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Defy Not The Heart
Current mood:  accomplished
Category: Writing and Poetry
Chapter 1 "Secret Love"
Hyakuhei stood gazing at the heart of time statue, knowing the miko was still on the other side, in her world. His midnight hair flowed down his body like a dark shroud, as his wings opened wide, creating a breeze across the soft grass. His perfect lips curved slightly, in a knowing smile. A tainted glow formed across the ground surrounding the shrine, giving it an eerie appearance.
As if pulled by some unknown force, he glided closer to the maiden statue that stood with hands outstretched, as if asking him for something. His eyes became soft for only a moment, in memory of the young miko the statue mimicked. With one angry wave of his hand, the glowing grass seemed to hiss as it shimmered with an ominous aura, and then hid the deception deep within its blades.
*****
"Damn it! Where the fuck is Kyoko? She was supposed to have been back two hours ago." Toya growled annoyingly for the tenth time in the last thirty minutes. He ran an agitated hand through the silver highlights that mingled with his midnight hair, as he again looked out the open window in the direction of the shrine. Facing where no one could see, he let worry slip into his golden eyes.
Suki looked up from polishing her bayonet, one eyebrow twitching, "Toya, Kyoko is obviously not coming back tonight, so just give it up and give us a break." She turned back to Kamui who was sitting beside her, "Geez, does he ever shut up?"
Kamui smiled, knowing better then to say anything out loud. His gray eyes knew the truth behind Toyas complaining. Being the youngest youkai guardian didnt make him naive. In human years, he was several hundred years old, as was his brothers. He knew Toya only acted mad to cover up the fact that he was worried. Even he was getting worried. When Kyoko said she was coming back, it was usually when she came back. It wasnt like her to keep them waiting. Kamuis purple hair shimmered as he raised his face to the window seeing the darkened sky.
"Kyoko had better be back in the morning, or I swear I'll fucking drag her back." Toya continued pacing. He couldn't stand it when Kyoko was away for this long. It had been days now, and he was getting angrier by the minute and worried. "Stupid," he clamped his mouth shut again when Suki cocked an eyebrow at him. "Feh."
Shinbe's tall silent form stood against the wall where he had been for the last hour. His bluish-gray trench coat gave a slight twitch, with an agitated movement that he tried to hide. He had had enough of Toya's tantrum about Kyoko being late. His amethyst eyes closed in an attempt to keep himself from telling Toya to simply shut up. Knowing his half-brother probably wouldn't shut up until Kyoko returned, Shinbe bit his tongue to keep from making it worse.
The guardian tried to stay tranquil, as always by meditating, following his monk-like teachings. The truth was, his nerves were so raw that, for now, even meditating wasnt working. Right now, Shinbe felt like he could strangle Toya and still smile about it while doing so. The plains of his calm face tightened and he lowered his head so his midnight blue hair would hide the evidence.
When Toya started to settle down, and the others were getting ready to sleep, Shinbe took a thick blanket from the pile in the corner of their little shelter and headed for solitude.
He just really needed to get away from everyone, especially Toya. Shinbe hid well his jealousy for Toya, and the love Kyoko held for the sibling. Day after day, he stayed with the group, only to be near her, to protect her. Even though her eyes were on Toya. Shinbe ground his teeth together painfully.
He should be like his other two brothers, Kyou and Kotaro, and separate from the group to fight Hyakuhei on his own. He knew he had to stay with the group to keep her safe. He was one of her guardians, and they all had their own reasons for having the same enemy and protecting Kyoko. Even Kyou and Kotaro protected her from afar.
Yes, Shinbe knew he played the game well by hiding his attraction to Kyoko. He had practiced it for a long time, even groping other girls especially if Kyoko was within earshot or watching, so she would never find out his secret. They thought he loved all women, little did they know his heart belonged to only one, his miko. Usually he would pick Suki to grope, knowing she would hit him, and the pain would help steady his thoughts. He was such a coward when it came to telling Kyoko his true feelings.
Lately, it had been getting worse for him, harder for him to hide. Kyoko trusted him, smiled at him. She talked to him, often confiding her feelings to him when he caught her upset over Toyas immature ways. It all shattered him, little by little.
Without realizing where he had walked to, Shinbe looked up and sighed. He was in the gardens of the maiden shrine. Without even realizing it, he had wanted to be closer to her. Kyoko would not come back to their world and time, this late at night. Staring at the maiden shrine, his amethyst eyes almost glowing in the reflection of the moon, Shinbe decided this was as safe a place as any.
Spreading the blanket out in the soft grass, Shinbe laid down. He closed his eyes, waiting for the dreams he knew would soon come, just like they always did. Haunting him, making him want her to see him, not as a guardian or ally, but as a man.
*****
Kyoko groaned, resisting the urge to smack her forehead, 'into a brick wall.' Kyoko's conscience started flipping out in her head, and she argued with it. She hadn't meant to get drunk with her college classmates and friend. It had all been a big mistake, and all her fault. She had gone to the Halloween party like she had promised, knowing she would never drink anything. NEVER! She never did.
She growled at herself, rolling her eyes. How was she to know that the huge bowl of fruit cocktail sitting beside the punch bowl had been soaking in alcohol for days? She had thought it was supposed to taste like grapefruit and had ate a lot of it before she felt the affects of the Sake hit her.
Kyoko stumbled over her own feet, righting herself quickly, before she had a chance to fall. "Damn it," now she was late, and she knew she was going to be in a lot of trouble with Toya. Just thinking of him yelling at her was already giving her a headache. Welcome to hellpopulation one, Kyoko mumbled to herself as she kicked a pebble.
Desperately, she hoped Toya would just wait until morning before coming to get her, or see if she would show up with the daylight. As drunk as she was, she could hardly see straight, and she didn't want to fight with him she didn't want to go home, either. She silently groaned to herself. Her mother would lecture her for a week if she found out she was drunk, even if it had been an accident.
Kyoko tried hard to stay in a straight line as she walked. Finally, she spotted the maiden shrine in the clearing beside her house. Closing one eye, so it would come into better focus. She giggled then thought to herself, 'Oh God, now I know I'm drunk.' With a swaying shrug, she did the only thing she knew to do. She walked into the shrine house, straight up to the maiden statue, and leaned against it, hoping to make it safely on the other side in time to pass out.
*****
Shinbe was once again having a very erotic dream of Kyoko writhing under him, crying his name over and over, screaming it as he pounded into her, staring into her face and driving all thoughts of Toya from her. Shinbe jerked awake, his body broke out in a sweat. Breathing hard, he could still feel her under him, letting him love her and she had loved him back. Her cries were still ringing in his ears.
His heart was still beating so fast, slamming against his ribs the same way he had been slamming into her. He sat up, clinching his hands he raised them to cover his face. Unable to stop it from escaping him, he cried out into the silence, full of pain and hidden rage, at the unfairness of it all. All he ever wanted was to love her, and it was slowly eating him alive.
Hearing a twig snap, Shinbe jerked his hands down. His deep violet eyes scanned the area, and came to rest on Kyoko's shocked features. His mind seemed to go into slow motion, 'No it couldn't be not now, not here.' Her eyes were wide at hearing his cry, and her hand was over her mouth. 'No go away, please,' he begged in his mind. 'You can't be here, not right now, its too dangerous.'
Shinbe watched as she lowered her hand from her lips, a look of worry crossing her face. Then, he saw her sway as she made her way to him. He wondered if she was even real, or if he was still dreaming.
Kyoko was still trying to make sure she was going in the right direction to get to the hut. When she heard an almost inhuman cry coming from somewhere close to her. Her eyes had focused as she tried to find the source of the sound. Her heart still racing from the fright it had given her. Then she had seen Shinbe, lying there on a blanket in the grass, all alone. The haunted cry had to have come from him.
Kyoko wanted to know what was wrong. Had someone been killed? That had to be it, for such a sound to come from the always calm, cool, and friendly guardian. She tried to steady her legs as she made her way over to him.
Shinbe groaned as he watched Kyoko do the stupidest thing he had ever seen her do. She walked straight over to him and knelt down, reaching a hand out to touch his, "Shinbe, what is it? Is someone hurt?" He could hear the fear in her voice. She thought something was wrong. He almost laughed at the truth in that question, but thought better of it. She didn't know his secret. He was still safe, could still hide his heart from her.
Another wave of dizziness caught Kyoko unaware, and she couldn't keep her balance, kneeling beside him. She accidentally leaned too far forward and fell right into his lap. Stifling a giggle, she remembered something was wrong with him, and opened her eyes again trying to concentrate. All this felt so much like a dream.
Kyoko suddenly noticed Shinbes chest was bare. Corded muscles were tensing, rippling, and stretching under her palms. She had never seen him with his shirt off and was amazed. She blushed, knowing she shouldn't be thinking of him that way. He was her guardian and friend.
Trying to concentrate, Kyoko shook her head, which didn't really help matters, then slowly lifted her eyes to his. He hadn't moved an inch and still hadn't told her what was wrong. Now she wished he would, because the look on his face was starting to alarm her.
Shinbe's body was shaking as he restrained himself from touching her. Something with more power than him, seemed to be pushing him, demanding he reach out. He would have been fine, but now she was here in his lap, staring into his eyes. Eyes he knew had to be full of pain, and she wanted to know what was wrong. Something was wrong with him, but he couldnt stop what seemed to be spinning quickly out of his control.
"I can't take it any more!" his voice was ragged with the force of his emotion riding so high. With those words he was trying to warn her, trying to tell her to get away, to go back to the other side of the time portal, where she would be safe. Not to come back until he could keep his secret in control, hiding it once again. All his senses screamed that something was wrong, but his mind couldnt fight this intense hunger.
Kyoko gasped, hearing his words laced with so much pain, and it saddened her. Everybody counted on him to be level headed, the glue that held the group together. Even she looked up to him and loved it when he was close, and she could feel his calmness, his humor, and concern. But now it was the other way around. He was the one who needed comfort.
It must be all the fighting against youkai, Hyakuhei, his curse. Oh God, his curse. The dimensional void, which would be an early death for him. The ultimate power Hyakuhei had given him, knowing it would one day destroy him. She hadn't forgotten. She just tried really hard not to think about it, but she knew what would happen if they didn't defeat Hyakuhei. Was that what he was talking about?
Kyoko reached out to him, trying to make it better and to ease his mind. "It's alright, Shinbe. I'm here," the second her hand touched his face, he came to life.
All logic had ceased, and Shinbe's ironclad control, snapped. He grabbed her shoulders, and rolled until she was pinned underneath him. Leaning over her body, he had everything he had ever wanted - Kyoko. Without another coherent thought, his lips crashed down swiftly, claiming hers possessively, blocking everything else out of his mind. He had held this feeling in check for far too long.
Shinbe acknowledged that he might have lost control of the situation a few exits back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the thought crept in that she tasted like some kind of Sake, and she smelled like it, too. Controlling himself enough to raise up an inch, he looked down at her, trying to tell if it was true. Searching her face, her eyes, and her flushed cheeks.
Kyoko knew that this wasn't really happening. No way was she staring up into the amethyst eyes of the very handsome Shinbe. No way was he staring down at her like he wanted her. Kyoko reasoned with herself that she was probably laying in the grass with her head still propped up by the maiden statue. Somewhere in this dream, she could even hear Hyakuhei laughing at her.
She could have sworn she remembered sliding down it and falling asleep. She was probably, right now, passed out having a dream, and her drunken mind had picked Shinbe to join her, instead of Toya. Kyoko barely shook her head, feeling giddy, and sighed the words, "Crazy dreams," as she stared into the passion-glazed eyes of Shinbe. Her lips still tingling from the force of the dream kiss.
Shinbe lowered his lips to hers again. He had heard enough. Kyoko thought she was dreaming. Shinbe only hoped it was a dream. But either way, he was unable to stop. He couldn't stop, even if he tried, as he licked her lips. She parted them with a tiny whimper. A sound that only hardened him even more, if that was possible.
He broke out in a sweat trying to restrain himself, as his youkai blood surfaced. He wanted to go slowly as his tongue dipped into her mouth, taking and giving within the heat of the kiss. He had always wanted to kiss her, forever it seemed.
The muscles in his arms flexed as he held himself above her, making love to her lips and beyond. His hands were impatient as they worked on ridding her of her clothes. Within only a few short minutes, she lay under him, completely naked. She hadn't fought it as he took her clothes from her. Why would she? It was a dream right?
Shinbe's breath stilled as he looked down at her. His Kyoko, his secret, his love. He slid his body against hers, loving the feel of her silky skin, sharpening his pain and his need to love her, to make love to her. It has to be a dream, he tried to convince himself.
He dipped his head to nuzzle her neck, licking and kissing her skin, tasting her gently. He showed her how much he loved her as he made his way down her body. This would be the only time he would see and taste all of her. Sharp heat shot through him, as she arched against him moaning when he drew her breast into his mouth, licking at it with his tongue, bringing her to life.
More of his wishes were fulfilled as Shinbe trailed kisses down her taut belly and she writhed beneath him. His muscles jumped as she clutched him to her, trying to get even closer. Shinbe was as close to heaven as he would ever get, with her essence surrounding him. Inch by slow inch, Shinbe crawled back up and over Kyoko. Settling between her legs, he shuddered with need when the heat of her arousal warmed the tip of his manhood. He wanted her to see him, even if it was a dream.
His body hardened, tightened around hers. "Open your eyes," he whispered. His voice was mesmerizing, a deliberate seduction, and as soon as her eyes locked with his, he thrust forward swiftly burying himself to the hilt within her heat, wanting to save her the pain of the first time. An anguished cry tore from his throat as he felt her virginity give way to him.
Her tightness grasped him within the silken heat, drawing him in, even deeper. If it weren't for his stubborn self-control, he would have came out of his skin right then. He gritted his teeth, holding still, breathing hard, as he watched her toss her head from side to side, mouth open but nothing coming out. Quickly he claimed her lips before the cry could escape her.
Once he felt her calm down, he eased off of the kiss. Giving into to the first slow, but hard, deep thrust, and was rewarded with her hips coming up to meet his. Her cry of ecstasy being taken into his mouth, where he kept it and savored it. He would never give it back. Giving into the feeling of her wrapped around him, he let go of his restraint. He wanted to make love to her with all of him, holding nothing back.
Lacing his fingers through hers, he raised her hands above her head, and held them down against the soft blanket. Shinbe raised himself above her, so he could watch her face, and started a rhythm that drove them both over the edge. Deep and fast strokes, turning to hard and slow thrusts, then stopping for a few seconds to catch his breath, only to swiftly slam into her again.
Shinbe could feel the many times that she reached her peak, as spasms racked her body. He could feel them as she squeezed him even tighter. His whole body glistened in the moonlight from holding back his own release. It was killing him, until finally, he couldn't take it any more, and knowing she was reaching her peak again, he set a pace that rocked them both.
Taking them both over the edge, he gave one final thrust, as deep as he could and held it, throwing back his head. The sound that was ripped from him was neither human nor youkai. It was pain and pleasure, the pentacle of both, as his seed shot into her body, deep, hot, and steady, with his heartbeat.
Now that the world was again standing still, Shinbe looked down at Kyoko, just as a passion glazed smile appeared, and her eyes began to close. He dipped his lips to hers and whispered against them, "I love you."
*****
Sometime later, deep into the night, Shinbe had awoken to find Kyoko dressed, but asleep, next to him on the blanket, within the shimmering grass. Thinking not to wake her, he secretly, without a sound, carried the sleeping miko, along with the pack she carried, within the walls of the hut, where the rest of the group still slept. Then he slid down the opposite wall, drawing his knees up to his chest, happier and more afraid than he had ever been in his life. But if he were going to die within the next couple hours, then he would die happy.
Shinbe closed his eyes wondering which would be worse, Kyoko remembering, or her not remembering? He knew he would never love another, for one had to have a heart in order to love, and he didn't have a heart. Shinbe had already given it away. Kyoko had carried his heart since the first day he had laid eyes on her. If he didn't die by Toya's sword in the morning, he knew he would stay right where he was, secretly loving her, and hoping she would notice.
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