felt like it was going to crack in half. I was racked with pain. I started to seizure and spit out a foamy white froth at my mouth. I convulsed so hard that I felt like I would tear through the floor with the weight of the blows. My back was trying to curve, and I was trying to fight it."Ralph" was crying over me as I shook and wept. Keep in mind, the poor guy was tripping his balls off too, and you can only imagine what a situation like this could do to someone who is hallucinating. He whispered to me over and over to please not die. In his fucked up state, he was doing all he knew how to do to help me. What felt like hours passed, and even though I was still tripping my ass off, the worst had passed. Here I was standing in a crack house in my underwear with an albino ferret in my crusted arms. The froth I had vomited up had dried all over my neck and chest. I wandered outside at around 8am. I kept asking God to make my tripp end, to set me free from LSD.....I will never take this much again..."
I need your help, life hasn’t been a fun circus : (
As you all know, it's Wednesday, and that can only mean one thing...I want you to tune into Celebrity Circus tonight at 8:30c 9:30 eastern on NBC! Chris wants me to thank all of you for all of your votes so far. Remember, you can't vote for Chris untill AFTER his act, and up to two hours after the show. You can vote by the number provided on the show, or You can vote online by email by CLICKING HERE ! You can vote up to ten times per number or email.
Now, this has been a very trying time during our relationship. My husband comes home way too exhausted to be able to tend to any needs of mine, mentally or physically. It's been almost 3 months of living with a cranky injured zombie. I have tried my best to support him in every way I can. However, there is a lot of back story to this all that people don't know about. Firstly, Chris and I agreed he would not do the Wheel of Death. It was the one apparatus that I begged him not to do. If I didn't love the guy, send him on up! There is no life insurance policy big enough to justify doing something so dangerous! ; ) Just recently, I found out Chris has been practicing it every day...and keeping it from me. I was pretty upset, hurt, and felt slightly left out of his decisions that can and DO affect us both. When Chris did his fire clown act, he kept out a lot of the details... his HUGE burns on his hands, and throwing explosives in his crotch! I was pretty hurt by that as well, only because he said he purposely didn't tell me so I wouldn't worry. I think I am a little more worried that he feels he needs to keep stuff from me! Now, last night after they filmed the show..we went out to a bar with the cast and crew. One of the crew members asked me how I felt about my husband falling out of the trapeze directly on top of his head. I responded that I didn't know how to feel about it because I was just hearing about it!!! I understand my husband doesn't want me to worry...but as his wife, I expect to know when my hubby almost breaks his neck, breaks his promises, and throws explosives on his dick! As much as I wish he would get eliminated and come home, I also want him to win. After all of this, I am still his number one fan. However, if he thinks he will keep playing the "pick and choose what I tell my wife" game...he is going to be very dissapointed when his next injury comes to him. It wont be from circus, and he most likely wont be able to preform his acts after I give it to him!!! Explosives on your cock aint got NOTHING on what I can deliver, boy! There is no I in team, and I want nothing but to be his team mate.
So, problems aside, I am so proud of my man...and hope you guys see what I see in him and vote for his ass! Hopefully, he will have plenty of time after this to make things up to me ; )
EDITED NOTE:: I just read my blog out loud to Chris and he apologized to me. He says he understands why I am so upset, and confirmed that if I did the same thing to him, he would be just as dissapointed in me. When you are single, do as you please! However, when you are married, it because a partnership. There is no "I" in team, but there certainly is a ME! He also LOVED my threat to his physical well being if he were to continue lying to me. Bitch better know I can pack the pain! ; )
Man, all those years of wearing high heels have kicked my ass! I went to the foot doctor for what I thought was a cyst on the ball of my left foot. It turns out, the glands that protects my bone during impact have MOVED AWAY from where they are supposed to be! The big toe and little toe of our feet are supposed to take the majority of the weifght from our bodies, along with the arch. My second to my big toe has mutated a bit, and is twice the size it should be from always wearing heels and flip flops...FLIP FLOPS ARE BAD FOR YOU!!!!
Anyway, turns out what I have is also hereditary, and thre is nothing I can do to make it go back, in fact, I can't even stop it from gewtting worse! All I can do is wear a lot of comfy sneakers and orthapedic inserts to try to SLOW the progession of my feet getting wider and wider. The worst part? I needed a cortisone injection in my foot. I had a boob job and didnt shed a tear, a shot should be mice nuts, right? WRONG! I wept like a little baby! That was the most painful shot I have ever had.
So, great. I am a model who isn't supposed to wear high heels! I can hear my husbands screams of joy from CBS studios! ; )
Will I slip them on every now and then? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS!
Please, make sure your shoes are giving you the proper support! Make sure it bends where your foot bends when you walk. Simply press the shoe down at the store to see if it bends where you need it. Also, the middle of your foot should be supported with LACE UP shoes to keep your toes in place higher up in your foot.
I just cant get a break when it comes to health, huh? At least my big feet are still cute, even if one is all swelled up from the injections ; )
George Carlin, Legendary Comedian Dies
Current mood: disappointed
George Carlin was, is, and always will be one of my favorite comedians. He was the most sarcastic funny assholes in the world. The man hosted the first Saturday Night Live, has been in tons of movies, and had one of the best stand up acts on earth. His books were just as funny, witty, and awesome as he was. When Chris Farley, Rodney Dangerfield, and Phil Hartman died, I felt the same way. These people supplied us with laughter for years, and will always be remembered. Rest in Peace, George...you got some good comapny up there! Maybe you can finally ask God why he enjoys fucking with us...
a few of my fav Carlin quotes
"This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
"Women like silent men, they think they're listening."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"
"If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?"
annoyed
cooky/wacky
disappointed