Sue Ellen: White Hot Cold Fish
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

3:36 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Many (Cowboy) Hats of Jared Martin
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Romance and Relationships

(Slap a cowboy hat on that man and call me Bertha)

Mmmmmm, Dusty Farlow.  A man was an heir to a fortune but had the heart of a drifter.  A bull riding thrill seeker who lived like a pauper and eventually won the heart of Mrs. Sue Ellen Ewing.  Sue Ellen once admitted to Dusty that she was a snob, but he saw through her whiskey-jaundiced eyes and recognized her for the fallen angel she truly was.  After he left Southfork, she found herself going to a modest cafe hoping she'd get a chance to make the cowhand buck.  She got lucky too.  Once their eyes met across the semi-crowded mustard colored diner, it was L-O-V-E.  Sue Ellen was ready to give JR the boot, but when she learned that Dusty could give her the world - he was as rich as JR - she decided it was better to let sleeping dogs lie and went back to JR for what she thought was for good.

Then came the news report that Dusty had perished in a cessna accident.  Sue Ellen hit the bottle.

Then came an endless array of emotions displayed in a way only Sue Ellen could do.  Full of various wide eyed glances and honey covered smart ass remarks, Sue Ellen eventually decided to give herself to Clint Ogden (not as hot as Dusty, but then again, who is?!?) only to dump his ass too.  Clint was pretty graceful about the whole affair, which turned out to be lucky because **drum roll please** Dusty was ALIVE. ALIVE, do you hear me, ALIVE.  In all it's Affair to Remember glory, the world learns that Dusty faked his death (thereby leaving the poor cowpoke who actually died family in turmoil for sure) because he was parapalegic.  Scooting around his old house with Dad, he whittled away his days stalking Mrs.Ewing to ensure that she was living life to the fullest.  Finally, Dusty regained the use of his legs but was still having problems down south.  You get my drift...  Handsome Dusty was impotent.  And Sue Ellen didn't give a rat's ass.  She took off for his ranch, leaving JR in the dust(y).

Life seemed pretty good for Dusty and Sue Ellen but finally his ego gave way to fact that not only could he not please her the way she deserved, he also couldn't ride around wrangling inncocent cows.  This got to Dusty and he hopped in the saddle (wrong one though) and found a new life riding bulls (still wrong one).  Sue Ellen gracefully acknowledged that would have to return to his drifting cowboy ways in order to sustain any kind of happiness.  And with that, Dusty rode off into the sunset.

I could have cried.

Sue Ellen did and yet never smeared her makeup.  How DOES she do it?!?

Currently watching : Dallas - The Complete Fifth Season Release date: 01 August, 2006

9:39 PM - 7 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

I Got the Jock Itch...
Current mood: calm

"Alright.  I see your point"

... the Jock Ewing itch that is!

Jock Ewing was last of the great cowboys. Thick, silver hair fell over his face like waves and his grizzled features belied those bright blue eyes.

Yup, I'm hot for the man.

If the world really did have a Jock Ewing, I'd be more than happy to kick back a burbon with him and invite back to my place to prove that the Lone Star State didn't have to be so lonely after all.  I would however, do my best to make him go by John Ross.  Yelling out Jock in the middle of the night just ain't a ladies style...

Jock and I would probably not get that far because if there's one thing this oil barron is known for is his complete indeciseviness.  Constantly being pulled from Bobby to J.R., Jock was lucky if he could muster more than a "Alright," or "I see your point".  He did grow a spine as the years progressed, but in the end, a lot of his anger went towards poor Sue Ellen while J.R. was laid up in the hospital with a bullet lodged next his spine.  After that, Jock got a real taste for the iron fist, and he ran amok with the riviling brothers, forcing Bobby and J.R. to compete for Ewing Oil and for Jock's love. 

That's the way it goes in Texas, I guess.

To win Jock's respect, Bobby stepped down as President of the oil business and J.R. started a revolution in a small country.  That sounds about right.  Jock demanded the best from his kids and I guess with a Third World country blasting themselves to kingdom come, how could he begrudge his eldest?

Jock also had a way with the ladies.  Miss Ellie was more than aware of Jock's allure and held onto him like guitar pick at a Stones concert.  When a White Hot Juile Grey came into the picture, after being dumped as J.R.'s mistress and after being uncovered as a double agent against the Ewings, Miss Ellie came out fighting.  Jock had already let Julie down easy, but I guess she hadn't suffered enough. 

Jock didn't do too much after that, as his days as patriarch of the Ewing dynasty began to dwindle, so did his ability to give one answer and stick with it.  He was half supportive (and half belittling) of Bobby's whiny idealism and then he'd give J.R. the OK to kick a baby if it would bring more green to the Southfork Estate.  And I haven't even mentioned Gary or Ray, the other sons in Jock's life.  One split and the other wore slick cowboy suits and helped him... make decisions.  A real Ewing, I must say.

But back to me and Jock.  I know he'd gently tell me no, give me a monologue about his love his Miss Ellie (Texas Style, of course) and probably down one more whiskey before he tipped his cowboy hat and walked off into the sunset.

This is how I like to remember him, and remember him I shall.

Currently watching : Dallas - The Complete Fourth Season Release date: 24 January, 2006

10:03 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Unloved Ewing: The Ballad of J.R.
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

"Howdy Ma'am"

The name J.R. Ewing brings a chill down one's spine.  Considered an evil sociopathic bastard who not only made his sister-in-law, Pamela, lose her first child, he also drove his wife into an schizoid frenzy and damn near lost Southfork when he mortgaged it so he could go solo on an Asian oil drilling deal.

But with true villiany comes some sympathy.  No one has ever really bothered to hypothesize on why J.R. felt this overwhelming urge for attention.  I present a theory, J.R. is looking for love.

As we all  know, J.R. was the oldest sibling, the heir to Southfork and Ewing Oil no doubt, and along with that comes responsibility.  His brother Gary drank his way across the country, eventually drifting to Las Vegas where he became a bartender and left his lovely wildcat daughter, Lucy, at the Southfork estate. Gary claims he had to leave because of J.R. but he certainly seemed comfortable enough to leave a young child with him!  Then there's handsome, charasmatic Bobby, the youngest son whose job was to globetrot around the world, wining and dining clients.  Here we have J.R., briefcase in hand, pushing pencils and making millions for his family.  One day, Bobby comes home with his new wife, Pamela Barnes.  As we all know, Pamela's father Digger was Jock Ewing's arch nemesis, yet she is welcomed to the ranch with open arms (well, not right off the bat). while J.R. keeps plugging away at the business and his wife, Sue Ellen pines for real acceptance.  AND Bobby ends up with the waaaaay better office.

As Jock Ewing once said "I gave him a fever for the business," one wonders how much Jock's obvious abuse comes into play.  Can he and Miss Ellie be innocent bystanders in the downfall of J.R.'s moral ethics?  I mean, Jock was almost murdered by a man he drove to bankruptcy so he could have his land.  I'm guessing he's not the nicest guy.  And what the hell kind of name is Miss Ellie anyway?!?

Jock was even cruel enough to demote J.R. at Ewing Oil after his Asian drilling scheme went through, making the family millions.  Jock stepped in himself, humiliating J.R. and belittling all of the work he'd done.

Then there's Sue Ellen, white hot on the outside but a cold fish inside.  She obviously married J.R. for status and prestige alone.  She got more than bargained for though and it seemed the more she wanted from J.R., the more manipulative she became.  It eventually led to her affair with Cliff Barnes, who may actually be the father of Sue Ellen's baby.  However, she promised J.R. that he'll never know.  When J.R. tried to set the record straight and prove that Cliff cared more about power than Sue Ellen, it drove Miss Texas into an alcoholic rage which almost killed her and her baby.  It is here that we learn J.R. really did love Sue Ellen as he wonders where it went all wrong.  J.R. even gives up the self-medicating bit as he tries to extend himself to Sue Ellen who only pushes him (and her baby) away.  Well yeah, he'd end up sleeping with Sue Ellen's even hotter sister, Kristen, but for those of us who got beyond the 3rd season, we all know that J.R. pays for his indiscretions in ways he never dreamed of...

What a house of cards to deal with.  An alcoholic brother and wife, an abusive father and a mother who probably spent more time at meetings for the "Women of the Confederacy" than raising her children, here sits J.R., unethical but effective business man with a family more dysfunctional than the Sawney Bean clan, can you really blame him?

Go on, next time you see that 10 gallon hat, and horribly misplaced ascot, sauntering towards the Ewing Oil offices, give the man a little love!

Currently watching : Dallas - The Complete Third Season Release date: 09 August, 2005

8:01 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Stefanie has got the Power!
Current mood: loved

As if it weren't bad enough that bell-bottomed-full-body-loungewear/jumpsuits have gone out of fashion, what has become of the smart, sophisticated woman?  I'd be willing to compromise for big platform shoes and even bigger hair, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't something to candy colored purple sweaters and dresses that required a slip.  I'd even wear a 'maxi-dress' in the hopes that it would mask my fear of diction and choice of wines.

Remember when woman used words like "I beg your pardon" or "infernal"?  Remember when they looked perfectly demure in velour sweats even after an early morning jog?  Remember when a woman expected a man to hold the door open?  Well, maybe not, but look no further than the lovely Ms. Stefanie Powers to refresh your memories.

In the 70s, when Stefanie was working her way up the Small Screen Scream Queen food chain, she was killing the competition softly.  Never at a loss for words or grace, she got responses not simply by just batting her long lashes.  She used an almost Columbo-esque approach to her prey.  Not that she ever played stupid to get answers but she did have this otherworldly feminine approach.  Columbo used his act to let people's guard down and so did Stefanie.  Was she ever on Columbo, I wonder?  They would certainly be interesting foes.  Ah, but that is for another time perhaps.  Maybe heaven is filled with twists on our favorite TV shows... for an eternity...

Stefanie made a killing in TV Movies such as the excellent Paper Man and Skyway to Death.  Unlike a lot of starlets, she was as beautiful as she was talented.  But it really wasn't until her turn as the "I'm so rich I never need to work again yet I chose to pick up various jobs depending on this weeks plotlines" Jennifer Hart in the awesome TV series Hart to Hart when she truly stole my, uh, heart.

Her wide-eyed and loving approach to her marriage made all the surrounding murders seem plausible (not that I would ever invite the Harts anywhere ever - you're just asking for trouble then) and every week the audiences dove into plush TV goodness knowing someone would die but the Harts, Max and Freeway would all come out fine -- who really cares about a two bit character actor anyway?

Part De Palma at his most indulgent and part Thin Man at its most fun, Hart to Hart was a perfect formula for 80s extravagance at it's most extravagent. But without Stefanie that recipe would never have tasted so sweet.  However, if Jonathan was worth over $100 million, than why was their house so small?

Currently watching : Hart to Hart - The Complete First Season Release date: 25 October, 2005

1:06 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

This Parker Possessed
Current mood: flirty

For those of us lucky enough to have come of age in the 70s (i.e. have our first crushes), there was no shortage of effeminate young men that I could feel safe being in love with (run with it, I was 5).  And if you were lucky enough to be young enough to watch The Hardy Boys without catching flack from you friends, then you'll certainly remember Parker Stevenson.  OK, OK, I know everybody was in love with Joe Hardy (Shaun Cassidy) and his pop singing ways, but wasn't Frank Hardy the level-headed hunk of the two?  His pearly white smile and thick locks of honey colored hair insured that when it came down to uncovering the bad guys, this guy would NOT lose his cool.  It was love at first sight...

Truly, I spent countless hours drooling over all his turtleneck hottie-ness as he fought fairly non-violent crime but it wasn't until his Post-Hardy days that I really came to understand all that is Parker.

This House Possessed is truly the greatest film ever made.  Parker plays Gary Stralhorn, a semi-uptight rock star who falls for a way to serious nurse named Shelia, who might actually be named Margaret and who can't remember anything before the age seven.  After Shelia shoos away Gary's ex-girlfriend and top model Tanya (Shelly Smith in a pitch perfect bitchy performance) Gary hires her out and they steal away to a remote mansion that seems to have taken a liking to dear old Shelia.  And when anyone gets in the way of her and Gary, they meet ugly and inventive ends.

Parker sings songs with titles like "Sensitive You're Not" and uses the word "sensational" liberally.  His Marlboro Man swagger is only matched by his feathered hair.  He wears Sergio Valente jeans and isn't embarrassed.  He jokes about Lawrence Welk and he never gets "frosted".  He made being 11 awfully fun.

However, it wasn't until 1983 that Parker successfully pulled off a comedic lead opposite hunky Billy Dee Williams in the Aaron Spelling production Shooting Stars.  Parker is O'Keefe, a sexy actor turned private eye who gets into all kinds of situations where hilarity is sure to ensue.  Like when platypus faced Tori Spelling plays his pint sized daughter.  Wait, that wasn't supposed to be funny?  Hmmm...

And if that ain't enough to whet your whatever, Parker went super romantic when he starred in the Canadian TV Movie Series Shades of Love (yes it's true, I love that series!).  He starred in the Rose Cafe opposite an annoying actress whose name you probably wouldn't recognize even if I could remember it.  She's a kind of butch restaraunt owner who's engaged to a guy who's not so bad... so she cheats on him with Parker.  Well, wouldn't you?!?

It is for all of these reasons I adore Parker.  Through thick and thin his effervescent ways stole my young heart.  So much so, I even bought Are You Lonesome Tonight!  Is there any doubt it's love?

Currently watching : The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries - Season One Release date: 22 March, 2005

9:56 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Detroit Tigers and an Icepick Saved My Life
Current mood: depressed

Somtimes life sucks.  There's no two ways about it, you go through life hoping to make it out with as few scars as possible and when you think you've got a grip on life, it throws you a curveball. 

Luckily for me, when this happens (and I got a whopper ball going about 150 miles an hour), I have the Detroit Tigers.  Yeah, I mean the team, but moreso the version that Thomas Magnum worshipped.

I came home today, hopeless.  For the last two weeks, I've been walking that thin line between rock bottom hoplessness and total despair... Not the greatest place to be.  But I come home, turn on the TV and find one of my all time favorite episodes of Magnum P.I. titled "Distant Relative".

In a nutshell, Rick asks Magnum to take his virginal sister out while she's visiting Hawaii.  What starts off innocently turns deadly as Magnum realizes Rick's sister has been pulling a very thick sheet of wool over her brother's eyes.  She leaves Magnum to use the bathroom and never returns.  Her body if found in a dumpster a few hours later.

The rest of the episode plays out like a tropical Vigilante crossed with a fairly heartfelt drama about loss and friendship.  Seriously, it's good stuff...

So, I'm watching this and some of the pain is disappearing.  It will come back for sure, emotions like these can't be dispelled with a few moments of grand TV, but for those few moments I feel almost human again.  I feel like I can forget a few things for awhile and let time do what it will.

Thank you Donald P. Bellisario.

Currently watching : Magnum, P.I. - The Complete First Season Release date: 12 April, 2005

6:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Screamin', Steamin' Steve Marshall
Current mood: giddy

I'm always a bit nostalgic, even for times that weren't even that good to begin with.

Let's take the 80s's for example.  Many good times, yes.  But it was also a time of social unrest for middle class kids growing up in Vegas.  OK, that's not true, it's simply a romanticized version of how I lived back in a world full of pastels and disgustingly sockless.  I had my Morrissey (he understood me so well) and my Alex Cox (ah, is it just me or is Straight to Hell actually a good movie?) and I also had that small glowing box which illuminated my room with images of grandeur.  It was in this small box that I found 21 Jump Street.

What an intro, huh?  Well, let's just say this show rawked.  It rawked hard (and for some it hardly rawked but they're idiots anyway).  A great little premise involving some youngish looking cops who infiltrate various Canadian High Schools and bust the bad guys who've yet to grow facial hair.  The early 80s Renegade (the one with Patrick Swayze, not the one with Lorenzo Lamas) tried that very same idea but to failed results (it was still a great show) but Jump Street had all the real elements of terrific teenage television.  Eye-candy, cars that roll and go boom, and cool kids we aspire to be like - good and bad.  It represented all kinds of minorities and it even dealt with tough topics such as AIDS.  The AIDS episode, by the way, didn't take the easy route - that kid got it through sex - and it was an amazing episode.   It was also the first time I heard the word 'tard'.

But in the annals of Teenage-Impersonating-Undercover-Cops there was only one episode remains untouchable.  And I'll tell you why...

Steve Marshall.

Pure and simple.

In the episode Mean Streets and Pastel Houses, Steve played Brian, a smart but tough punker (well, slightly punk) who lives by the words of the lead singer of the KKK, Klean Kut Kids (he was the real lead singer of Agent Orange and I'm totally forgetting his name).  This singer is Manson like in his ability to get lost kids to follow his every command.  Some of these lost kids, by the way were Bradley Gregg (Stand By Me) and Jason Priestly!  White Hot, no?

Anyway, Depp puts on bondage pants and gives us all an early look at Edward Scissorhands.  He turns to Marshall, hoping this kid can get the others to turn away from their evil leader and turn back to good, clean punks.

Perhaps this was the best hour television ever offered.  The only thing that comes close to it is the punk rock episode of Quincy featuring a chubby Courtney Love slamming into other stinky kids in a pit.  And that episode didn't have anything close to Marshall yelling out "Good Gahl Darn Riddance"!

Steve Marshall is awesome in this episode.  He's smart, cocky and in some ways good-natured, like during a spirited game of touch football (if only...).  This was actually the only episode of the show I taped during it's original run and it was worth having all these years, if only to watch Depp speaker dive effortlessly into a swarm of leather-jackets. Oh yeah, and because Steve Marshall is SMOKIN'!

True horror geeks will recognize Marshall as the gimpy kid in Night of the Creeps.  Just between that and being in my favorite Jump Street has made Marshall most stalk-worthy.

Come out, come out wherever you are Steve...

Amanda By Night

Currently listening : Betty Blue (Soundtrack) By Gabriel Yared Release date: 29 June, 1992

12:58 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Wet Bars, Doctors and Frocks
Current mood: depressed

What the hell does blog mean anyway?

I'm sitting here in my darkened apartment feeling a bit overwhelmed by my workload and quite frankly, I've got a pain in my left ear so I think it's just a matter of time before I start hemmoraging all over the place. A blessing in disguise?

Something that calms me greatly is my Made for TV Movie collection. My horror catalog is reaching 100 and my dramas are upwords of 60! Why TVMs, you ask? I dunno.

I do know that there's something so fascinating about the world of the 70s. Being a wee lass, I didn't really get to experience a lot of it first hand, but according to my trusty television:

Doctors smoked while they diagnosed you with Cancer
Doctors also had a wet bar in their office
Everyone lived on an estate
Floor length skirts were sexy
Older woman could dye their hair black and get away with it
A woman could go to a bar by herself
Kids did what their parents told them

Wow! What a decade! I miss it so. Not just the bell bottoms, one piece loungewear or frocks but also the FEEL of the decade. At least the way it was depicted on TV. And if that ain't the way it was, I don't want to know!!!

Currently listening : Valley Girl: More Music From The Soundtrack By Various Artists Release date: 28 March, 1995

7:48 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Remember When Tough Guys Used Mousse?
Current mood: bouncy

Don Johnson

Is it just me, or should Dirk Benedict have had his career? Don't get me wrong, I dig Don in all his sockless glory but it was Dirk who played the charasmatic/cocky pilot in Battlestar Gallactica. Starbuck not only went on to open up a chain of kickass coffee shops, but he also won my heart... Oh yeah, and he starred in Sssssss. 'Nuff said?

Not enough mousse for ya? How's about Timothy Van Patten, who donned an imitation Michael Jackson Thriller jacket in Class of 1984? With every hair in place and jazz shoes gleaming, he was the tough guy magnifed for a generation. Class of 1984 also featured a gun toting Roddy McDowell trying to scare the piss outta the bad guys. Yeah, I didn't buy it either...

Then Adam Baldwin tried to put a twist on the moussed up tough guy with his portrayal of a gang member turned nice in the classic 3:15 Moment of Truth. Not only did he manage to turn his back on the toughest gang in town but he also avoided several conflicts with the girl who whipped folks into submission with her braid! Wow, he's good!

And then there's the ENTIRE gang in Warriors. Michael Beck played Swan (now there's a tough as nails name), the leader of the Warriors, a no-nonsense gang whose members were named Cochise, Ajax and Cowboy. Ewww, I'm scared! Beck kept up the tough guy appeal in Xanadu and... wait... oh forget it!

And then there's the quintessential tough guy with mousse, Emilo Estevez. A serious bad ass in Repo Man and in the Bishop of Battle episode of the TVM anthology Nightmares. Emilo looks like he's still moussing it up a bit which may explain his longevity in the business.

In short, these were some of the toughest guys the 80s had to offer. No wonder why it seems like such a safer time...

Amanda By Night

1:02 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment