Almost Epic Updates: Whats Going on with us (Chris)
Current mood: Searching and Still Bringing the Rock

Ok first of there are quite a few casting changes to almost epic.

We regret to announce that Kurt Finney will no longer be performing with Almost Epic as he is pursuing his career in professional film/tv/commercial acting. Almost Epic wishes Kurt the best of luck and will be there to support him on his journey.

Jon Freeman is still a sonofabitch.

We are looking to add three more cast members. We are auditioning them on Tuesday, August9th (a.k.a. Chris's Birthday) We want one more girl and two more possible dudes.If you or anyone you know thinks that they are dedicated enough and funny enough to be part of something truly awesome.........Call Chris @ 949.266.7733 or Adam @ 949.510.6439.

We'd really like a lot of people to come out. The next cast member could be YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

1:40 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

New Website Design (Matt)

Our website just got a facelift thanks to our webmaster Jon Franks. It looks pretty cool and we're continually adding more content. Won't be long before we have videos and other media...

10:29 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Among things that will happen at our show (Chris)

I will bake an entire french bread pizza using only my weiner.

I'm talking cheese grating.  Garlic the whole shebang.

Like some sort of perverted emeril.......(it took me like 9 tries to spell that)

1:22 AM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

The Dedication of an AE Fan (Chris)
Current mood: Defiant

Well our show went well on Friday.  But not so well for one of our audience members.

One of our guests, on her way up, was driving with her friend and her friend's new love interest.  Well getting off the freeway at Hollywood Blvd.  three cop cars pulled her over.

Apparently there had been a shooting on the freeway.  The car was the same that the three were driving.  The cops IDed the car and pulled them over.  The idiot smell boyfriend decided to tell the arresting officer (who was black) that it was racism because "He was White"  the situation escalated from there.  Their car was searched, they were all detained, had to take a gunpowder test, and had to stand in a police lineup.  They didn't get out of the station until 3am.  Idiot smell was detained overnight due to outstanding warrants.  Hats off to Toni Collucci and her friend (EXCLUDING IDIOT SMELL)  We're sorry that you went through that.  How about two tickets on me for the next show.

11:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

They Think We're Good (Matt)

If you haven't seen it already, read this review of one of our recent shows. It was in UC Irvine's newspaper, New University.

College newspapers are respectable. Thus, we have gained respect.

1:55 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Mailing List (Matt)

So we've got a mailing list now so that you can keep up-to-date with everything that we're doing. Show dates, cast info, pyramid schemes veiled in religious dogma...it'll all be in there.

So go to our website and sign up now! It's easy. Way easy.

 Go to almostepic.com and sign up at the bottom of the page.

4:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bazooka Joe (Matt)

Everyone remembers Bazooks Joe bubblegum from their childhood. My favorite thing about that hard rectangular chunk of gum was that it always came with a comic and a fortune.

So last night I had some Bazooka Joe for the first time in a few years. I was so excited to see what antics Joe was up to and more importantly - what was my fortune gonna be? Would I be receiving a present soon? Did I have a secret admirer? Would I get a chance to travel the world soon? Would I have to make an important decision soon?

This was my fortune: "Your school work will greatly improve this year."

What the hell?! I graduated from college two years ago!

Bazooka Joe is full of shit.

11:15 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Junk (Matt)

So I'm thinking about how we have some many different names for our boy parts and girl parts. One that's often used (by myself as well) is the word junk, as in "she kicked me in the junk." We're so obsessed with the power these bits of humanity possess (read: reproduction [read: we can make things that are ALIVE!]) that we have to constantly talk about them and refer to them and make new names for them since the nomenclature of genitalia isn't good enough.

But anyway, back to junk. Why does it work so well? Junk is something you keep cos you haven't gotten around to throwing it away yet. Or you think you're gonna use it someday, but you haven't in any recent period of time (I suppose that applies to some people, sadly). I'd like to think my junk is just the opposite: a rare and precious specimen to be used often and worthy of great exultation. Of course that's a bit megalomaniacal and it doesn't work well in a sentence. "She kicked me in the rare and precious speciment to be used often and worthy of great exultation" doesn't quite work in a crowded bar room conversation.

Anyway, it's just funny.

5:57 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

On Love and Marriage (Chris)
Current mood: aggravated

it recently has come to my attention that a friend of mine who is 20 years of age is getting married to a girl of 19 years of age. I don't wanna come off like a weenis and say that i don't support my buddy. More power to you dude i hope you guys have a long and happy life together. But this triggered a thought process in my brain, cuz thats where my thoughts come from. Why on this godforsaken planet do i keep hearing about KIDS that I went to highschool with getting married. Its one thing if the girl is pregnant. To that I say yes! The Child needs a mother and a father and I personally think that "Click Click Boom" by Saliva should be played at more weddings anyways. But to help try to save some lives here people I am putting together a list of reasons why not to get married at young ages! Let me know if i am wrong.....wait a minute...let me rephrase that, if you think that i am wrong go find a cheesegrater and RAKE it across your forehead cuz you are a Re-Re and deserve nothing less than a slap in the face with a fake arm. Here are the lists

WHY NOT TO GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE:
(Men aka BOYS)
--If you are not 21....Shine it, You haven't even slept with an anonymous partner you picked up at a bar yet. Nor have you honestly tried. It's like playing russian roulette with a chlamydia loaded gun. Whats not to like.
--If you are un-employed. You Can't afford ANYTHING. Let alone the Alimony your gonna be paying in a couple of years.
--HORMONES people all i have to say is that women reach their sexual peak @ 25-30 years old. by then she will be more than tired of your weenis and want to move onto something bigger, harder, faster, and stronger.....AND PROBABLY YOUNGER!
--Mom doesn't want 3 generations of her family living in her house forever.
--What happens on your 21st birthday????
--No More Bars.
--No More Beers.
--No More Friends.
--No More Cheers (THAT FUCKIN SHOW SUCKED ANYWAY)
--And last but not least. Kids suck. You don't want to be too close to your sons age. No Self loving 21 year old male is gonna wake up in the morning and love the sound of little feet running around, a child breaking everything in sight, chewing up the rug, getting into everything, Not pissing on the paper, and shitting on the floor. Your gonna wanna whack it in the head with a croquet mallet and run your car in the garage while you choke on the fumes. These things would be more fun than having a baby at 21. Guys i wish you the best.

(women aka LITTLE GIRLS)
--You don't know what it's like to be stood up at the altar yet. Unless you get lucky this time.
--Do You really think that working at a Starbucks is something that your child is gonna wanna tell their class at "Bring Your Dad to School" Day?
--HEY THIS ONE IS POSITIVE if he cheats on you.....The alimony he'll be paying will make him homeless and double your income. Who said Revenge isn't sweet.
--You can't fit your entire family in the back seat of his '87 Mustang for the luxurious drive through wedding. (oh yeah and you do have to "call shotgun")
--The Car Probably will die on the way to Vegas leaving you stranded in the middle of the desert. Maybe Karmic Justice will make an appearance and a sandstorm will fly out of the west like a fleeting dream and whisk you both away. OH YEAH... NO! YOU CAN'T afford the plane ticket.
--A studio apt. for two. How Cozy. I give it a week and a half before you guys light each other on fire.
--You have to be on your own for at least two years before you can get government funded homes.
--HAVE FUN WITH YOUR THIRD JOB. HE WANTS A BEER. SO START SELLING THE SHIT OUT OF THAT MAKEUP!
--You haven't yet had the joy of a good 'ol fashioned pregnancy scare!

I think that ive done a lot of good here today. I'm rather proud of myself. I am your hero. No need to thank me, just make me a plaque or something!

Why do i know all this at 21 years old. Well why don't YOU try dating a 32 year old for a year i have seen things you've only heard about in stories, Fairytales and MAXIM!

7:12 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Gasoline Romance (Meredith)

Hello All,
It's Meredith, and I am here with an entertaining anecdote:

Around midnight tonight I was innocently pumping gas at an oh-so-classy Mobil station in downtown Los Angeles. I was leaning against my car, casually eating a bag of Champion Trail Mix (that would be peanuts, cashews, almonds, raisins, sunflower seeds and M&M's in case anyone was curious) when I was approached by a homeless man. He came up to my car and asked if he could wash my windows for some change. I remained calm because...let's face it, I could totally take this guy...I've been working out! I rarely carry cash on me, so I thought that I would offer him the next best thing: I gave him a handful of my trail mix...and it even had three M&M's in it, which happen to be my favorite part. Well, he was so appreciative that he asked me to marry him. He was probably joking...but I felt that special bond...so I said YES! He was rather shocked. So I just wanted to let everyone know that after our MARCH 25th SHOW AT 8:00 PM AT THE COACH HOUSE that he and I will be having our wedding reception in the parking lot, and you are ALL invited! Then it's off to honeymoon in Compton. Just another reason why you do NOT want to miss our show. Ahhh...Amor!

12:30 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment