surveeeeee
Current mood: bullied
Category: Quiz/Survey

Due to boredom and a bad start to the day, I'm gonna do this.

Have you had alcohol this week?
no.

Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
nope

Who is your last text message from?
Brian? Not sure. I tend to delete them, and it's been awhile.

Are you happy?
uh huh

Are you looking forward to anything?
rehearsal

What did you do today?
got up early to take care of a bunny named Theo.

Are you happy with life?
in general, yes

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
yes

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
experience has taught me no. several times.

Are you a jealous person?
not really, but very perceptive

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
no.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Probably not. Who knows really.

What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Driving to the bunny.

Is there anything that you are craving right now?
a pillow.

Where are you now?
at my desk waiting for something to do, or procrastinating.

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Oh yeah. plenty.

Did you drink coffee today?
probably not enough.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race?
Is Jewish a race? JK

Would you tattoo someone's name on your body?
um no.

Do you have any "friends with benefits"?
nope

Are you drinking anything?
water. Jamba juice craving has been festering for 2 days now.

Do you like beer?
Not really

Do you carry any form of concealed weapon with you?
no

Do you believe "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
I've never been given reason to believe otherwise. Kinda believe it more than not.

Have you ever ran away from home?
no

Do you take your daily vitamins?
Vit E and fiber

Where is your most ticklish spot?
lots of places ;)

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed?

open

Whats on your mind right now?
more sleep

When will you have your next kiss?
I don't know.

Do you feel betrayed by anyone right now?
no

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
if I used them


Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
heck no and anyone who does ought to be ashamed of themselves

Do you chew your pens and pencils?
no

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
ask the guys I saw batman with, three of them in pink at once. Crazy.

What do you drink with dinner?
if anything, water

What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
romantic comedies- Princess Bride, When Harry Meets Sally- classics

Were you a boy/girl scout?
Nope. Camp fire girl

Would you ever pose nude in a magazine?
no,not completely nude.

Have you seen the movie Powder?
nope

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
yep

Are you stubborn?
I don't think so.

Ever watch soaps?
nope

Afraid of heights?
probably big ones


What do you want to do when you're older?
theatre

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
sure

Hot tea or cold tea?
hot

Are you patient?
quite

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
no, but my mom does.

Whats the one thing you want right now?
inner peace.

9:38 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

And so the Jewish guy said...
Current mood: excited
Category: Blogging

I once read this book called On Writing Well that was incredibly useful and actually an entertaining read. Not only this, I learned alot. One of the things I learned was how much unnecessary verbage we use. Redundant phrases, etc. What reminded me of this was logging in to myspace. I received this message: "We're sorry. An unexpected error has occurred."  Really? Are you saying all the other errors I receive are expected? Are you saying that someone is against me out there? What did I do? WHO ARE YOU?!?!? COME ON!

onto the survey:

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Yeppers.

What did you do tonight?
What will I do. Meet about music. Go over it. Less likely to sabotage it now. Go over music from the other show. Get frustrated b/c I still don't have sheet music. Read.

Last person you got mad at?
the person I get mad/frustrated with everyday.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
for the most part reasonable - but there are moments when you just have to have it blaring

Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
Depends on how I'm situated, but I guess mountain.

Who was the last person to text you?
Manny

who was the last friend you saw?
roommate Newman

When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night?
morning

Next vacation you're going on?
Working, but to Texas in August. of all times to go to TX...grumble grumble

Do you like scary movies?
Zombie ones

Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
It would depend on how many days in a row I'd been at home all day and the weather.

Do people ever spell your name wrong?
Yep, you'd be surprised how many people have never seen it written. I get Alicen alot. That is the grossest thing in the world

Where would you like to live?
Where I am now

Is there anyone you regret ever meeting?
No.

On the opposite sex where do you like them to have piercing?
I don't know or care. But I could probably tell you where NOT to be pierced.

How do you like your grilled cheese?
What?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Figuring out how I'm doing. Hopefully working onstage alot!

How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
1 or 2 

What is your favorite movie?
Oooh, 28 Days Later is up there, Playing by Heart, Princess Bride

What is the last thing you said out loud?
Probably grumbling to myself about nothing.

What do you do for relaxation?
Read outside in a shady spot

When was the last time you swam?
Lake Erie a few weeks ago, but we kind of just waded

Do you keep your closets organized?
yeah

Last person you texted last night?
Chris?

How do you make headaches go away?
Advil.

Did you attend pre school?
Yep, with Winn and Paul. Crazy they still like me

What do your shower curtains look like?
Like a city skyline

How do you make eggs?
scrambled hard

What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
I try not to think of Tom Cruise. He's a crazy person.

What is the next vehicle you are going to buy?
something FUEL EFFICIENT!!

What is something stressful you will deal with next week?
I don't know. Rehearsals?

Who did you last see?
Zoran walking by?  This is a strange question....

How do you take your coffee?
2 sugar, 1 cream

What was the last thing you ate?
Chocolate chip peanut butter cookie from Theo the cookie man. Love that guy.

Whats the oldest thing in your fridge?
Probably the V-8 or a bottle of wine

Where do you go for Thanksgiving?
my parent's house this year. I think.

How old will you you be in 2010?
30 

What happened at 9am?
I looked at my watch...

What do you want in life right now?
To be satisfied with myself and my work, and pleasant work environment. Scared to say what else.

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone else?
Nope

What is the last thing someone bought you?
A drink.

Where did you last eat?
Harvey's I think is what it was called.

Will you ever kiss the last person you kissed again?
Ergh. Probably not in the same way.

What were you doing at 8:30PM last Friday night?
Seeing a show at Victory Gardens.

What did you do today?
Went to work.

Do you have a job?
yep. Admin baby.

What are you doing right now besides this survey?
Waiting for 5 pm. NO ONE is in the office today.

Exactly where did you get the clothes you're wearing right now?
A resale shop, TJ Maxx (in 8th grade, scary huh?), and Payless.

Last time you spoke to someone you like?
Saturday

What was the last movie you watched?
Ocean's Eleven was on TV last night.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
Honestly no idea.

Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
Mandy- I love you!

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
Yes, aha you didn't say "who" so I'm not gonna tell.

Are you taller than your mom?
No, my height is a puzzle to everyone.

What are you listening to right now?
the AC

Do you crack your knuckles?
Nope

Song stuck in your head?
Andrea's Song

Has anyone ever spread a rumor about you?
Yeah, the fun ones were in high school. That I yelled at our principal. Funny thing was, it was partially true.

What did you do last night?
Got hot dogs with Kelly & Vic, hung out at her place with Tom and Jill.

Whats on your wish list for your birthday?
airline tickets.

You're sitting at home bored, who do you call?
I don't call people when I'm bored. I guess people I haven't talked to in a while.

Is tomorrow going to be a good night?
I hope so. I have rehearsal but I'm not sure of the location.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you?
OMG yes.

Does anyone like you right now?
I don't know.

Look to your right, what is there?
A wall with a bulletin board. Exciting.

How are you feeling right now?
Hungry.

How many people hugged you today?
NONE! I go days without hugs. Do you realize how BAD that is?!?!?

What's something that people always tease you about?
Tease? My taking things too seriously.

What did you wear today?
Black pants, and a tunic that I wore as a dress in 8th grade. Sounds ridiculous but it actually works.

Did anyone insult you today?
Not that I'm aware of.

4:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

An Unfortunate Truth
Current mood: hungry
Category: hungry Life

My emotions react before my brain can control them. For an actress this is a good thing, but in everyday life, it causes people to think things that aren't necessarily true. For example, a co-worker approached me and asked if she could talk to me about something without me getting upset. So I prepared myself. And what she told me was perfectly fine, but I was so upset that I made a mistake, tears welled up in my eyes. Now I know that she would not have known had it not been for my eyes. My brain and logic were fine with the issue and I wasn't hurt at all. But I could not stop the tears! So now I perpetuated her fears of talking to me about these issues. And I was actually fine.

This is also a problem in dating. Past problem: I'm talking to a guy about a little issue that came up. We've dated for about a month. I start to tear up out of fear of saying something stupid or the wrong way. My own tension, even though the problem is not a big deal. He thinks I'm really upset with the situation and him and waaay further into this relationship than he is. Despite warnings that I'm sensitive early on, he backs off. If I could've squelshed that fear, maybe he wouldn't have freaked out.

Of course, I cannot control how people react or what they think, but jeez this is a problem! But I need to keep the problem for theatre. ARGH! Flummoxed.

Currently listening : Once On This Island (1990 Original Broadway Cast) By Lynn Ahrens Release date: 1990-09-25

8:10 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Character
Current mood: cantankerous

I'm just putting this out there. So I can be accountable.

I've been busy the past few weeks really thinking myself out. Self evaluation if you will. I'm tired. Tired of being so weak. I know we all have our moments of being strong or weak, etc. But frankly, the past few years I've really upset myself. Felt like a child for being so easily hurt and sensitive. Yes, it's good to be that way sometimes, but it hasn't done me much good. Yes, I can talk to professionals and I've done that. I think everyone needs to. But there needs to be a change and I'm doing that. I've actually read a book on Emotional Intelligence and sort of took a test, and uh...didn't do well. Of course I don't need a test to tell me what I actually had already figured out. There's a lot of things to work and it's hard to know where to begin but I've found a way.

Declaration of Self. Not gonna sit and say I gotta find myself. F that. Howabout trying to be a stronger person. I like who I am. But I don't feel like I handle some things very well, and you can only ask for help so much before you have to look to yourself. This is not a huge transformation but one for the better and I feel like I've already made huge progress. Part of all this will be blogs about myself- what I like and don't, etc. For me, writing it will make it real and help get past denial. It's there like the huge elephant. SO DEAL WITH IT!  :)

3:40 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

rant or something like it
Current mood: annoyed

I prefer actual conversations in person or on the phone. Even email. Maybe this is abnormal.

I got a text from a Fort Worth number that I get frequently. It said, "Hi". That's all. Now, at one point I had this person programmed in my phone, but long ago removed them because contact was so infrequent and frankly, I didn't care. I've gotten a few messages like this over the past 6 months or so and didn't respond. Last night, I replied, "Name please, or I'll block this number." It was a guy I met at a party over two years ago maybe? We had two telephone conversations and that was it.  It didn't go past that, so I let him know I was in Chicago now, hoping he'd take the hint. It kept going. "OMG, has it been that long since I spoke to you? How long will you be there? blah blah blah." Meanwhile, I let him know I hate text conversations and that frankly there's no point in having this conversation since we've barely ever had an actual conversation in two years. He keeps going! Apologizing, making excuses, blah blah over and over again. Really, I didn't care that he never called. I never called him either. He was a nice guy, but if I really wanted to talk to him I would've called. HELLO! "You really made an impression on me." MY ASS, I DID! Enough with the bullshit, I even said, "No worries, don't stress. Just please leave me alone." I got two more texts after that.

Jeez, I know that I beat a horse sometimes if things are not clear (which, frankly my eyesight has improved). But I NEVER HESITATE to be frank with other people if I have the reins. I always ask others to be completely honest with me, but NO ONE believes me. Seriously, I hate wasted time. I was trying to go to bed. Finally just put it on silent.

Then I dreamt about being pregnant. 2nd time now. Truly bizarre.

7:35 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Decisions
Current mood: tired
Category: Art and Photography

I worry about the little things, the details. Pretty calm in crazy situations- like when I totaled my car when I hit a stupid Mitsubishi truck during rush hour. Stayed calm, did a show in Addison. Yadda yadda. But big decisions take years. It took three + years to get my butt to Chicago. Now, three weeks to make my decisions on headshots. Still can't decide b/c I'm afraid to make the wrong choice. I don't know what these people want. Usually its something completely different from what I want to see because they pay attention to if they can see my eyes, hair, body type. HELLO! What if my personality shows best in a blur?! Argh. Someone do this for me. I'm dying.

3:28 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

question
Category: Art and Photography

I like photographs of doors but I don't like photographs of signs. Is that weird?

4:00 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Comments and a survey
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Quiz/Survey

One note about a recent news story: an elderly man in D.C. was crossing the street, was clipped by a car, then hit by the one following it. The two cars zoomed off and it took 1 minute for anyone to show any signs of doing anything. Cars passed, people looked at the man lying in the street and made phone calls, but it took awhile for anyone to do anything. This is all on camara. The news coverage discussed the desensitization of our society and the lack of community being the cause of inaction. Lack of payoff, etc., etc. Um, hello? People are afraid of getting sued! I admit I would have been scared to do something by myself but I would have done something to help the situation- spoken to him, block traffic, something. There is a fear of doing something wrong these days, no matter what the intention. People are scared of being sued for good intentions.

Survey:

You are really upset, who is the first girl you call to vent to?
Depends on the situation- but usually Pamela or Elizabeth

Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Better if he doesn't, but you can't make others change.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
morning

Have you been to New York City?
Yeah (grumble grumble)

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jack

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Several

Do you have anyone who copies everything you do?
Not everything, but someone in a show started to do that in the show itself. Irritating.

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Lily B Clayton

Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?
Nope that would be dumb and no one has proven worthy anyway.

How many kids do you want to have?
Can barely handle my own life, let alone anyone else's. If any, no more than two. But that is far, far away.

What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
Jeans, black top, colorful sweater thingy.

What color are your eyes?
Brown

What are you doing tomorrow?
Ballet, rehearsal, then maybe the Blues Fest if anyone will friggin join me...

Are you easy to get along with?
Incredibly. I'm too nice.

How has your heart been lately?
A little worn out and bitter.

What was the last song you listened to?
Wild Horses with Avril Lavigne

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nope, it's my flaw.

Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?
yeah

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you this is how I actually operate. Sad, huh? Another flaw...

Who was your first crush?
Don't remember and really don't care.

Who called you last?
Jack.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
11:30.

What is your current mood?
I'm here.

Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really were not?
Not much. But I don't really ever lie, so if they make the mistake of asking, I say exactly how I feel.

Have you ever hooked up with one of your exes best friends?
Never.

Do you talk a lot?
No more than anyone else.

Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Lots to do at home

lines to firm

my body hurts.

Have you ever kissed any one on your Top Friends?
Yep

What was the last movie you watched?
Not sure. The Sunshine Boys?

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Punch? Earlier this week.

What was the last thing you spent money on?
Starbucks coffee this morning.

Who is the most attractive male on your MySpace friends list?
I refuse to answer this question. Just awkward.

What are you craving right now?
A day off.

What was the last thing you cried about? Personal self evaluations suck.

When you buy something and your change is two cents, do you keep it?
yeah

Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before?
Nah

Are you happy?
I think so!

Who came over last night?
No one.

Where do you hurt?
Entire body

When is your birthday?
Sept 9

Do you like the color green?
Yeppers.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
7ish

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Probably my parents.

What were you doing an hour ago?
labeling. yeehah!

Are you looking forward to anything?
My trip to see Elizabeth.

Did your last kiss mean anything?
Honestly not sure. And that's actually ok.

12:15 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It took almost a year
Current mood: blank
Category: Life

I left work a little early on Monday to attend an audition. I had never been to this location before and left with wiggle room for getting lost. I hopped onto the first bus from the Loop, then got onto the second bus that had been delayed and so therefore was very crowded. I stood facing the window, listening and watching for the Peoria street stop. After a second, I felt some something very hard against my butt. Kind of a knob. Surely its a bag. When it moved between the cheeks a few times, I looked around to see that a short man was behind me. He looked indifferent and wasn't even looking at me. I gave it another chance. Then it happened again. In a rhythm. I immediately slid to the side and gave him a dirty look. And he was oblivious. I checked next to him and the girl was to his side, so I thought she'd be safe. Yet he adjusted himself- he looked like he was trying.

I was feeling like I should have stopped by now, so I was asking around about Peoria stop when he finally got off. The other girl said she thought Peoria had been passed. When I saw that he was gone, I mentioned that he molested me, and she said, "Me too!" Grrr. This is bound to happen in crowded buses and trains, and I've expected it to happen at some point. And I'm certainly disgusted, but more so at the idea that he thought he could get away with it. (Sadly, he kind of did.) It took almost a year for this to happen in Chicago, which is actually pretty good, I'd say. But that doesn't make it acceptable.

Next time, Little Man, I will very loudly say so that everyone can hear, "Sir, please be so kind as to remove your crotch from my butt!"

9:51 AM - 8 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Philosophies
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

One of the good and bad things about me is that I am constantly trying to find the right way of doing things. Sure, it means that I find many ways of doing things, but I get frustrated when the methods don't work out each time. This applies to EVERYTHING in my life unfortunately. Ah, perfectionism. I pretty much know that alot of it has to do with my attitude that day and my general energy- it helps steer how I approach what I have to do.

But still, it amazes me how many different ways you can approach something and have completely different result each time. And how often they contradict each other. Usually, in any case, I lose many times.  :(

But the beautiful quotes that keep us laughing and hoping and crying and going and trying stay with us. And then I lose them in the shuffle....

"It's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be."

"Either you control your attitude or it controls you."

4:35 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment