Where Was I

Here but hiding
Thinking but quiet
If this is a bed then that is a blanket
If this is process then that is a comment
I looked up and I noted
I looked over and quoted
I sat up and fell over
What more do I owe here
If this is the truth then that is the absence
If this is the point then that is an abscess
I looked in and I shuddered
I looked past and was murdered
I lay down for my supper
If this is the reason then that is the answer
If this brings connection then all hail the process
I looked up and I typed this
I looked in and I thought this
I pressed on and sent his
All hail the process

12:29 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Anatomy of Insomnia

There are benefits to being an insomniac. Solitude and quiet are two of them. Tonight, or rather this morning, I am experiencing neither and technically am not really staying awake, rather I'm being kept awake. True, I should not have had a cup of coffee at 10:30 but it seemed to be the best option after the movie as my companion enjoyed her wine. I, as you know, am wineless at least for the next 4 months, during my year of detox and discovery. But I digress. No, I am distracting myself but I'll tell you why later. Anyway,  I got into bed late and was already at a disadvantage counting 6 hours before liftoff. Tomorrow, or today, is Jupiter's birthday and I am joining my son at his father's house for breakfast before school starts. I almost fell asleep but the resident raccoons were working out some issues with scream therapy so I took the opportunity to watch some television. TV happens in half hour increments and around 3am I decided a shower might be relaxing, and an increment later I settled into bed again. I don't know why the smoke detector went off but I'm grateful to hear that its alarm is precisely shrill and truly alarming. I certainly couldn't sleep through it. I guess I left the light on in the kitchen when I checked on the raccoons earlier and that came in handy to find new batteries for the apparently failing smoke detector. There was no smoke. What an excellent opportunity to practice some meditation and try to get my heart dislodged from my throat and as I lay my towel wrapped head on my pillow I heard a snapping sound which is the unmistakable crack of the closing of a mousetrap. Forgive me for not fixing that sentence. I have been dreading this sound and my reward for killing is the gruesome extended drama of some poor creature in the kitchen thrashing around with a trap around its head. I marched downstairs to put the creature out of its misery but I can't bring myself to get near it - there's blood. So here I am awake waiting for the thrashing to stop and I can't imagine I will sleep tonight. It's time to try another relaxation exercise. Maybe I could try the labour breathing exercises I used 7 years ago. Oh, I think the mouse is dead. Or escaped. Yes, it has escaped the trap and it's taken the TV and it will live a long a frutiful life - apparently with the raccoons outside. Wow. They're screaming again like smoke detectors. Do I need to be awake for some reason?

1:12 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Trail

I found
Coins
Nails
and
An oar
And on the way somewhere
A discovery trail
To somewhere else
If I need
Coins
Nails
and
An oar
I'm ready

4:37 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Friday Saturday Sunday Now

New keys
Yard sale
Scrubbed
Awake

4:01 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Stress Keeps Me Awake

I guess that's how humans are built. If I was sleepy and stressed I'd be eaten by a saber toothed tiger while I snoozed.

Clearly packing up the marital home, separating the assets, getting a mortgage, preparing to move and finishing an album are stressing me. A tiny speck of stress has lodged into my left shoulder and when I move my arm the speck rolls around like a parasite carving a map into my bones. As I type this I imagine a meditation is coming to the surface. Can I embrace, care for and wrap my parasite in a loving blanket and turn it over to my higher power? These changes are not for me to control. They are here for me to learn.

Perhaps it is not that stress keeps me awake; rather, stress can make me aware.

Hmmmmm. Close my eyes.

Thank you.

3:07 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Toronto Independent Music Awards

Well, I hung with some new chums tonight. David Borins didn't take an award home, but we did have a few laughs together. Too bad Layah Jane couldn't hang longer because the last time we blah blahed was good. Ania Zamierski (sorry sistah, I know I'm spelling it wrong) supplied a few chuckles along with David Celia (Best Blues) and lovely friend Lisa. The show was big, hosting was tight, performances were entertaining and beverages flowed. Keeping club soda friendly myself meant not overstaying my welcome so I have ducked out early to thank the universe for this blessing. I am a proud member of the Toronto independent music community and this award for Best Live Acoustic is appreciated. Thank you to the TIMAs, organizer Daniela, the judges and to you for reading this.

Nominees in this category were Layah Jane, Marinda, David Borins, and Jacob Moon. Please go check out their music!

7:25 PM - 12 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Space

Time plus tragedy equals velocity? Distance and vinegar creates comedy? What is it again about red and green being seen together? As I leaf through my almanac of clever avoidances I see that rain brings food and flood, animals are pets and meat and in the province of Quebec you can't tun right on a red light and that's why you don't want to be behind Quebec plates when you're driving in Toronto. Although maybe that's not true about Quebec anymore. It's not true that I'm depressed anymore. I feel good. I'm past it, I believe. I've meditated a river of thought, I've read a library of experience, I've walked into the past, grabbed a number, waited my turn, placed my order, made the t-shirt, walked in the parade, and bought the house that Jack built. My oh my there's a lot to be said and a lifetime to say it so why send a letter when only the truth will do. People really do like rice pudding even though there's really reason to. I can respect that. I set out to tell you something because it's been so long since I said anything but in the meantime I floated an anniversary on the sea in Spain and soon I'll blow the smoke away with a medallion in my pocket. It's not magic. It's time. And funny how time is real when really it's not real at all. Poet, eh? Try again. All there is is this very moment and that's already gone and here comes another and isn't it beautiful that we're all in this moment together. I'm glad you're here. Thank you for coming by. All to say that yesterday I woke up and knew that my future is different now. I got to the other side she said with a smile knowing that some might wonder what fun. Question mark. Exclamation. Colon. Close bracket.

5:58 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

If you were on my mailing list this is what you’d get-

Hi chums,

Saturday June 21 I'll be hosting a show at an old favorite haunt, C'est What (67 Front Street East, at Church Street) with Scott Dibble (and guest Kat Goldman). To close the night we're inviting a handful of musical friends to perform some classic Canadian songs. Along the way we'll be passing around the hat (or in this case a pot) and every $5 donation will get a ticket for a draw for a third of the pot at the end of the night. Yep, we'd need a license to run a lottery so this is more of a pottery. Ahhhh, Canada.

Scott and Kat start the night around 10, I'm on around 11 and Ahhhh Canada rounds out the night.
Sat June 21
C'est What
10pm
No Cover Charge

....and you might take a third of the pot home!

(aren't you lucky you're not on my mailing list?)

7:21 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I love to sing

and that is the thing
that saves me
from the ring
(of slavery?!
ha! poetry
and it seems)
the stream
makes
waves
seam
bringing peace
and pieces
into belonging
once finished the songing
it's bringing the singing
that makes me feel strong

and that's how the gig was at the Annex Wreck Room for the Toronto Independent Music Awards! Marvelous. I love to sing.

3:09 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Where I am at

is where I asked to go
I asked "show me"
and I started to dream
asleep then awake
and as much as I want to retreat
I am deep in the heart of it
there is no going back
there is only getting to the other side of it
I can't stop now
I have to keep going
it's not poetic yet

7:53 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment