Google search ‘find Chuck Norris’ and hit ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’
Current mood: hungry
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

I know, I know: the whole Chuck Norris thing…it's been done. It's still pretty funny, but…it's just been done.

Well, at least do yourself a favor right now by googling "find Chuck Norris" and clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky."

Do it.

Now.

That is all.

-Brian

Currently listening : Tha Carter III By Lil' Wayne Release date: 2008-06-10

1:03 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

WSJ.com - Opinion: What Bush and Batman Have in Common
Current mood: so smart, dude
Category: so smart, dude Movies, TV, Celebrities

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121694247343482821...

This+summer%27s+blockbuster+shows+that+Americans+still+understand+the+difference+between+good+and+evil.

I walked out of the theater after seeing Dark Knight and, I ish you not, said to my brother, "so Batman is George W. Bush," and laughed.

Then, a week later this article came out.

I don't mean to brag, but you know what this means: I think of stuff that should be published in the Wall Street Journal.

7:13 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Subscribe to the BrianLaesch.com feed through FeedBurner
Current mood: understimulated
Category: Blogging

If you are interested in checking out BrianLaesch.com--where I blog more than Myspace lately (yeah, I've started blogging again)--then you can do so conveniently with Feedburner. Click on one of the links below if you want to be notified the next time I write something weird.

Subscribe to BrianLaesch.com Syndication Feed

Subscribe to BrianLaesch.com by Email

-BrianLaesch.com

P.S. I promise to continue to blog here as well, but not as frequently as my personal site. Myspace will serve as a best of.

P.P.S.(Okay, fine. There is no "best of." It's really just that I'm too lazy to post my blogs everywhere, so I post them to my personal site first, then Myspace if I have the time.)

P.P.P.S. Okay, I need a girlfriend. This is getting a little bit ridiculous.

P.P.P.P.S. That wasn't an open call though.

Currently listening : Tha Carter III By Lil’ Wayne Release date: 2008-06-10

11:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Hollywood couldn’t have written a better script
Current mood: Festive
Category: Festive News and Politics

I wonder if the ..Hollywood bidding ..war has begun on rights to the story of the 15 hostages who were just freed in ....Colombia..... It's already the best movie I've seen this year…even though it's an article…and oh yeah, a true story.

It's an unbelievable story: The Colombian National Military spending months to infiltrate the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (or FARC), posting as rebels themselves, and tricking the real rebels into handing over 15 hostages, including 3 American Contractors and a former Colombian Presidential candidate who was kidnapped by the rebels 6 years ago while campaigning. This is the kind of stuff movies are made of…or the kind of stuff ....Hollywood.... screws up with a movie. Because let's face it: Hollywood messes up a lot of movies, and this story pretty much stands alone already as the feel-good…anything of the year.

The script is already written. ....Hollywood.... wouldn't have to change a thing. (Even wardrobe is taken care of. Some of the Colombian security forces posing as FARC rebels on the helicopter that picked up the hostages were wearing Che Guevara shirts. You know that's exactly what a wardrobe department would do.) It's perfect… Yet, I've seen firsthand (make that, heard about firsthand, then seen on the screen) what studio development departments can do to potentially good films. They start to over think things, bring in way too many writers to "fix" scripts, and even, once the film has gone into production, let star actors take over films and practically rewrite them on set. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't. But the process is flawed. And since William Goldman said, "Nobody Knows Anything," in his Hollywood book published in 1983, I'm guessing things aren't going to change.

So all I can say to Fox, Sony, Universal, Warner Bros., Disney, New Line (what's left), CAA, ICM, Endeavor, William Morris, Gersh, APA, ABC, NBC, CBS, Viacom, Clear Channel, Myspace, Rupert Murdoch and Ted Turner is:

PLEASE DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

2:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Team USA announced, entire country forced to root for Kobe
Current mood: Stimulated
Category: Stimulated Sports

Fairweather Lakers fans, diehard Lakers fans, and Americans alike, will now all be forced to root for Kobe Bryant in the upcoming 2008 Olympic games in Beijing. Whether you've booed him in the past (or at the beginning of the regular season if you're a Lakers fan), you will be forced to swallow any disdain and root for the man the media has dubbed, "greatest player in the league." So light a candle, play John Lennon's "Imagine," do whatever you have to do; it's time to unite the country and regain USA Basketball's spot at the top. In your face, Jorge Garbosa. (He just seemed like the appropriate Euro player to taunt. Not really sure why.)

Here, I'll start liking Kobe now by saying this: I am really glad he is on the team. We really do need him. We need all the help we can get, and Kobe was dominant in last summer's qualifying tournament.

Rounding out the 12-man are Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Jason Kidd, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Michael Redd, and Deron Williams.

I'm also very glad to have these NBA stars aboard--although I'm concerned with our lack of depth down low. Luckily, the international game doesn't present too many dominant big men. Although, they did run into Sofoklis "Baby Shaq" Schortsanitis a few summers ago in the 2006 FIBA World Championship, and had a tough time.  As long as Howard and Boozer can stay out of foul trouble we should be victorious.  Although, the whole "Russian judge" thing does exist in international competition, unfortunately, so expect a few questionable calls.  (You'll forget all about Tim Donaghey.)

Yes, it's time to rally behind Team USA and root them on to the gold medal.  I, for one, am both excited and nervous, knowing that if we can't win it this year...well...I'm not sure what else we need to do. 

Hopefully, Kobe and Team USA won't run into the team from Ireland though.  (Get it?  Because he just lost to the "Celtics" in the NBA Finals.)  The Irish don't even have a team in the Olympics this year, but I'd be nervous if they did.  Especially, if their top 3 players were Devin Garnett, Saul Pierce, and Jay Allen.  Obviously, this is completely unrealistic.  "Garnett" and "Pierce" are names of English origin, and "Allen" is a Scottish name.  None of them would be allowed on the team.

In closing, USA!  USA!  USA!

8:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m currently blogging for Eleventh Hour
Category: Blogging

I recently started a part-time blogging gig for Eleventh Hour–a temp agency/recruiter that was founded in the entertainment industry, but has since expanded to other industries as well. Or in their words, "a boutique agency specializing in the recruitment of skilled personnel"–which is true. They have helped me a lot since I left my job in October. I really can't thank them enough, and this blogging job is another great opportunity I've been blessed with to earn some extra money, and do something I enjoy–which is write.

I've only written two blogs for them so far (With the eleventh hour looming, Lakers deliver and Top Ten Things NOT to Do at a Temp Job), but I will be writing at least two a week, and hopefully helping to bring some traffic to their blog, and consequently, their official site.

Unfortunately, my name will not be associated with anything I write for the 11thr Blog, but from time to time, I will post some of my blogs in their entirety on here.

Definitely check out the official Eleventh Hour blog, and the official Eleventh Hour site as well. (Especially if you are looking for work in the Los Angeles area.)

Brian Laesch is now (and again) a paid blogger, who coincidentally has worn 11 as his lucky number on sports jerseys for years.

11:34 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Congratulations to my boy, Eddie House (and that dude named "KG" or something)
Current mood: animated
Category: Sports

I would like to congratulate fellow Arizona State alum, Eddie House, on his NBA Championship with the Boston Celtics last night.

It felt great to watch a guy, who I saw play in college, play an integral role in winning an NBA title. Just plain awesome. And not to mention, he partied at my fraternity house at Arizona State back in 2000, about a month before he was drafted. It was our house's end-of-the-year blowout. So most likely, the last party he ever attended on the actual ASU campus (which I don't think is even allowed anymore by ASU administration) was at our house. And you know what? As he drove away in an Escalade, with 3 TV screens, probably with some hot chick, a month before he was about to make millions in the NBA, I really felt a strong connection. I mean, seriously, it's kind of eerie:

• We both went to ASU.
• We both have had beer before.
• He is one of NBA's premiere shooters.
• I dominate the 3-point line in my rec league.

Yeah, I guess that settles it. We are pretty tight.

Congratulations to the 2007-2008 NBA World Champion Boston Celtics. Oh yeah, and I also have to say that I'm really happy Kevin Garnett got his first ring. What up, Chicago!

Brian Laesch is an unpaid blogger, trying to get involved in the Jay Mariotti-Rick Telander feud at the Chicago Sun-Times.

1:05 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Ludacris/Cedric the Entertainer blog
Current mood: focused
Category: Blogging

I wrote a blog for BrianLaesch.com about my experience at a random Ludacris/Tommy Lee benefit concert last week at the Greek Theater in LA...but for some reason the blog really bored me, so I decided not to post it here.  I realized that I didn't really say anything in the blog at all.  All I did was brag about getting to go backstage...which was cool and all...but not really to anybody but me.  So instead, I'll post a link to the blog here, if you want to read it:

Backstage at the Ludacris concert

And, I'll post the email version I sent to my friend's back home.  Which is more entertaining and gets to the point:

Currently listening : Back for the First Time By Ludacris Release date: 2000-10-17

8:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A week in Atlanta
Category: Blogging

I recently enjoyed a week in Atlanta (Buford), working the Men's Division III NCAA Golf Championship at the Chateau Elan Golf Resort. Even though I wasn't technically in Atlanta, I did fly into Atlanta, and for the sake of making me look cool, let's just consider it Atlanta for the duration of this blog.

Just getting out of Los Angeles was very beneficial enough for me, but to be able to make it deep into the humid forests of the dirty south, and enjoy some good old fashioned southern hospitality, and cuisine (Applebee's), was refreshing. I don't care what anybody says. I absolutely love the Bible Belt. I don't know if Georgia is considered part of the "Bible Belt," but I'm pretty sure it is, as witnessed when I was denied trying to buy beer on the Sunday night I got into town, at the local Quik Stop, by a kid who was probably 16. I wasn't even mad though. In a weird way, it was kind of cool. You mean to tell me there are still places on earth where morality has some merit and people don't all wear trendy black t-shirts with skeletons and sac religious bullshit on them? Cool! Don't even get me started on the Ed Hardy revolution that has seemed to engulf youth fashion these days. I'm not going to sit here and say I don't own a few Ed Hardy items…but moderation goes a long way, folks.

Anyway, from the moment I got into Buford Atlanta, it was awesome. I got in my rental car (black, in honor of the chocolate city), turned it on, and the radio was already bumping HOT 107.9. I played this station about 90% of the time I was there–including pulling into the Chateau Elan–and I think they played the same 5 songs the entire time, and I think Young Jeezy was in all of them, and I think I remember it being awesome. It was refreshing to get way from Power 106 in LA, where they play west coast bullshit, most of which isn't good. Neither was the music on 107.9 (in a traditional sense), but at least it was fun and entertaining and gets you crunk during your drive. The music selection on Power 106 in LA usually pisses me off more than the traffic I'm stuck in. But I digress.

Overall, it was a good trip. Working the golf tournament was a good way to get out of Hollywood and back to "the simple life." It's what I needed, and I now appreciate Los Angeles more after my week away…but I still think Chicago is a way better city than LA.

Here are a few other notable highlights from my trip:

As I mentioned before, I was denied trying to buy beer on a Sunday at a gas station, per Georgia state law. I was denied by a kid who was no older than 16. Two nights later, I went to the same Quik Stop and purchased a Miller High Life tall boy (it seemed appropriate). This time, the older gentleman at the register literally checked my ID and said, "California? You're a looonnnggg way from home, boy." He was friendly about it, but still, who says that? Then he asked me what I was doing there. It was at this point that this particular Quik Stop in the sticks of Georgia turned into the Belly Room at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood, and I found myself on stage. Check out this hilarious exchange:

Quik Stop Dude: What are you doin' out here?

Me: Working a golf tournament.

Quik Stop Dude: A golf tournament!? What kind of job is that?

Me: A good one.

Quik Stop Dude: Hee-hee. You got me some extra tickets, right?

Me: Yeah…they are…(wait for it)…in the car.

Quik Stop Dude: (an inaudible response meaning "touche")

Okay, so you had to be there, but everybody in the Quik Stop thought I was Dane Cook. (Get it? Because it wasn't really THAT funny, yet it got a good response for some reason.)
I picked up Applebee's To Go (curbside). That in itself would make some of these "LA people" cringe–which makes me happy. An Applebee's steak dinner To Go and the NBA playoffs on TV? I was happy. Get over it, elitists.

On the first practice round day of the tournament, I drove a golf cart by two golfers who were most likely members at the club and I heard one of them ask the other, "Who the fuck is that?" I still don't know if I actually heard that, or if I was imagining it because I was out of my element, but it's a lot funnier if they actually did.

There was a golfer in the tournament with the last name of "Nigro." It was my job to check the scorecards at the end of each round, and the sports information director at the particular school that was hosting the tournament was helping me by reading off each of the golfer's names, followed by their scores. Well, it just so happens that the last two days of the tournament we had at least one African-American volunteer helping us in the scoring room. So every time he would get to the name "Nigro," he would hesitate, and just cut off after the golfer's first name. I completely understand, but it was also pretty funny. I mean…that's the golfer's actual last name, and it's not even pronounced the same as the derogatory term.  What are you gonna do?  Maybe it doesn't translate to very strong comedy in this blog, but at the time, it was what this simplistic Midwestern guy might call a "Seinfeld moment."

When I turned in my rental car and got on the shuttle to the Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, I forgot to tell the driver which airline I was flying. So when the guy sitting closest to me tried to help the driver find out by asking me, "Hey, you American?," I just figured he was asking me if I was an American and simply responded, "Yeah." Which was funny, considering he was asking for my airline, and was definitely American himself; decked out in Georgia Dawgs gear and speaking with a southern accent.

Overall, this trip was exactly what I needed. The slower pace; the real people; the crunk radio stations; and even the humidity. It just these small reminders that remind you what life is really about. Not the petty bullshit that people try to hold you down with. Life is about life. It's about living. It's about human beings. It's about community.  It's about being the best person you can and enjoying yourself once in a while.  Plain and simple. I feel like these preschool-level principles get lost in the Hollywood shuffle, and it's sad. I love people. I love life. And for some reason, Hollywood makes me forget this. Thank God for the chance I had to get out of here for a while and realign my perspective on things.

Brian Laesch is a professional blogger when it comes to blogging about himself.

6:07 PM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

I have solved Google’s algorithm
Current mood: drunk
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

Okay…so maybe I haven't actually solved Google's algorithm, and I just titled this blog to get your attention…or make you believe I was an expert in SEO.  Whatever.  But somehow, I have become the 1 search result on Google when you type "hilarious quip" (without the quotations). 

Seriously.  Try it.  My site is the first one to come up.  For some reason you have to type it without quotations though.  When you type it with quotations, I'm only ranked eighth in the world–which is still pretty good…but not as good as 1st, which gives me the right to wear a neon orange mesh hat that reads, "Champion of the Internet."

Brian Laesch is the author of many books, and one that was actually written.

10:54 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment