I am in love

I am in love!

We met with a wonderful daycare provider today. Her name is Tammi - she is re-locating her Montessori school from Davis into Sacramento and we are 99% sure that she will be taking Dylan.

She is soooo sweet and wonderful. We met her at Starbucks by our house. She held Dylan for a good forty minutes and was wonderful with Dylan.

We'll go for a home tour on Tuesday, but I am all but sold and Grant is thrilled with her too. I love love love her.

3:15 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

John McCain. Are you effing serious?

Oh my GOD.

John McCain. Are you effing serious?

As a Hillary supporter, true and true, I am deeply offended by his choice of veep.

LOSER.

Do you really think that her being a WOMAN will make up for the fact that she is a PRO-LIFE FREAK?

She is the Gov of a state with population NOTHING. Her job every day... I can't even imagine. And before that? MAYOR of a town with population 6500. WTF. No congressional experience, practically no governing experience, and 5 CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF? One of them with special needs? Does she really have her priorities in order? (Note: I know a woman's place isn't "in the home" but if you are going to HAVE FIVE CHILDREN, freaking TAKE CARE OF THEM, for fuck's sake.)

Lady, run again in 20 years when you might have some experience.

Sorry - but this person being named veep nominee is like ME being nominated. Sorry to say. I cannot tell you how laughable this is to me.

Just because she's a woman doesn't mean we'll pick her. The world isn't that stupid.

8:22 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing can ruin a good walk like a bad latte

Nothing can ruin a good walk like a bad latte.

:)

As much as I hate it and it's so corporate - I really like Starbucks coffee drinks. Vanilla lattes, to be specific.

Their coffee-coffee sucks - but I like the consistency of knowing what I am getting when I order something frou frou like a latte or a mocha.

Went for a walk today, to get out and to get coffee - and what I came back with is beyond gross.


Dylan was not impressed, of course.




No, I did NOT give the baby coffee...

6:12 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

what’s new pussycat

SO - what's new?

Trying to go walking every day. Baby weight won't come off any other way. I am not cleared for "hardcore" workouts yet. Can you believe that? I have to wait until I am six weeks out before I can do a single sit up.

The big news is that I am researching voice teachers.

I've been a novice singer for most of my life. I could sing before I could talk. The best time I've ever had in my life is when I was studying music. I studied guitar with a private teacher for five years. Choir was the only reason I ever went to school.

So - Grant and I both think it's a good idea for me to pursue professional voice lessons. As means of making me happy, and also why the heck not? I'm an adult.

We both want Dylan to be a musical person. He's got the genes for it - Grant and I can both sing and play instruments. His Uncle John (John Jr, Grant's brother) is a highly talented musician, can play anything he sets his mind to. And if Dylan isn't musical, that is okay. But I want him to be able to know he should TRY if he wants to. In everything, not just music obviously...

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awake time

Dear Dylan -

We have had a wonderful relationship so far. Please don't strain that by suddenly deciding that 3 am - 5:30 am is suddenly your "awake time". And pls stop peeing on your parents.

xoxo,
Mum


His cord finally came off - so we can stop sponge bathing. So this morning, I took him in the shower with me. Originally it was going to be Grant - but he screamed bloody murder and Grant didn't feel comfortable - so I got in with him. Once I had him, he calmed down. I think because I had been the one sponge bathing him so it was a familiar feeling for him to have me washing him and whatnot.

It was fun actually - it was nice to be all warm and fuzzy with him. He is not letting me cuddle him while he sleeps anymore - he likes to be in the co-sleeper for the first part of the night. Which is nice, because now he will actually nap in it during the day. But when he gets fussy in the night, he lets me put him in the bed with Grant and I for the remaining hour or so left in the night.

Sooo. What else? Non-baby related. Imagine that.

Writing again. I wasn't able to write very much when I was pregnant, because I was so depressed. When I get that way, I let my anxiety get the better of me and I tend to overthink things and that doesn't make my writing good.

So - I'm writing a piece on domestic violence right now. In fact, I should get some notes done while the baby is sleeping... We are going to take a trip to starbucks when he wakes up as a bit of a walk. I love pushing his stroller before it gets too hot out.

Who am I kidding? I just want to go show off my new hair. I love it.

1:55 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Haterade

Grant hates my hair. Absolutely hates it.

Hater.

LOL

But I got to hang out with my awesome SIL tonight, who I love. and my bro - so that was nice. SIL lent her a sling so I can wear Dylan while I try to do stuff around the house - it's awesome.

Soooo..

My birthday is on Friday. Grant won't be home, wah. But on SATURDAY - we are dropping off el bebe at my mom's house for the evening. It's hard leaving him, but I need to have little outings so it'll be easier to leave him when I go back to work. Besides, I trust my mom and my MIL (who I am sure will be babysitting often) both completely with the baby so it's not like I'm leaving him in bad hands...

Anyway. I didn't want a b-day present from Grant. I don't even want to go out to dinner anymore. I want to do an indulgent thing and go see TWO movies. lol. Isn't that BAD? haha

The Dark Knight is what we will be seeing first.

The second choice is between Mamma Mia! and Pineapple Express.

Mamma Mia is my first choice because I love the musical and I wanted to go see it before I gave birth but the day I was going to go... I ended up in the L&D for Dylan. lol.

But Pineapple Express looks funny and I have a newfound crush on James Franco after immersing myself in Freaks & Geeks whilst on bedrest. Miss that show. Boooo.

Or... I COULD just see The Dark Knight twice! lol!

Oh Jim Gordon, how I love thee<3333333333

8:33 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

recovery

I didn't know what a major thing a c-section was until I had one.

I was very sick during this pregnancy. My high blood pressure is still bad. It's not going to get better until I lose weight and relax. It affected me very much during my pregnancy. The baby could have been seriously hurt. I could have had serious liver damage or had a seizure or could have potentially had a stroke during labor.

So - as I am supposed to be recovering, I am still not at ease. I am struggling to take care of my child and take care of myself. My body is in shambles and I am still a good mother. The baby is peaceful, healthy, sleeps well, is clean and taken care of. That is what matters. Dylan is what matters first, then me.

I am going home tomorrow, and will be ready for visitors then. But I am really tired of being made the villian because I don't want to play hostess when I am supposed to be recovering from serious, life threatening surgery. I don't care who you are, my child and his welfare and my ability to take care of him is what matters.

1:03 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

cutie cousins

Richawn brought by a breast pump for me last night and brought Simon :) So the cousins got to meet.

Simon was so cute! He kept petting the baby's head and giving him kisses. He was so gentle and such a good boy.

Baby was not crying, just kind of squirming.

8:12 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Dylan’s jaundice

Dylan's jaundice has come down significantly, according to his doctor. He will be seen for three weeks consecutively to make sure it stays that way - but he's dropped 5 points in 3 days which is amazing. They had said they thought he might end up back at the hospital today, so this is good good news.

His weight is still down, but he has also grown two inches in a week. So - we need to work on that.

He was a very well behaved baby for his doctor - with the exception of pooping on the exam table. :)

5:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

more detailed birth story

Now that I am in a more sound state of mind... ie less high from the vicodin helping me recover from my c-section, I can do my real birth story.

Dylan Thomas Scott Hazzard
July 23rd, 2008 1:36 pm
Six pounds, eight ounces, 19 inches
APGAR score: 8, 9




I went to my appointment on Tuesday the 22nd, thinking it was just non-stress test and a cervical check. I didn't think I would be much farther along. My mother in law took me as my mom and husband were both having busy days at work.

I had my blood pressure taken. 148 over 100. Eep. They took me to do the NST and they could not find the baby's heartbeat. (He was there, just very low inside me.) I started panicking and having chest pain - the doctor ordered me over to labor and delivery as he was the one on call that day. I was shaking and had some water - the nurses assistant comforted me and I got into the car.

Labor and Delivery hooked me up to some monitors for an hour. My MIL and FIL were there - but I tried to relax and bring my levels down.

The doc had me sit up while he took my levels - and they did not go down. So - he decided at 1 pm to induce.

I have had long standing personaility conflicts with my doctor - he is an amazing doctor with an amazing reputation but a complete dick personality wise. His license plate on his Jaguar reads "10APGAR" (eyeroll)

I accepted being induced but it scared me. Especially as they were putting me on a slow drip of magnesum because of the high blood pressure. This meant full cathater - but no epidural.

I had chosen in my birth plan that if I was going to be induced that I would ask for the epidural. I think I could have handled going into labor naturally but the pitocin would make labor horrible. Equate it with throwing a two year old into the deep end and saying 'swim!'. I'm not ashamed of that.

I never got the epidural. The cathater gave me a huge anxiety attack, it hurt and I couldn't close my legs. I went three hours with it - and then asked for pain meds and recieved Nubain (sp?). Wow - was that a trip. Turned me into a total basket case instantly but in a good way? All of my muscles were able to relax - but my mind was spinning!

My mom was my birth coach and she was amazing. I tried to play it cool when I first called her. I knew she was having a busy day so I told her it was okay to take her time. The second time I called her to check up - I told her very plainly, 'Come here, make no stops.' LOL.

My hubby just started a new job so I told him it was okay that he could come after work. The doc said it would be a while so I felt okay with that. When I called him, and said, "Guess what? We're having a baby." His voice was sooooo happy - it makes me cry to think about it :)

The labor was intense - but I don't have a real reference point. I didn't even have my water broken - but we went for 22 hours on the pitocin drip and I never dialated past 2 (I think, still kind of fuzzy.)

My doctor came in at 7 am - as it was shift change. He never looked me in the eye, just looked at my mom. Grant (my hubby) had gone home to shower and work until things progressed more. He said he would not raise the pitocin level, just wanted to see how things would go. I hadn't had any water or food since 9 am the previous morning so I was a weak, shivering puddle of a person... If I'd had words, I would have begged for a c-section at that point.

Dr. Polansky was the next doctor who came on call. He was the doctor I should have signed up with. He is amazing - he is partners with my OBGYN and seriously... I felt an instant rapport with him. He came in and upped my pitocin. He said if I hadn't dialated anymore in one hour, I should consider the c-section.

They gave me one more dose of nubain - and I went to sleep for an hour as best I could.

I didn't progress and he came back in to check on me in about an hour and a half. He said, "Are you ready to be a mom now?" And I caved to the c-section. I didn't want it originally and I felt so ashamed accepting so easily. I cried with my mom because I felt that I tried so hard... but my body just wasn't responding.

I am really lucky because Dr. P was delivering me. I called my husband and he rushed over from work, only making it 10 minutes before I actually went into the OR.

We had discussed everything and we concluded my mom should be in the OR with me, due to my rising anxiety levels and his as well. He was right outside the OR however, so it was decided he would see the baby directly after birth, even before me.

The anthestia took a long time. The doctor could not find the proper place in my spine because of my weight. Dr. Polansky came and held my hand while he did it and talked to me. I told him I was so grateful to have him delivering Dylan because I felt that I could not have been in better hands. When they did find the spot for my spinal - I swear it was 2 minutes before Dylan was out.

My mom was by my head - holding my hand and frankly... by the time I was done, it could have been George W. Bush in the OR with me and I wouldn't have noticed or cared... the drugs were that good. I couldn't feel anything below my chin.

Dylan came out wailing, a good strong cry and Dr. P declared that he was perfect in every single way. They showed him to me - and then gave him to my mom so that she could take him out to Grant.

While the c-section may have taken 2 seconds - it felt like... hours before they gave me my son. When it was really about 10 minutes. When they put the baby on my skin, I felt this entire rush of relief and my body feeling at home. It was like he would know me anywhere - he just curled up on my chest and went to sleep right away, he was already rooting for the breastmilk before he was 10 minutes old. We bonded so entirely in two minutes.

Great Things About Giving Birth

- when it's finally over
- a great doctor
- a beautiful baby

Bad Things About Giving Birth

- people inviting themselves to the birth. Wtf. I actually had people getting mad because I just wanted immediate family there. Calling my cell phone in the middle of labor. O.o Drama
- a shithead doctor
- crowded labor room
- no water for 24 hours
- well, basically EVERYTHING LOL

So incredibly worth it...

12:13 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment