Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television ~ George Carlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwn5zfvqNNo

10:06 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Just A Thought -The Women Restroom Book

It may have taken years of top secret covert operational work to obtain. I do however, finally present my report addressing a mystery that has plagued men for centuries…..Why women must go the restroom in groups.

             Men cannot wrap our heads around this tradition. Go to any restaurant, club, or game, and I can pretty much guarantee your not going to hear a guy saying, "Hey Rick, come with me I need to pee."

So why do women do it? Well I started by tracing back through ancient woman traditions.. I kept finding brief references to something referred to as "The Guide Book."

After nearly two years of intense, research, interrogation, bribery, and convert play, I have finally found the answer.

My research shows that there is an Ancient Book that is housed within the women's restroom. The answers and knowledge of every woman in history from how to cook the perfect meal to what war tactic maneuvers are needed to make her man do whatever she wants him to. One woman is not permitted to use the book by herself. Used to be ok, until one woman used a "boyfriend broke up with me not he must suffer tactics" chapter a little bit overzealously and, well let's just say we remember it as the "The Black Plague."  No man has ever seen the book and survived to tell the tale. The artist representation below pieces together what the book opening ceremony looks like. Men, beware this is a powerful enemy we are facing..

Any men that receives any additional information regarding "The Book" contact the International  Man  Council immediately

This thing has been passed down forever to women. It is a global source incorporated into over 2 billion restrooms worldwide.

Well guys, now you know and can relax next time your in a restaurant with a group of friends that go off into the restroom. They may very well be tapping the source that  will  bring  all men their doom.

                                                                        "Bon Appetite!"

-ADH

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7:59 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Just a thought on Spandex

             As the winter season draws to a close and Spring shuffles its way in, the time is drawing put the coats back in the closet, and say hello to the backyard cookouts and afternoon slip and slide adventures. As the season begins I am looking forward to all the things that come with it except for the one thought I cannot seem to get out of my head no matter how hard I try………spandex.

Spandex in itself is not a bad thing, but unless you are wrestling for the WWE or on the Olympics Gymnastic team, it should be left alone. Yes, spandex does stretch, but it is not the one-size-fits-all miracle garment that some people think it is. I was a victim of a walk by spandexing just last week that has left me in waking up in a cold sweat every night screaming "The spandex is going to blow!" I am seeing a therapist for that and hope to have those issues worked out soon.

If your body cannot be contained within the spandex in which you are wearing without "spillage", you should not be allowed to buy spandex. I am not picking on women here. Men, buying spandex for yourself is in direct violation of rule 67 article 5 of the universal men law handbook. Penalties violating this rule are stiff, 40 lashes by a Singapore caning squad and 40 hours of watching Rosie O Donnell sing show tunes. Guys don’t do it, defiantly not worth it.

I have come up with a solution to the spandex problem that has been plaguing our country. When a person goes and get their drivers license, they should be issued a second garment license that specially dictates what they can and more importantly cannot purchase for public wearing. With that in place, when a person goes to the Gap for "the all the spandex you can buy for $9.99" sale, the sales clerk can simply ask, "Do you have a license for that garment?"

Write your congressman and help to get this law passed, I think we would all sleep a little better each night.

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8:16 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

just a thought

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Just a Thought by Anthony Hudson The ghouls and goblins have had their night to come out and play, children's tummy's are full of miniature size candy bars and we are now planning for the major holiday trifecta that is quickly approaching us, the first of those being Thanksgiving. The premise behind Thanksgiving is good enough, we come together with friends and family sharing a feast of turkey, side dishes, and baked goods all while giving thanks for the good things and people in our life. That's the hallmark version of the holiday. In the Hudson house it was the day of the year the our bipolar brigade was forced to sit in the same room for a meal that while included all the trimming was more likely to get tossed at each other at some point during the meal rather than ever filling our stomachs. Every family has their traditions and we had ours, Uncle Bill would wind up face first in a plate of mashed potatoes after sneaking one to many sips of whiskey from the flask he kept in his dinner jacket, Aunt Janice would show up with her new future ex husband, grandma would reminisce about the pliths and tribulations of yesteryear, and at least one cousin would announce that they were either pregnant, gay or both. After managing to Forrest Gump our way through dinner stuffing our faces before grandpa had the chance to start losing control of his bodily gases and completely ruin our appetite. After dinner the men of the family that had not fought and gotten themselves arrested during the dinner part of the evening would retire to the living room belt loosened a few notches and proceed to argue over whatever game we were watching. The women of the family would retire to the den and start strategically planning the romonisc battle that would ensue at dawn. The battle of Black Friday. The women of my family took Black Friday very seriously. They had maps of the stores, plotted and planned out who would be taking what aisles, who would be cart pushing, who would be shelves grabbing, and who was elected to be the "point scavenger" that would steal the things from other women's carts that they may have missed. They awake at 2 in the morning so that they can have their coffee, finalize their battle plans, and apply their warfare make-up markings. Heading out in their covey around 4am so that they can be the first in line before the stores open. With the battle hymn of the Republic playing in their heads they enter the stores and the great Battle of Black Friday begins. After a long day of running, cart swiping, pushing, squeezing, and yes sometimes biting the final battle cry is heard thought the store and they would return home to bask in the treasures they had acquired from the battle. The $19.00 27 inch television set, the $5.00 X-box game, or the $200.00 laptop computer, these souvenirs of war are proudly displayed for their reminisic  pleasure as they recall the perils of war. The items are they secretly moved as they go into preparation as their next step of life awaits them as Christmas gifts. So as Thanksgiving and Black Friday find their way into our home we will remember stock up grandpa with Tums, keep the mash potatoes away from Uncle Bill, trying to have a clean year of no one going to jail and stay out of the women's way as they prepare for battle. My thankfulness comes in that this holiday only comes once a year. Happy Thanksgiving!

7:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

wow

First of all I want to thank everyone who comes up and tells me that they enjoy the magazine, It's great to hear that all the hard work that me and my staff put into it is enjoyed by the public. The response has been overwelming and does not go unoticed.

We have two big events coming up in October, on the 20th,  Richmond Life Magazine will be hosting a music festival at Champions bar and grill. This will be an all day event with proceeds going to the Madison county Homeless Shelter. Come out have a great time and help a good cause. Second, on octber 27th we will be hosting Richmond Life Fright Night. Many bars in town will be participating in halloween costume contests and the winners will not only be featured in the magazine, but will also win a walk on role in George Bonillas upcoming feature film. More information on both events will be posted next week.

-ADH

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Just a Thought...6

Just A Thought

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By Anthony Hudson

As I was watching the news a few weeks ago, something really caught my eye. Asian prisons are using a new experimental approach to reforming their convicts. For three to four hours a day all the prisoners line up outside and are forced to reenact the dance routine from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" I love this! What better way to stop convicts from becoming repeat offenders upon release than make them listen to and dance to Thriller over and over and over and over again everyday?

We have a real problem in this country; our prison system has become a revolving door churning out "reformed" prisoners by the masses only to have them return again and again. We need to take punishment up a notch and go hard core if we hope to curve crime in our country.

When new prisoners come in they would be given their prison-issued Pee Wee Herman suit complete with bowtie. The required haircut……….mullets for everybody! Those prisoners that are balding or mullet impaired would be required to wear a Joe Dirt mullet wig.  The day would begin at 4:30 am when prisoners are lined up in the yard and required to sing Achy Break Heart while doing the electric slide nonstop until noon.

After a quick lunch it's group session time, where prisoners are broke up into small groups and forced to reenact scenes from every man's favorite movie………..Terms of Endearment. This would continue until dinnertime at 6pm. At 7pm there would be a prison wide group reading of the War and Peace, when they do finish the book, they would simply turn back to the first page and start over.  Lights out a 9 pm where prisoners are whisked away to dreamland by the harmonious sounds of Roseanne singing the national anthem looped over and over all night long.

This would be the routine day in and day out, seven days a week 365 days a year. For those prisoners who decide they are not going to follow the rules, it's straight to the hole, seven days in a room by themselves with nothing but a monitor playing home movies of Rosie O'Donnell eating Little Debbie snack cakes wearing a one piece spandex suit.

Even the most hard core criminals would break like little girls and once out they would be truly "reformed" because not one of them would ever want to go back. I can see it now, after being released they are hanging out with some old friends and one of them says "Hey let's go rob the liquor store and get some money for some crack"

"Heck no, Rosie, Billy Ray, Meryl Streep………..it's just not worth the risk. Crime problem solved.

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Just a Thought

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 By Anthony Hudson

 As I pass people everyday whether it's in the grocery store, on the street or in a club, I have noticed more and more the unwritten code that states if you make eye contact with anyone for any reason you are contractually obligated to give the customary nod and quick "How ya doing?"

 There are some customary unspoken rules that I am completely in agreement with and follow to the tee, such as the every other urinal in the restroom rule or the three second if it hits the floor it's still good rule. These rules make sense and not following them could cause major catastrophic repercussions felt all through society as we know it.

 Why do we find it necessary to ask people this knowing good and well that we really don't care how that person is doing? We know that we will get the customary "Doing good, how are you?" at which time we robotically answer back "Good."

 I have read that we do this because people as a culture have a craving to be recognized individually, even if it is as small of a recognition as the "How ya doing"

 Men being the crafty nonverbal creatures that we are have been trying to repell this rule for a few years now. We have been pushing for legislation that would replace the spoken acknowledgement rule with the equally acknowledgeable, yet words to a minimum "Head Nod-Grunt" combination.

 This lets people know that we know they are there without the potential complications of someone misreading the acknowledgement rule and actually telling us. Can you image the situation if everyone who we robotically asked how they are doing on a daily basis actually told us?

 We would go to the grocery store at 11 pm to try to get that box of cereal to get our Fruity Pebbles fix before bed, accidentally make eye contact with someone, say "How are you doing?" and it would go something like this: "I'm glad you asked, I've been dying to talk about it all day, I'm a little bummed right now, my dog Eduardo, that I had for fifteen years was ran over yesterday and it's all my fault because after I walked in on my spouse cheating on me. I left the house in such a hurry that I left the front door open and he got out, and I have been so distraught over it that I have gotten this terrible rash in parts that rashes just should not be. I tried to go down to the drug store down the street but they were closed, so now I'm here to see if they sell anything that can take the mind numbing burning away. Do you know where they keep the rash stuff here?"

 Scary, that's why I urge you to write your congressman and demand an amendment to the acknowledge rule that takes out any vocal exchange and instead let's go with the grunt nod approach. The world will be a better place, and you will be able to enjoy those Fruity Pebbles

10:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Just A Thought

By Anthony Hudson..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Life and loss are two words that unfortunately always cross paths. I recently had two people that were close to me lose their lives as a result of an automobile accident. These were people still in the prime of their lives. They had what I assumed, many good years ahead of them. Unfortunately none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow or even another hour. The hourglass of our lives (that despite all of our attempts to put it on it's side) continues whether we like it or not.

Since society as a whole could not function if everyone was afraid of dying all the time, we go on with our lives assuming we have plenty of time, pushing to the back of our minds that eventually all of our numbers will come up. This leads me to this months thought; why if we know that the end is our out there somewhere, do we waste the opportunities in our lives to do the things that we will regret that we had not done when that time comes? I am as guilty of this as anyone else, whether it's taking that vacation that I have been putting off for years because I am always too busy, or not picking up the phone to call people when I think about them, more often thinking to myself "I need to call them later when I'm not busy."

 It's usually an event of tragedy that makes us look at our lives or look at our priorities. When we are children we are told we can do anything, be anything as long as we work hard and want it enough. As we enter into adulthood those dreams are more often than not put aside so  we can focus on the necessities of life like buying groceries, finding ways to deal with rising costs of living, and somewhere in all of that the child in us all slowly fades away. I remember when I was a kid my friends and I spent every day of the summer walking railroad tracks and talking about all the things that we were going to do when we "grow up".

 Growing up and accepting the responsibility that goes with it is a natural part of evolution and that in itself is not a bad thing. I am fortunate enough to get to meet and talk with a lot of people. I constantly hear people talk about the things they want to do "When they have the time" or "Someday".  Some of these things are big, trips to Europe or starting a business. These are the dreams that we have to work for, that's takes time, effort and energy to accomplish.

What surprises me, is I hear a lot things that are relatively small, such as a weekend camping trip, reconnecting with old friends, getting enough nerve up to sing on a karaoke stage or even planting a small backyard garden.

 We live in a society that is rewarded for our tenacity and never stop attitude, employers expect more hours, technological advancements allow us to be in constant contact with everyone everywhere and know about just about anything we want or have to know when we want it, on demand.

What about the simpler pleasures that we brush to the side and put off until we have "more time?" People are always striving for the next "big stepping stone in their lives, while trying to maintain and not fall off of their current step. We have to do these things because the world is always moving and it's not going to stop for us, but taking a few minutes or even an hour a day out to enjoy some of the simpler enjoyments of live can help us find a sense of peace in what has become a very chaotic world. So plant your garden, take an overnight camping trip, get on stage and sing your heart out (bad notes and all), or pick up the phone and let the people in your lives know that you were thinking about them, because we never know when that last peace of sand will fall through the hourglass and we will run out of opportunities to "do it later."

I want to leave you this month with a poem that was brought to me. The author is unknown except for it was written by a cancer patient that was losing their battle and knew the end was near. This is their advice for us:

-ADH

     Have you ever watched kids

On a merry go round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading light?

You better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

Do you run through the day

On the fly?

When you ask how are you?

Do you hear a reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With a hundred chores Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

Ever told a child

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste

Not seen their sorrow?

Ever lost touch

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had the time to call and say, "Hi"

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there

When you worry and hurry through your day

It is an unopened gift….

Thrown away

Life is not a race Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

5:23 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Taking the next steps

As  the magazine is getting bigger, I think it is the responsibility of people, especially in the media to give back. I had a great meeting today and Richmond Life Magazine is going to sponsor an all day concert here in the next couple months. I will put more details on as they come in, but right now we are slated to have 30-40 bands playing from 10 am to 7pm. All day, all fun.

Here's the cool part: all of the profits will be going to the Salvation Armies emergancy homEless shelter here in Richmond. They opened up not too long ago, but their funding has been cut. We think anyone who doesn't have anywhere to go should have a place like this. They also provide counseling and help feet get back on their feet and begin a new life.

Will be at Bananas Bar and Grill Wednesday night and The Maverick on Thursday so come out, get your pictures took and get in the Aug issue of Richmond Life Magazine!

11:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

My New Richmond Life Magazine "Just a Thought" commentary

By Anthony Hudson..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

As the new election season gets under way, politicians are criss crossing the country trying to convince us why we should allow them to lead us. Everyone has an opinion of what is wrong with our country and who is to blame, but I'm not hearing anyone stepping up to the plate to offer a solid plan of reconstruction. In other words they are playing the " Lets get them ticked off by pointing the finger and giving someone else to blame and hope they hate them enough to vote for me instead" game.

 This is nothing new though, we have sat in front of our televisions and watched presidents have affairs and use the Supreme Court to get elected. Here's what concerns me; When I talk to people about this subject they all seem to agree that it is a problem, but the conversation ends on their part with a "Oh well, that's just how it is."

 The problem is there because we, the people allow it to be that way. Go back to junior high history class for a minute. What are the first three words of the Declaration of Independence? …………………….Times up, it's "We, the People", not we the politicians. Now, lets go back to the first sentence of my thought, "trying to convince us why WE SHOULD ALLOW THEM to lead us. We the people do have the power to have a say in any issue that faces this country. It's called a vote. This country was founded due to the taxation and exploitation of the people at the hands of an ungoverned monarchy.  They had the guts to say enough is enough.

 George Washington had the opportunity to stay president as long as he wanted, but instead opted to leave office fearing that without time restrictions on a position of such great power, the country would possibly find itself back in a monarchy position, and not the democracy that so many had fought and died for. The basic principal for the founding of the United States was simple, to have a place governed by the people for the people which allowed it's citizens the freedom to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, that is very important because who is really happy with the state of our country over the last twenty years? Technology has advanced more in those twenty years than it has in the last 200 combined yet socially we are regressing.

 We have a social security system that is forcing people who should be enjoying their golden years to work as door greeters at places like Wal- Mart just so they can afford the highly overpriced medications that they cannot afford any other way.

 We spend billions of dollars yearly and endanger the lives of our brave soldiers trying to help other countries while a large percentage of our population is living under the poverty level if they are lucky. The unlucky ones are trying to get to one of the thousands of under-funded homeless shelters across the country before they run out of beds to put them in. We have national media who are afraid to really dive into these issues out of network fears that they will lose advertising dollars if they anger the wrong people, instead showing meaningless daily coverage of people like Paris Hilton serving a couple months in  jail. Lets ask the real questions, "Why are the politicians that are supposed to be elected to serve out the will of the people they represent not doing their jobs?

 Why do we as people not hold them accountable for the job they do and the decisions they make?  Why do we keep electing the same people to congress and the senate term after term after term? The truth is while it's easy to blame the politicians for everything that is wrong, what blame do we honestly carry on ourselves, the people who allow the politicians to hold the positions  they so dearly want to have?

 As we gear up for the national elections lets remember to keep our ears and eyes open. Lets remember that they do work for us and as anyone who has had to venture out into the fiercely competitive and tight job market knows, to get into the door your have to really prove yourself. Make them answer the questions that really matter, and make sure they know it they don't follow through with all the promises they make, we the people will be the ones handing out the pink slips. If we don't do that we have no one to blame but ourselves. Lets not just pursue happiness, lets finally find it.

-ADH

6:27 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment