We have GOT to shake ourselves awake. We're such a fast-paced society, and we're all about instant gain with little or no investment. We're so quick to write someone off for a single comment or ignore someone that contacts us because we don't like their picture, or they're too over/under weight for our taste, or they have kids, or smoke. We're all guilty of it. We play games with each other by waiting three days before calling (or wait for the other person to call altogether), or responding once to every two emails we get from someone. We're all about cliches, buzz words, and catch phrases like easy-going, low-maintenance, down-to-earth, looking for Ms. or Mr. Right...but in the end, all we're really looking for is that one moment where time stands still when you lock eyes with this person and realize, "my God, I'm in love".
Think about how many great people we let get away because of our silly games, it's ridiculous! Sure, we all say we don't play games...but like politicians, we start out with good intentions and eventually buckle under the pressure. "People always do that to me, so I'll just do it to them." Ever caught yourself thinking that? We're not the players in this game, we're the ball. It throws us into its grinding metal works and keeps us there until we become shiny products of cynical obscurity. Sure, we can meet people on this site and others, in bars or at work...but we don't ever know what we're looking for until we find it. And no matter how hard we try to find love, we never do...IT FINDS US.
We can BREAK THE CYCLE. If you like someone, tell them. If you want to talk to them, call them. When they call or email you, call or email them back. (After all, if they thought enough of us to do that, let's at least return the gesture) If you're not interested, tell them. Our NEW anthem should be to keep an open mind, be considerate, and love fearlessly.
Currently
listening
:
Come What(ever) May
By
Stone Sour
Release date: 01 August, 2006
No Subject
Current mood: scared
Category: Blogging
Ahhhhh so true....The people who hurt me the most are the closest to me. I am tired of being abused of extending my hands and my heart and having them rejected like candy wrappers... While still in the wrapper I am beautiful, shiny, and tempting.....once I'm opened all of the good is used up I become useless and nothing more than trash,garbage.. .... I'm far from perfect and I do things wrong... but it's no reason to blame me for everything....I'm afraid to get close for fear of being rejected....sometimes I think it would be easier if the soft skin of my wrist would give in to reason.....that pain would be momentary what I live with now is unending.
Currently
listening
:
Head for the Door
By
The Exies
Release date: 30 November, 2004
A funny thing happened on the way to the court house…….
Current mood: amused
Category: :) Life
It's Thursday morning and I have to go to traffic court. Yes I got a ticket but not for speeding, or reckless driving, not even for giving blow jobs while driving down the road… I wasn't wearing my seat belt. Yes they really will pull you over and give you a ticket for that shit. Well it wouldn't have been a problem I just could have sent in my 10 dollars and been done with it…except I couldn't find my registration when I was pulled over. So now my ticket is close to 200 dollars, so I have to go to court show them my registration and pay my 10 dollars and possibly court cost.
6:45—Shit I've got to go…. I roll out of bed and get dressed in record time
7:15--I'm out the door with Gavin in tow.
7:28—I drop Gavin off at day care, pay for the next week, and continue with my morning adventure
7:43—I stop at my favorite gas station grab a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes.
7:52—I pull up at the courthouse parking lot and proceed to put on my make-up. Ahhh I'm half an hour early. I'll get in and get out and be to work before 10 o-clock.
7:56—As I reach for my blush a sickening feeling overwhelms me…I look in my wallet and see 37 dollars…..shit if they charge me with court cost I'm not going to have enough…
8:58—shit shit Shit SHIT!!!! Oh my pay check!!!! I haven't cashed it yet!!!!!! Yea my pay check!!!
8:08—In record time I drive from downtown to midtown. Swing around and see that the drive thru is closed at my bank…uh oh….I creep around and look at the time on the front door…Mon-Thur open from 8:30-4:00…….SHIT!!!! I'm supposed to be in court by 8:30….
8:10—I have emergency money at home!!!!
8:13—FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently someone else had an emergency before me and didn't replace the money so there's only 20 bucks in the jar…….
8:13.5—Ah HA!!!! I have change lots and lots of change!!!!!!
8:15—All of the change in the house has been placed in a Wal-Mart bag…. it starts tearing so I have to double bag it or else all of the neighborhood crackheads will be following me around.
8:20—I get to Kroger and run in to the cash star…The damn machine takes forever. I take my ticket up to the girl at the counter and she gives me 83 dollars. Yes 1
8:28—I start driving like a maniac trying to get to the court house.
8:36—I hop out of the truck and run in to the court house…. there is no one in the lobby…Shit I'm not this late…I walk up to the counter and stare at the 5 desks behind the bullet proof glass. With five middle aged women who look like they are 70 years old. Every single one of them look up and then just ignore me……
8:40—Finally one of those decrepit old women walks over and asks me what I need. "I'm suppose to be in court and I'm late!!" She inspects my ticket
8:42—Her brain finally decides to begin working "Oh you need to be at the New Complex not here." "WHAT!?!?!?" Oh hell…………
8:46—I get to the Crime Justice Complex thingie and have to park in the farthest damn space.
8:49—I make it in to the damn door and go to the elevators…..and of course they are out of order so I run up 3 flights of stairs.
8:55—I'm out of breath my feet hurt and I'm very VERY late…..A guy sitting at a desk in the hall looks over with a concerned look… "Do you need some help?" "*Gasping for breath while adjusting shoe* Yes I'm suppose to be in court where do I go?" I hand him my ticket……….there is a silence then he snickers then all out laugh's!!!! "Your not late your early!!!" "WHAT!!!" hahaha "Your 20 days early!!"
All I can do is laugh!!!! This is the funniest shit ever… I didn't have to be in court until the 27th of June!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
By 9:30 I'm back to work and recounting my court story to all of the people at work!!!! I swear sometimes I amaze myself with my stupidity!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha This morning really did brighten up my week and put everything in to perspective :)
Currently
listening
:
Egypt Central
By
Egypt Central
Release date: 26 April, 2005
Wow.....what an interesting day
Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life
Ok I have the dandiest luck. It all started Sunday. I let Stephanie use my phone so she could call her friend at work. She called back again to talk to the girl's roommate and tell her not to be mad about forgetting to hang out with her. No problem. Fast forward To Monday at 9:00 a.m.………………….. I get a message "I have your number and I want these harassing phone calls to my wife to cease and desist. I'm doing a reverse check on your number and I'm going to find out who you are and where you live. The police have been called and I filled a report on you. You better watch yourself buddy. Click" hummmm this guy is nuts…I look through my calls from the day before to see who I've called…. the only unknown number is blockbuster…. Well steph had said one stupid thing on the phone she asked which apartment Tiffany lived in because she had forgotten. I guess that could be misconstrued as treating….So I call this guy to explain the mix up….ha yea right apparently there has been a guy calling blockbuster and harassing the women who work up there. When they *69ed it guess who's lucky number came up…yep mine so it's my fault. Apparently my number has been coming up for months. Whenever they get a harassing call they 69 it and it's been my number every time.
Reasons that it can not be Amy 1. I am not on any hormones and I'm originally from tennessee. A man with a very heavy french accent was the one doing the calling. 2. Have you seen the girls at blockbuster??? (Ok friends who work their aside) I would not be asking them what color underwear they were wearing I would just pray that they keep their clothes on.
3. Ok if you had my number for months then why are you just now calling it?
4. I DIDN'T DO IT…..ok given that for the past few months every time I say I didn't do something nobody believes me…..sigh…..
5. Just ask Tiffany or Merriam(I think that's her name…) they are the ones who talked to Stephanie!!!!!! ARGGGGGGG This is stupid.
6. It couldn't be Stephanie because she borrowed my phone once, she is not on hormone therapy but she does sound funny…(jk love ya girl) I was sitting there while she made the calls…given there was the one comment about the apartment number but shit she knows her….
Sooooooo….. This crazy guy still thinks the calls came from my number and that it is my fault and He has filled a police report and I expect I will soon be hearing from an investigator.
Ok fair enough. The *69 thingie gave you my number and I expect you to believe your wife over me since you don't know me but Damn. I have evidence….
Alright I know this won't take much to clear up. The cops will just pull my phone records and this guy will probably apologize when this shit is all over with it just SUCKS!!!!! It's one more thing I have to deal with right now. Sometimes it feel like random shit attacks me.
Like "I saw you in the car with him so you were cheating on me the whole time we were together"…
Lets do a list of why this is the second stupidest thing I've been accused of this month.
1. We had been broken up for a week so I should be able to see who ever the hell I want anyway and it's nobody's fucking business expecialy if they have a problem with it.
2. Me and my sons father went out to get our son a bike so we could split the cost of it and then went out to eat dinner as a late mother's day present for myself…most of the dinner was spent talking about his dumb ass but what ever.
3. If I wanted to be with my child's father I would have never left him in the first place.
OK I have vented enough. I promise that the next blog will be funny… I had this great one worked up about almost being hit by a blue bunny bread truck but it will have to wait
Until next time Peace and Love
Currently
listening
:
The Long Road
By
Nickelback
Release date: 23 September, 2003
So once again it is time to post a blog. I am torn between three emotions. Relief anger, and sadness. With out much in between. My heart feels like it has been torn out dissected and sewn back in to my stomach with a scapulae inside of it. I can't do anything right. I find a great person and I rip them apart. I make them change even though I don't want them to. What I love about them is riped away and a stranger is left looking at me. Were they ever who they were? How can you say you are this then become that. And why is it my fault.....when even what I loved is now gone............
Then put words in my mouth that were never there feelings in my heart that were never true actions that were never taken all of these your false accusations
The only truth that is used against me is one which was never to be discussed. I don't care anymore if you all want to hate me you can, thats how it always ends anyway. It will always be me. I am weak, selfish, and scared. I destroy everyone around me.
But perhaps that is the relief. I now know that I will never marry. I am best at arms length. I will never find someone that I can trust. I will never find anyone who could love me. This past relationship is not the reason for this just the icing on the cake. Plus who wants to date, let alone marry a bitch and horror with a bastard for a son? Fuck I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore. Why would anyone else be able to stomach me. I suck in bed, and i hate giving head. I'm emotionally cold and don't enjoy talking about my feelings. I'm a self centered bitch and a cunt. I will kill your dreams. And I will call you every name in the book with out uttering a word. I will make you feel as useless and as hated as I am. I will make you hurt. I will make you feel my pain and my anger. I will make you see what I see when I look in the mirror every fucking day. I will maim your life. When you feel your despise for me your body will shake as mine does when I feel the hate bubble up from soul towards every beautiful thing.
I am broken, and this is my sadness. Because these things I write I have heard so often and so venominaly repeated that now I believe. And belief is apparently the only thing that is needed to make a thing true.
Currently
listening
:
The Downward Spiral
By
Nine Inch Nails
Release date: 08 March, 1994
good morning oh wait it's afternoon.....good afternoon :)
Current mood: anxious
Category: Blogging
Why do people only write on here when things are going well and life is fifeteen shades of red. sigh... I just get tired of reading the success stories and the happy endings. Well my life sucks right now and I'm not afraid to admit it.
I don't have a lot of crazy filters. I write what I do because I have to. I'm not going to record how perfectly perfect life is so that you can all read this and think, gee, that girl has it together! I write about real life because I subscribe to the notion that to be happy and have a good life doesn't mean things are perfect--there's always something, it's how you learn from it, grow from it, react to it, embrace it. Real life is ugly, but what's uglier is the pretense of perfection, and I just happen to think that ugly is...well...wonderful. Change, transition, it doesn't happen smoothly. And if you think you're holding your facade well, you're more troubled than the rest of us.
Sigh. Anyway. I'm all out of chocolate. I might have to go shopping tonight.
Amanda Baggs makes no eye contact. She doesn't come to the door or raise her hand to greet visitors, she remains silent, sitting at her desk, staring out the window, rocking slightly back and forth.
Amanda Baggs is a 26-year-old woman with autism.
Amanda Baggs has severe autism. She didn't cry when she was born. She had to be taught how to nurse. As a little girl, she rocked her head back and forth but could speak. As she grew, she would go longer and longer without speaking, until her spoken language disappeared altogether.
Now she types.
And what does Amanda think is the hardest thing about living with autism? "Having to navigate a world that is, on all levels, is built for the abilities and deficits of people who are not built remotely like me."
The first three minutes of the video is in her own language. There is no speaking you will be seeing the world as she does. The second part of the video she tries to explane her language to those of us who are not bilingual.
Please watch the whole video. It will only take 8 minutes. And it might change your life.
one in every 150 children has autism.
autism is a developmental disorder of communication. There is no cure. No one knows the precise causes.
Tagageddon (Tag Game)
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging
I've been tagged, this time by Ray-Ray
For those of you who haven't been paying attention to the huge amount of tag blogs going on around here, here's how you play:
Once you have been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them to be tagged. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are Tagged" on their profile and to read your latest blog. And do not tag the person that tagged you!! Have fun people!
So here goes, 10 random/weird things about me:
1) one of my favorite things to do is drive around by myself while listening to loud music, singing until my throat hurts and flirting with other drivers. This is normally not a problem except for that one wreck I caused.....
(2)i hate to do laundry. I would rather clean the bathrooms than do laundry :)
(3)i will always be addicted to something.
(4)i like to walk around naked when nobody's home.
(5) sometimes I think I might be crazy/stupid and everyone else knows I am and they are just nice to me because they feel sorry for me...... yes I realize how crazy/stupid that sounds...thats why I think I might be crazy/stupid.... I could go on but i won't......
(6)I have a deer on my coffee table.....ask if you dare :)
(7) i used to make fun of myspace.I only knew 13 people on my friends list before myspace. I have meet several people off of here. so now I know 39 people on my friends list in real life.
(8) I drive a big green dodge ram :) Not a little girlie truck. Sometimes this intimades guys...my truck is bigger than your truck :)
(9) I sometimes pretend that I have a cooking show for the amusement of my 2 year old :)
(10)I have 2 stained glass windows, and a few stained glass lamps, lots of original artwork, and antique furniture. Sometimes I feel like I live in a museum.(I need to blog about this specificaly)
And now for my victims:
1. Frusturated Inc. Like I really need to know anymore random stuff about you :)
2. 3rd Day Of May--just to see if he will ;)
3. ScriptusMagnus -I think you should be able to come up with ten interesting things :)
4. Bodie - Because you want to be tagged :) lol
5. AnGeRmAnAgEmEnT - I bet you have all kinds of wild stories :)
6. BENJAMIN- You're just a very intriguing guy, I think.
7. Paralyzing King--because you have the funniest blogs, you always make for a good read, and I don't know much about you.
8. Fred--cause your nuts :)
9. Sergio- Haven't heard for you in a while!!!!
10. Omen - There's just something about you I find very intriguing.
Currently
listening
:
...Is a Real Boy
By
Say Anything
Release date: 14 September, 2006
The heat radiates off the steaming sand I stand at the cool waters edge It calls to me where I stand
"Come in. Come in," the water invites *i shouldn't be this close to the water* I'll put in my toes just to see how it feels The cool waters send a chill up my spine
"Come in, come in," the water calls *i need to get out* Well just my legs but that's it The water creeps up my legs and then flows over my thighs
"Come in, come in," the water begs *someone help me i need to get away* The water swallows my chest All that sticking out of the water is my head
"Come in, come all the way in" the water giggles *no don't. god save me* I can't see the surface I can't even breath
"Get out, get out," the water cruelly laughs ----- I can't I'm in too deep.
Currently
listening
:
Aenima
By
Tool
Release date: 16 May, 2006
awake
scared
amused
annoyed
crushed
shocked
indescribable
