Get on it.

When someone close to you dies, someone who is young, vibrant, and full of life, someone whose demise you never saw coming... someone whose encounter with death isn't lead into by the slow deterioration of a terminal illness or old age... when they're gone, it's like they disappear into thin air as they're standing right in front of you. You look around to find them, expecting to see them at a bar one day, or in a bookstore browsing. You wonder why they haven't called you or been online to chat as usual... and everytime reality hits, it doesn't get any easier to accept they're not coming back. That they're not around anymore. That they're gone.

Then flashbacks of the viewing and the funeral come creeping back, and you remember seeing him in the casket, then you remember touching his shoulder and realizing it was really him in there... and breaking down... then you see the casket being lowered into the ground. An image burned into your mind. Still, his life and the memories you share overwhelm the images of his passing. It can't be, but it is. And all over again you're reminded not to take your life for granted, at least that's what this does for me.

Intimate brushes with death certainly can light a fire under your ass to live everyday like it's your last... and it may be painfully cliche to say that, but try to imagine the most lively, lovely, inspiring person you know, one of your favorite people in the world, being snatched away by Death, without warning, without an explanation... then try to tell me I don't owe it to him to live my life out to it's fullest potential.

He was going to do things with his life, and because of whatever circumstances or mysterious reasons, he no longer has the chance to do so, because the universe decided it ought to be that way. What am I going to do? Be a lazy ass and let life and all of it's potential for greatness pass me by, or am I going to take a hold of my world and shape it to be what it should be simplly by being the change I'd like to see in the world... like Ray did? I think we all know the answer to that. So...

Get on it.

1:57 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The loss of a friend...

Last week was intense, to say the least.

last friday, a good friend of mine, Raymund Orias passed away. i wasn't as close to him as some people were, but he was one of the few people that i met in the last 10 years that i actually made an effort to keep in touch with. he had a magnetic personality and attracted people to him with his warmth and vulnerability, his openness, and also through his music and writing.

when i first met him, it was probably sometime in my third year of highschool, i already knew of him because my friends were fans of his first band Artificial Amateurs.. :) i'd met a couple of the guys in the band already through airbands, so when i went with mel and lori to their show, the band members said hello... and i think that's how i got introduced to raymund the first time...

i dont remember the exact time i formally met ray, but i do remember being pleasantly surprised at his warmth. he was nicer than i expected him to be, and more attentive. he was genuine and very sweet. our first meeting wasn't rushed, he took his time to actually learn my name... later on, i started dating one of his friends which only solidified the friendship. we started chatting online, he would invite me to oceanside functions even after his friend and i broke up.

we didnt see eachother too often, but we did make the effort to hang out from time to time when our schedules matched up (and when both of us had the gas to make the drive). we mostly kept in touch via the internet, talking away those summer nights when insomnia set in, or giving eachother pep talks when/if we were down, sharing funny stories about what we had been up to, and a few secrets were exchanged as well. i can't call him my best friend, but he was a good friend. a great friend. someone i was proud to call my friend.

one thing i loved about raymund, is how full of surprises he was... he always kept you on your toes. most of the time, and around people he didnt know too well, he was fairly reserved, polite, sweet, kind of quiet, toungue in cheek, subtly funny...he could hold a great insightful intelligent conversation, he was a wonderful listener and always had sound advice... and sometimes, this whole other side of him would emerge, that was loud, vulgar, and blunt as all hell. hahaha... you could never really tell what he was going to say next, which only made him more loveable.

i really loved watching him blossom into the person he became. and was genuinely looking forward to watching him grow even more in the future... i was convinced he would one day be famous, and that i could tell my kids, "yep, ray orias is my friend!" and the ooh's and aah's would ring throughout the mini van... hahaha.. seriously though. he was someone i was so proud to know. someone whose life i was proud to be a part of. someone i was so thankful to have in my life.

it makes me angry knowing he passed away when he had so much left to do in our world... so many more lives to touch, so many more people to inspire. it saddens me to think that some of my friends will never get to meet him.

why he had to leave us so early, i may never understand. but i know that through the lives he touched, and the example he set for us all, we can honor his name by living our lives following his footsteps. i am going to miss him dearly, and will be thinking about him a lot, and i will always love him... i know he knew how much he meant to me, i told him all the time. but just in case he forgot....

raymund, i love you, i miss you, and i'll never forget you. rest in peace, my friend. until we meet again.

...sigh.

5:47 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

WANT.

ugh.... i want to go SO bad.

1:09 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Greetings from England!

if you havent been checking my tumblr, then thats your bad. all my pictures and journaling through my trip through europe are on there... :)

anyway, life out here is pretty good. im exausted though, the trip has been non stop moving from place to place... i have so much to update on! here is a short version:

brighton was fun, we shopped and sat at the beach, celebrated lori's birthday and she got wasted for the first time ever in her life... it was actually pretty hilarious, we documented it well.

london was incredible, we did an all day pub crawl and then went sight seeing the rest of teh days we were there... saw all the obligatory things, like big ben, the eye, westminster abbey, london bridge, tate modern art museum, etc

then it was off to amsterdam. also amazing. for obvious reasons. haha. that town is so quaint and fun... lots of adventures there, thats for sure. fun, but exausting..

then we bussed it over to PARIS! which was soooo beautiful! we celebrated our birthdays in an unforgettable way, and saw the many beautiful sights in the city including the eiffel tower, the louvre, all the other palaces, the gardens, versailles, and many other places and famous things...

after that, julie and i jetsetted over to girona and barcelona, both beautiful places.. girona was very quiet, but so pretty! and barcelona was huge and crazy but fun... and the people we met there were great!

now we're back in brighton. resting up and getting settled, packing our stuff away and whatnot... after this its off to london for the last few days of our trip. tonight we're going to the globe theatre to watch a midsummer night's dream! im so excited! and then wednesday, im coming home. thankfully.

its been an incredible trip. and worth every penny. ill be so broke when i get home, but i dont regret spending one cent because the experience was absolutely amazing... and to share it with some of my very best friends is a blessing!

okay, imma go get ready and whatnot now, adios!

<3alli

2:11 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

PS

happy holiday. to you-know-who-you-people-are. :) hahaha..

3:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Passionless Pre-Professionals!

Note: this isn't my work. But i do totally agree with it, and knowing that so many of my friends are approaching their big-days (graduation) i thought it would be appropriate to post. Take a look!

Link to Blog

In two weeks I'll be graduating college—leaving academia after 16+ years in the system. For the first time in my life, there will be no more classes, professors, tests, or grades—no artificial benchmarks of success. If I fail, I'll get back up and try again; if I succeed, I'll receive the real benefits of my success, not just the letter "A" on a sheet of paper.

To me, this is extremely liberating. But I've noticed others in my graduating class, friends included, who look to the "real world" with trepidation. A few don't yet know what they want to do with their lives. That's okay—we're still young.

But many more know exactly what their career will be, yet have absolutely no passion for what they're about to pursue. For these passionless pre-professionals, college was simply an economics equation to be optimized: earn the best possible grades in order to get the highest paying job. But hey—most of these people will make great money in careers like investment banking. Mission accomplished, right?

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life"
—Steve Jobs

3:33 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

im done with myspace blogs..... sorry.

okay maybe not completely done... but majority of my blogging will be done here:

www.allibautista.tumblr.com

kbye.

<3alli

12:09 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

happy easter

ok my brain is feeling a little jumpy right now so excuse me if you cant follow my sporadic train of thought

why do we dedicate days to certain events? like easter? the day that jesus supposedly rose from the dead and ascended into heaven? what?  how does someone die and then come back to life and then how did he ascend into heaven? like, physically? you mean to tell me he FLEW up into the clouds into heaven? does that make heaven a physical place? and how did a bunny get into the mix? and why the hell does he hide EGGS if he’s a mammal? WHO MAKES UP THIS CRAP?!!?!?

they need to start dedicating days to more relevant things.... like INTROSPECTION DAY! look back on your life and the events that took place and the choices you made and reflect on them! yaayyy!!! lol.. that would make much more sense to me.

so. i went out last night.... sophinie ended up sleeping over because i guess she drank too much? for some reason i couldnt sleep after 830, and wound up reading through all my old journals... skimming i should say. i literally spent about 3 hours sitting up in bed reading and rereading some old entries... some that go as far back as 2004... it was very interesting to see how my thought processes evolved over the years.... and thats only over the past four years!!! i wonder what my thinking will be like when i’m 30! or even 50! if i make it that far.

anyway... a lot of my journal entries had to do with my relationship with ben. haha, so many good and bad times. jesus. i wonder how he is.... i hope he’s doing well, i really do miss him being in my life... oh well, maybe one day when we’re all grown up. haha :)

anyway, it set my mind in motion... as far as how and why i am where i am... i know everything happens for a reason but for me, its still hard to let go of the past... i’m slowly getting better at turning my attention to the present and future. i forget sometimes though that i’m only 21 and have so much left to learn. i get frustrated because i make mistakes that i feel like i should have known how to avoid.. oh well. we all eff up sometimes i guess.

on another note, i seriously freakin’ love my life. i have such a warm loving family and they’re so weird and lovely in their own special way... my friends are awesome, they’re silly and smart and amazingly supportive. i have good people in my life! i’m so lucky!

i’m hungry. maybe i’ll blog more later. :) bye!

<3alli

3:46 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

just a thought.....

if reality is perception, then.... as our experiences in life have forced and shaped us to be different people (in that we all perceive the world around us differently), could we potentially be living in different "worlds" (so to speak... apart from some, connected to others)? and that the one common thread that connects us all, is what---outside our own personal perceptions, and biases on relevant events---is REALLY happening... once we realize this, and can deeply and passionately empathize with anyone and anything.. perhaps we can finally understand our place, and the role we play in the real world around us.

...does that even make sense? what do you think...

10:52 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

why dont we do something?

because that means that we have to start taking responsibility for our lives, and that takes work....

..........north american union? have you ever even heard of that? look it up. google it. whatever.... or you can watch this:

http://zeitgeistmovie.com/

two hours long. but i swear to you its worth it......

4:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment