New Years Blog
Current mood: amused

WOW. I am one lazy non  updating son of a bitch.

Seriously, it's been forever. I figure New Years is a good excuse to finally update this thing. Unfortunately...I've got nothing. No REAL news to report? Then fill a journal with random unrelated stuff. GO!!!!

* Mythbusters on the Discovery channel is one of the most Geektastic shows ever. Watch it and learn how to blow shit up.

* Random ME quote of the day..."You can outgrow immaturity, but you can't outgrow crazy". TRUE.

* I could, and very well may, live off of 99 cent Buffalo snackers from KFC.

* I'm planning on combining holidays this year to save time. Coming up, Groundhog Day/Valentines Day/Fourth Of July. I'm dressing a bunch of groundhogs up in cute little cupid outfits, launching them into the air, and blowing them up. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

* Monkeys are God's greatest creation. Sure some day monkeys will rise up to destroy mankind and reclaim the Earth, but my opinion stands firm.

* I dug out some old NOFX stuff. They still kick ass. (Yes, GLENGLEN listens to other music besides metal. I'm an eclectic son of a bitch!!!).

Alright. I'm out of random useless stuff for now. Stay tuned. More to come. GLENGLEN...over and out.

Currently listening : The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste By Ministry Release date: 03 November, 1989

8:11 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Assholes I Hate

I really hate assholes who insist on having a car with those super bright halogen headlights. Do you really need to have headlights that can illuminate the road in the next goddamn state???? I think a good rule of thumb should be that you don't need to light up the road farther ahead of you than you can humanly see. I had one of these jackholes tailgating me the other night. I was like "Shit. It's REALLY foggy out tonight." Then I realized that it was actually smoke coming off of my scorched retinas from the reflection of his supernova powered headlights. I screamed and swerved off the road. Luckily a group of Girl Scouts were camped out in the parking lot and cushioned my impact. My car was undamaged AND I got a shitload of free cookies. SCORE!!!

Currently listening : Sacrament By Lamb of God Release date: 22 August, 2006

4:40 PM - 5 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Something to think about
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I would like to pose a philosophical question to all of you.

Would you rather...

A) Be an out of work actor working at a second job as a waiter in a two bit restaurant and not having any acting credits to speak of under your belt.

OR

B) Be an actor with a nationally televised commercial which millions of people have seen and as such you are recognized daily by random people on the street...as the "I have genital herpes" guy.

Sometimes it's better to have NOTHING and be content than to have SOMETHING that makes your life miserable every day. Now go practice your meditation Grasshopper.

Currently listening : Disintegration By The Cure Release date: 01 May, 1989

11:48 AM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Grindhouse

I can't wait to see Tarantino and Rodriguez's new flick Grindhouse. It looks to be truly cheese-tastic. I mean that in a good way. Amputated strippers with M-16 assault rifles for a leg???? Machete wielding Mexicans jumping motorcylces???? Don't forget KURT RUSSELL making a much deserved return to the movie badass type role that made him great. It should be a great summer movie. I wonder if ONLY strippers can have high powered weapons grafted to their bodies???? I, for one, would LOVE to have a flamethrower for an arm or something. Although that would make going to the bathroom a potential tragedy. On second thought, maybe I'll pass.

P.S. Cherry Coke Zero is the tits, y'all. It's mighty tasty. Go get yourself some.

Currently listening : Leviathan By Mastodon Release date: 23 December, 2004

5:29 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

straight up

I am here tonight to publicly condemn one of the most horrible inventions to ever be conceived of by man. No, not the atomic bomb, although I'm not very fond of that one either. Not even the steam powered kitten cannon (SO many squished kitties...THE HORROR). No sir and/or madam, I'm talking about those "Hands Free" cell phone thingy-ma-jiggies. You know, the ones that make a person look like a modern day Lt. Ohura from Star Trek. "Why is it?" you may ask "do you feel that this particular contraption is a little slice of concentrated triple filtered grade "A" E-VILE????" Well I'll tell ya...

It's because NOW you can't tell who the crazy fuckers are anymore. You used to be able to spot your average garden variety crazy fucker a mile away because they'd be the freaks who were talking to themselves...AND answering themselves. Now, by the time that you're close enough to realise that the dude talking to himself isn't some self important fuckwad who NEEDS to have his goddamn headset on in the middle of the grocery store and indeed IS a crazy fucker...you have a big ass Christmas Goose carving butcher knife stuck right in the middle of your favorite chest. In the old days if you saw a guy talking to himself, you ran in the other direction screaming for help like a little girl whose dolly just got mauled by a Rottweiller. Now it could be anybody. You scream and call the cops on the lady talking to herself in the middle of Starbucks and she turns out to be some hoity toity business lady and suddenly YOU'RE the asshole!!!! Hey, I'm just trying to protect everybody from nutcases who would seek to "stab the evil spirits out of you and make you pure again" or whatnot.

"But GlenGlen", you say "Those headset thingies save lives because people can wear them while they're driving and still keep both hands on the wheel." A valid point. Allow me to retort. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should EVER be talking on a phone while driving!!!! EVER!!!! You're NOT THAT IMPORTANT that you can't wait two fucking minutes until you get to where you can pull off the fuckin' road to call somebody. And to prove that these things cause more injuries than they prevent, if I ever see somebody in the car next to me mindlessly yapping away into one of these things, I'm gonna bust them over the head with an empty beer bottle...that I happen to keep in my new car for self defense purposes. So for the love of all things good and decent STOP!!!!!!!!

7:52 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

An open letter to terrorists.
Category: News and Politics

Dear Mr. or Mrs terrorist,
I would like to point out a few things about your whole current Jihad that you may find useful in making your future Jihad decisions.

(1)Your recent exploits pertaining to the blowing up of airplanes seems poorly conceived. Smuggling explosives onboard aircraft in various liquid and gel forms is not only crazy, but also not very cost effective. Filling a Hi-C drink box with napalm or squeezing a six megaton nuclear warhead in a tube of toothpaste just seems like a bad idea. First of all, the explosives themselves are pretty pricy (I've tried to get plastique explosives & detonation devices to entertain myself at parties and family gatherings. Needless to say, it ain't cheap). Secondly, groceries are expensive as well. It might be smarter for you to use all of that money and groceries to feed and clothe the people that you say you're fighting this war against the free world for. I'm sure there are people who would rather DRINK that bottled water or WEAR the shoes that you're trying to put explosives in. Just a thought.

(2) You say that you're doing God's will in the wanton destruction of innocent people. I can tell you for a fact that God DOESN'T really care for it. You see, Jesus is my co-pilot. The other day me and him were out at Denny's enjoying some tasty cuisine. Jesus says "You know what my dad really HATES?" I responded "Bestiality???" (Because nine times out of ten that would be the correct answer.) "No" Jesus said "It's these crazy kooks who are blowing everybody up. Do you know how long it takes my dad to make you people??? Do you have any idea how many doo-dads and gizmos go into the average homo sapien? You all are some complicated sons of bitches, I gotta say. So when you go all nutso and decide to blow up a couple hundred of your own people, it means the big guy's gotta pull some overtime to make more of you and balance things out. That really cuts into his World Of Warcraft playing time. He HATES that." So there you go. If you think that I made all of that up, I would ask you to provide ME with proof that God told you to blow up a bunch of complete strangers who did nothing to you. You give me that, and I'll give you a VHS of me and Jesus debating the pros and cons of mass murder while we're at our weekly bowling league. Deal? Good.

(3) Lastly, I'd like to point out that you seem to be generally pissed off at the American, British, and most UN countries governments. They interfere with your right to do what you want. They try to take your money and resources. They basically want to make you do their bidding. Guess what? Join the fucking club. They're doing the same shit to all of US and you don't see us flying jets into buildings over it. What makes YOU so goddamn special? ALL governments suck. Do you think yours will be any different? Not likely. It's an unpleasant fact of life, but we need those assholes to keep the rest of the assholes in line. If you think that you have a better way of doing things or a more peaceful solution to world politics come over here, become a citizen, and VOTE for the person who best embodies your personal ideals of what a good and decent leader should be. Of course the election will probably be rigged and you'll wind up with some dickhead who does EVERYTHING ass backwards and fucks up in front of the whole world, then tries to make shit up to gloss it all over while continuing to screw over everybody who he's suposed to be working for. Then you'll see how futile fighting the government REALLY is.

I would like to end this letter by telling you a little secret. Nobody was really all that interested in the Middle East before 9-11. You were all killing each other just like we were. THEN, you had to go and make a statement by destroying the World Trade Center and killing thousands of innocent people. What happened then? Did everybody stop and say "Well, I guess they showed us. Let's just do whatever they say." No, it was pretty much the exact opposite of that. You see, we had almost forgotten about the whole thing. As tragic and terrible as it was , we had just about moved on. We were talking about withdrawing troops from Iraq and just going about our own business like we used to. Then this shit in the UK happens. NOW, it's going to just escalate and keep on going for God knows how long. The secret that I said I'd tell you is this. WE have enough stupid shit going on in our own country to deal with. If you leave us alone, we'll probably forget all about you once the next season of American Idle comes out. Most Americans are more involved with how Freddy Prinze Jr's going to get through his latest wacky romantic entanglement on "Freddy" than we are with what is going on in the Middle East. The only time we take notice is when YOU do something. If YOU stop doing shit, our mass media clouded ADD riddled minds will just skip to whatever the latest fashion trend or celebrity scandal is. Christ, that week that Mel Gibson lost his damn mind nobody even said the words "Middle East". Even CNN was reporting "Why Mel Gibson's crazy anti-semitic ass is more important than Iraq." I know because I watched it. It was fucking GRIPPING. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. So just stop fucking things up and we'll let you be. Okay? Alright then. Good luck with all of your craziness.
Sincerely,
Anatidaephobia

Currently watching : V for Vendetta (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition) Release date: 01 August, 2006

8:43 AM - 9 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

A Message from the Council For Not Doing Stupid Shit When You're Drunk
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

If you have been drinking of the beer, or whatever alcoholic beverage you choose to consume, do NOT go grocery shopping. I stopped by Walmart on my way home last night for some reason and wound up with this...

A package of ham
A bag of Kit-Kats
A container of potato salad
A box of ice cream sandwitches
A can of gumbo
A pack of hot dogs

This is NOT a healthy list of nutritious vittles. This is "Drunk Food". The only time you ever buy or eat "Drunk Food" is when you are, in fact, drunk. Such foolishness!!!!! So take a tip from your old pal Mr. Phobia...friends don't let friends shop drunk. So endeth the message.

Currently reading : Lost Souls By Poppy Z. Brite Release date: 10 September, 1993

9:53 AM - 8 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

ya...
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

I finally got my lazy ass out to Mt. Trashmore for some walking. Even though my muscles were burning afterwords it felt good to get out in the fresh air after being cooped up all winter. Being out in nature and feeling the sun on your face can do wonders for your morale.

Now for my obligatory angry rant. What? You thought I was going all wishy-washy on you? NEVER!!!!

As I was enjoying my calm and relaxing stroll around the mountains, I came across several people which threatened to completely destroy my Zen-like state and make me beat them to a pulp with a rock or stick or slow moving woodland creature. These are the people whose lives are apparently SO fucking important that they can't even take a few minutes out of their busy day to enjoy the beautiful surroundings and blissful silence. No cars honking their horns, no telephones ringing, no T.V.'s blasting out a non-stop stream of mind numbing crap. Just peace and quiet...and CELL PHONES???? WHY in the name of Thor's hammer would you feel the need to talk on your goddamn cell phone on a fucking walk? I even saw a guy in full fishing gear standing in the middle of a picturesque stream babbling away on his Moto. For fuck's sake people!!! This is probably your ONE chance to get away from all the phone calls and bullshit in your day to day life. Enjoy it. ENJOY THE FUCKING CALM OR I SWEAR I'LL HURT YOU AND MAKE YOU SAY..."GEE, I WONDER IF PEOPLE WILL THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT MY ASS PLAYS THE THEME SONG TO THE O.C. WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CALL ME BECAUSE SOME CRAZY GUY JAMMED MY CELL PHONE UP MY STUPID SELF-IMPORTANT TECH-ADDICTED ASS???"!!! 

Mind you, I also take my cell phone with me when I go out just in case I feel myself beginning to pass out from heat exhaustion or some other form of EMERGENCY, but I leave it TURNED OFF & IN MY POCKET so I can be away from the modern world for just a few hours. Trust me. It works wonders.

The only thing that kept me from mass murder was one person. There was this adorable little girl riding a pink bike with training wheels on it. As I watched her wobble along with her dad she toppled right over and went down. HARD. You know WHY that made me feel better? No, I don't like seeing children getting hurt you sick bastard!!!! That little girl took a pretty nasty tumble and she got up grinning from ear to ear, brushed herself off, and jumped right back on her little pink bike and went right back at it. That, my friends, is what it's all about.

Now...as soon as you are done reading this journal I want you to IMMEDIATELY forget what I just said. As far as everybody is concerned I am the same heartless soulless cruel sense of humor having prick that I've always been. God I hate it when my emotions show. It makes me feel dirty.

Currently listening : 10,000 Days By Tool Release date: 02 May, 2006

2:08 PM - 18 Comments - 19 Kudos - Add Comment

Jack The Ripper's Identity Revealed
Current mood: tired
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

There are a lot of times during the day when I just allow my mind to wander. Occasionally I direct my boredom numbed brain towards strange and unusual subjects. During my wandering yesterday I came upon an amazing revelation. Allow me to explain.

I, after over a century of utter failure by the rest of the world, have finally figured out the identity of one of the most notorious serial killers that has ever existed. I'm speaking, of course, about Jack The Ripper. The murderer who would become known to the world and, in particular the denizens of London England, as Jack The Ripper began his bloody rampage in 1888. Five prostitutes fell before the Ripper's blade before he mysteriously vanished without a trace. Scotland Yard and some of the most brilliant minds of the time were at a loss to identify or even come up with a reasonably good suspect in the case. Jack The Ripper was never found and his identity to this day remains a mystery.

I say to THIS day, because I know who he is and soon you will too. Jack The Ripper was none other than...
beloved television personality JOHN RITTER!!!!

MURDERER


Yes, friends. It seems so simple to me now. I can't believe that I never noticed it before. I shall break down my discovery for you so that you will understand that it could be NOBODY else. Firstly, John Ritter's most well known role was on 70's television sitcom Three's Company. His character's name...Jack Tripper. Or Jack T. Ripper!!!! It's well known to even a first year criminal psychology student that most serial killers commit their crimes in a desperate bid for attention and, in fact, WANT to be caught. Mr. Ritter was throwing his identity right in our faces and hiding his devious crimes behind a facade of slapstick comedy and crazy situational humor. He was DARING us to tie him to the brutal murders. Secondly, his REAL name if that is actually his real name...John Ritter. The Ripper specifically stalked prostitutes on the foggy streets of London. Men who solicit prostitutes are nicknamed "Johns". AH-HA!!!!! And Ritter is only two letters away from Ripper. Coincidence? I think not. Finally, as if we needed any more evidence to prove The Ripper's true identity. Jack The Ripper once wrote a letter taunting the police of Scotland Yard and he signed it "From Hell". The last live action film that John Ritter acted in was Bad Santa. Bad, like what killing people is. Santa, being ever so close to Satan. Yet ANOTHER strange coincidence? Yeah, you're starting to see it now aren't you? Old Uncle Phobia isn't as insane as all of those news reports and eye witness testimonies would lead you to believe. Insane like a crazy fox!!!!

So there it is in plain, easy to understand FACTS. It's a shame that Mr. Ritter passed away before my keen mind cracked his true identity, but at least the rest of world knows that one of the most infamous serial killers in history has finally been unmasked. Justice, baby. Served up cold and with a side of chips.

For those of you who are saying "Hey, Anatidaephobia? If those murders were committed around the time of 1888, how could John Ritter, who was born in 1948, be the guy who perpetrated them? Easy. He was VERY clever.

8:19 AM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Mind Over Me
Current mood: morose
Category: Writing and Poetry

The ill fated passion of solitude seduces my thoughts, making them susceptible to the rape from blank walls and the ring of fluorescent lighting.

The old alone is not like the new alone, the old used to keep my mind reeling with narcotic amusement.

This neo solitary is a test of my sanity and composure.

I go through the motions of every day existence but the itch of madness is tickling my spine just out of reach.

Not that my physical appendages could satiate this minor mental apocalypse, it becomes clear that I must keep my complacency in psychosis under wraps so as not to let on.

Memory stabs me in the heart at times like these; it draws up emotions long buried.

Flipping through pages from sketch books and journals, I relive the chronicle of my present past with composed terror.

Obvious themes and ridiculous schemes that brought nothing except experience in things society avoids.

I am an expert outsider with more to offer than the scars from a life of indulgent self sacrifice.

Convoluted nostalgia is a trap I know to avoid but when glaring similarities are raised in present locale I am distracted by the importance of being who I was and never regretting my credibility as a deviant.

I can take on new alliances without breaking old ones.

This issue of inner circles is beginning to take a back seat to rational insight into why I feel reserved to restrict my will.

Thoughts on past loss should not hinder the awakening of new chances to lose another.

This is no longer a fear. It will happen as does nature take the leaves of Autumn.

1:40 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment