Issues

Ok, so here is the revised clear version of this blog.  Sorry, I was running on lack of sleep & typing in the dark....don't ask.

First....

It really irritates me that when you long to hear caring, meaningful, desired feelings from a loved one they are normally late & no longer have the much deserved reaction that could have once warmed your heart while keeping you long for more. What makes it worse is that it is normally clear what needs to be said & all heartache can be diminished for all parties, if people weren't so damn stubborn. How is it that us as human beings have impeccable timing when it comes to saying the right thing? It is completely true when I say "Words you long to hear sometimes fall on deaf ears".

Second.......

If you are living with someone, partner or just roomate, how is it that you cannot have a conversation with them about concerns or disagreements? It seems we either have to write it down & hope the other party involved reads exactly what we meant to say or it goes unresolved for months until the point of breaking. Are we not adults? Can we not speak clearly & concise without getting irritated or irritating another? I myself am guilty of this....seems timing is never right in this case either.

Third............

I have met/realized that so many people are so judgmental; I myself guilty until I chose to change my veiw making it possible to see that not all things are clean cut. We see colors, why can we not see that not everything is in black & white? How is it that we purely judge people by one action verse a life time of choices or the integrity they carry within themselves? Every Screw-up can be a Dudley-do-right every now & then, so why is it that every Dudley-do-right is not allowed to be a Screw-up every now & then?

Maybe I am the one that holds too high of a standard for humanity including myself at times. I know I have fallen short of my own expectations a time or two. Who knows...I'm going to bed.....my head hurts just thinking about it.

8:01 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A Must Read For All
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I am finally closing my MySpace & just have a few last words left to post. To all that I know & have been kind to me, to all that I call friends, we will talk again soon. This doesn't pertain to you. This is geared toward the people who use this as a peep hole into my life.

I am too old for this high school he said/she said bologna. Before you cast stones, look around to make sure you are not living in a glass house. Everyone has their faults; everyone makes their mistakes. Just remember before you judge, make sure you have all the facts and can at least get a glimpse of what the other person's side looks like. No one is perfect nor do they do everything correct the first time, some don't even get it right the second. To believe this is foolish. Life is about lessons learned not the pursuit of a utopia. My life is not perfect nor do I have the silly expectation of it ever becoming perfect. I work two jobs, am signed up to start classes again, am not married nor expect to be in the near or extended future, take care of my parents, care for my son (responsibility shared with my ex-husband), carry the burden of 70% of all household bills, put up with stupidity of many and ignorance from some, carry an unrealistic expectation that I have to try to make everyone happy, feel as if my life is not my own to lead because of the responsibility I have to others (excluding my son), and am the keeper of secrets that if ever released would ruin lives. All though I have all of this weighing on my shoulders, I still try to keep a smile on my face & a polite disposition towards others. I do not cast stones nor interfere in others' relationships or lives. I try to keep to myself as much as humanly possible. Honestly the main reason I do this is because others lives are not a concern of mine. Their lives are of no interest to me.

All I ask is that before you pass judgments on me, look at your own life. Look at the mistakes you have made; look at the lies you have told; look at the people you have wronged. Then look at the people you consider close; take a chance to look into their closet & find what skeletons they are hiding. Ask yourself if you really know what truths have been told to you, of the capabilities a loved one could have to scar you. Remember what life choices and significant events have molded you to who you are today and which people were key players in these metamorphoses. Then look at the people you have judged, can you find a relative factor that may have made them who they are today. It is not called sympathy; it is called compassion for the flesh and blood person you so felt the need to convict & cast aside as garbage. All sides are not black and white; they have many shades of grey in them and until you can see all shades, you are blind to any beauty they hold and help make the portrait hideous and disfigured. Stupidity is taught, but ignorance is a conscious choice.

7:31 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Life as I Know It
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

Okay once again I am sitting on my couch alone thinking about the cards I have been dealt in life. My son is in bed, my roommate is at his girlfriend's, and all of people I hold closest to me are either 300mi away or are studying for exams tonight. I am not complaining in the least that have time to myself, no reason to feel sorry for me in any fashion. I am comfortable with who I am as a person and happy with the way my life is turning out for the most part and really don't need to be surrounded by people constantly. Everyone knows that ones life could always be better or worse for the most part.

I am very thankful for many things in my life. I have an awe-inspiring little man in my life that makes me realize how glorious the world really is on a daily basis. I have an amazing support system in the shape of family and friends that remind me everyday that I am loved on so many levels.

I used to believe that I was not worth the time or effort anyone put into me & started to believe that I really was a horrible person. My self worth was pretty much at rock bottom; I had been told sooo many times that I was never going to be anything on my own, that I needed someone else to keep me above water. I almost began to believe it. I do not fault anyone for my beliefs on this subject matter. I, as an adult completely capable of comprehending my actions and reactions, know that one can only do to you what you allowed them to do. I was no angel either in this relationship by any means; I am not trying to play the sympathy card because it is just pathetic to do so. I am genuinely sorry for the harm that I caused this person & do not believe they are the "devil" in anyway. I just know that we were volatile when combined, atom bomb explosion does not even begin to describe.

The only thing that I could honestly say would make my life better, is for me to finally finish my degree, be able to settle down and share my life completely with the man that will be able to keep a constant smile on my face, and God willingly, watch my son grow into a strong stable compassionate man.

6:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

" A F@*k you'll never forget baby"
Current mood: naughty
Category: MySpace

I completely understand the concept of needing a good piece of a** every now & then, but in the light of having an amazing orgasm......I don't need every hard d*ck at my door step trying to promise me of this.

Now don't get me wrong, having animalistic nights of just raw, sweaty, energizingly mind blowing sessions of nakedness is number one on my list of things to do daily, but I am not taking applications to help fill the position of the male partner.  I don't care to be propositioned to a day of "Adult Fun" & honestly, I'm not so sure you could even provide me with the necessary fulfilment I require to be considered a "good d*ck*n", "the night of my life", some "amazing sex", or even just a "good f*ck".

I am not hard up or have no other options but to find some lonely soul who thinks he is doing me a favor by showing me his 6 inches of "woman pleasing power" (this is being generous). I can manage on my own but thanks for your concern.  Just so you know if it ever gets to the point where I can no longer get a guy to willingly subject to bouncing up & down on me, all you guys will be the 1st to know....but until then please stop assuming that you have something I need.  I am sure I can decide on my own which joy stick will perform best for me, but hey thanks again for your concern into my sexual proprieties.

Yes "energizingly" is my own personal made up word...no need in looking it up in your dictionary.....

3:14 AM - 4 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

No One In General
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life

I am recently back from my trip to that dusty paradise most people call the "sandbox" and am somewhat seemingly wishing I was still there.  Don't get me wrong, it is great being back in the states and I absolutely love the fact that I can go back to being a mother, hero, and bestfriend to my son again.  The major issue I am having is adults in the civilian world, not just limited to non-military civilians.

It seems that supposedly grown people act more child-like than most children I know.  I absolutely hate people who cannot say what is honestly on their mind in a reasonable manner or tone or choose to use the remote control's mute button on themselves instead of just on the television.  There is a way of coming to an understanding as rational human beings without lying, manipulating, or ignoring your way out of a situation.  Is this reality a hard concept to grip or am I just wrong for believing that by a certain age you should grow the fuck up?  Also maybe try to own up to your mistakes and not take the easy way out all the time, take the consequences for your actions like a "man".  It really is not fair to the other person who is involved.

I am not trying to act as if I am perfect in any way, but I have done a lot of growing in the past few years and it kills me that a few people who are older than I am have not joined the adult world still to this day.

The only thing I can say to any of these people is I wish you the best of luck at a productive and healthly life, just stay the hell away from me.  I have no time or energy for babysitting children over five foot tall.

7:12 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Men......AUGH!!!!
Current mood: aggravated

Why do men have to be so stupid when it comes to manipulative women?!!!?

I am sick of being a normal chick with no hidden agendas but constantly being accused of it b/c of other dumb bitches & their fucking games. I mean really, someone comes to you for advice & knowledge into the female mind....so you try to help them out. It's not like it's rocket science, all signs are there that she's a fucking PSYCHO, but you fail to see it or just want to find one minute fraction of reasonable doubt. If you are looking for a reason for it not to be then, You'll Find One!!!!! OMG, what a concept.

You end up telling them what they should already know & some reasons behind how it got to the point it's at now, you know like some of the tricks & schemes women use on a daily base to get what they want at what ever cost.............hell what does she care, by the time the guy realizes it, it's already to late. He is already in too deep. So she ends up getting caught read handed, but for some reason this guys still wants to remain friends with the psycho. AAWWW, how fucking sweet!!!

Now she knows she's busted & of course she's going to do everything in her power to regain control of the situation, she'll be there in your time of need......isn't she great, so thoughtful. So she's working the guy & that is going well, But she is now also trying to plot a way of getting you out of the picture, and you have been there from day one, since the days when growing up seemed so far away. So now she's a victim, twisting words & actions like in some sort of tornado word mind fuck thing..............and he believes it. HE FUCKING BELIEVES IT!!!!!! WTF!??!

But I will be that; I will just sit back & watch him fall flat on his ass time & time again. Like I've said before.....If it looks like a duck & sounds like a duck........It's NOT a damn dog!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:02 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment