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Of Typos, Bad Grammar & Other Such Stuff
Current mood: weird
Category: Writing and Poetry
We've all been there. A typo here, some slang there.
How many times have we been subjected to forms of it to the point of utter frustration? How many of us have felt like we've wanted to rip our hair out?
Then again, how many of us have bowled over laughing when these things occur, even if they occur to ourselves?
Well fuckit... instead of overanalyzing, thanks to my friend Pak for sending me this in the 1st place.. I present to you (for your enjoyment, of course) the following clip, which summarizes everything up pretty darn good.
Popping in to say HI & give y’all an update.. :)
Current mood: adored
Category: Blogging
Hey all...
Thought I would bring you all up to speed :D
Lately Ive been a bit 'bedridden', so to speak lol I've been undergoing injection therapy for my back and up until two weeks ago I was doing okay.
I had been getting a single 'epidural' injection between the ruptured discs and vertebrae every other week, concentrating on the symptoms in my legs. But, two weeks ago he changed it to begin working on the band of pain I feel in my back at my waistline.
So, I got 6 injections (3 on each side of my spine). And, as luck would have it, it hasnt done that well. Today is the first day Ive been able to sit upright without my head feeling like it was going to split open and being able to move my left shoulder and neck Suffice it to say I go back in tomorrow for a 'followup'.
Anyhoo, that is why I havent really been online, reading and/or posting. Im still here, still praying, still thinkin' about everyone.. and I do miss y'all.
So here's to good friends and the power of positive thinking
Update: My back...
Current mood: determined
Category: Writing and Poetry
Well, went to the neuro on Friday of last week and didn't want to post anything until I had heard from the specialist.
The disc is definitely ruptured and theres "a lot of debris" surrounding it and pressing on nerves. Yay *sarcasm intended lol*
My "annular tear" is making things worse but hasn't GOTTEN worse, thank goodness.
He said he didn't want to rush into surgery because the occurance was so recent so... he's sending me to a pain management specialist. In 1.5 months I will return, once my symptoms 'stabilize' and he will decide then whether or not to have surgery or go another route.
Thing is, I am "multi-symptomatic" with 'bi-lateral symptoms with uni-lateral injuries'. Which means, I should only be experiencing symptoms on 1 side, instead of both. *sigh*
Well, 6/13/08 is my appointment with the specialist. 7/14/08 is my follow-up appointment with the neurosurgeon.
Im still having problems walking, not because of loss of feeling but because of the pain. Sometimes my leg or legs go numb, yes, but feeling comes back once I shift my legs around so... its mostly pain that keeps me from walkin' 'around like I used to.
I still feel blessed because it could be worse yanno?
So, that said, all your prayers and energies ARE working 'cos my faith level is stable and I stay positive. :)
Birds sound their welcome as the desert evening becomes day Sand whips my face like a pony's tail swatting at flies Scorpions and snakes fight, uselessly, for the right of way Across desert paths, they scurry, beyond which the enemy lies
Soundwaves from tanks and humvees reverberate deep in my soul Scents from meals-ready-to-eat being prepared tickle my gut The sounds connect with my brain; my ears and heart feel like coal The smells perforate my tongue; my stomach deep in a nutritional rut
'Atten-SHUN!' is the cry which brings me to my feet With my gear at the ready and my boots securely tied I stand to hear the orders although I've had little sleep The road ahead us is dark and is where our comerade just died
'HOO-RAH!' we respond, though our heads are heavy with fear Images from yesterday's attack still so very fresh in our minds We proudly hide the nagging trepidation which encompasses us As our feet scrape the sand left right left bringing our enemies nearer
The rolling vibrations from the tank's monstrous and heavy tread Matches the rhythm of my brothers, sisters and I strutting left right left With each new step our sturdy boots make our feet feel like lead But we march on, scanning this way and that; movements precise and deft
Gazing ahead of me I become swathed in the silken cape of the morning sun While the horizon begins glowing, bathed with the purest shade of gold If but for a moment I'm awash in the precious feeling that I've won An enigma of invincibility stabs me: I won't die this day and I will grow old
As the shadows of my comerades float across my face and chest My thoughts drift to my wife and child and my mother back home Did they see the same sunrise when they awoke from their rest? Do they feel safe because we're here? Do they care while we roam?
The shockwaves run deep knocking us from our feet onto our backs My golden curtain there one moment then stripped away by the blast The solid line of soldiers readjusting; quickly scanning for what lacks Reality flies at me and engages me; a split second, but forever it will last
Earthquakes of bombardment stir up the dust and rip through my skull Both enemy and friendly pumped up, adrenalized, and ready to die Light bursts forth from our weapons and fiercly burns through the dust Split seconds of fire whose burns could forever within someone lie
My golden curtain is now lost; it has morphed into matted shadows of tan I am no longer worrying about my wife, kids, home or my Mom Though they flash, flying around me like ghosts across this riddled land I close my eyes for a moment and when they open my visages are gone
I dig my heels into the dirt like they're earthworms in a dewy field My eyes are darting around, searching north, east and west I have thoughts of last night; it was no picnic but this, right now, is surreal I think of the fallen and begin to wonder, 'does it truly matter who is best?'
The pummeling stops and we are like shadows as we rise to stand tall Retreated, defeated, no fighting anymore the enemy silences it's alarms A smidgen of wonder wraps itself around us 'Sar'nt, did we get them all?' As Seargent answers me 'no but they're finished', I dust off my arms
Sand sticking to my face hiding the scars that run deep Birds have since flown far away so it is quiet as day becomes night Across desert paths beyond the horizon, the moon begins to creep Scorpions and snakes silently slither along, not wanting to fight.
A cry of 'Medic!' slices into my breast and puts wings on my feet So with my gear at the ready and my boots still securely tied I walk swiftly and then, behind a mound of sand, my friend and I meet The road beneath us is dark and is where my Brother just died
Later on, thoughts of my comerades are awash in my mind and chest My thoughts drift to my wife, child and mother back at home With me here I'm content that they're safe when they lay down to rest Will they ever truly appreciate what we do, while we're here, while we roam?
Dedicated to all the men and women who serve, have served, living or not, in our nations Military.
Thank you, we miss you, we pray for you, and we WILL keep good thoughts and energies comin' your way !
A Dream Of Mirror Journey
Current mood: amorous
Category: Writing and Poetry
As some of you may know, I enjoy playing MMORPG's. My favorite one to play is Dream Of Mirror, aka: DoMo.
One of the Game Sages initiated a poetry contest and, as you might guess, I entered.
I hope you enjoy walking with me in my Dream Of Mirror Journey ;-)
A Dream Of Mirror Journey
The breeze blows quietly in from the West A BowWow barks sending Moth's aflight The Kuku Eggs crack wanting out from the nest And I, with my Wand, are among them this night
A squeal from the shadows ripped through the trees Turning around I came face to face with the Theif If not for his dagger and dirt laden knees The Pupu would have killed me, like fire on dry leaf
My spells were askew, my hands were a-tremble His face was sweaty, his eyes glowed with disdain We stared at each other, not a word nor a mumble But when I lowered my gaze, he sheathed his dagger again
"Why, a fair Maiden like you should not travel alone! The forests look enchanting but nary a man pass, for there's beast aplenty which break a mans bones and dirt doesn't belong on the feet of such a fair lass"
"Why, Master Theif, I assure you I am okay. My feet may be dirty but I am clean of spirit and heart. I am traveling light and if you are going my way, you may walk with me, talk with me, though ahead we must part"
So we walked towards Collington, the Theif and I Protectors of each other, we both were The glaze of darkness slowly disappeared from his eyes as our chit-chat became laughter, vibrant and pure
"Fair Maiden, it has been a pleasure traveling with you. Before today I'd known only self-reliance and strife but now I realize it's better to be with a friend who is true than to be battling alone, constantly, taking chances with life"
We nodded and smiled, and said our goodbye's The portal swirling by my feet, the trees rustling loud. My teleport opened and I said, "dear Theif I must fly..." And I stepped into light, my feet parted from the ground.
A knock brings me back, someone is at my front door Standing up from my desk I look through the window My neighbor is there, a walking stick poised on the floor "C'mon, Angel, it's getting late we must go!"
The breeze blows quietly in from the West A dog barks sending the butterflies aflight The Sparrow eggs crack wanting out from the nest And we, true friends, are among them this night
Well, I had yet another MRI done on Monday because, for 4 days I had been barely able to walk.
Given my past injuries I knew this was a "new" thing and demanded an MRI when my Dr said "maybe youve gotten used to the pain medication........ Ill up the dose & schedule an appointment next week".
Well, the MRI showed that 1 of the damaged disks had 'given up'. I have a "focal herniation at the S1 level with framents cutting into and pushing on the nerves". The new herniation, along with the other damaged disks and the annular tear which already exist but which are 'stable' (for now), have warranted urgent specialist attention.
So, next Friday, I go see a Neurosurgeon & spine expert. Goody.
Im still feeling blessed... because it could've been worse & there's still a lot of people with worse things going on with them.. So Im going to stay positive despite my acute fear of needles and surgical procedures. If I need surgery, and I have surgery, I hope I wont be in any more pain. 6 years of this crap is enough yanno?
And, you can bet your sweet butts I will be climbing that tree in my front yard and shouting THANK YOU, GOD! from the highest limb if they finally fix my back :) And if that happens? Yes, Ill post a picture lol
I gotta fly now cos sitting upright for long periods of time is uh, near impossible.....so.... Wish me luck :)
Part of me didn't know what to write, or how to convey things, but a really good thing happened to me recently.
Ive told only 1 other reader about this, and suffice it to say, he helped me to embrace it.
What is "it"?
At my Mothers memorial service I saw, and got re-acquainted with, relatives I had not seen since I was 10 years old or so. It was wonderful; they don't look any different than they did when I was younger lol They said the same about me..which made me laugh...
But the highlight, if there ever IS one during an event like this, was when my cousin approached me regarding the poems I'd read during the service.
While only 1 was my own, the other one was written by my friend Rebecca (See previous blog), and she spoke to me about A Mothers Circle and how it affected everyone.
Apparently, it made a huge impact. Everyone was showring me with praiseand I truly did not know how to respond. This was my Mom's memorial service... so I just politely thanked everyone, one by one, for myself and for Rebecca (*hugs!!!*).
But when my cousin's turn in the receiving line to hug me, she gently pulled me aside and said that her friend had been bugging her for weeks, a couple of months, for good material.....to publish.
So, here I was, bawling my eyes out because, well, it was Mom's memorial service.. while being overwhelmed with surprise, elation and thanks at the same time because she wanted MY 'material' for her publisher friend.
MY stuff!!! The stuff I thought would never really 'be' anything or get published. The stuff I would write on the back of receipts, napkins, envelopes; whenever the feeling hit me no matter where I was, I would find something to write upon.
The stuff my Mother had said, ages and ages and ages ago, that was very good, that I had a distinct and strong talent and that I should persue it... maybe even write my memoirs and get it published.... that it would be a best-seller for sure.
So here I sit, with a huge "WOW!" resounding in my soul and huge thanks for all those who believe in me and believed in me through the years. Here I sit with rock solid PROOF that good CAN come out of bad. Here I sit, thankful that I have a definitive "MAYBE"... instead of a "I doubt it will ever...".
So I am very humbled and thankful and hopeful because there is a chance, however large or small, that my work will be published. :)
And the best part?? Rebecca:
Whether or not this happens for me, I am DARNED sure going to send them your direction :) Yes, they loved my poem but they loved yours also...
Our Pastor said "two perfect poems: 1 giving the security that she is WITH God, how much God loves us and how we shouldnt worry, and the other celebrating her life, and how she was yet knowing she WILL carry on living through you and your children and their children and so on.."
IF you dont want me to, thats fine.... but it would be my honor to lead them your way for your poem was loved by so many, and gave us ALL so much comfort that day. ALL of your work is inspirational, without a doubt! :)
Anyways, I thought I would share the good news with you all, now, since I cannot ignore it and since it is not just about me, but about Rebecca and her work, also.
I have to go finish supper now but....I will write again soon.
Heaven is now graced with another Angel. V., 84, passed away peacefully March 28, 2008 at Elizabeth House aka: Four Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care in Flat Rock, NC.
Born June 24, 1923 in PA., the daughter of the late Miles & Carrie T., V. graduated from Towson High School in Towson, MD. She held a position as the Executive Secretary to the Vice-President of American Airlines at Washington Intl. Airport when she met her future husband.
V. & John were married on April 27, 1963. They chose a dream-home and had it built in Rockville, MD. John & V. asked her step-son if he would like a sister. Soon after, in 1965, their daughter was born. A son followed, born in 1968.
V. & John moved their family to PA., and soon V. became active in the Church & Schools, volunteering and, whenever the situation called for it, letting her voice be heard. She shuttled her children to and from Church, School & extracurricular functions, no matter the time or day, without complaint. She had a deeply-rooted love for classical music and always had applause for her children's efforts at singing or playing instruments, even if it was loud or off-key. V. took great pleasure in attending her children's concerts & performances at both Church and School. She was proud of their accomplishments, no matter how great or small. She enjoyed her years she was a Girl Scout Cookie Chairman & Council Member for Freedom Valley Girl Scout Council, and she took her children's interests in Boy & Girl Scouts seriously, always volunteering or donating whenever she could.
V. loved to bake; her talent for cooking shining best during Holiday gatherings, when she would go 'all-out' and serve glorious meals with grace and ease. She enjoyed playing Bridge, crocheting, knitting, gardening & sewing, but her most unique talent was braiding rugs. Whether large for a living room, or small for a stair, no rug was alike and all were created with patience and love. When computers burst on-scene, she enjoyed her nightly computer-game of Solitaire. She would also spend her spare time gardening, whether they be outside or inside plants they always flourished from the care of her Green-Thumb. She would also recycle candles, making her own, with multi-colors and many of them uniquely shaped.
Some time after their children had grown & moved away, V. & John moved to N.C. and settled in Hendersonville. For 17 years V. enjoyed the peaceful country-like life here. She enjoyed many activities offered by The Center For Lifelong Learning at Blue Ridge Community College as well as experiencing the many once-in-a-lifetime opportunities offered by Elder Hostels. She also relished Bowling, weekly, at H-Ville Lanes.
V. is survived by her loving husband of 44 years, John of NC; a daughter and son-in-law, Angel & Dauthi of NC; a son and daughter-in-law of VA.; a step-son of MD.; a brother of FL.; a sister of MD.; 7 Grandchildren; 1 Great-Grandson; 4 Nieces; 5 Nephews and numerous Grand-Nieces & Grand-Nephews.
V. was a long-time vibrant member of Church, in Hendersonville. She will be remembered by her family as a devoted and loving wife and mother who relished the family-time surrounding bountiful meals she prepared, or spent time with at Church or School events. She will be remembered by all who knew her as a cheerful, friendly, respectful, and caring person who would always reach out to others whenever she could and be a patient, loyal listener to those who needed someone to talk to without being judged.
A Memorial Service is to be held at Church on Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 2:00 P.M.
In lieu of flowers, Memorials can be made to Four Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care, 571 S. Allen Rd., Flat Rock, N.C. 28731.
Even when I feel alone standing in this place looking out seeing the night seeing the dawn wondering in the silence contemplating the things that may be I feel You with me comforting me giving me strength to endure patience to wait for what is to come wisdom to understand that for this and all things there is a reason for this and all others the purpose is Yours while I may not understand why I know that this is for Your glory this is for someone who needs to see to hear to understand that it isn't the end they are not alone because even when those moments come You are there always Even when I feel alone standing in this place looking out seeing the night seeing the dawn wondering in the silence contemplating the things that may be I feel You with me comforting me giving me strength to endure patience to wait for what is to come wisdom to understand that for this and all things there is a reason for this and all others the purpose is Yours while I may not understand why I know that this is for Your glory this is for someone who needs to see to hear to understand that it isn't the end they are not alone because even when those moments come You are there always
Most of you have read my updates but for those that haven’t, my previous Blog (to this one) has more information...
I have not been posting updates because, for a few days, her condition had ’plateaued’ and there wasn’t really anything new to tell.
I have been going daily, up to 3 times a day, to talk to her and be with her and Dad.... In the past couple of days, however, there have been significant changes.
Yesterday, her blood O2 level had dropped from 99 to 64ish. Today, that remains the same but NOW... her breathing has gone from even-breaths to super-fast short breaths. She cannot see and her eyes stay closed but whenever I let her know that I am there, her right eye will fill with tears...the same happens when any of the kids and my Dad let her know they’re there too.
She no longer tries to speak but she tries to ’push’ the fluid, that has collected in her throat, out, by painfully coughing. They give her Morphine and something in patch-form to help ’dry up’ the gook in her throat... since she no longer has the ability to swallow.
Her fingernails toenails and nose arent getting the circulation and are swollon and changing color...
They give her only 24 hours at this point...
And we all have made our peace and have accepted that soon she will be an Angel... OUR Angel... and no longer in pain.
Right now I am totally numb. I feel ’stoned’ and am wobbly. Im trying to hold it together so much, for my Dad needs me like never before... and my kids need me for that IS, after all, their Gramma.
Ive felt all your prayers and strength-filled energies and for those I am eternally grateful.... please keep sending them our way. *hug
I gotta go now as the screen is blurry now (I am so tired....) but I will keep you posted....
I just wanted to let you all know that your energies and strengths and prayers have given us peace....
and have also given my Mom strength and peace for her new-life’s journey to Heaven.
With much love from my heart, peace blessings and light to you & yours,
My Mom ~ my Heart **** UPdated 3/19 ****
Current mood: drained
Category: Writing and Poetry
this text = Original Post (Day 3) TEAL text = 3/16/08 update (Day 5) light RED text = 3/18/08 update. (Day 7) Orange text = 3/19/08 update (Day 8)
(Scroll to read each update)
Some of my Moms Favorite Music (click the PLAY button or a song, to start listening) :
(Day 3 of Mom’s major dimentia & loss of sight & speech) My Mom~My Heart & Life
In 2003 I packed up The kids, the pets, our house Gassed up the car Drove across the country Coast to coast To begin a new life
To help my parents With love, patience, care My Mom’s Alzheimers Slowly draining away Head to toe My Mothers life
In 2008 I woke up Phone ringing, wailing, calling My mother had fallen, her hip had broken And it took a month But from day to day Her healing progressed
A month had gone by Progress slow but apparent, hopeful But, suddenly, four days ago Mother got sick Hour by hour Her healing regressed
Pneumonia set in Lingering, looming, hurting Mother’s dimentia peaked And yesterday afternoon Minute by minute I saw her fight for each breath
My heart aches Crying, reaching out, strengthening Dad’s heart is breaking And last night Over and over I held him, my shoulder wet with his tears
My spirit cries Not knowing, disbelieving, weeping Mom’s body is dying And later today Family and friends Will gather together for the first time in years
My fingers fly Trying to explain, relate, proclaim She has ’only days..’ So day by day I am visibly strong While sorrow wreaks havoc inside
The battle’s begun Between Quality-Of-Life and Peace-Everlasting My soul wants her to have Peace But time and time again My heart wrenches Wishing to have my Mother back again
Dearest family, friends & readers, I humbly ask for your prayers, energizing strength-filled thoughts during this difficult time. My brothers arrive tonight; my Uncle, Aunt and other family members will probably be here this weekend. I do not know what strength lies within me but whatever I have it is all going to my Dad as his heart remains with my Mom; there, in that hospital room, 24/7.
Dad needs me, along with God, to help hold him up and carry him through this and I don’t know any other way than this to accomplish that task than to be openly caring, loving and steady while breaking down in private.
In 2001, when I found out my Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers, I wrote the poem A Mothers Circle (posted Aug. 27, 2007, on here) . It is, and was, for her. Because I love my Mom... she’s taught me so much. ( I don’t know how to make a working hyperlink on here.. it keeps giving me errors and wont go to the poem itself , so use the ’date-search’ to find it if you want to read it)
Thank you for everything, and for your prayers and thoughts. Peace, blessings and light, ~~~Angel (3/14/08)
Update 3/16/08 Day 5:
Yesterday my oldest daughter & my brothers came into town and we all went to visit Mom and speak to certain people regarding her care. This was because my Mom had prepared a "directive" and "Living Will" 12 years ago before Alzheimers took ahold of her faculties.
Since it was apparent that no progressive movement was happening, healthwise, and since herdirective stated "no feeding tube+no ventilator... etc etc", feeding tube and hydration tube were removed yesterday afternoon. The feeding tube was hurting her and causing her pain anyway, and it just about broke Dad down, but we had to abide by her wishes.
The QUALITY of life took priority over QUANTITY of life. So... as much as we would have liked to see everything done to make her well again, we chose to give her QUALITY of life.
She was then placed in "Hospice Care" in the hospital until a room opens up within the renowned Hospice House in town. There, we will beable to spend nights with her and she would be in a ’regular’ bed. Described to us as ’it’s like an upper-class Hotel Suite complete with a patio, 2 bedrooms, a small kitchen and fridge...". Basically: a home for the terminal patient and their family.
Her condition is a bit better than the preceeding days because she is much more comfortable, even though the pain from her surgery after she fell still bugs her from time to time (she keeps reaching for her leg whenever she moans)
The Edema, from the IV Fluids not being distributed properly by her system, is now going away. Because of that, she is in much less pain than yesterday, thank God. It would appear she cannot truly SEE, but she does open her eyes once in a while. They do not move independently, however, so she moves her whole head to ’see’ us. She cannot speak; she mostly moans or cries out, when in pain. Small words are discernable every now and then, such as "Mama" and "no".
She now has "NPO" on her room door for the Dr.s and Nurses to see/ This means she is to get nothing by mouth. So all they do now is put lip balm on her lips to keep them from drying out and cracking.
For those who believe, a small miracle occurred the other day.
It’s been 2.5 weeks since Mom was able to say more than 8 words in a row. 2.5 weeks of nothingbut moans, groans and crying out. The other night I saw her for the first time and, as I was leaving her room, I looked back at her and said "I love you Mommy" (loudly.. cos she can bearly hear) and she let out a very loud "ILOVEYOUTOOOO" within a moan (if that makes sense). It brought me to my knees right there in the hallway. For Dad’s sake Ive been grieving in private, in my own house, away from others. For his sake Ive been HIS rock helping to keep HIM steady. Yet, for all my efforts to hold back until I was home, I couldn’t hold back and those 2 or 3 seconds turned me to mush. I thought she was asleep; I thought she couldn’t speak anymore. But she HAD heard me, AND responded. The nurse had to pick me up; my legs felt like Jell-O. My face was soaked with tears. The good thing about this is that DAD heard it too. So, we just stood there holding each other, glad that she heard me say it and more glad to hear her say it back. Since then it’s just been "Mamaaa" and strings of "no"’s here and there. Her "I love you too!" was our miracle.
We continue to hold onto the little miracles which occur each day; small things but meaningful things... at least, to US they are.
How much time she has left is something we don’t know. For my part, I am at peace no matter what or when... I know that her pain will end and at that point in time she will become an Angel who will be with me always and no matter what.
All I can do right now is pray, hold onto faith, and be here for my Dad and my kids to help hold them up and help guide them through this.
Thanks for ALL of your prayers, thoughts, and energies through this difficult time. We DO feel it...and it’s working; if it weren’t, I’d have collapsed long ago and not been able to hold up Dad such as I have been.
According to our Pastor, I am "emanating strength that no other would have had... that [they’ve] never seen before".
Yes, to all of you, it’s working.
Love, ~~~Angel
Update: 3/18/08 Day 7
Another day, another hourly ’waiting game’. *sighs* Mom’s transfer to the Hospice was successful and she seems to like it a LOT. She is visibly more comfortable there, and we are more comfortable also.
Her ’gown’ is more or less like a duster; an old fashioned nightgown, and they change it daily. Each one has a different pattern on it so it is more like she is wearing pajamas.
She has a handmade quilt, donated by local people (there’s one on each bed, for each patient, by the way), and it keeps her warm and comfy and feels good under her hands which rest upon it occasionally. Much softer than the hospital’s ’blanket’ which is kind of rough to the touch.
They keep her hair brushed, her teeth clean, her lips moist, her nostrils clean (she has an oxygen thingymabob which is at the bottom of each nostril... which keeps in place by going behind each ear) and they sponge-bathe her twice daily.
They’ve brought in a boom-box, which is constantly playing her favorite music: Classical.
The Edema in her hands has gone down but a bit still remains. Her thighs are normal size again, and her feet, but her hands are still a bit swollen.
The kids didn’t want to go see her when she was in the hospital but miraculously, last night, they chose to see her and say their goodbyes. It was heartwrenching but we honored their decision, especially since she LOOKS a lot more like ’Gramma’ now that she is in Hospice & out of the ’clinical’ environment .
It was clear that she knew they were there; she kept trying to talk, a function she lost 2 weeks ago, but they understood and petted her hair and kissed her forehead and cheek.
The Doctor told me and Dad, yesterday afternoon, that one of her lungs is now full of liquid. He had no estimate of how long it would be for the other one to fill up but it won’t be long.
They’re giving her something to control the ’gurgling’ (from a buildup of fluid on her vocal chords) and to dry it up since she has lost her ability to swallow and cough productively.
She opens her eyes now and then but not widely; only about halfway. My own personal feeling is that her moans and groans, while we thought it was from pain, at first, are attempts to speak to us. Sometimes I can hear words, although mumbled and ’mushed-together’, .... "I wanna go..." "Hi...." "Love...." " ’fraid..." (afraid) "Mama..." and yesterday, after I told her "It’s me, your baby girl [my name here]", she said "MyBaby..." a few times over the span of 3 hours.
I began saying "Jack’s here..." instead of "Daddy’s here too" because the last time I saw her, when she was coherent, she seemed to be stuck in the early days of her marriage to Dad. Whenever I said "Jack’s here..." she would move her head as if looking around for him and mumble "Jaaaa....."
I rested my head on her shoulder a few times yesterday. I spoke to her privately during those times, even though Pastor and Dad were there, and told her to not be afraid... that the pain and hurt would be gone soon.... that she couldn’t go ("I wanna go....") because the bed wouldn’t fit into our car but .... she would be able to go soon. That God ("... Gaaaahhhd....") would open the gates for her and she would be home.
It helped me, and Im not sure but I hope those private moments gave her some peace and helped her to not be "..’fraid....." as much anymore.
Since my Mom isn’t as agitated as before I firmly believe that all your prayers and energies are not only working on me and my family, but are touching her as well.
Thank you, with all my heart, thank you.
and I will be updating again later tonight or tomorrow.
Love, ~~~Angel
Hi everyone... 3/19/08 Day 8
Today = another day. *sigh* BOY my Mom is strong *meek smile* Her body temperature is 98degrees (f) which is normal, and shes still here....
Last night they began giving her Atavan (sp?) for her anxiety. One of the Dr’s thought her moaning wasn’t so much her being in pain, because of the monstrous amounts of Morphine being given, but moreso due to her frustration with not being able to speak... not being a
accomplished
weird
adored
Suffice it to say I go back in tomorrow for a 'followup'.
adventurous
):
blessed
determined
amorous
hopeful
exhausted
blah
drained
