fucking fairy tales never have sex involved.....now i get it!
Current mood: distractable
Category: Life
So, I'm not the kind of girl that has songs written about her. I don't make guys fall all over themselves when they encounter me. There will never be a novel or a movie based on me, nor do I find poems in my mailbox from a secret admirer. Men don't make huge public displays to get my attention and win my affection and I haven't really noticed my presense turning any heads when I walk by. As nice as life may be if it really were like that, hopeless romantics don't exist in real life; only in movies, books, music, and television. I think part of growing up in our American society is coming to realize that your life will never be like that, which is odd since we learn from a very young age that movies are just pretend. I hear it more and more as I get older though. "I never thought love would be this hard." "Love isn't what you see in the movies." I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say I guess other than....just because love doesn't always work or it isn't the way you thought it would be because of the movies doesn't mean that you aren't an extraordinary person. Remember that. I am an extraordinary person....lol....it just so happens that I'm usually the only one who notices it. Keep life lighthearted. Don't compare your love life to a fairy tale cause they don't exist....and remember...fairy tales never have sex or children involved which makes them easy to stay simplistically happy. :P
the end of an era
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life
I don't know how anyone else feels, but I know that for the last week I feel like I'm really getting old. Ever since I found out that George Carlin died I felt like it was the end of an era; an era I was a part of since I was a kid. I was a Carlin fan for as long as I could remember. Now I'm feeling depressed and old. I really hope Robin Williams is healthy....I don't know what will happen to comedy once he's gone as well.....I feel so old....I guess maybe I just feel like a grown up. Sad.
unfinished ramblings of insanity
Current mood: awake
I still have the need
The naughty thoughts in my brain
The twisting little lustful dreams
That make me smile insane
I don't want the
Responsibilities of being a muse
But I have a need to inspire
With an ambition to confuse
And when cheating is one sided
And everyones holier than thou
Dirty little secrets have spilled
What are you gonna do now?
I'm gonna run so far
So long, so fast, so free
Cause everyone's felt this way
"No one knows what it's like to be me"
So break my heart
Gouge out my eyes
Tear apart my flesh
Suffocate my life
With a silly evil grin
Do what you wish to me
I'll revel in every moment
With a dirty laugh to accompany
To go along with the twisted thoughts
That we always think
Malignant black vortex of sin
But it's ok when you drink
You excuse your rage
And actions under the above
Do whatever you feel
All in the name of love?
Maybe the spring
Accentuates the mood
And being locked up
Makes me rude
But I'm done with this
I refuse to feel bad
After being dragged through hell
I have the right to be mad
I have a right to happiness
A right to be enraged
A right to self destruct
And I'll break free of this cage
This is something unfinished. A random collection of happy memories for all my friends or anyone I hold dear. They are quite mixed up, but they are thoughts that make me smile whenever I think about them. I made it for myself originally to cheer me up when I was feeling blue, but I thought these were things that came from a lot of the people on here and I just wanted everyone to know how important you all are to me and what kind of a positive impact you've had not only on me, but probably on many people in your life that you may never know. You probably won't understand parts of it unless you were there. And anyone I left out, I apologize, I didn't do it intentionally. It just got really long or I couldn't figure out a good way to word it and make it fit. I love you all. I hope that as time goes by, I can keep adding to this.
The greatest passions in life
Pass us as time goes by
Clinging to memories
As our youth runs dry
The magical moments
Hang suspended in our thoughts
Black roses and big knives
Priceless things that cannot be bought
To everyone who is dear and special
I hold you in my heart
And I remember you
Even if we've drifted apart
Between naked baseball
And suntanning on the roof
Streeking the neighborhood
Me and LMNOP acting aloof
Watching bridges burning
And shooting stars at night
Riding in shopping carts
In a store wide water gun fight
Surrounded by police
For a gun that shoots darts
Getting kicked out of the 24 hour stores
Including Wal-Mart
Sleeping on a metal roof
Throughout the whole night
And fantasizing headlines
Of our deaths overnight
From drunken naked snow angels
To the polar bear club at camp
And driving in magical snowstorms
Late night concerts with hand stamps
Dead smiley face card
Signed and made with care
Sweetest thing I ever got
And will always hold that dear
Sitting around at the courthouse
Watching newspaper trucks go
Wishing things were different
Returning in the snow
"Fucking stars" and stealing his pants
Spinning fire on the beach
In your coat in your dream
And feeling like a peach
Kicking ass in air hockey
Right into a shopping bag
Beer & a burger for a buck
And playing paint ball tag
Perfecting "slut pool"
And fighting for a wallet
On night casino ex boyfriends
Or whatever you call it
Getting proposed marraige
While way too drunk to think
Going out for my 21st
And stealing sips from your drink
Pick ups that smell of gas
Kissing in the freezing cold
Friends who like "fat chics"
And wearing rings of gold
Talking big about your skills
And me handing you your ass
What was it? 20-6
And you were dead last
I love the old days at the Anchor
And the days of "ice wars"
Showers at a friends motel
And riding dinosaurs
To everyone I care about
I hope you find yourself here
And anyone I may have left out
I also hold you dear
So I've been doing a lot of writing in the last couple months. Lots of things scribbled in notebook on random pages with no dates. This is nothing new to me, just something I do for periods of time randomly through life. Once in a while I'll post something I was writing or feeling that day in this myspace blog thing. Tonight while I was thinking of finishing a poem I was working on last night I stumbled across an old notebook with some work from a couple years ago. I was honestly surprised at the poems I wrote and so easily forgot about and disgarded without ever looking back especially considering it really wasn't bad, but it's something I've done all my life. I let creativity flow out of me and the when I feel better it is lost and forgotten. So I thought I would post one of the older poems I found in this old notebook that for whatever reason I left untitiled. Here it is.
When words have lost all meaning
And theres fire in his eyes
And questions are unanswered
Or answers full of lies
When evil glances fill the air
With stagnant feelings all about
And silence engulfs our moods
And there is no right way out
When veins run cold with hate
A longing fills our souls
Longings full of fond memories
That were blackened by hot coals
The coals that fuel the fire
Burning in each others eyes
Fires that were started
By inconsiderate lies
Lies created to cover
The long forgotten truth
Which is all I ever wanted
What I needed from you
But the time has long since past
All hope of us is gone
Yet even through my anger
My love for you is strong
Your heart no longer feels
The way it once did for me
But I can still crack a smile
For the way we used to be
Sometimes I wish I could run and run and just keep running. That's the life I dreamed I'd have when I was a kid. That was the life I'd prepared myself for from a very young age. I taught myself to get by with nothing and escape anything holding me back. I even learned to pick locks. It's funny that I spent so much time as a child preparing to get out of anything, to be free and never let anything hold me down, and now I'm trapped in a life that I not only can't escape from, but I don't even try. I never used to be afriad of anything, (outside of a strange belly button phobia that isn't really worth getting into as most people view it as silly). Pain is temorary. Blood is a sign of healing. Death is a completion of life. Time stops for nothing so you should try to keep up and make a difference wherever you can cause you never know how far that little difference will go through time. But I've lost touch with those philosophies. I guess I feel like I've given up on my hopes and dreams and at times written them off as childish. Now I wonder if I'll ever be able to regain that kind of a passionate outlook on life, cause a life without passion and dreams and hope and faith is just depressing and not the way I want to live my life, nor the way I want my kids to be raised.
Just a quick question to anyone who has kids. I have a 5 1/2 month old baby and she’s my third. She spits. Especially when she’s mad. It’s bizarre and I’ve never seen anything like it. Has anyone else experience this unusual yet hilarious phenomenon?
I fell in love with a ghost
Someone I never really knew
Just wanted to believe I did
As so many of us do
I fell in love with a ghost
Felt like I connected to a soul
Hoping it was mutual
Such warm feelings from the cold
I fell in love with a ghost
It seemed to good to be true
Fantasies of what could be
But there was only my point of view
I fell in love with a ghost
Who was never really there
Who lived in my imagination
Who never really cared
I fell in love with a ghost
And longed to feel his touch
May have never existed how I knew him
But I wanted it so much
A trick of the mind
An illusion or dellusion
What a cruel joke
To be in love with a ghost
Sometimes I'm glad I don't have any fans. I lack the inspiration to keep people inspired. I would be the world's worst muse. All because the conflicts inside me struggle between self pity and self loathing for feeling self pity. Who am I to feel like the world is against me when there are people starving to death, watching their friends and families murdered in front of them. But my mind still wonders down the path of wondering when things might finally turn around so that I feel more like an equal in the world again rather than a servant. I feel as if I'm always giving which makes me feel good up until I realise that I'm standing naked in an empty room with nothing left for myself. I have become secluded, depressed, and unmotivated, and as much as I try to tell myself to stay optimistic and that the current circumstances are only temporary I just can't force myself to believe it. I don't know a single person who can say that life is exactly the way the had fantasized it to be when they themselves were children, but to go so far off course in just a matter of a few years can really leave a persons head spinning. And the worst thing about it all is that the things I care most about in life are what restrict it to the point where I can't remember what it's like to live life free of reservations and just be myself. I'm always so busy doing everything and worrying about everything that needs to be done for everyone else that I don't feel like myself and because of that I've developed a distaste for most people and the selfishness that seems to be the main disease in this country. I'm not even sure how to interact with the world beyond my front steps in a manner that isn't completely jaded and sarcastic. And yet I feel the need to wrap things up in a neat little cliche like "that's my life in a nutshell", but even the thought makes me want to slap myself. THERES NO FUCKING NUTSHELL!! Life doesn't work that way, and the more we try to force it into one the more often we're surprised that it's progressed and grown and will no longer fit. Although there are plenty of cliches. Ok, that prolly didn't make any sense to anyone but me and I prolly won't even know where I was going with that one later myself. Anyway, I'm gonna leave this one free of closure, as is my life thus far.
nostalgic
distractable
apathetic
aroused
awake
happy
ninja
blah
crushed
indescribable