no one will read this

I love you more than you know, and I wish I could tell you that everything you are trying to fill your life with does not matter. Shallow friendships are not going to fufill you. The boys you like have always been a let down. I dont know if you will realize whats good and be content with that. I wish I could put you in a bubble and protect you from all the things you do that end up hurting you. But I cant, and you would hate me for it.

still. You are going to end up throwing your life away and I cant give up on you. I wish you would save us both a world of pain, but you wont.

8:47 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Our doubts are traitors
Current mood: listless

    i never write blogs, because most of what i have to say is bullshit.

but lately everything feels like bullshit. I doubt everything, and I dont think I'll ever be good enough, and the life i lead will never be fulfilling enough. I dont want to have kids but i worry that my maternal instinct will be loud enough to make me feel like I am missing out. I dont think I can be happy living here for the rest of my life but Im too scared to make a big move on my own.

It seems that I cant outrun my past and I cant hide from my future. I need something to sweep me off my feet. I cant stand how predictable my life as a 19 year old has become, and as I get older it will become worse. I dont want to live my life with a bunch of regrets, but I dont want to have to say goodbye to anyone or anything.

I cant help but think about my future because it already feels like everyone is planning everything for me.

I push everyone in my life away and I need someone to stand there by myside.
Im worried that I treat the people that love me and care about me the most like shit and one day Im going to wake up and they are going to be long gone, and i will deserve that. I almost wish for it because I would get a punishment I deserve.

I dont know what I want in life, and thats what scares me the most.
Im tired of feeling like shit and making everyone else feel like shit and I really wish i could just redo my life or that everyone would walk out on me.

But who could live like that either...

8:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thoughts (inspired by the show last night)
Current mood: sad

It is heart wrenching when the people you looked up to...the ones you wanted to model your life after... have actually found a way to slip so far away. Yes we are all fallible, but if you choose to put yourself in the spot light, you need to represent. Don't come into a place where everyone knows you as a Christian, and embrace things that would cause others to question everything about your witness. Just stay away.

it's really hard to watch. It cuts deep, it hurts my heart. It makes me question the past 4 years of my life, and it's not fair to me. It's a big disappointment.

I'm glad some bands mean what they preach. Life in Your Way is always awesome.

Thats all. Bridges Burnt. Cliche Cliche Cliche.
 

Currently reading : The Book Thief By Markus Zusak Release date: 14 March, 2006

6:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

for those who lack social skills, tips for life.

Hello myspace, I dont blog much anymore, mostly because no one talks to me on this page, and i never have much to say.. But I hope this fines you well.

That being said, I would just like to adress a few key issues, for most people that actively use myspace.

I have learned (the hardway) that if you have something to say to someone, myspace bulletins, blogs, status updates, ect probably isnt the best way to make your point come off as relevant. The best way to address an issue with a person truely is to talk one on one with them.

With that being said, I have also learned (the hard way ) that when you jump to conclusions, you often end up being wrong. Unfortuately, it is rare to find a person who will admit that they are wrong, without an argument.

I am 20 years old, and yet, I know that life is short. I have had friends come and go, and I have had friends stick by me against all odds. Life is amazing that way, I hope you have friends like that. Anyway, a trait that all of these life fruends have in common is there ability to confront me as an adult, and to work things other together. It's the friends that like to talk shit, jump to conclusions, stab you in the back, drop you once they dont need you, and the ones who are unwilling to admit their mistakes that arent worth having.

I know I have done that to people, and I know how bad it hurt us both.

So if for some reason you havent learned these things yet, I hope you take my advice, and dont get defensive. I am only trying to help.

Love love.

brooke

ps.

i love my puppy look how hes looking at me in that picture.

Currently reading : The Crying of Lot 49 (Perennial Fiction Library) By Thomas Pynchon Release date: 07 November, 2006

8:17 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

i think it needs to be said.
Current mood: accomplished

Oh, i can definantly forgive if someone has wronged me. I dont have any trouble doing that. I can apologize and ask for forgiveness too when I need to, I'm not afraid to humble myself.

Since the begining of highschool until now, there are probably 4 or 5 people that I have let go out of my life, that once held a special place in my heart. Only one of these people do i miss, and that situation in particular is ironic. The person  I miss is the only person who has legitimately done something against me/ screwed me over.. whatever. But i miss their friendship, and i hope they are doing great.

As for the remaining, not a day has gone by where I have missed you. I dont  care if thats harsh. I really dont care how you feel about me. Everyone except for that one person never did anything against me that resulted in a loss of my friendship. Everyone else had serious character flaws that i could no longer look past.

I realize at this point things just got uncomfortable. Stop reading, delete me. I dont care.

If you continue reading, please know, that if you are one of those people, I really dont care. I know you have talked about me behind my back, and made up situations in your mind to tell other people in order to get them to like me a little less.

what matters is the people i consider to be true friends, of good character. they are standing right by my side, and they have been through and through.

Currently reading : Anna Karenina (Oprah's Book Club) By Leo Tolstoy Release date: 31 May, 2004

6:19 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

im learning to love

the way you would



no more doubt.
im going to give trusting a chance
its about time.
id rather live like that anyway.


I would never leave you
For a chance
For a moment
I would never leave you
For a chance
And this Lifetime
So leave it all behind

7:20 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Cornerstone

is hot, often boring. we are all about to rip each others heads off.

Life In Your Way has so far put on the best performance I have ever seen... well the 4th time i saw them they did

9:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Cornerstone

is hot, often boring. we are all about to rip each others heads off.

Life In Your Way has so far put on the best performance I have ever seen... well the 4th time i saw them they did

9:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

life lessons.
Current mood: frustrated

you really dont have to be right all the time. You really don't have to argue all the time. No one is going to think you arent as smart as you are if you simply agree that someone else makes a valid point. Don't butt heads so much. Just go with it. Dont be so stubborn. It's not a big deal, but you're making it harder to be around you everyday. 

Currently reading : Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey By Chuck Palahniuk Release date: 01 May, 2007

1:35 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

rant
Current mood: accomplished

this is to a "you" whom I will not specify.
I know that pisses some people off... so read no further if you are one of "them"


It annoys me that we are so alike.
but in the same way, you are very predictable and pretentious.
i hate that about you.
you annoy me so much. everything about who you are and who you are trying to be.
the music you pretend to like, the books you pretend to read.
if you don't start thinking for yourself and being a bit more independent you're going to end up being really detatched from everyone.

I think that no one really sees you for who you are.
But I do. You annoy me. I think you had the potential to be interesting but you overdo it to the point that you are so bland you are obnoxious.
It's just something to think about.
Maybe you should take up painting or something and tap into your OWN creativity instead of leeching off everyone elses.

damn that felt good. I hope you read it.

Currently reading : The Unswept Room By Sharon Olds Release date: 24 September, 2002

7:39 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment