Morals shmorals!

whilst people around me are falling off their moral high horses.. why am I scramling to stay on mine??

I haven't written for a long time.  Not because there has been nothing to talk about but because there has been no reason.  Writing on here really solidifies things for me and amaybe these are things I didnt want solid. 

I am ready to deal with them now, and the fallout which may ensue.  Where to start?? I guess somewhere near where I left off in Feb.  My dad.  I am pretty happy with all the decisions concerning my father.  I decided that i now have criteria for those whom I want in my life and those i dont. The main thing I think I have established of lat is that if your life can be summed up into a cool Jerry Springer esque quote, ie 'my lesbian lover is screwing my brother' etc.. then as much as I am sorry and really feel for your situation.. I dont want to be a part of it.  As a result of this revalation I decided that I no longer want him in my life, he brings nothing to my life and I am long past trying to help him help himself. 

That may make me selfish, it might make me mean, but one thing I have learnt this year is that we are born alone, we die alone and most importantly, we NEED no one but ourselves.  Now I am not saying its not nice to have people to talk to and to trust in and whatnot because it is, I really do value the freinds I have and I want them to know that. However.. I do feel at this point that I know myself better than anyone, I am happy with who I am and it has taken me 28 years to get here.  I love my guy, I love my dog..  I love who I am when I am with them and that I am that same me without them.  This is not true of all people. 

So back to Feb.  I went to England for 3 weeks and had a really great time, I saw Stefi and other friends, which made me happy and I spent some time with my brother, his amazing girlfriend Danno and my sister and her kids.  I miss all those peopl so much..  And of course my mum!  My main reason for going at that time was for my graduation.. I cant believe I actually did that... I mean me! A Law degree!!! Crazy!!! and to get a 2:1 made me extatic!  I came home on my birthday, I planned it that way so I could have breakfast with mum and dinner with Alen.. was not quiet as we had planned! it was a rush to the airport so no relaxing b-day breakfast and by the time i got offf hte plane I was exhausted and dont really remember the rest of that day.. although I do remember being happy to be home with Alen.

So at this point I am going to take a min to rave about my man.  He and I have been talking a lot lately about the demise of a lot of the relationships around us that we had no idea were rocky... Alen and I have our ups and downs as most couples do but I have to say that I feel I am just so lucky to have him.  He is sweet, funny.. no hilarious! he is able to take care of me when I need him to and he lets me take care of him when I need him to, he is strong when I am weak and lets me be strong when I am able.  He loves me and tells me everyday and I love him and tell him every min.. I am not delusional to think that we will be this way forever but we have been together just under four years and I feel that we are growing together.  We talk of our family we want to have and our aspirations and dreams and I hope that they will all pan out the way we want... and when times get tough that we will talk them out and I hope we will remember this bit right now.  Where we are happy.

Now to the title of my blog.. With all that has been said in this blog regarding my want for a "Jerry" free life and my realization of self, there have been things going on around my I have been having a lot of problems with. After I explain them you will see they actually are not my problems, you will see why it is a question of my ability to retain close proximity to those whom I have issues with their moral character of late.

People shall remain nameless and situations vague.. the people involved have already had this information first hand from me.  Since the beggingin of the year I have been having trouble with the fact that some of my friend are doing things that I do not agree with.  I'd like to mention that I am not perfect by any stretch and I am sure I do things that many people dont agree with, however I also have certain things that I think are wrong and that I would not do and that is from whence this stems.  I am not saying that parties involved in behaviors that I do not agree with should not do them.. I am not their parent, I will not tell someone what to do or not to do, I can only give an opinon.. however, that benig said (and beatring in mind the people involved are close to me, not just some ranodm people or vague friends whom I have no right to judge) I feel that if I disagree strongly enough with the moral decision of someone  It is very hard for me to push that aside.  I am not going to say I dont judge because I do, everybody judges everybody, even if it is with th judgement that they are not going to judge..In judging I try and make the decision not to judge most people in my life as it is not my place and why do I care what they do.. it doesnt affect me.  But people that are close to me, my mum, Alen, my sister and certain friends.  I feel not only do I have a right to judge them but that they have a right to judge me. I feel this way because if you are close enough to be in that elite group of people then you actions and decisions do affect my life as do mine yours.

So since January I have been struggling with this dilema.  I do not want to tell the people involved to pack their bags out of my life because I love them and the people close to them too.. But their actions are not something that I am comfortable acccepting..  for me morally they are wrong.  Do I need to climb off my moral high horse and just accept things I cant change.. let them live out their course and pick up the pieces as they fall? Or do I decide not to watch and just sit on my horse till it is done.. and intead of picking up the pieces as they fall.. just coming in at the end.. not with I told you so's.. just with a broom to help clean up the mess.

By doing the latter I am looking after myself.. looking after my mind that is having a hard time dealing with the morals of others... ny doing the former I am swallowing my morals to be a better friend.. and having a conflicting heart the whole time.

I made this letter a little cryptic for several reasons.. you may think this is about you when reading this but it is problably about the other one... does it really matter.. the issues are the same.

5:08 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Camping

I am really not going to get into all of the events of our camping trip.. sufice to say it was eventful, it ended up fun and we were not eaten by alligators! thanks to some last min help from donna,  Alen, his brothrs and I had a good time!

5:21 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Bored!

For Alen, in case you were wondering!

1.) How many times a day would you kiss me?
answer: as many as I could

2.) Would you call me?
answer: often

3.) Would you have sex with me or would you respect me?
answer: both

4.) Would you take me places?
answer: yes

5.) Would you love me?
answer: as much as i could

6.) Would you lie to me?
answer: yes.. but only about surprises ;)

7.) If I was sick what would you do?
answer: take care of you

8.) Would you leave me for one of my friends or for somebody more beautiful?
answer: neither... if we broke up it would be because we were not working, not for someone elsr..

9.) Want to have a future with me?
answer: yes

10.) Would you listen to all my problems and help me solve them?
Answer: always

11.) Would you introduce me to your mom/dad?
answer: even if you arent jewish! haha

12.) Would you care about what I wore when we go out?
answer: yes..  not gonna lie!

13.) Would you hang out with me AND my friends?
answer: even if all you do is play Halo

14.) If your friend tried to get with me what would you do?
answer: tell them no.. depending on the friend i'd tell you, if it was a close friend i'd make them tell you!

15.) If we dated and broke up, would you want me back?
answer: depends why we broke up, but probably

16.) If I gave you my heart what would you do?
answer: keep it safe

17.) If I said I loved you would you say it back?
answer: every time

18.) How much do you like me 1-10?
answer: a million

19.) How do you feel about me?
answer: you are a pain in my ass but you make me smile and i love it!

20.) Have i ever made you smile?
answer: see prev answer!

21.) Want to spend the night with me, just to hold me in your arms?
answer: i do every night

22.) Right now, what is something you need to tell me or think i should know?
answer: i'm pregnant!!!... hahaha.. j/k... that I a proud of the man you are becoming and that i love you more each day...

23.) If you had an empty house would you call me to come over?
answer: shit, if i had an empty house I wouldnt need to call you, we'd already be running round naked, lol

24.) would you have romantic dinners with me?
answer: occasionally

25) Would you dance with me?
answer: all around the living room to disney hits! "I can show you the world!"

26) Would you play with my hair?
answer: yeah and annoy you doing it!

27) Would you talk with me for hours and never wanna leave?
answer: well I can talkk for hours and I am pretty sure even a saint would wanna leave!

28) Would you let me have any kind of dog that I wanted?
answer: nope! hence Omi!

29) Would you stare deeply in my eyes and tell me your feelings?
answer: I try, often...

30) Would you love me for me?
answer: I do... (practicing for the wedding, lol)

31) Would you always open doors for me including car doors?
answer: no, your a boy! open mine!

32) Would you protect me?
answer: against other midgets maybe.. against anything really scary.. prob not!

33) Would you send me my fav flowers and not just any ol flower?
answer: ill send you a bouquet of Halo merchandise

34) Would you find out all about me and know what I like?
answer: Hmm... 3 years in and i'm still learning...

35) Would you kiss me in the rain?
answer: I'd love it!

36) Would you always be faithful?
answer: I would give it my best shot!

37) What is the one thing that you have been wanting to tell me for the longest time?
answer: erm.... that i'm actually a man... whew.. i've done it.. good.

38) Would you wanna be my best friend?
answer: I am

39) Would you share everything with me?
answer: except my dinner!

40) Would you give me your jacket when I'm cold?
answer: it would look hilarious.. so sure!

8:06 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

ooooooh......
Current mood: annoyed

I am so pissed off... the morning did not go well... we wake up and find jack has left the front door, not unlocked (as is usual when he leaves at 4am) but wide open, as is the screen door, so when we wake at 7 it has not only been pouring air conditioning out but also there is the matter of the safety of alen and i asleep in our bed! so after that the dog shat on the floor... fun... so i pick it up and go to put it down jacks toilet, as it is closest, to see that his toilet is full of crap too!  His toilet has been a little off the past week and he has been turning the water off to stop it perpetually running, and has been turnign it on only to flush, so thats what i did! i turned it on, then put dog out, came back to findo not only had the afore mentioned crap in his toilet flooded his bathroom floor but also half of the hallway carpet! to say the least  it stinks and i spend the next 2 hours cleaning it up,. i feel sick, i feel dirty and i am pissed off! alen told me to leave it for jack because we called jack to tell him what had happened... he said 'oh yeah, it did that to me yesterday so i turned the water off...' a note.. a text.. something to let us know would have been good... instead my trying to flush his toilet thinking he had just forgotten (wich is not beyond him!) landed me in shit! literally!

rant over!

6:08 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

rained out...
Current mood: irritated

    so i am a lil bummed out by the fact that it started raining yesterday and has not stopped... this means that my Sukka (my hut in the back garden) which i took so long making and stuff is all waterlogged and my sukka party whicj was for today has prob got to be cancelled... this sucks, I mean.. it wasnt a big party, just jessica and jason and kids, eric and his wife and kids, us and donna and nik... but i had been really looking fwd to it, the kids all helped m ake the decorations for the sukka so i thought they would enjoy eating dinner in it and jessica and jason have never spent any time here and their daughters spend a lot of time here so anyhow, unless it dries up and the sun comes out full force it is off.. not to mention that regardless the paper decorations are all mush (sorry donna!) Donna made a lot for the sukka and i made a few.. all mush!
anyhow if this is the worst thing going on in my life i am doing ok.... its just sucks.... Alen has also been holed up the whole weekend playing Halo 3.. which he loves and i am happy for him but i told him i want my own room to hanf out in while he is playing so we are turning gurst room into alternate tv room and i am going to decorate today... now i have no people coming! it should look nice though and with the 2 futons in there as couches, there is plenty of room if people come to stay!

ok i am done moaning... the rain doesnt help my mood!

7:14 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

crap!

So  I have become crap at blogging... nothing much new going on here... except of course the upcoming release of Halo 3 on Tues at midnight .. i know this because my wonderfull man and i will be outside the game store so he can have it! thats ok though... he likes it!  other than that... jewish festivals are coming and going.. Sukkot next and Alen has built me a Sukka.. i just need to decorate it.... Alen started a new job which he loves, sales and tech which is good and working with people he loves...

other than that the fact that it is soon a year till the wedding is kindof freaking me out! I need to do save the date cards and i need to start booking and planning stuff!  oh well... it will be fun... just gotta take it bit by bit... really fighting for stuff to write.. so bye xxxx

12:56 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

pre blog

Kinda like forplay this blog is just to get you excited about my upcoming blog... haha... i amuse myself... so.. just for my sis... I thought I would tell you that Donna read your blog b4 I did and told me only one thing, that whin she sees FFS.. she hears both me and you sayin... FOR F*&KS SAKE!!!!!! I giggled, anyhow, I will blog again later, off to get Sash....

10:57 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

stupid
Current mood: chipper

convo.. midnight... Sat
Amanda says:
you there?
Donna is Love says:
hi babe
Amanda says:
the movie was cute
Amanda says:
liked it
Donna is Love says:
was it
Donna is Love says:
hehe
Donna is Love says:
good
Amanda says:
i can believe i am still up
Amanda says:
they will not be home for about another hour i reckon
Amanda says:
a lil hungry now but i dont want to eat this late
Amanda says:
usually i am sleeping and we had an early dinner
Donna is Love says:
are you up up
Donna is Love says:
or just sleepy up
Donna is Love says:
im hngry too
Amanda says:
i am up
Amanda says:
and i just ate...
Donna is Love says:
odd
Donna is Love says:
oddball
Amanda says:
i had jelly on half an english muffin... then the peanut butter spoke to me
Donna is Love says:
woa
Donna is Love says:
wierd
Amanda says:
and it said... peanut butter jelley... peanut butter jelley, peanut butter jelley and a baseball bat, hahahaha
Amanda says:
no it said pb and j on the other half of the english muffin, and although i told it no.. its too late to eat that crap, it made me
Amanda says:
and i enjoyed it
Amanda says:
in fact, it was the best pb and j i have had in a while...
Amanda says:
the pb slightly melting into the warm miffin and the jelly in top just warming through... mmmmm.... it was worth it....
Amanda says:
are you ther?e
Amanda says:
and u know what i just realised? (apart from the fact that i am talking to myself, hahah)
Amanda says:
ing missing is.....
Amanda says:
that the only thing missing is......*
Amanda says:
shoes!!!!!
Amanda says:
we got pb and j... we even have muffin... we r missing shoes!
Amanda says:
helloooooooooooooo
Amanda says:
i am on a suga high!!!!
Amanda says:
dona wanna
Amanda says:
dahna!!!!
Amanda says:
i like it... like dahrma... of dahrma and greg...
Amanda says:
ok... now i am feeling a lil lonely
Amanda says:
ill sing....*on my own again..... i dont want to be on my own again...*
Amanda says:
my suga high is crashing
Amanda says:
i am feeling sleepy
Amanda says:
i have written you a novel by now
Amanda says:
are you not dinging??? am i silent!!! omg
Amanda says:
help me, i am stuck in your laptop and i cant get out!
Amanda says:
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

9:15 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Update
Current mood: complacent

First of all.....

I PASSED MY DEGREE!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!

ok... so now thats done...

I dont have much to say really... things have been chugging along on there own, Alen and I are great as always, I dont have enough time for my friends.... oh and i got braces, lol

but ill run through some nice events.

Alen and I went on a great trip for a weekend to Naples, FL... just had the best time.

when I passed my degree I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my mummy and I got a single yellow(my fav) rose, a big stuffed turtle and a card from my man! he also took me out for an amazing meal at the melting pot fondue restaurant... it was sooooo good! thank you baby!

I have been very sick this week too, Alen was sick this weekend and then Monday i got a throat infection and was on the couch all this week.  I am finally feeling better today but still a lil weak... I missed work all week though so i am poor :( lol.... anyhow, that it for now, looking fwd to ging to England with Alen and his family in a few weeks

hugs xxxx 

8:31 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Polish
Current mood: amused

I sprayed my hair with stainless steel polish instead of hairspray..... thought i'd share that with the world!

8:30 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment